Heaven Below a Scorched Plane

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Chapter 9

Sometimes I just want to break something in this godforsaken bunker. I want to see something not operating correctly, I want to see a glitch in this system. I want to feel like maybe this was all a mistake, like none of this had been calculated from the start. I want to see the cracks in the facade, but no such thing exists.

I keep running ideas over and over again in my head. Maybe they make the food here from human bodies, maybe the planet is actually fine, maybe this is all a simulation. I keep hoping for some release from reality, some reveal of the grander intentions behind this hellhole other than what we already accept as truth. My only dream is that this will all be revealed as some mistake or act of malicious intent, and that there's some big bad villain to stop at the end of all of this. Then, even if I died, maybe I could take solace in the fact that fate was reversible, that some action could have been taken to save us.

But we've already been saved. This is our Paradise, our Garden of Eden, separated from the world outside. We'll never be expelled from here, we already took the forbidden fruit and nothing's happened.

The world outside is gone. I'm stuck here with all my thoughts and feelings, and they're pointless. Everything I ever considered about the world has been made irrelevant. I was ready to begin my life, and life stopped, brought to a halt by someone else's hand. They never even had me in their mind, they didn't consider me at all. Now my life is suspended in this void of nothingness.

Except time moves forward. Except that every second here is a second wasted, a second spent imprisoned for nothing. I don't even know my own age. I don't know what the world looks like outside. Imagine that, never will humanity observe the landscape of their own ruined planet again.

I wasted so much time before all this. But, how could I have known? How could anyone have known? And even if we did, what would we have done? What would you do with your last day under the sky? What could I have done with that last day to make my existence here worth it?

I just want to scream, to rip and tear, but I can't do it. I can't bring myself to act out because I can also recognize the consequences. Nothing's changed since those fucking doors closed, I still just want to tear the world down, to see it burn, and even though it already has this burning in me won't stop. I want to die but I'm scared. Scared of the end. Scared of absence.

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