Mr Crunch

By David Viner All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Short Story

Mr Crunch was new in town. Actually, he was new on planet.

He walked the streets, searching. After a couple of hours he found something in a back street that looked promising.

The shop sign said "Dag Strek, Licensed Armaments." As Mr Crunch pushed open the door the tinkle of a bell resulted in a "Be with you in a mo" response from a back room.

So he looked around at the goods on sale. Something on a shelf caught his eye. Perfect, he thought, pulling it down. His many fingers fitted the grip neatly and he noted that it was already fully charged.

Mr Crunch was grateful that the being that emerged from the shadows had its head and other appendages in the usual places. He hated communicating with strange forms – never being sure if he was looking them in the eye or possibly the rectum. Mr Crunch definitely preferred to look others in the eye and preferred those eyes to be located on or, at least, close to their heads.

"This," said Mr Crunch, waving the device under the shopkeeper's odour orifice. "How much?"

"Everything is negotiable," the shopkeeper responded.

"Indeed," said Mr Crunch, debating with himself where he would begin the haggle. "I will give you, hmm, 150 credits. It is rather old."

"Antique," the shopkeeper agreed, before adding, "and collectable. I could accept maybe as little as 500."

The haggle continued for a few minutes before Mr Crunch finally departed lighter to the tune of 295 credits and heavier by one Sinosian Electro-taser. He placed the device in a pouch within his outer clothing where his hand could become familiar with its shape and texture.

From another pouch he produced a key and used its locator function to lead him to the hotel. A short while later found him sharing an elevator with a couple of strange forms. He was relieved when they alighted several floors below the one he required, though the methane breather left its odour to accompany him the rest of the upward journey.

Outside the room Mr Crunch activated the key. As the door swung open he sprang into the room, the taser device gripped in his hand. The creature had its back to him. It started to turn.

"Where the hell have you be-"

The voice was cut off as Mr Crunch activated the taser, the force hitting the creature full in its ample torso. It howled and fell over onto the bed where it convulsed for a few seconds before becoming still.

Mr Crunch walked over and looked down at the creature. It slowly opened its eyes and stared back up at him.

"God," it said, "that was absolutely wonderful. And here was I ready to bite your head off… but you remembered."

"Of course I did, darling," said Mr Crunch. "Happy birthday."

Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

jjuliaporter: I LOVE BOTH SILHOUETTE AND IRIDESCENT, they are amazing !

samayahmohammed237: It's a really good book with a great plot line I absolutely love this author and her books they are all very interesting

deeyachand: Nice book. Enjoyed reading it.

Louella Angelie: The first impression this book gave me was that its pretty interesting. I like how the story progress. The plot is simple, no exag moments if I recall. I love how it ended.

Royalty: @ancientt she knows how to write...she could do it hungover,tired,stressed and with her eyes closed....she's blessssssedd♥️♥️♥️♥️

Lavisha Parab: I liked the book. All of it, except the part where they put so much emphasis on how their faces are beautiful. Sculpted bodies is okay, but concentrating so much on faces and whether she had or not applied makeup is so stupid and clichéd. We're in the 21st century for god's sake

Janine Burnett: It peaks you curiosity in the beginning, it hooks you into thinking how will the story pans out. The main character is extremely insecure and it gives you hope that she would get stronger. I'm a little surprised that because of her background story that she doesn't have a stronger backbone. Clic...

Nightshade: .......... love the book

More Recommendations

Taylor Knapp: The only reason I gave you a 4 at all is because of the few grammar issues. Other than that I think that this story was by far the best I've read.

LJ_Gibson: I loved it, it kept me on edge the WHOLE TIME!!!!!! I am so ready for the next one! Do they both have twins?

Shasha Nao: The story plot is absolutely amazing!! Wren's personality is wonderful it's just that she needs to have more daily confidence, I feel like she'll be a more interesting character if she has like a deep side about her, or something in the past that she didn't want anyone to know. But overall, I abs...

swaroopa suresh: Liked it very much

Louisamayalcott: Beautiful endingWould love to read the sequel

Bayleigh: So far the plot is really good. I just think you have to elaborate on why they are at this camp and what it’s actually for. The grammar is good. A few spelling errors but nothing out of the ordinary. I think you should be more descriptive in what is going on in each scene but overall I really lik...

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.