Mr Crunch

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Summary

Genre:
Scifi / Humor
Author:
David Viner
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
5.0 3 reviews
Age Rating:
13+

Short Story

Mr Crunch was new in town. Actually, he was new on planet.

He walked the streets, searching. After a couple of hours he found something in a back street that looked promising.

The shop sign said "Dag Strek, Licensed Armaments." As Mr Crunch pushed open the door the tinkle of a bell resulted in a "Be with you in a mo" response from a back room.

So he looked around at the goods on sale. Something on a shelf caught his eye. Perfect, he thought, pulling it down. His many fingers fitted the grip neatly and he noted that it was already fully charged.

Mr Crunch was grateful that the being that emerged from the shadows had its head and other appendages in the usual places. He hated communicating with strange forms – never being sure if he was looking them in the eye or possibly the rectum. Mr Crunch definitely preferred to look others in the eye and preferred those eyes to be located on or, at least, close to their heads.

"This," said Mr Crunch, waving the device under the shopkeeper's odour orifice. "How much?"

"Everything is negotiable," the shopkeeper responded.

"Indeed," said Mr Crunch, debating with himself where he would begin the haggle. "I will give you, hmm, 150 credits. It is rather old."

"Antique," the shopkeeper agreed, before adding, "and collectable. I could accept maybe as little as 500."

The haggle continued for a few minutes before Mr Crunch finally departed lighter to the tune of 295 credits and heavier by one Sinosian Electro-taser. He placed the device in a pouch within his outer clothing where his hand could become familiar with its shape and texture.

From another pouch he produced a key and used its locator function to lead him to the hotel. A short while later found him sharing an elevator with a couple of strange forms. He was relieved when they alighted several floors below the one he required, though the methane breather left its odour to accompany him the rest of the upward journey.

Outside the room Mr Crunch activated the key. As the door swung open he sprang into the room, the taser device gripped in his hand. The creature had its back to him. It started to turn.

"Where the hell have you be-"

The voice was cut off as Mr Crunch activated the taser, the force hitting the creature full in its ample torso. It howled and fell over onto the bed where it convulsed for a few seconds before becoming still.

Mr Crunch walked over and looked down at the creature. It slowly opened its eyes and stared back up at him.

"God," it said, "that was absolutely wonderful. And here was I ready to bite your head off… but you remembered."

"Of course I did, darling," said Mr Crunch. "Happy birthday."

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Further Recommendations

Devil: I’m very excited to continue reading this book and know more about the characters

Teena Fernando: Jeez I don’t have any words left to describe how I love this book, author is marvelous, please write more

ekaetteobot: Incredible really good

Chrissy Gawel: Loved this story super funny

Ash: I think I have no words to phrase the novel plot and story. It's a GREAT story which held all my brain to love it's plot and characters- sef ,Jordon , Ethan and black, Xavier .Truly it made me smile throughout and I cried too in last chapter.. Do read it , I can bet u'll love it 💯Loved it a lot s...

Beth Lunsford: Awesome story I love it

mzznardine04: I didn’t like that the writer didn’t add Julian’s proversionWe should have heard what his heart and mind was too n not only zoeyI didn’t like the ending They should have gotten marriage with children

Angela Freeman: I really hope you can update soon. I think Megan and drew should be together. I couldn't stop reading this til the last chapter.

Jason Huskey: This was a really interesting read the story builds and keeps you hooked. Great characters that are well thought out. This is definitely a book that the masses need for it really does show how screwed up we are as humans.

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xxStarg1rlxx: Holy shit I've never read anything like this😱😱😱😱 IT's FUCKIN AWESOME. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time..... like WOW.You should really read this.😄😄😄😄

Leyla Larrea: Short and Wonderful

ziada adonis: Thank you for giving me a chance to read this amazing book you are truly talented.This story took me on one hell of a rollercoaster ride and I definitely enjoyed it.Never stop writing

Bianca Bot: It's very captivating

Jasabell: I was expecting the typical story but am happy to say it’s not. Loved every part of it. I also loved that you didn’t write an epilogue as to show what others got in few years time. You just left it like that. Not saying it’s bad. Overall I’m pleased to say it’s a unique story and a beautiful one.

Samudhyatha Vijay Mhora: I liked the plot very much. The style of writing is good too. So, yeah, it has definitely been a good read so far.

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