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Mr Crunch

By David Viner All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Scifi

Short Story

Mr Crunch was new in town. Actually, he was new on planet.

He walked the streets, searching. After a couple of hours he found something in a back street that looked promising.

The shop sign said "Dag Strek, Licensed Armaments." As Mr Crunch pushed open the door the tinkle of a bell resulted in a "Be with you in a mo" response from a back room.

So he looked around at the goods on sale. Something on a shelf caught his eye. Perfect, he thought, pulling it down. His many fingers fitted the grip neatly and he noted that it was already fully charged.

Mr Crunch was grateful that the being that emerged from the shadows had its head and other appendages in the usual places. He hated communicating with strange forms – never being sure if he was looking them in the eye or possibly the rectum. Mr Crunch definitely preferred to look others in the eye and preferred those eyes to be located on or, at least, close to their heads.

"This," said Mr Crunch, waving the device under the shopkeeper's odour orifice. "How much?"

"Everything is negotiable," the shopkeeper responded.

"Indeed," said Mr Crunch, debating with himself where he would begin the haggle. "I will give you, hmm, 150 credits. It is rather old."

"Antique," the shopkeeper agreed, before adding, "and collectable. I could accept maybe as little as 500."

The haggle continued for a few minutes before Mr Crunch finally departed lighter to the tune of 295 credits and heavier by one Sinosian Electro-taser. He placed the device in a pouch within his outer clothing where his hand could become familiar with its shape and texture.

From another pouch he produced a key and used its locator function to lead him to the hotel. A short while later found him sharing an elevator with a couple of strange forms. He was relieved when they alighted several floors below the one he required, though the methane breather left its odour to accompany him the rest of the upward journey.

Outside the room Mr Crunch activated the key. As the door swung open he sprang into the room, the taser device gripped in his hand. The creature had its back to him. It started to turn.

"Where the hell have you be-"

The voice was cut off as Mr Crunch activated the taser, the force hitting the creature full in its ample torso. It howled and fell over onto the bed where it convulsed for a few seconds before becoming still.

Mr Crunch walked over and looked down at the creature. It slowly opened its eyes and stared back up at him.

"God," it said, "that was absolutely wonderful. And here was I ready to bite your head off… but you remembered."

"Of course I did, darling," said Mr Crunch. "Happy birthday."

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, David Viner
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Nymeria: Really can't get enough of this story. It flows well, it captivates the reader from page 1, and throws you into such a well-written, well conceptualized world that you'll believe it's real. Everything in the book is meshed together really well. From character backgrounds to plot twists, you can t...

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Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

Julia Summers PA: Reading this now. It's fun, hilariously fabulous yet taste of what you desire in a unusual read. I will post an actual review when I am finished. But so far loving the flow and the story seems to keep me drawn

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Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

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CookieMonster911: The story overall was an adventure that is appealing to any age. The way the characters develop adds a more human characteristic to the novel. The writing style itself is amazing because you can learn every character's thoughts and emotions. The awkward love triangle and jerk moments adds to the ...

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