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Mr Crunch

By David Viner All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Short Story

Mr Crunch was new in town. Actually, he was new on planet.

He walked the streets, searching. After a couple of hours he found something in a back street that looked promising.

The shop sign said "Dag Strek, Licensed Armaments." As Mr Crunch pushed open the door the tinkle of a bell resulted in a "Be with you in a mo" response from a back room.

So he looked around at the goods on sale. Something on a shelf caught his eye. Perfect, he thought, pulling it down. His many fingers fitted the grip neatly and he noted that it was already fully charged.

Mr Crunch was grateful that the being that emerged from the shadows had its head and other appendages in the usual places. He hated communicating with strange forms – never being sure if he was looking them in the eye or possibly the rectum. Mr Crunch definitely preferred to look others in the eye and preferred those eyes to be located on or, at least, close to their heads.

"This," said Mr Crunch, waving the device under the shopkeeper's odour orifice. "How much?"

"Everything is negotiable," the shopkeeper responded.

"Indeed," said Mr Crunch, debating with himself where he would begin the haggle. "I will give you, hmm, 150 credits. It is rather old."

"Antique," the shopkeeper agreed, before adding, "and collectable. I could accept maybe as little as 500."

The haggle continued for a few minutes before Mr Crunch finally departed lighter to the tune of 295 credits and heavier by one Sinosian Electro-taser. He placed the device in a pouch within his outer clothing where his hand could become familiar with its shape and texture.

From another pouch he produced a key and used its locator function to lead him to the hotel. A short while later found him sharing an elevator with a couple of strange forms. He was relieved when they alighted several floors below the one he required, though the methane breather left its odour to accompany him the rest of the upward journey.

Outside the room Mr Crunch activated the key. As the door swung open he sprang into the room, the taser device gripped in his hand. The creature had its back to him. It started to turn.

"Where the hell have you be-"

The voice was cut off as Mr Crunch activated the taser, the force hitting the creature full in its ample torso. It howled and fell over onto the bed where it convulsed for a few seconds before becoming still.

Mr Crunch walked over and looked down at the creature. It slowly opened its eyes and stared back up at him.

"God," it said, "that was absolutely wonderful. And here was I ready to bite your head off… but you remembered."

"Of course I did, darling," said Mr Crunch. "Happy birthday."

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Further Recommendations

AmenAlFred: Usually I'm not a big fan of this type of books but I really liked this one. The characters are well described and I loved how the story dragged me in it.You should definitely try it.

Bookworm: THIS IS ABOUT MY FAV BOOK NOW IF IT COULD BE PUBLISHED IT WOULD BE A BEST SELLER! GREAT READ IT WOULD MAKE YOU LAUGH AND CRY WITH HAPPY TEARS I HOPE THERE IS A SEQUEL!

alyssagonza1: Got me in the feels

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Niyo Alos: I absolutely love this book, from the plot to the characters. It's so interesting I just keeping reading it. I just wish the chapters were longer.

Azalea Heart: Loved the plot she is an amazing writer and i loved how she wrote about humanity and how we treat each other and how that would be our down fall some day. And that our diversity should be celebrated not divide us.

feelslikeshit: this book has the good grammar, punctuation, characters and plot. it’s a whole snacc and i love it. i love how it’s comedic but also is serious! overall 11/10 book

Jaivilia Taylor: It has alpt of twists and u just don't get to guess what is happeneing next, it surprises you. I really like it. ❤❤

sallyhotty: The story is very addictive.congrats to the writer.good job Tallara hope so you have written other novels.i really enjoyed the flow of the story 💕💕💖💝💓💕💕

More Recommendations

lavendercotton: When I first started this book I was hooked I knew I had to finish this book, I'm not big on reading. Because it's hard for me to find a book I can be hooked on to, but the first five minutes of reading I was hooked. After that, I knew I had to read more.

dechensonam48: I really love this book especially the plot!!!!

I.want.stories: I started this book yesterday and finished reading it today..... It was that interesting 😁😁Love the plot and the characters Had a blast reading this bookHope other books of yours are funny, sarcastic and just plain amazing like this one 😁😈😊😊

Alfi Siswosugito: So much intimate, a little humor, and a happy end! What else could we ask more? Oh, maybe a second story? Hahaha

Deleted User: Great story I loved it

lailachupp04: THIS NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED I MUST MUST MUST SHOW THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE I KNOW!!!!!!I WANT TO HAVE A COPY OF IT SO BAD!!! your book was amazing and so interesting especially describing Maggie's life it reminds me of my life

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