Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane

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August 10th, 2014

Nikki and I made love today. It was probably the last time we ever will. I decided to give her a little parting gift.

“I once told you I’d write out that check again that Steve tore up.”

“Yeah, if I resigned?”

I waved a new check in the air. “Here it is.”

“What? You’ve had too much of this great ass, now you’re firing it?”

“Nah, I’m the one resigning.”

“You? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m about to resign from life.”

“What are you saying? Stop it! You’re scaring me!”

“Me too.” I handed her the slip of paper. She glanced quickly at it. I added, “Get that into your bank account asap. There may be queries next week when I’m not around anymore.”

“Don’t say that! I don’t want it!”

“You sure? Take a look at it?”

“I did! It’s the same – fifty thousand! I don’t want it anymore. Please take it back?”

“Take a better look?”

She did. “Oh, my God! It’s…it’s…this is five million?”

“Best fuck I ever had, baby! You’ve always been painfully honest with me, so let me be with you too. You were worth every last cent. I may not have wanted to marry you, but I think that makes up for it. You won’t have to work another day in your life if you live wisely. Now you can stop chasing after a rich man you never really wanted. Now the men will chase after you – even more so!”

“Oh, God, you really are gonna do it! Why?” She started crying. “Is it something I did?”

“You may have screwed my future real good too, but you made up for it as best you could in the time I had remaining. It wasn’t your fault. You’re not evil. You were just like another girl I once knew very long ago – oversexed! And that’s the plain honest truth! Now go have your fun. Just be careful while you’re at it.”

“It ain’t gonna be any fun without you!”

“You’re just saying that to…”

“No, I mean it. I wasn’t joking when I said, ‘I love your mind.’”

“I love it too, but unfortunately, by this time next week, I’ll have lost it – completely.”

“What are you saying?” I gave her the same explanation that I had recently recorded for myself; an incurable embolism that would very shortly lead to a definite and serious stroke! She grabbed me, weeping bitterly, as though she would never let go. “The world’s gonna miss you, but I’m gonna miss you the most. And that’s the God’s honest truth!” The moment was too much for me as well; I let go all my pent up frustration and pain; I sobbed bitterly between the tresses of her magnificent lion’s mane.

And for a short moment we managed to fool each other that we had always been, and were even more so now, truly in love!!!

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