Roomates: Part 2
One week later, Rahool and Elizabeth were looking through a website on the Alphanet to find Elizabeth a job. “Well, this looks promising. There’s an opening at a factory in Juresis, it’s about a two hour commute via grav-train but it pays well and has great benefits.” Rahool said. “Oh sure, just because I’m a robot that means I should have to work in industry.” Elizabeth said proudly. “Okay, not factory work. Here’s an opening for a farmhand, it’s mainly work with Vaalation livestock and vegetation. It’s in the planets north pole, so that’s even further away than the factory job-”
“I don’t want to work with filthy fish creatures!” Elizabeth shot back. “Alright, no farm work.” Rahool said as could only help but sigh as he continued looking for jobs for the robot, frustrated with the surprisingly stubborn android. “So, how’s the job search BRAUGHTWURST IS THE KING OF BANANA-LAND!- coming along Rahool?” Richard said looking over his Vaalation roommate. “Not as good as I’d like, we’ve gone through at least five job offerings now, and guess who doesn’t want to actually work for her share of the rent?” Rahool said bitterly. “Listen I only want a job that is right for me.” Elizabeth shot back. “And the reason why working as the Planetary Governors secretary isn’t for is because?...” Rahool asked. “I don’t like politicians, more over I have something of a short attention span.” Elizabeth said.
“Well, why not just do what I AM LORD OF THE FLATULATENT PEANUT-BRITTLE!- Rahool does?” Richard suggested. “I wouldn’t encourage that.” Rahool said. “Why? Afraid of the competition?” Elizabeth said playfully. “No, it’s just that the business of blogging is… very, very cutthroat to say the least. I’m not even joking I just barely survived an encounter with a fellow blogger last month, if it weren’t for Richard hallucinating on Saal’qurakis worse than usual she would have killed me.” Rahool explained. “It was my pleasure to save you from that singing TYPHON! GET YOU NOSE OUT OF THE TOILET!- three-headed Okapi with the egg beaters, and then sue that same Okapi for all that it was worth, right up to its weirdly feminine underwear” Richard said.
“Cassandra always did have decent tastes in expensive lingerie; still don’t know why she tried to kill me with egg beaters though.” Rahool mused. “Well… I’m not entirely sure I’d want to anyway; let’s just say I’ve had my own bad experience with the Alphanet.” Elizabeth said. “Fair enough, now let’s see if we can find you a job within my lifetime.” Rahool said as he typed on his computer monitor. “Okay, I’m not even kidding this time, I recognize you and your voice!” Richard said insistently to Elizabeth. “Well… here’s an interesting one. It’s an opening at an Ulagraag bar in town.” Rahool said curiously.
The next evening Rahool and Richard had front row seats at ‘Hrmnan’s Watering Hole’. “Good eve’n y’all, Hrmnan’s Watering Hole proudly present The Sons of Noot’sicna, but before we get to the ancient drinking songs of our people. Let’s meet our new head liner.” Said an Ulaagrag with an odd accent. “I don’t like this place Rahool, I think we’re in some kind of reptile zoo!” Richard said, while wildly fidgeting. “First Richard, we’re in an Ulagraag bar. Second, Ulagraags are technically Monotremes.”
“But they don’t even look like platypi’s.” Richard said, still looking freaked out by being around giant alien lizards drinking copious amounts of liquor. “That’s beside the point, you know as well as I do that Ulagraag can grow hair… or fur I honestly can never tell, and that there females have breasts in the same way that Humans do. You dated one and started your Saal’qurakis addiction in the first place!” Rahool said.
“You know Qnaris and I were in love!” Richard said back. “I know, and she broke up with you after you tried her Saal’qurakis.” Rahool pointed out. “-and the was the last time I ever ate apples, and now without further ado. Please raise your claws to the soothing lyrics of Elizabeth the android Belle.” Said the accented Ulagraag on the stage. “Belle? I thought she was British?” Richard said, and then Elizabeth appeared on the stage. She wore a costume of red and white, and resembled a figure from Ulaagrag mythology, Graa-Cakas, goddess of grim resolve and love.
“You know Rahool, I still can’t help but think I’ve at least heard her voice before.” Richard said as he began to eat the table-cloth. “Well like I’ve told you before, I don’t follow music so I wouldn’t know.” Rahool said, surprised that his roommate hadn’t made any non-sequiturs since they had arrived, so he figured that he was going through withdrawal, which would more than explain why he seemed to hallucinate about the Ulagraag. Then Elizabeth began to sing, it was a haunting melody that came from her mouth. Ever Ulagraag in the bar slowly began to cry, it started with tears, and slowly but gradually every Ulagraag began to openly weep.
“Wow, I didn’t know Ulagraag could be such little girls.” Richard said, Rahool’s bugged in concern that the alien warriors would try to kill Richard over his comment. They didn’t… mainly because Elizabeth began to project holograms of ghostly Ulagraag females, another aspect of the Ulagraag goddess, who would use the souls of spurned females to torture there former mate for any number of reasons.
“Wait a minute.” Richard said to himself, still eating the table-cloth and completely ignoring the panicking drunk Ulagraag and Rahool ducking from holographic ghosts. “Oh I bet she thought she had me fooled but I remember, I remember that voice!” Richard said as he stood up from the table he and Rahool were sitting at. “Richard! Where are you going with this?” Asked Rahool as he kept fearfully ducking holographic ghosts. “Rahool! We’ve been had! We’ve had a full-fledged celebrity underneath our noses this whole time!” Richard said, but right before he could blow the whistle on the true nature of their robotic roommate. Elizabeth’s singing rose higher and higher, until glass started to break. “BRACE FOR IMPACT!” Shouted an Ulagraag, as several seconds later her voice rose until the glass completely shattered and exploded. Shortly afterwards Elizabeth stood alone on the stage, with the patrons of the bar hiding behind turned over tables.
“So remember well good warriors of the wandering void. Treat your females well, or you answer to me” Elizabeth said as she got off of the stage. “Well… that was an intense number, now what were you talking about Richard?” Rahool said as he noticed that Richard had gone. “Richard?”
“I’m impressed little one; you had everyone in there on their feet and running in terror.” Said the announcer as she gave Elizabeth some currency, he looked completely impressed with the androids singing. “Thank you Ynaickus, it was a pleasure to perform an Ulagraag folk-song.” Said Elizabeth as she took the credits. “Well with luck you didn’t scare the boys TOO badly, so see you tomorrow night!”
Several minutes later Elizabeth had returned to the apartment, having discarded her costume back at the bar, several minutes later after an uneventful watching of TV, Richard and Rahool returned home. “So before you ask Elizabeth, we lost track of you after your performance, and Richard spent about a half-hour swatting Ulagraag’s with his fly-swatter and rambling loudly about golf-shoes.” Rahool said.
“But that isn’t important! The point is I figured out your little secret! You were that robot singer that was big years ago! Then you sued your creators for freedom and your career went down the drain!” Richard said. “What?! How did you know?!” Elizabeth asked, surprised that this insane Human Lawyer was able to figure this fact out. “I was one of your biggest fans! I bought all of your albums, and I dragged Rahool kicking and screaming to every movie you ever stared in!” Richard gushed. “Rahool, did you ever suspect the secret I was keeping?” Elizabeth asked. “I didn’t care, you were a robot that answered my ad to live here with us, and you apparently can make enough to pay your share of the rent. So I don’t care if you were some celebrity, or even if your movies were terrible. Just do your job and pay your third of the rent, and I could honestly care less about what you’ve done in the past.” Rahool said.
“Oh… well anything interesting you guys would like to watch, I was only watching late night soap operas because I was bored.” Elizabeth said. “Well Richard has to get to bed early, he has work in the morning on a very important case, and I’ve actually been struggling with a fever so I’d beter get to bed to.” Rahool said as both he and Richard went off to bed. “Well… no point in me being online just watching bad television.” Elizabeth said to herself as she turned off the TV, turned off the lights, and then set herself to sleep mode for about eight hours.