❝Leave who you were. Love who you are. Look forward to who you will become.❞
London cries out to be fed, and luckily those cries overpower the noise in my head and the battle I’m losing within myself, my head fogs with a darkness that pushes me closer to the cliff that drops down to the abyss of despair. I have to be strong. For London, Xavier, Dad. . . Mom and myself.
Nobody asked me what I’ve been through, didn’t ask what happened from the time I was taken to the time I was recused and thankful I’m glad they didn’t. Bounding down the steps with London in my arms, I head towards the kitchen where the months worth of breast milk was stored, taking out a bag, I began to move around the kitchen one-handed while fixing his milk.
After hearing the tragedy about Mom and the child she gave birth wouldn’t be able to survive the first month, anonymous mothers began to send frozen bags of breast milk to our doorstep saving us the horror of a starving baby.
I feel him before I see him, the air between is us is charged as he walks closer, coming up behind me and rubs his hands down my arms, raising goosebumps and tingles where his hands lay. His breath brushes over the shell of my ear as he looks over my shoulder, the action momentarily breaking me away from my thoughts that strayed me away from reality.
“Any word, yet?” I question in a low voice, keeping my eyes on London who was sluggishly sucking on the nipple of his bottle.
Xavier’s fingers dig lightly into my flesh and I knew the answer. Not short after he brought us back home, Dad shifted into his wolf out of grief and high tailed it out of here, his mentality not able to take the loss of his soulmate, we’ve tried tracking him down: looked everywhere for him but he was beyond our reach, reverting back to his instincts as a lone wolf. We’ve asked neighboring packs if they see a lone wolf crossing between their territories to notify us.
I sigh, taking the bottle from London’s mouth and setting it down on the counter, caressing his cheek. Xavier rubs his hands up and down my arms, trying his best to comfort me despite the conflicted feelings that crash into me, he feels everything I’m feeling, and vice versa; he can feel my loss, grief, hatred, anger, sadness, and content while I can feel his worry for my wellbeing, determination to keep me safe and by his side, and something else that he kept from me.
I peered over my shoulder at him, looking into his eyes that stared intently back into mine, his eyes flicker down to my lips, giving me a quick one peck before he moves back enough for me to turn around and face him.
His hands find my face, cupping my cheeks and pulling me close until his pressed his forehead against mine, staring deeply into my eyes. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he says, causing tears to swell at the edges of my eyes. “We’ll find him.”
An unknown tear trails down the side of my cheek and I quickly wipe it away, nodding and averting my eyes. Another tear runs free and I’m not the one to wipe it away, Xavier’s rough finger slides across the skin of my cheek, wiping away the falling tears.
“I’m okay,” I speak hoarsely, sniffling.
He nods, stepping back and holds his hands out for London, “I can take him upstairs for you.”
Sniffling once more, I carefully pass over my brother to him, careful not to wake him as Xavier immediately takes him upstairs. I’m once again left with my own thoughts. It was cold, and I don’t mean because of the weather outside; it seemed much colder than that.
The house felt dead, cold, had no life in it, and was dark, I wasn’t sure how long I would last alone in a house that once used to be filled with warmth and comfort before everything went downhill. At nights I could almost hear Mom’s light laughter as she spoke with Dad and joked with her, even their fun bickering plays in the back of my mind and projects around the house as if they’re still here. With me.
I regret the months I pushed them away after the things I found out about this new life, those months wasted of me turning cold and unrecognizable, I could have been in their arms being reassured that everything was going to be fine as they held me, giving me the love I desperately craved rather than feeling betrayed from something being kept from me. Maybe, if I wasn’t so damn stubborn, everything would have worked out differently.
(A/N: literally tearing up, right now)
I move toward the window of the back door, looking out into the wonderland of snow and trees, the memory of the first encounter with a wolf still fresh in my brain. Mason has tried his best to build that relationship between us back up, and now that he’s the only person left that I can look toward, I’ll have to make an effort as well.
Suddenly the front door slammed open, banging against the wall, my heart lurched as I whipped around to see Mason stomping through the door with tense muscles and a hard expression. He looks around the room before he gaze falls on me.
I pint up the stairs the same moment footsteps are heard at the top of them.
“What’s with all the noise?” a moment of silence is passed. “What do you want, Mason?”
My brother’s eyes flicker towards me before looking back out the door and nodding his head, he then walks up the steps, disappearing with Xavier somewhere in the house and out of earshot to me. I strain my ears to hear their footsteps moving to the far end of the house.
Heaving a sigh, I look out past the open door and see two unknown men, shirtless and standing stotic at the door; guarding it. I walk away from the back door and into the living room, I look up the steps, wondering what they could be talking about.
It didn’t take long before the both of them were coming down the stairs, wearing the same expression, Xavier’s more angered then stressed. Mason doesn’t cast me a glance as he moves from toward the door while Xavier makes his way over to me.
“I have to go.”
I snap my eyes away from the door and to Xavier, my eyes widen at his words.
“What?” I ask, breathless.
His jaw locks as he moves closer, “There’s been another breach, on all surrounding borders, and my Dad needs everyone on standby.”
My mouth opens and closes, unsure of what to say or what to think. I flicker my gaze back outside the door where Mason was standing with his arms crossed and staring out into the woods.
“I don’t want to leave you alone, not after getting you back,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against mine. A rumble in his chest crawling up his throat.
“But I have to.” Xavier breathes through his nose, shutting his eyes. “So, I called a few people to come and stay here with you.”
“Xavier. . .”
His fingers dig into my cheeks, bringing our faces closer ’til out noses were touches and breathing the same air. ”Please do not go outside, I can’t afford to lose you, I will not go through that. Promise me, Abigail?”
I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, my heart hammering in my chest, he pulls it free and rubs his thumb across my cheek.
I nod, “I promise.”
“Xavier, we have to go. Now.” Mason calls out.
With a growl, he pulls me into a searing kiss, teeth nibbling at my lips and taking my breath away. Heat coursed through my veins, warming my chilled heart and frozen mind that runs a mile a second for him, butterflies swirl in the pit of my stomach, his lips moving with mine in a fast then slow pace creating a sensual dance that our hearts beat to.
He pulls away with a sigh, my body buzzing with the afterglow, and with a last lingering kiss, he pulls away.
“I love you,” he mumbles, every word holding its meaning.
It was too late for me to register what he said by the time the door closed and he was gone.