Chapter 3 CALM THE FUCK DOWN
I picked up my wallet from the kitchen counter and walked back to the front door.
“How many do you want?” The little princess asked. I looked into my wallet and saw a five-euro bill.
“How many does five euro get me?” I replied.
“I’ll take five cookies then,” I said with a smile.
“NICK!!!! SHE WANTS FIVE COOKIES!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW,” she yells, startling me.
“JUST TAKE THE MONEY AND GIVE HER THE COOKIES,” someone yells back from down the hall.
“Here are you’re cookies. Bye,” she says as she runs down the hall after handing me the cookies.
“Ok, goodbye then.” I yell after her, chuckling slightly confused.
I walked back into the kitchen with my cookies and picked up the phone.
“So, who was it?” Jess asked from the other end.
I laughed. “Just this cute little princess selling cookies.”
“Oh, ok. As I was about to say before you so rudely put me on hold.”
“Hey wait a minute, you said I should look who was knocking at the door!”
“Well, I didn’t actually mean leave me on hold.”
“ANYWAY. Moving on. What I was going to say, was I don’t think laughing Yoga is the thing for me. So I’m moving to Paris.”
“What? When did you make this decision? Is Thomas going with you? Can I visit? What are you going to do for rent? How will you earn money?” The questions wouldn’t stop tumbling out of my mouth.
“Elizabeth. CALM THE FUCK down!!” Jess yelled through the phone.
“I’ve already figured out where I’m going to live and I already have a pimp who will be helping selling my body, so that I can enough have money for food. Thomas is ok with sharing me and my body with unknown men and no you will never be able to visit because we are going into the witness protection program because I’m a key witness to prosecuting the Italian Mafia.”
I sighed and laughed.
Of course Jess would have already figured everything out. She was Jess after all. She had moved quite a lot before we met, so she was virtually a pro for planning basically anything.
“I’m just worried. I miss you.” I whisper. I only now really noticed, how truly lonely I have had become without her in my day-to-day life. I mean yeah, we talked on the phone, but it wasn’t the same as having her waving a cookies in my face to pry out the secrets I hadn’t been telling her. On the topic of cookies, I should really be eating one of them right now. They had looked so good in that basket.
Taking a big bite out of my cookie, Jess continued babbling about Paris, the Louvre and how amazing the coffee and sex would be in the new city. Jess and I didn’t have boundaries but she was talking a little too much about sex for my liking today. That must mean one of two things. Either she is getting laid, like A LOT. Or she isn’t getting any at all. Usually she overcompensated for the later so I was going to have to approach the beast.
“Hey Jess?” I ask in a timid voice.
“Yeah?” It comes through the phone next to my ear.
“Are you sure you’re having sex with an actual human being, not just the vibrator I gave you for your birthday last year, I mean it's totally fine if you named him Thomas and the guy you introduced to me over the phone was just some stranger you picked up off the street to pose for your boyfriend?”
“Are you kidding me Liz?”
“Have you seen Thomas? Have you SEEN HIS ABS?!”
“Ummm. Yes. I’ve seen the pictures... you’ve sent me... on the phone... but nothing in real life.”
“Well then you’d know that not only am I having sex with a human being. A HOT human being. But I’m also having sex with the vibrator. I mean come on. I would never leave my bright pink friend on the side of the road like that. He helped me through some really rough times. I could never do that to him.”
I covered my face with my hand holding the cookie and laughed. “Ok sorry. You know I had to ask though, right?”
“Yeah yeah. Suuuure. We both know how it is. You aren’t getting any, which is why you wanna know all about mine and that hot piece of meat that sleeps in my bed.”
“Uuuum. Defiantly so not the case hun. I am one hundred percent satisfied with my cup of coffee and an excellent book. Thank you.”
“If you say so.” Jess said in a sing-song voice. By her type of voice I could tell she didn’t believe me and already was forming a plan in that little seemingly-constantly-high-on-LSD-brain of hers.
I chuckled. There is no way in hell she could possibly do anything while being in Peru, never-the-less in Paris.
I mean that is what I thought last time and she managed to throw me a surprise birthday party with over fifty guests all while being out of the country.
“I haven’t even told you the reason I’m moving to Paris.” Jess said after a few minutes of silence.
“You know, I figured you’d tell me after a little bit of ranting. You couldn’t keep such a thing to yourself even if you tried.” I answered.
“Well... I got accepted.” She said.
“Yeah. I mean, I had applied. But I wasn’t really interested in going. I mean, not after what you told me about what had happened to Ben while he was there. And I know the risks, but I want to do something meaning full with my life. I want to leave behind something that matters.” Jess said in a sad voice.
“But what about Thomas? What’s going to happen to you two?” I asked.
“He is coming with me.” Jess replied.
“You know that humans aren’t allowed on the campus right?” I asked.
“Ok, so here’s the thing. He isn’t really human either.” Jess replied in a timid voice.
My mouth was opening and shutting, I couldn’t stop blinking and my brain was trying to find the right words. But somehow the extensive vocabulary that I had acquired over the centuries had been deleted from my brain in the span of a few seconds.
“How do you know for sure?” I asked.
“I caught him drinking blood. Well he said it was tomato juice, but when I took a sip later.. and I'm telling you tomato juice does not taste like that. The only conclusion my brain could form was that it must have been blood.” Jess answered.
“I mean it’s definitly good he isn’t human. Becuase if he was I would have had to explain why I can see Auras and all that other crap that I can’t really explain.” She continued.
I mean I understood where she was coming from. That was one of the reason I had avoided humans most of my life. All they brought was drama and inconvienience. Also always the inevidable question of why I can’t lie and how I always seem to know the truth.
“Jess, do you know exactly what he is? I mean, to live with someone who drinks blood is kinda risky, even for me. And you’re more human than I am, are you sure this is a good idea?”