Mind Logs from The Cerberus Order

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Tape 3

18/04/2278
Subject 12

Someone once told me that just because someone is alive, it doesn’t mean they’re living. You need to pull them back, show them the world in front of them, good and bad. Light and dark. All of these experiences is what makes us, us. It’s what makes us alive. Sometimes you need to be reminded, especially in this unforgiving world. But sometimes they’re too far gone, you can’t pull them out. You think you can, but that’s just your ego talking. Try and you’ll end up being dragged down with them. There isn’t a person sane enough to go that far, no matter how much you love them, you need to put yourself first sometimes. Live for their sake.

Saving someone doesn’t mean you did a good thing. You won’t admit it, but let’s be honest, you only did it to make yourself feel better right? Yet all you’ve really done is prolong the inevitable and that’s just selfish really, you need to learn to pick your battles and when to call it quits, letting someone go doesn’t mean you failed. You didn’t fail me. I failed you. How long did you watch me become less myself? Become the opposite of the girl you fell in love with? You were right. We had enough free shit at home. I should have listened then. But I wanted to be pretty for you even though you always said I was. But I felt like I was never good enough. I was selfish.

There are some choices we don’t want to make and it takes the most selfless person to understand what needs to be done. When to walk away. You wanted to save me but instead I dragged you down with me. Why didn’t you listen to me? I told you I was fine. You should have just believed me like you always did. I know it was a lie. But it kept you happy right?
You should have let me go. I just wanted to be pretty. I thought it would make you happy. But it didn’t. I broke you didn’t I? I think I hurt you.

“I’m sorry.” Are they hurting you now? “I’m so sorry.” Are you seeing the same torture as me? “Please forgive me.” Do you hate me?

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