Tales of Midbar: Poisoned Well

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Strange Winemakers - part 6

Narrated by Eleprin

Tan just kept screaming about the teleporter. Me and Flarmia got up and jumped in front of him and I put a calming spell on him. Well tried to. Not sure if it affected him but, instead of the normal blast of his thoughts and feelings, I felt nauseous and dizzy. He’d clearly had too much to drink but I’d put spells on drunks before and I wondered if he had brain damage or something.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a teleporter!” I said. “I have to sit down.” I staggered away and felt strong arms around me.

“You’re not a rapist are you?” asked Flarmia. “I’ve been known to do some very bad things to rapists.”

“You’re just jealous girls,” said Tan, “and she’s a fornicating ...”

Printorac lead me to a chair and I sat down trying not to throw up.

“I’m happy as I am,” said Flarmia.

“Nothing wrong with teleporters!” said a man, I think Clindar.

By now several other people had surrounded Tan but I was staring at the floor, trying to stop the room spinning.

“What’s wrong?” asked Printorac.

“Morning sickness,” I said, “at least that what it feels like.”

“Not so sure,” said Indratar in my head, “but then this is a different body and they say every pregnancy’s different. I think I used up the range of variations on the first ten or twenty kids though.”


Transcript of recording from Klardian’s recording device. Holding cell of Mage Hall

Tan: Who are you?

Klardian: My name’s Klardian. Your parents have hired me to clean up your messes but this one will be difficult.

Tan: I just had a few drinks. Can’t remember much and I have a dreadful hangover.

Klardian: You tried to rape two young females in front of multiple witnesses. One of them was the dean’s eleven year old daughter. Do you remember that?

Tan: No. I didn’t try to rape anybody!

Klardian: Good, you do remember.

Tan: No. I think somebody put a date rape spell on me.

Klardian: Then how ..?

Tan: I remember I didn’t try to rape anybody and there was a fornicating teleporter and they put a date ...

Klardian: I know most magic doesn’t work on you.

Tan: What the fornication?

Klardian: Fortunately for you, I’m on your side. Can you tell me anything that would help your case?

Tan: There was a fornicating teleporter and they’re all cell jobs and genetic fornicating engineering labs and there was a fornicating teleporter!

Klardian: None of that will help you!

Tan: Do you know who my parents are?

Klardian: Yes, they hired me! Without sounding like Blethdian, what can you remember about last night?

Tan: It’s a bit hazy because of the drink and some of what I think happened seems pretty fornicating weird.

Klardian: Tell me, weird stuff included.

Tan: Well, after I’d moved my stuff in and my parents left, I started chatting to some of the other people in my communal thing.

Klardian: I think the word you’re looking for is “chamber”.

Tan: Right. They were a fornicating weird bunch, a lot of idlans and a few quippas and a couple who’s races I’m not sure of. There was this small girl with yellow skin and green hair and this huge guy with two chins, one beside the other. I think there was a guy who was supposed to be a Trustee but he just looked like a kid and one of those people with light skin, dark hair and a weird nose, like in some old shows.

Klardian: Sounds like a glildac, they’re extinct apart from Sixteen.

Tan: Whatever. They started teasing me about Winemakerism so I went to the hall bar.

Klardian: What exactly were they teasing you about? They should have been Winemakers themselves.

Tan: Um, they said something about this hall being full of magi and acted like Winemakers were supposed to know all this weird feces. Then, when I got back with the little slot, they wouldn’t let me fornicate her. There was this very pretty slot who talked really posh and said some mean things to me. There were only a few people in there, all faharnis. Anyway, I pick up this little slot and decide to take her back to my room, like you do. Only I get back and everybody is gathered round this big table getting a load of nice food. Then they start at me again and this tall slot, I think a quippa but she’s wearing a black shirt and trousers and strange silver glasses so I couldn’t see her eyes or ears, starts slot guarding. She really needs to get fornicated! Then she takes my slot away! So I start talking to some others but, like I said they’re all fornicating weird. Then I go for this cute quippa slot but she fornicating teleports away from me! So I start shouting about how she’s a teleporter but a bunch of others surround me saying it’s OK to be a teleporter. Somebody tries to put some weird spell on me! You know how my magic resistance tells me what sort of spells people are trying to put on me. I’m not supposed to let people know about my magic resistance and this way I can pretend spells are working when they’re not. Well can’t do that if I don’t know what sort of fornicating spell it was! Then they put a date rape spell on me, the sort that knocks me out. So I pretend to be unconscious and some Australopithecus come and drag me here.

Klardian: I don’t know what the spell you can't identify was. You’re only resistant to certain types of magic and it’s best if magi don’t find out about it. Go on!

Tan: Yeah, I think there was a teleporter but things were really hazy by that point. That too weird?

Klardian: I’ll have to check on some things but I think I can make a case out of that.

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