Tales of Midbar: Poisoned Well

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Identities - part 2

Narrated by Dwendra

One of the male quippas spoketh up saying, “I suppose it was another teenage, glildac Holy Woman who claimed she’d killed Nuhar Zorg and massacred Rendamar’s Nuharas, stole our temple and blew up Navinuharbilag!”

So I saideth, “Nuhar Zorg wert trying to rapeth me, I only killed a few of Rendamar’s Nuharas who wert attacking others, the temple wast a Winemaker Holy Site thee wert illegally occupying and I didst not bloweth up Navinuharbilag. Also these Nuharas hath ‘Brairex’ written upon their badges and that art a Quippa word for a Nuhara religious fighter or terrorist.” Of course I hadth to starteth shouting for the Nuharas started shouting at me but they wenteth quiet and I continued shouting before I didst realizeth.

Rallimar hadst his hand stretched out towards me and quietly saideth, “I don’t think you’re right about what, what was it? ‘Brairex’ means. What does it really mean?” Then he pointed unto a clean shaven quippa man in Paxian attire and saideth, “Hurandin!”

The quippa he’d pointed to saideth, “Oh. Yes. It can mean a variety of things but it usually means an internal struggle against your sinful nature.”

“That art a lie!” I said. “Nuhara scripture clearly stateth ...”

The man with the messy hair saideth unto me, “You really should accept what the Nuharas say it means. You do look glildac. Perhaps having, ‘Holy Woman,’ on your badge was a bit of a bad taste joke.”

I saideth, “It art not a joke but it wert changed from what I didst requesteth.”

The messy haired man saideth, “Perhaps others are failing to comprehend what you mean by ‘Holy Woman’.”

So I saideth, “I asked the woman to putteth, ‘Scriptural Winemaker Holy Woman, matriarch of Beit Cohen, anavah mage, Scriptural Winemaker priest’s wife and Grand Farmer of Benai Nibeyim,’ but I wast toldeth that wast too long.”

Rallimar saideth, “I think you might be confusing ‘Holy Woman’ with Sixteen and possibly something else.”

The man with messy hair saideth, “Not that that’s necessarily a problem but perhaps we should find something that better communicates what you mean.”

So I saideth, “‘Sixteen’ mayeth be better but I art unsure how well most people comprehendeth who Sixteen art.”

Goddess was frantically waving her arms in the air.

The man with messy hair saideth, “Who do you think Sixteen is?”

I saideth, “Well I wert born unto a likzot couple in ...”

Rallimar interrupted me by saying, “Maybe we should let somebody else have a say,” and he pointed at Goddess and saideth, “Hurandin!”

Then Goddess saideth, “Sorry but why are we worrying about her when people keep asking which goddess I am? I’m obviously the goddess of love and beauty but people keep saying I’m Briad or Denadria or Shelka and should have my boobs hanging out but really! Do you think my badge should be more specific?”

A woman on the stage saideth. “There isn’t a goddess of love and beauty, at least not on the official list of Trulist deities. There’s Shelka, the goddess of love and indifference and the less well known Creamegi, goddess of beauty and truth. Of course you could always make up a new one but nobody will know who she is.”

So I didst muttereth, “And so Trulism looseth what little credibility it still haddeth.”

Goddess saideth unto me, “Well it’s better than your confusing thing.”

The man with the messy hair didst pointeth unto one of the female quippas and saideth, “What do you think ‘Holy Woman’ means, Actress?”

Rallimar didst muttereth, “No.”

One of the quippa girls jumped onto the stage and pointed unto her mouth.

Rallimar asked the scruffy man, “Do we have to?”

The scruffy man nodded.

Rallimar pointed at Actress and saideth, “Hurandin!”

Then Actress didst loudly enounciateth whilst wildly gesticulating, “A Holy Woman. What art a Holy Woman? Ist she Holy because she in pre-Cataclysm Faharni dost speaketh? Obviously a Scriptural Winemaker Holy Woman art merely a Universal Winemaker Celibate the counterpart thereof.”

I saideth, “No!”

The messy haired man saideth, “It’s what she thinks that’s important. What about you, Singer?”

Rallimar didst muttereth, “No.” again.

The other quippa girl jumped onto the stage and Rallimar, with clear reluctance pointed to her and saideth, “Hurandin!”

Then Singer didst singeth, “Scriptural Winemakerism was started by a crazy girl who thought she was Nuhar Zorg’s wife. She didn’t know what she was talking about because she’d never studied theology at University.”

I started to sayeth, “There art several things that art wrong with that.”

The messy haired man spoke unto Actress and Singer and saideth, “You’re not Nuharas are you?”

So Actress didst sayeth, “Just because we art quippas dost not meaneth we art Nuharas, I art a Trulist.”

Singer added in song, “I art a Winemaker so I knoweth about Winemakerism!”

I saideth, “Hast thou readeth Winemaker scripture?”

Rallimar gestured that the girls shouldst getteth off the stage, which they didst reluctantly.

The messy haired man pointed unto a boy with dark skin, but lighter than most faharnis, dark hair and narrow slanted blue eyes garbed in Paxian attire and his badge didst sayeth BRAIRIX. He opened his mouth and pointed unto it.

Rallimar pointed unto him and saideth, “Hurandin!”

So the Brairix didst sayeth in fluent Faharni, “I’m a Klathnidi-Gwarknir, a sect created by peacefully amalgamating two others so we’re more peaceful than other Nuharas. Also, as you can probably tell, my mother’s a faharni so I’m a moderate Nuhara. I think the problem most Nuharas have with the Holy Woman is that it’s recently been revealed by some Book Bearers that Nuhar Zorg’s missing wife was a glildac, Yohoist Holy Woman and that Nuhar Zorg has emerged from the time warp but has not been located. A glildac girl has appeared claiming to be Nuhar Zorg’s wife ...”

“Bride!” I saideth loudly. “The marriage wert not consummated!”

The part faharni Briarix didst continueth, “... and saying that she’s a Holy Woman and killed Nuhar Zorg and has started Scriptural Winemakerism. She was also seen fighting in the battle of Rendamar against the Nuharas. That’s why some of us are getting upset when we see a glildac with a badge saying ‘Holy Woman.’ And she’s brought the Bird Mage, who fought in Rendamar against the Nuharas, as a bodyguard! Also why isn’t she muted?”

I realized Rallimar hadth putteth a mute spell upon all the students but, being a mage, it didst not worketh upon me.

I didst asketh, “So thou hath an issue with my race?”

The Brairix didst replieth unto me, “How many glildacs are there?”

Of course I saideth, “Thee didst killeth the others! Of course I needeth a bodyguard! I art the last glildac, there art fifty Nuharas and one of me and I art forbidden from using magic in school!”

“Sorry,” saideth Goddess, “but we’re still worrying about the glildac when I, a goddess, am here.”

So I saideth, “Surely that art an insult unto Nuhara while I doth not claimeth any divinity.”

The half-faharni Nuhara didst not seemeth to hath a response unto that but some other Nuharas didst waveth their hand around as if they didst.

The clean-shaven quippa, the only other one who’d been unmuted saideth, “Of course we believe Ahmaza is the only god.”

Goddess saideth, “How is love and beauty offensive to anyone?”

The half-faharni Nuhara saideth, “Any gods except Yoho are offensive to Winemakers?”

I saideth, “That art true but we doth not killeth people just for disagreeing with us!”

Rallimar put his hand on his face.

“What does ‘Normal’ mean?” asked Goddess pointing unto Normal. “I know it isn’t a korbar but what is it?”

I saideth, “It art a relative term denoting what art typical in a given environment.”

“Because,” saideth Goddess, “I don’t know what korbar the girl with the ‘Normal’ badge is, and I don’t know her orientation or blood type either, but she’s clearly racially mixed, I think part glildac, and that isn’t normal.”

A girl, I think Normal’s faharni friend, shouted, “Leave Imvali alone!”

Rallimar saideth, “Perhaps we can go to our classrooms and discuss what each other’s identifications mean. Can Imvali and Holy Woman come to my office!”

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