Been Here Before

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That Alone Feeling

Later on in life when I hit about twelve years old, my understanding for things are much clearer. It didn't mean that I've changed or started treating people any differently, it just ment that I was becoming less naive to things.

Remembering clearly when I was walking home from school, seeing a man walking his dog while he was riding his bike. Well the dog wasn't actually walking. He had to run to keep up with his owner and you could see in the dogs face how exhausted he was. The owner stopped peddling because he seen that the dog was slowing down. He was tugging on the dog, "come on!" As he shouted at the dog steady tugging his neck.

As I sat there and watched, just looking at that dogs face did something inside of me. Like I felt how exalted and tired the dog was.

I spoke up to the owner and said that the dog is clearly tired and he doesn't have the energy to go any further.

The owner gave me a sour look but didn't say anything back to me. Still tugging on the dog's neck, the dog slowly got up and started to walk again while the owner was still on his bicycle but not riding as fast as he was.

I said to the owner as he was peddling off, "that's wrong what your doing to that dog you know."

"Aw shut up kid and mind your own business." He very irritatedly said back to me.

If I would've knew better I would've called the animal protection services and had that dog token away from him.

Me and John went to the same middle school. Waterhill Middle School.

There was this girl that he liked that went there but he was scared to death to tell her. I could tell that she kind of liked him too. The batting of the eyes and the twirling of the hair of the finger was a clear indication when I would see them talk to each other.
When she would walk away, I would kind of tease him and repeat what he would say to her, stuttering and talking all over myself.

"Shut up Benoit." He would say back to me with his face all red. "Lets see you talk to a girl around here one day."

"It's nothing, but, I don't want a girlfriend right now." I told him. "I have better things to do."

"Oh yeah, like what? Is jacking off apart of your schedule?" As he laughed at me.

I said back to him, "no your mom is."

We both wrestled a little bit but than we stopped as the teacher who seen us told us to stop horse playing.

Their was this little group of, well I guess you can call them bullies, who went around the school messing with kids. There was five of them.

They've beaten us up a few times before, but me and John always fought back. They didn't like the fact that we stood up for ourselves unlike alot of the kids who they bully.

To be honest with you, I really don't think that I would've fought back either if John was never beside me. Even though I got those kids up off of him when we were younger and we became best friends, I still wouldn't feel comfortable going to war beside anybody else.

As me and John were walking to our classes, we seen the bullies coming our way. I told John, "just be cool man. Just ignore them."

The laughs and insults were getting louder as they were getting closer to us.

We were just going to ignore them as they passed by, or that's just what we hoped for.

As we tried to walked pass them, one of them slapped the books out of John's hands and they all just stood there looking at us like what are you gonna do about it.

Me and John just stood there looking back at them not saying a word.

I guess you can say that we were kind of scared, because of course we were out numbered, but also too, they've beaten us up before, but like I said before, they hated the fact that we actually fight back.

I seen below that John had balled up his fist but I knew him like the back of my hand. He wasn't about to take the first swing, only because we were out numbered. I believe he was just kind of angry.

"Fucking pussies. We'll see you around." One of them said to us as they walked off on their way.

"I fucking hate those guys man." John said as I helped him pick up his books.

"This is probably all they know. Just beating up on people." I said to John. "They probably need guidance. That's what's probably wrong with them."

"No, they need a bullet to the Noggin, that's what they need." John responded angrily.

"I'm not a big fan of them either, but as bullies that's probably all they know.

John looked at me with a little discuss on his face, "I don't care why their doing it. Their still fucking cowards, and I have a feeling their gonna try to jump us again.

"And we fight back again!" I yelled back at him. "Were not crash dummies, and their just bullies. They'll stop one day trust me."

He looked at me again, "you just don't get it do you? They see us as targets now, and the fact that we actually fought back, they wanna put a end to that. They don't like shit like that. Did you forget that my uncle was a mobster? I know what I'm talking about. Their looking at us like either break em down or take em out." As he walked away from me going to his first period class.

John's uncle Stiff was sent to prison a couple years back, and that's where he was killed.

John was judging the situation of how his uncle handled things. I just wasn't looking at it like that. I didn't see those bullies as being as strong or as violent as his uncle and his crew were.

Speaking of his uncles crew, they showed how loyal they were once Stiff was sent up the road.

The word that was going around was that the people that Stiff associated himself with had nothing else to do with him once he was sent to prison for murder.

Apparently the person that Stiff shot and killed was one of his own crew members relatives.

The situation with the person that Stiff shot and killed really wasn't suppose to go as far as it did, and the situation was already talked about between Stiff and the crew member that was related to him, but as you know, Stiff was a hothead and did what he wanted when he wanted. Yeah he made it out like everything was fine and he would let that crew member take care of that problem because that was his family, but the whole time, Stiff was out for blood and wouldn't stop until he tasted it.

As I said before, Stiff was a very ruthless person, and alot of people were scared of him. Including the people that were around him. Just like how he did that guy at his house that was suppose to be his long time friend, he's done that to countless people who would've gave him the shirt off of their backs That's one of the reasons why when he went to prison, nobody was really all that heartbroken and torn up about it.

Not only that, the guy that Stiff talked to about not going any further with about his family member, had somebody he knew in prison to kill Stiff. That's what John told me. I don't know how true that was but he was also telling me that his mother was planning on getting that guy that set Stiff up. She knew where he stayed and how he operated.

Later on that day after school leaving from John's house, I was walking my normal route home. There was a street that I had to walk through that had sort of like a swamp on each side of it but they were fenced in.

Normally cars just drove through that area.

As I was walking, I just expected to just get a piece of mind like I always do while strolling on the sidewalk.

I heard some voices behind me laughing, and one saying, "that's him. That's one of them, I know it is."

To me, it sounded like the bullies from school but I wasn't quite sure. I didn't want to turn my head and show my face, but at the same time I wanted to see who it really was behind me.

As I continued to walk, I kept hearing them talking, saying, "he's scared, look at him. He don't even wanna to turn around. He don't have his buddy with him either."

They were right though I was scared. Home was at least five minutes away and there was nobody around to help me.

Then I thought maybe if I just kept on walking and not show them any attention, they'll just walk some other way and leave me alone. Maybe they'll just be like "agh, we already beat him up before, we'll just let him go."

Then I heard one of them say, "you think he'll fight back this time?"

That's when I knew right then that it was time to run.

I burst out in a sprint before they knew what happened.

All of a sudden I just heard footsteps hitting the ground coming after me.

I was running my hardiest like my life depended on it.

I was hearing one of the running footsteps getting closer to me.

I was trying so hard to speed it up but I just couldn't. I wasn't fast enough.

The one who was gaining on me grabbed me by my shirt, slowing me down so the rest of them could catch up with us. Out of breath and about to pass out while my shirt was being stretched and ripped, I still was trying to run.

They all caught up with me.

One slung me to the ground so they all could start kicking me.

I wanted so desperately to get away, so I kept trying to get back up and run.

They just kept throwing me back to the ground kicking and punching me.

I felt so helpless at that point. Scared and thinking how bad were they going to beat me up.

"Throw his ass over the gate!" One of them hollered as they continued to stomp me.

With all of my might, I still was trying to get away, especially after I heard that.

They all grabbed me while I was screaming for help, carrying me over to the gate where the swamp was at.

I continued to scream and cry for help as there were no cars and no one around to witness what was going down.

Then I started to beg and plead with them, begging them to not throw me into that swamp.

It brought joy to their hearts to hear me beg like that.

When we got to the gate, there was no second thought or hesitation on it. They threw me over the gate and into that swamp.

As I came up from the bottom of the swamp water, I seen them looking and laughing, pointing at me.

Then, I felt a very strong bite and tug on my leg, dragging me back into the water. It had a piece of my leg that I was able to rip away by jumping with my other leg and splashing water with my arms.

I was screaming at the top of my lungs because I knew it was a gator.

As I was trying to run to the gate, they continued to laugh at me.

I felt another snag but this time it had my foot.

Still screaming but even louder, the bullies laughter had slowed with their eyes opened wide, profanity replacing their laughs.

Another gator came up and grabbed my arm tugging it, bringing me back deeper into the water as visible as ever now.

The amount of fear that was streaming through my body at that moment was indescribable.

As I screamed and cried out for help, looking and trying to reach out to the bullies with my one arm, they were scared themselves. They knew they've went overboard this time.

They turned around and ran, and that was it. I was there to defend for myself, which I wasn't gonna be able to do against these two, maybe even three alligators.

With one of my arms in the gators mouth, and the other gator grabbing ahold of my leg again, they drug me more and more into the deep of the swamp, biting and ripping my flesh apart.

The pain was excruciating and it just got to the point where all the struggling and screaming was worthless. I knew that it was over with. There was nothing else that I could do.

As the gators continued to rip me apart, drowning me at the same time, I just gave up and closed my eyes wishing and waiting for this moment to be over with.
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