Chapter Fifteen | Betrayal
Through the eyes of everyone
It was like any other day. All five of us stuck in History class bored out of our minds. I didn’t know what Ms. Merrit was droning on and on about; probably some play script she had read during the break, but I could already tell the remaining thirty minutes of this class were going to be pure hell.
“Please, tell me, Ms. Matthews. What is more important than paying attention in class?” This bitch. This heinous bitch really has the audacity to call me out when my family - or who I thought was my family - has done nothing but protect everyone of Pento.
“Anything, Ms. Merrit, anything in the world is more important than whatever you’re talking about.” A few gasps emitted around the room and Azyriah and Cayden stared at me like I’d all of a sudden told the king to fuck off: wide eyed, and mouths agape.
“Detention. After school, until 5 PM-”
“I can’t. I have practice. How ’bout some other time?”
“Make it today and same time and day next week. Now, are you done?”
“Whatever. I hope you’re happy.” Rolling my eyes and turning my head towards the window, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head sharply, I scan Ms. Merrit’s bookshelf. Seeing the same leather-bound notebook as I had a year-and-a-half ago, a sound - similar to a dry sob - left my throat
“Once again, is everything okay, Ms. Matthews?” I stared at her wide eyed, and attempted to nod my head yes. Instead, I shoved my seat back harshly, collected my books, and ran out of the room.
Turning a corner rather absent-mindedly, my head down, not wanting any attention drawn to the tears streaming down my face. My books clattered to the floor, several million thoughts coursing through my blood and veins, and my forehead meeting a broad, muscular chest.
“Watch it, sweetheart.”
Why did I have to see him now, when I’d just seen whatever I saw in that classroom?
“Don’t tell me what to do.” My voice was thick as honey and dry like wine. His hand curled around my chin and attempted to force my face to his, but I quickly withdrew, immediately regretting my decision. The concern on his face was awfully genuine.
“Hey, hey, hey... What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Grabbing my jaw rather aggressively, his rings leaving indents in my skin, despite his kind words. My eyes shut, embarrassed by the fact that I was crying, “open.” I hesitated. “I said open them. Now.” I unfurled my eyes, the tears reflecting the light off them, staring daggers into his dark, somewhat demented eyes; the entrance to his intoxicated soul.
“Use your fucking words.”
“If you tell me what to do one more time, I swear to God, Viktor, I’ll slap you so hard across the face your head swill do a three sixty.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” his voice suddenly filled with aggression. “Because you know exactly what I’ll do if you do.”
His eyes darkened and his jaw was set firmly. His grip tightened around my jaw, not faltering, and I could feel the shift in energy around us.
“Ms. Merrit’s room. On her shelf.” It hit. I hated this feeling; the tears coursing like a river down my face, leaving stains and the feeling of all hope and love gone from the universe to enter every pore in my body. Viktor embraced me, his arms softening, and his grip moving to my waist holding me closer than we ever have before. His fingers ran lightly against my spine, sending a ghost like chill through my body. I wanted to pull away and knew that I should, but I couldn’t. He was magnetic. I was his as much as he was mine. He pulled away, enough for him to look down on me searching for more.
“Now, Jordeyn, go back into the classroom and take the journal.” He began to walk away as I stared at him in shock.
“I’m sorry, but did I also mention I now have two detentions with her? Do you want me to have them for the rest of my life, because I know I sure as hell don’t.”
“I told you to-” I was pissed. Did he really think he could tell me what to do? I mean yeah, he was two years older than me, but that didn’t mean shit to me. If he wanted me to do something, then he’d have to give me something in return.
“You don’t fucking own me, jackass.” I screamed it at the top of my lungs, and I could see him stiffen. “You don’t own me, I don’t owe you shit, and I don’t understand where you got the impression that I have to retrieve something, that can evidently tie back to who killed Castillo, and we both know who it’ll be. My finger prints aren’t on it, and when they find out who’s they are, I’m not going to do shit to stop it from happening. Believe me, Viktor Xavier Frazier. You have no clue what lengths I’d go to see you suffer-”
I was taken aback by the swiftness of the kiss.
His lips were wanting, demanding more, and I knew this was wrong.
Then why did it feel so right?
My arms threaded around the back of his neck, and his came to the back of mine, gripping my hair as if trying to keep me grounded to the earth, when mentally I was floating away from all the wretchedness in the world. His hands came to my thigh, digging into me, demanding me to jump. I wrapped my legs around his waist and the feeling of the cold wall seeped to my bones; earning a deep groan to escape my lips. His kiss was feverish, devouring the sound and my breathing hitched as his hand snaked to my throat giving a subtle squeeze.
I could feel his other hand dart under the hem of my shirt and came to my breast, palming them lightly, rolling the peaked nipple through my lace bra. I quiet moan left my lips as I threw my head back, his lips quickly attacking the sensitive spot on my neck. Another moan left my lips - a little too loudly - and his hand left my throat, quickly shoving his fingers in my mouth, muffling the noises escaping my lips.
He pulled away abruptly and I cried from the loss of his warm lips. His pupils were blown, eating is iris’, and his lips were flushed and swollen.
“I promise, that whatever happens between the two of us and Castillo’s diary, whatever happens, I will not allow them to hurt you or take you. Do you understand me.”
Unable to form words, I nodded. His lips met mine once again, but this time, it was different. This time, it was promising; like the one he had made those many weeks ago to change for the good and the better. “I can’t loose you.” He mumbled against my lips, “I can’t. Not after everything.”
“Don’t stutter darling. Use your words.”
I rolled my eyes, now annoyed at his words. “Fu-fuck... me th-then.”
“What was that?”
I pushed against his chest, enough so we’d still be flush against each other, but far enough where I could look up into his eyes and speak, “fuck me.”
“What happened in history class?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yes, Jordeyn. Why else would I be asking.”
“Maybe because you’re a prick and can’t keep your nose in your own business.”
“Don’t talk to me that way Matthews.”
“Bite my ass, Marx.”
I saw Viktor turn sharply towards her and gave her a questioning smirk, “you know that’s my job, right?”
“Once again, Frazier. You don’t own me and I don’t owe you shit.”
“Watch it sweetheart, or I might just take you on this table in front of the entire school.”
“Do it. No balls.” My eyes flew wide as his hand met her throat, a challenging smirk floating across his features.
“Watch me.” She rolled her eyes slapping his hand away and shifted in her seat sifting her food around on her plate.
“Well that was interesting.” A million thoughts pounded in my head. But one in particular was eating away at me.
“Why haven’t I seen you with a cup of coffee at all this week? It’s Friday, and I haven’t seen a single coffee cup in your hand.”
“My parents are getting concerned about my mental health and addiction to it, so they’re taking away any source of caffeine. I mean yeah, the withdrawal sucks, but I’m alive and living.”
“You decide now to stop consuming caffeine?”
“Uh... yeah. Is there a problem with it?”
“Just interesting that you decide now above all days to quit.”
“What has gotten into you? Is it not enough that I’m giving up something that I physically need to function? It’s like you and your pens. You can’t get enough of them and it’s also concerning. So don’t attack me for the shit that I put in my body.”
“Whatever.” Annoyance coursed through every syllable that spilled out of my mouth. But the thing that fed it, were their stares. The raw and pure audacity they had to stare at me made me want to punch every one of them in the face and cave their skulls in. But we were in school. And it wouldn’t look good on my application to the Academy. And all my life depended on was going to the Academy. Nothing else. Viktor, Azyriah, Jordeyn, and Blayne didn’t matter to me anymore. Only the Academy, and they needed to know. But I couldn’t put them through all the pain when I was leaving in only a few months.
I knew that it was wrong, but the next words that came out of my mouth were ones I knew could never be taken back, no matter how many times I apologized.
“Just fuck off, leave me alone, and stay out of my life.”
“You know what, Marx? You didn’t have to tell me twice.”
“Azyriah, no... wait... STOP!”
“Why? You obviously don’t want me, or any other one of us to be with you anymore. So enjoy the last few months while you still have them.” I watched him turn on his heels, his shoulders shaking from what could be anger, tears, or laughter, but it hurt all the same. I’d lost the person who I could always go to, and feel somewhat connected because of our similar childhoods. I watched as his back became smaller and smaller, until all at once, he disappeared. From my view, my life, but not my heart; no.
He would never leave my heart, but the feeling of loss was great and deep. An ice pick had jabbed my heart, but it only cracked - it was set like stone - and it pounded against my chest. I frantically looked at everyone else sitting with me, but their heads were bowed avoiding all eye contact like I was some evil monster. “Please.” I croaked. My voice was dry and scratched against my throat. Tears threatened the corners of my eyes. Blayne wrote something and when I bent over her shoulder, she stood swiftly and headed to her next class. Viktor and Jordeyn were eying each other in a secretive manner, before leaving - Viktor’s arm hanging over her shoulders. I was left there alone and nakedly vulnerable, staring at the table before the tears took over.
The rest of the day was per say usual, except for the usual diner meetup we all had after school to discuss homework and what-not. I didn’t want that to stop, so hoping and praying that none of them were there, I drove through the town, Christmas lights being taken down, and preparations for the upcoming eleven months underway.
Pulling up in the parking lot, I was greeted by the four of them sitting around a table in a booth drinking their milkshakes and eating their burgers. Blayne’s journal sitting on the window sill.
What had she been writing?
I thought it best not to go in there and demand answers, but rather go to her house and investigate. Thankfully, her parents weren’t home, so I wouldn’t have to explain why she wasn’t with me.
I knew she always had a key under the doormat, and I quickly ran to her room. Candles decorating every shelf and books scattered across the floor. I dug through drawers, under bed, behind books, in her closet, but of course, there it was, sitting on her pillow - the journal I’d given to her two years ago for her birthday.
I’ve always admired the notebook - it’s golden engravings, planets and stars decorating the cover with blue-black velvet in the background making it appear as if it were eating away at the universe surrounding it. I wouldn’t mind taking it back if it wasn’t in use, but knowing Blayne, it’d shatter her heart; and it was already because of me.
Flipping through the pages, there was nothing in the beginning. But towards the middle, I was met with an envelope overflowing with paper. Curiosity got the best of me, and I ripped it open, the letters decorating her bed. Flipping through most of them, none caught my eye, but a few.
To walk in a store,
and view people’s lives,
through the books
they have held onto
To fall completely in love
with a far-away place,
and people who will never exist,
thus wanting, needing someone
to love us as much as we love them.
We all need to know,
whether staying is truly
For leaving everything behind,
and travel the world,
appear far more appealing
Dance in the rain,
and allow others to see,
your true self and colors
as the mask washes free.
Don’t cover your love
for the nature around you,
Mother Nature’s tears
kissing your soul.
Give light to the clouds
and let a rainbow emerge,
bringing color into this
Look at the stars,
my darling child,
and the way the light
kisses your cheek.
Look at the moon,
my charming boy,
as the face smiles
down at your dreams.
Look at the planets,
my smart, little girl,
and the way they revolve
Look at the space
high above your heads,
and think of the wonders
To imagine with your head
floating amongst the clouds,
and envision life without
worry or care.
To be utterly in love
and care about nothing,
but surround yourself
with those who fill you
with anything but fear.
To fear the future
and isolate your life,
to the point of
Leave everyone behind
and think of yourself as a
mere failure -
no one to simply
pray upon you,
in fear you’ll
My eyes filled with tears at the words that danced in front of my eyes. Never, had I heard such utterly gorgeous words leave her mouth, and never had she spoken to me as she had to the pages in front of her eyes. There was one poem, however, that wasn’t as destroyed as the others; most likely written recently. Hesitantly, I unfold the parchment. Tears immediately coursing down my face in a matter of seconds.
Oh, my dear,
words cannot elucidate the
forelsket I feel
My life will forever and always
for you are
The tears didn’t subside, and immediately I regretted my choice of action. I needed them. I needed them all, and I had ruined the only bond that kept me sane. I had no one. My friends - or who used to be my friends - are gone, my parents have no love left for me, and now, my chances of getting into the Academy were slim, nearly impossible.
I wanted to collapse, and lie there whilst dying a slow and painful death. I didn’t deserve love, and I already knew I wasn’t capable of it. I wondered how Blayne hadn’t left me. Azyriah always treated her better than I ever could, and I was jealous. Jealous of how easily he could make those around him laugh, jealous of the way he cared for everyone easily, and most of all, I was jealous of the way he put himself in danger for those around him. I would never be able to be like him, and because of this, I lay on the floor, poem clutched in hand, my tears pooling around my head on the wooden floor beneath me.