Chapter Seventeen | I Trusted you, and you Lied
There were two words, and two words only that could describe Jay Matthews. A bitch. Never in Jordeyn’s life, did she think she’d be laying down in a pouring parking lot with the person she both loved and hated the most, due to the fact that she couldn’t decide if loving him was worth it all, or because she had her trust broken by the one person who she thought was her remaining family.
“One, don’t call me ‘Jordey.’ It’s either ‘Jorde’ or ’Jordeyn.” Two, what is it?”
“I wanted to talk about what happened in the room the other day.” Of course. How could she have forgotten? She was held at gunpoint while Viktor- well, she got the point.
“Do we have to?”
He shifted under her and gripped her jaw rather harshly, his rings leaving indents, and his breath fanning over her face.
“If you want another kiss, yes. We’ll have to.” His lips caressed the shell of her ear in an open mouthed kiss, “and I know how much you want it... this.” In a swift motion, Viktor caught the protest that was about to escape her lips in his, and took his chance to slip his tongue between her lips, allowing them to waltz together.
Jordeyn pulled away, lips flushed and eyes teary. “Viktor, trust me when I say I do want this. More than you could possibly know. But I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
“But you what? You’re all talk Jordeyn, no action.” His eyes darkened, and his smirk was questioning yet playful. He wasn’t playing around, and Jordeyn could see that.
“You should know by now that I’m not the one who answers questions, but the one who asks them. So sit the fuck down, and take an attitude check.” His grip around her neck tightened, and the edges of her vision blackened.
“Watch your tone when you speak to me. I’m not some friend of yours. You’re mine.” A low growl escaped the back of his throat, and butterflies made their way to her stomach.
“Trust me, love. You don’t want to know.” He gave her a final squeeze and let her go.
“Glad you guys decided to stop. I thought I would have to be the one to break up the party.”
“Azyriah Smith, do you always have to find a way to make everything about yo-”
“Blayne, oh my God! Are you okay?” Mascara ran down her face and her eyeliner muddied her cheeks. Tears stained her sleeves and a rim of blood traced the edge of her shirt. “Blayne... please tell me you haven’t been cutting again...”
“You’re fucking telling me you knew?” Azyriah’s voice was just above a low bellow and veins popped out of his neck. His eyes red with rage.
“Don’t you dare fucking yell at me. You should be damn grateful your nosy ass even found out.” She regretted everything. The words, the argument, and the face he made was unforgettable. Never in her life had she seen him this pissed at something she said.
“Jordeyn, diner, booth, now.”
“Az-” Her heart pulsated against her ribs and blood rushed to her brain.
“Now. I don’t want to ask again.”
“I’m going to kill you.” Jordeyn remarked as her arm was violently grabbed and her body was dragged up the steps of the diner rather violently. “Okay, okay, I’m here. Now let go of me.”
He shoved her in a booth farthest away from the window near the back. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean you can talk to me that way; let alone anyone. I’ve tried my best each and every day to raise you to be the bigger and better person. But you appear to enjoy pissing people off more than that.”
“Az, you know that I’m trying. I really am. But it’s the way I grew up: being a bitch got you through life, and being kind drew people near.”
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. About it all: society putting it in your head, the double-standards, the hate, the false love, words, and everything in general. I’m sorry. But you have to go through it if you want to get around in the world. Being a bitch - as you like to call it - is better than being naive and vulnerable to everyone. Everything you’ll experience in life will build to be the person the universe and world need you to be.”
“Jorde...” his tone was mocking, but it made Jordeyn feel all the better knowing he hadn’t cared about her previous remarks. Nothing in the world could change the way she felt for her friends. They were her rock: keeping her sane and attached to the earth whilst she wandered through the dangers and hardships of life looking for the one person who would be there and care for her even when times were burdensome.
“Azyriah, without you in my life, I’d be lost and a completely different person, and I hope you can forgive me for what I’ve done and said. All you’ve done, like you said, is be there for me and raised me to be the woman I am today, but to be honest, I don’t think I can do it anymore. I mean yes, Viktor and I have been getting along a lot better, but he’s still giving off a weird vibe. It’s just school, and Ms. Merrit, and everything else going on in our city that’s making me anxious and mad all the time. I can’t remember certain things and I despise it: I want things to go back to how they were when we were kids: joyful and full of sunshine. But now that we’re older, things have obviously changed: our world is covered in shadows as it pours down rain, but there’s nothing we can do about it-”
“But embrace it. Jordeyn, I know this year hasn’t been easy. Everything with Castillo, Viktor, Ms. Merrit and your parents’ death anniversary, but I understand. I may not understand the death of your parents, I understand the hurt and intimidation you’re feeling. Believe me. I would do and give up anything to take away the pain, but I can’t. And seeing you suffer hurts me more than you could possibly know.”
“Hey, Jordeyn. Can we talk?” He walked in, nervously wiping the palms of his hands on his dress pants and glancing around as if someone was watching him.
She stole a glance at Azyriah, making sure the conversation was over, and with a subtle nod, she was trailing behind him. “Find a table by the front. Please.” She went, feeling stupid for being submissive towards him.
Viktor was about to follow, when a firm hand gripped his arm, “if you dare hurt her in any way, I will not hesitate to take a knife to your chest just like you did to Castillo. Mark my words. I will torture you to no end if somehow you manage to break her when she’s already on the brink of it.”
“Az, you have nothing to worry about. I won’t hurt her. If I did, I’d be the one to kill myself first. Believe me.” He received a stern look in return and was on his way.
He sat across from her, not wanting to appear desperate, “I wanted to talk about the other day and what happened with Jay before Christmas if-”
“Hello you two, would you like anything? Water? A single milkshake? Basket of fries?” Mary-Rose, her name tag said. Mary-Rose Harmon.
“Um... no thank you ma’am. Two waters will be plenty. Thank you.”
“Vik, we can talk about what happened in the bedroom. But what we can’t talk about, is that argument with Jay. I don’t want to think about him and I most definitely don’t want to remember what you said.”
“Hey, look at me. I know you’re mad and feeling mixed feelings about what I told you, but I know that you can’t and won’t avoid the topic forever. You’ll still run into him, and when your eyes meet across the room you’ll remember the lies he told you and the way he left you when you needed him the most. All the memories, feelings, thoughts, and glances you’ve shared with each other for the past few years will flood back to your mind and drown you in them.”
“Which is the exact reason why we don’t have to talk about it.”
“I think you mean do, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. So, was the argument the first time you’ve heard of the well... news?”
She didn’t want to talk about it. In fact, she’d be perfectly okay with dying and never talking about the situation again in her life, but he wasn’t letting her get out of it, and she knew that. “I didn’t want to talk about it, but fine. Anyways, yes. You yelling at me was the first time I heard of whatever this bullshit it-”
“Two waters, darlings. Have a lovely day!” Her cheery voice was music to their ears. The sound of joy in times of difficulty were comforting to the two more than they knew.
Viktor slid a glass towards Jordeyn, and shifted to face her once more, “don’t fucking talk to me that way.”
“Then don’t fucking talk to me that way.”
He over exaggeratedly rolled his eyes and set his water down, his jaw clenched and fingers flexing. He tapped his fingers against the glass, the sound of metal on glass emitting a quiet echo around the table. And out of all the people that could walk in, he did.
Since the argument, he had changed his name to two, Matthews because it’s what he’s known most of his life, and Frazier for the beginning of his new life. His colleagues still called him Matthews, but whenever the last name was used in reference with Jay, Jordeyn blanked out and stared at the space in front of her remembering the laughs and secrets they’d shared with each other when neither one of them knew
“Hey, Harmon. How’s it going? Can I get a large shake and fry for the road? Thank you.”
“Coming up, Matthews.”
Waiting, he sat at the bar and turned the seat to face the two, “and how are you two love birds doing?”
“Jay, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth I swear to God I’ll shove a stick so far up your ass you’ll be able to taste it.”
“Jordeyn, I have several things to say right now. But mainly, one, don’t talk to me in that manner. And two, are you two finally together? The tension has been killing me.”
“And I, Jay Frazier, have a few things to say to you. But mainly, one, I’ll talk to you however the fuck I want, because you aren’t my brother. And two, no. We may or may not have hooked up once or twice, but no. We aren’t together.”
“I doubt it, love. Anyways, what’re you two talking about? Anything that concerns me?”
“Actually, Jay, we are,” she kicked Viktor under the table and he shut his mouth quickly, “we were just talking about that argument and you not being my brother.” I challenging smirk played her features like a guitar as she stared him down.”
“Oh, how lovely. I really do hope Viktor is going easy on you. Because you already know that if it was me you were talking to, I’d put you through hell and back.”
“I have a few quick questions for you, Jay. But I’m not going to ask them. But just wondering, why do you want to hurt me even more than you already have? I trusted you with everything. I trusted you with my secrets, life, past, present, and future. I loved you during all the times you were there for me and comforting me when I was crying during the time of my parents’ death. I trusted you, Jay. And you lied to me. And because of that, I can’t trust you anymore. I can’t converse with you, I can’t be near you, and I most definitely don’t want to share a last name with you, where whenever it’s mentioned and speaking of you, I have to be reminded of the lies you spit at my face.”
Viktor stared at her, shocked that she even traded words with him in the first place, and at the fact that she even stood up for herself. She usually backed down and cowered at his words, but here she was, sitting straight in her seat, chest out with pride and no sign of fear in her eyes or voice. He was proud to say the least. Proud that she’d finally found her voice and proud that she wasn’t backing down from a fight that he knew she could win if she fought hard enough.