Chapter Twenty | Toxic Love
Viktor looked out of the window, his heart slowly shattering yet mending at the sight of Azyriah and Blayne finally having what they’ve both wanted for so long. He was trying: trying to get Jordeyn to trust him, even after everything he had put her through and the lies he had spoken, he wanted her. He needed her to trust him, and he needed to seem better than he really was. She was his life. There was no beating around the bush with the statement. She was what he lived for, along with the reasoning of him going to the Academy to train for the guard; to protect Jordeyn. He wanted to take away her suffering, but most of all, he wanted to be with her through it all until they died together.
But for Jordeyn, it was different.
She was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing everyone she cared about, but most of all, she was scared of never getting the chance to find the person who would mend her soul and make her whole again. Over time, people have walked in and out of her life with a piece of her broken heart with them, a second glance over their shoulder not seen. Every single one of the people who had left her broke her. They made the cracks in her soul and heart deeper every time, and it was astounding to her that she hadn’t broken yet. Feel nothing but the numbness over a lost friend who she had opened up to despite the difficulty.
But she loved him.
She didn’t want to admit it at first. They never had gotten along, but she couldn’t help it ever since that night. The adrenaline running a marathon in her veins as the gun - his gun - was pointed at her head and their lips were mere millimeters apart was bewildering. She may have seemed crazy, almost psychotic in a way, but she give up anything to feel that exhilaration again. There weren’t many ways Jordeyn could describe the way she felt when she was with him, but it was clear.
He, Viktor, was her cloud: always dark, demeaning, but on some occasions, he glowed. He didn’t glow like like the glitter scattered across ballgowns, but he glowed like the sun setting over the horizon, and Jordeyn adored it. The way he’d smile when he was talking about the things he wanted most in life, the way he’d laugh: dark and mysterious with a childish side to it, but most of all, she felt loved and safe in the way he protected her. Protect her as if she was his beating heart, and if even a small scrap nicked her, he’d bleed out and die. Bleed out of the hope, dreams, and everything good in his life that he held onto so dearly. Like the clouds stopping the sun from beating down on the earth, Jordeyn was the earth, and he protected her against all the ruthless damage that could be done to her perfect yet broken soul.
She, Jordeyn, was his earth. Always there, but not thought of at certain times. She’d never understood exactly what he saw in her or what she saw in him, but once again, nothing could make her care less in the world. She was there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, loved him harder than she loved herself, and took all the harsh and awful things done to her, so he wouldn’t worry about what she was dealing with and feeling because his happiness was what came first. No matter what. She was always there for her like the warm welcome of a pet after a long day at work, she was his stable rock, and he swam in the adventures life was planning to drown him in, but the most important, she wanted no one else: no one else in the world to love her the way Viktor did. He never said it, but she knew. When she was in danger, she’d always glance at him first. And every single time, there was a hint of fear sprinting across his eyes, and his body hesitated as if he wanted to get her out of there as soon as possible. Even though he had hurt her more than anyone, she couldn’t change the way she felt.
؞ ؞ ؞
As Viktor sped down the road, waiting for her to say something, anything, he subconsciously put his hand on her upper thigh, and tightened his grip slightly. He hadn’t fully realized it until he felt her muscle tense under his hand. Embarrassed, a tint of red kissed the shell of his ear and his neck slowly gained the color. He snatched his hand away, and put it back on the gear shift. Internally, Jordeyn cringed at the loss of his touch. Involuntarily, she had stiffened at the sudden act of his touch, but she never intended for him to let go. She needed his touch. She felt warm inside at the feeling of the pads of his fingers digging into her thigh, and they sent ungodly thoughts through her mind. Instinctively, she reached out for his hand, but snatched it back without a second thought.
It was a subtle gesture, but he noticed everything. The way she squirmed and sat uncomfortably at the loss of his hand, the way she hesitantly reached out for his hand but second guessed herself and pulled back, the way she was fiercely blushing as she struggled with her self-will to not look directly at him because God forbid what she’d do if she did.
“Listen, princess. If you wanted my hand on your thigh, you could’ve just asked. If you wanted to feel the touch of my hand on you, don’t hesitate. It’d be my pleasure to satisfy your needs and whatever thoughts are going on through that pretty head of yours.” She was taken aback by the sudden words. It had been what seemed like hours in this car, endlessly driving, and now he decided to speak?
“My- uhm… my name isn’t ‘princess’. You sho-should know that by… uhm- now.” She damned herself for speaking so brokenly and unclearly. She made a mental note to hit her head against the table until she either passed out, or died from brain damage.
“As you wish. But just know, I’m still calling you ‘love’ and ‘darling’. There’s no discussion about that. Now, tell me. What is it that you wanted?” She could hear the smirk on his lips as he spoke and it took everything in her not to glance at him.
“If you fucking swear…”
“You’ll what? Call your fake brother on me? Raise your parents from the grave to beat me? Tell me, Jordeyn, what would you do?”
“Why do you always have to bring my parents into everything? I’ve tried every single day to respect your sorry ass, but nothing seems to make you want to give me respect in return. I’m sick and tired of it.”
“And that’s okay, love, you aren’t required to give me anything, as long as you’re mine.”
He knew what he was doing - torturing her slowly and making her uneasy. That is, until he pulled the car over to the side of the road out of nowhere.
“I wanted- hey. What’re you do-” Her words were cut off.
His lips devoured hers. The same feeling of adrenaline from the prior day returned, and she held onto it for as long as possible. She maneuvered herself in a way so she was straddling his lap, yet they were both comfortable. His grip shifted to the small of her back and pulled her flush against him, the pads of his fingers digging into her hips undoubtedly leaving bruises in their .
A quiet groan escaped her parted lips, and Viktor sought the opportunity to graze his tongue along hers, and allowed them to dance together. His hand snuck up under the hem of her shirt, teasing her nerves with the tips of his fingers with slow lazy circles along her spine; smirking against her lips as he felt her shiver and melt under his touch.
This wasn’t like the moment they had shared in the school hallway. This was vulnerable - a cry for help in a way. They needed each other in their body and soul. Jordeyn laced an arm around the back of his neck pulling him impossibly closer - their chests pressed against each other’s, their heart beats synced and beat in rhythm with one another’s. A dry sob left her chest as she grasped onto the collar of his shirt as if it was the difference between her living another second, or dropping dead right there and then. Feeling and hearing it leave her chest, Viktor pulled himself towards her. She pushed away, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes and her lips swollen and flushed.
“Are you a virgin?”
“Excuse me?” The question
He took a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face and tucked it behind her ear, “you heard me, sweetheart. But I’ll repeat myself if I have to. Are you a virgin or not?”
Her neck and face flushed a brilliant shade of red, and her head shot down in embarrassment already revealing her answer. “Why, uhm… would it matter if I am or not?” His hand cupped her face and wiped away a tear that had escaped. His eyes softened at the sight of her dropped head and slacked posture, but he didn’t look away.
“Because I don’t want you regretting anything. You’re the most important thing to me. I want this, but I don’t want to watch you crumble from a mistake we both made: one that I had pushed onto you. But if you’ll allow me, I don’t want you to be in a car. I want you to be as comfortable - safe - as possible and I want you to enjoy it.”
“Please, just listen. I want to feel you melt into me and let me mark you as mine. I want you to be mine, but only you can give me that privilege. I swear on everything and everyone in my life, I won’t push myself on you,” his mouth had moved to the shell of her ear, and he sensed a slight hitch in her breath. “But please know, I am restraining myself from tying you down in the back and having you at my mercy. I want to feel you melt like candle wax at the slightest sense of my touch, but most of all, I want you, Jordeyn Matthews. With everything you are, soul broken or whole, I want you with everything that I am.”
Her eyes had fallen shut at the sound of his voice - dark and rough, but comforting and warm like alcohol coursing through ones veins. She understood what he was saying. He wanted her. Not for her body, but her as a human: and this was the first time anyone had. His lips brushed against hers once more, causing her to become completely undone. She grasped whatever part of him she could, willing him to come closer. She wanted this - now - and she wanted him to take her and mark her as his.
She pulled me towards her. She was desperate, but my need for self-control was slowly flowing down the drain. I could feel myself restrain against my pants and the thought of putting her in the back of my car and tying her to leave her at my mercy was slowly becoming harder to resist. But I couldn’t do it. Not when I respected her more than anything.
I could sense her desperation when she ground her hips against my thigh. A quiet moan left her lips, quickly consumed by my lips covering hers. I felt her body lift from mine, but not wanting to feel the loss of her, I harshly dug my fingers in her hips and forcing her down upon me again. She ground against me, and a groan left my lips.
She knew what she was doing: making me go insane, testing my limits, trying her best to cause me to snap and destroy her. I wanted to rip off whatever clothing was still between us and feel our bodies mesh into one. My lips traveled to the soft spot on her neck and the feeling of her pulse on my lips was thrilling. Her hips ground against mine again, and this time, it was impossible for me not to react, as I thrust my hips up to meet hers. Her hand shot from the back of my neck to her mouth, attempting to suppress her cries of need.
Instantaneously, I dragged her wrists and pinned them behind her back. “I want to hear you, darling. Don’t stay quiet for me, I want to hear you scream.” I gripped the hair at the base of her neck and pulled harshly, exposing her neck at an angle. I decorated her skin with blooms of mauve and deep blue, her soft, quiet moans filling my ears like the music of a waltz. I kept her wrists behind her back with one hand, and brought the other to her waist, holding her tightly against me. A groan left me, her hips squirming upon mine, and I could feel a wicked smirk enter her lips. I gripped her thigh tighter than what I knew she expected and pulled away. “If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.”
“If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.” The words were abrupt, and almost right away, I stopped squirming and my muscles tensed.
His hands let go of my wrists, as he quickly laced one behind the small of my back, pulling me closer and the other massaged my hip bone. “Ride my thigh. Love.” That name. That dreadful fucking name was enough for me to let go of every moral I had within me, and submit myself to him. But it was the look in his eyes that kept me from moving: staring into mine, questioning everything with a silent stare, a small smile behind them, as he saw me become flustered at the feeling of his thumb against the skin of my hip. He knew I would eventually give in in the end, but he also knew that it’d be on my terms, and my terms only.
“Do you want this, or not, darling?”
The name alone made be close my eyes to prevent them from rolling in the back of head, “I do but-”
“Then, tell me how this makes you feel.” Subtly - almost as if it wasn’t a movement at all - he slowly bounced his leg. “And this.” His lips met the base of my neck, biting softly and kissing over it to soothe the slight amount of pain that came from it, “tell me this… what do you think of when I do this.” At those words, I felt him dart a hand under my shirt and unclasp my bra, slipping off the straps under my shirt still pulling me closer with his other arm. “What goes on in that pretty little head of yours when I run my hands over you, the slightest touch lighting every nerve in your body on fire?”
“Vi-Viktor I… I can’t- I-”
“If you dare, Jordeyn, I will throw into the back, tie you down, and fuck you senseless. Now, keep quiet and don’t move, or I’ll fucking punish you.” I wanted to test his words. I wanted to see if he was a man of them, but I mostly wanted to see exactly what he meant by the ‘punishment he’d give me.’ His hand left my hip - one still holding me close by my back - and reached for something in the outer pocket of his bag; kissing my shoulder and arm as he went.
A sharp twang of metal on metal echoed in the car and I spun my head around to eye whatever was in his hand. “Keep still would you, love? I’d hate to hurt you. But, then again, seeing the blood trickle down your skin would be a lovely reminder that you’re mine, wouldn’t it?”
“Uhm… Viktor? What-what is that?”
“Take a guess, my love.” A sharp, cool edge met the skin on her lower back, “I want to hear what you think this is.” He dragged the edge of the blade along my skin, causing me to tensen at the sudden movement. I dropped my head into the crook of his neck, attempting to hide the need I felt in every inch of my body. I bucked my hips, trying to move away from the object, but instead came in contact with his lower abdomen, the knife pressing deeper into my hip. “Don’t try moving, darling.” Instinctively, I did, feeling of the blade shallowly cutting my skin, leaving a small ‘V’ carved into my hip. It stung, but quickly turned into pleasure as his thumb put pressure to the area.
A soft groan flew from my lips landing on his neck, my breath hitching in my chest. “Keep quiet. I’d love to hear you scream, but right now, isn’t the time.”