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Chapter 5: CASANOVA

I can admit that I loved her, and have always loved her. Now it all made sense. I must be the dumbest S.O.B. (son of a bitch) in the entire world. Maybe I was in denial. When ye loved someone ye did what ye had to do for them out of the kindness of thy heart; to love someone meant to trust them one hundred percent, giving all of ye. And to trust their judgment; was an attachment of love. It meant being courteous and patient, and being strong for her when she was too weak to stand. It meant doing what I ought to do. It meant taking care of me, first, so I was healthy enough to take care of my wife. That’s what I feel for Kleopha, and in my mind she was already my wife, but I couldn’t accept it, or come to terms with it because “commitment” wasn’t in/or a part of my vocabulary, and damn sure wasn’t on my To Do list.

I hadn’t time for LTO relationshits (Limited Time Only). So I let the images of marriage, hope and containerized goals involving the both of us turn to flames in my head.

I nearly choked from the ashes and the smoke.

That’s what was wrong with a lot of relationships. People didn’t effectively communicate and that was correlated by effective talking and effective listening. You heard things automatically, but to effectively listen was a gift many amongst ye didn’t possess. That meant sometimes closing thy mouth (as hard as it was; trust me, I knew!), swallowing the last word ye want to get out, and must get out (for a change), and listening to the problem thy mate was having, or thy sibling was having, or thy boss was having, effectively. That meant you kept thy mouth closed, no interruptions… Then things would get solved a lot faster.

I needed to learn this, and I knew I wouldn’t have a chance with Kleopha unless I got my act together, starting with her forgiveness. Not that I gave a damn about any of ye, even though I was a pesky vampire that faced life in Hell for treason against the Lord.

I had only one relationship in my life, maybe two, and lost them both. And when I went through it from the experience and the fires of loss, and never seeing them again, and never having them again, their smiles forever gone, and erased from thy life, I abandoned religion and Christ, blaming Him for it all, when in fact it wasn’t His fault, if He was truly real.

When I lost what I loved the most, I ceased to live. As a result, I became a dark creature. And vowed to die that way.

Until I laid eyes on Kleopha…

Now there was a bigger problem, one that threatened any type of union we may or may not have. Kleopha has come to believe in the very thing I rejected: Christ…

And that was a problem for me… Why did I ever abandon God, when He promised to always be there, and promised me life in Heaven for an eternity if I lived by his principles, and his commandments?

Was that really a hard thing to do?

Or did I become a vampire to cut it all off? Abandoned biblical rules, principles, the Mystic Path and found my own way? I controlled my own fate! I exonerated my right brain from false images of hope...

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in Him, because once upon a time I devoted myself to Him. I rejected Him as the all mighty after my family was brutally snatched away from me and out of my life forever. I monstrously grieved my loss.

I had to reincarnate myself into a young embryo, planted into an unsuspecting mortal woman, to start all over again, bringing with me what I learned and the knowledge I gained. I eventually and inevitably rose to supreme power since I was born of reincarnation through the salty, fleshy lips of the womb.

Should I ask Kleopha to forgive me?


Hell no!


Hell yes!

She was there in the Grand Forest!

Right before thy eyes!

Nooooo, Doneshius!

Get a grip!

But I couldn’t live without her!

B.S.! You’ve done it for centuries, up until this point.

Doneshius! Ye were a man! Thy family tree stretched back to Adam, before he was put in a deep sleep and a rib was removed to form woman!

Man up, Doneshius! Never bow to a woman, let alone a classy whore!

Stop saying those things about the woman I love!

If ye love her, then why do ye call her names? Why do ye refuse to overlook her past, when thy very own stretched even further than hers, ye male whore! Ye certainly couldn’t judge her! You’ve done unspeakable things yourself, ye savage Beast!

There was no way I was apologizing! Why should I have to? I was being myself when I sweet talked her garments to the grounds of the rainbow, and I fell in long and deep! I shouldn’t have to explain that. I was an adult! I was a powerful, wealthy adult! I was true to myself when I was in her presence!

Well, that wasn’t quite true, a little misleading, I agreed with my self-talk. If I was lying to her, truly I wasn’t being myself.

Right now who cared! I knew one thing and that was the gospel: I didn’t bow down to anyone!

But ye love her, Doneshius! Why do ye see it through the deceitful eyes of biased confusion? Why art ye so stubborn, and selfish, mockingly so!

It was really simple. Let thy heart guide ye, as black as it was.

Blah, blah, blah!

I wasn’t a Casanova, and didn’t want to be.

Blahhh! Listen, Doneshius! Go to her with thy heart on thy sleeve. Gently, take her hands, actually cup them and hold them as if they were about to break. Let the glow of love radiate in thy eyes, be yourself and don’t go overboard. Don’t have a poker face. Let genuine emotion color thy smile into rays of hope, the hope of two different vampires finding true love amidst destruction and war.

Be true to thy feelings, and admit and acknowledge that you used her as a pawn in the grand scheme of your secret agenda.
Come to terms with the lies you've told with a wicked heart. Forgive yourself of thy guilt. If ye haven’t let it go and forgiven yourself she most certainly wasn’t going to do it either. If I want people treating me better I must treat them better.

Blah! Phooey! What was I thinking, and saying here? Was I losing my mind? I was actually entertaining the thought of being tied down to one woman for the rest of my life, if only she said yes!

I would slit my throat and rip out my tongue before I did such a thing! Trust me, I wanted to change. If I could become human again I wouldn’t hesitate to return to whence I came, to have a new life outside of the supernatural. Sometimes too much wealth and prestige and power stressed ye. Too much was required to maintain it, and maintenance it. And I was growing tired. I wanted someone to come home to, possibly hunt for food and blood together. I thirsted too much, and the adventure of traveling and hunting kept me looking as radiant and masculine as they came.

But I didn’t care how I looked anymore. If Kleopha didn’t forgive me then I would remain pieces of a man, and pieces of a vampire.

Doneshius, find Kleopha and look her over like one wakefully glances at a sprouting rose just after sun rise. Sweep her off her feet before she could dismiss ye and turn her back to ye, and walk away…plant thy lips on hers like it was thy first time, and as if it was thy very last time before ye die. To remain hot and bothered required the use of memory.

It was like playing Go Fish. Remember how good she felt when ye were deep inside of her thousands of years ago, and when ye mated with her without her knowledge.

I shivered with delight remembering every orgasm. I exploded all over her face and she swallowed every drop with a disconcerting gulp that made my skin crawl with butterflies and Goosebumps. Ye now acknowledged that ye fell in love with her the instant ye laid eyes on her. Why else would ye watch her for centuries? I was hurting her, and hurt her, and have hurt her…and betrayed her, and deceived her as well, adding insult to irony because I was suppressing the devotion I had to her and for her.

I would protect her with my life! I knew that now, and I could deal with that, and acknowledge that, and definitely accept that.

Sometimes change was good.

But was I ready for that change, and was I ready psychologically for that change?

Was I ready to do what was required to maintain it?

I wasn’t sure…

But I knew one thing. After losing my family so long ago I had the chance to have a new family, a family derived from my natural seeds.

And that was compromised because every slain man of the Village of Opus also ran through the developing veins of our unborn children.

Maybe I should kill them and start over. Making love to her and impregnating her with only my essence.

Then maybe, just maybe we could be happy.

But at what price...?
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