Part 1: May 14 2017
Looking outside the window of the tram, a gorgeous view of the blue sky and vibrant suburbs. I lean my head against the window and feel the warmth of the sun’s rays. Minutes pass by as I continue to enjoy my view, which becomes blocked by my eyelids slowly closing shut. I try to keep them open and admire the cloudless skies, but I couldn’t fight it. Slowly but surely, I drifted into a deep slumber. The quiet whispers silenced. My gentle snores mixing in with the sound of the tram and cars passing by.
I felt the tram come to a halt, and I slowly wake up, letting out a loud yawn and stretching my arms and legs as far as I could. I look at the time on my phone, only to see that almost an hour had gone by and I had missed my stop. I felt a bit of panic, but then thought to myself that it was worth it.
I hop off the tram and walk all the way to my university. I know I could’ve walked across the street and taken the tram back but I had a feeling I could be out cold on that ride too. By the time I had arrived on campus, I was more than an hour late to my lecture. I thought it would be pointless to go now so I went to the school cafeteria and lounge. It was one in the afternoon, so the place was filled with hungry staff and students clamouring to have lunch.
Fortunately, I was able to find a couch to sit on. I was a little hungry, so I bought some lunch for myself. Unfortunately, when I say that I’m only a little hungry, that would mean that I would order a large cheeseburger meal with an extra order of fries, washing it all down with a large Fanta. Considering how much I would eat, I wasn’t that plump; just a little bulging belly and thighs the size of Canada. The rest of my body was pretty slim. I always hated my belly until I showed it to my boyfriend, who always liked to rub it when he was in bed with me. It released certain chemicals in our brains that nothing else could.
I always tried not to eat my meals very fast, so I could enjoy them, but I ended up scoffing my burger and fries in less than 10 minutes. I drank half of the Fanta as well. I felt like an overblown balloon until about three minutes later, where I let out a belch that silenced a few people around me. I couldn’t blame them. It sounded like a dragon breathing fire. I kept telling myself not to get an ice cream or chocolate for dessert, but of course, I didn’t listen to my rational thoughts. Not that I ever did. I ordered a large bubblegum ice cream with raspberry, Oreo cookies, and M & Ms.
I went back to my seat and ate so much that it made me sleepy. Again? I already napped on the tram less than 45 minutes ago. I rested my head back and dozed off again. I was always afraid to fall asleep in front of people, but it has gotten to the point where I just don’t care anymore. I was sometimes out during important phone conversations or while taking a shower, leaving the water run for more than 40 minutes.
I often slept with my mouth wide open and I was a little overweight, meaning I would often snore when sleeping. I used to be extremely self-conscious about it, but again, my boyfriend used to always tell me I sounded like a cat purring, which I found endearing since I loved cats. When I woke up again, I realised I got 5 missed calls from my mum, which always evoked panic in me. I had to lie to her and explain that I had a long lecture. Not that this wasn’t true, I just didn’t attend. There was no way I could tell her I skipped class to sleep. She already thought I slept too much at night, which was true. Normally, I felt refreshed after 5 hours of sleep, but for some reason, my body and brain would make me sleep for more. I often wondered why.
I dialled my mum’s number, and she often took a while to answer. When she finally picked up, she called out, “Jess, where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you for an hour!”
I said, “Huh? Oh, sorry mum. I was out…in the lecture…and my phone was on silent.”
“You sound a little…dazed.”
“Yeah, had too much to eat this afternoon for lunch.”
“I keep telling you; reduce your intake. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”
“Now mum, when you pick me up, can you please drop me off at Tim’s house?”
“Sure thing, darling. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”
“Ok. Love ya, mum.”
I hung up. What was I going to do in the meantime? I had to get my butt off of this seat, otherwise I’ll be glued to it forever. I looked down at my shirt, only to see that my belly was showing a little bit. This time last year, I would have been extremely humiliated, but now, I just let it out. I waited for my mum at the front of the library while playing some music on my phone.
After about 4 songs, I saw my mum’s car pull up in front of me; a 2016 Volkswagen Tiguan. It was always a relief seeing my mum’s car, especially when it was one not many people drove. Throughout the ride, she kept asking me about how uni was. I kept giving her short answers. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk; just look outside the window and play my tunes. When I did this for a long time, I often found my eyes losing focus and my mouth drooling a little bit. I told myself not to lose consciousness this time.
Ten minutes later, and I had arrived at Tim’s house. It was always nice to have him live much closer to my uni than I did. Sometimes, if I started early, I got to stay over at his place and he would drive me there.
I knocked on the front door, and there he was, in his baggy, faded blue flannel shirt and baggy, ripped black jeans, and Doc Marten boots. Didn’t this man wear anything else, I thought to myself? I hugged him as soon as I saw him, and he hugged me back.
“Sorry Jess, I’m just in the middle of cooking.” He said
“What’s for dinner?” I took a strong whiff and went, “Mmm. Spaghetti Bolognese, is it?”
“You have a good nose.” He touched my nose lightly with his index finger and I giggled, which was followed by a yawn.
“Yeah, though I already slept enough today.”
“Awww. Just do something else while you wait for me and the food.”
I flicked through the TV channels and Friends was on, one of my favourite shows. I never liked sitting on the couch and watching TV because I was often comatose after just 35 minutes of watching; even if it was a show I loved. Once Friends was over, I got up from the seat to keep myself awake. I also did this by running on the treadmill for about twenty minutes. I put headphones in and was playing loud music, so I obviously couldn’t hear Tim yelling at me that dinner is ready. When I finished from the treadmill, I ran to the kitchen and there was Tim, with his arms folded and him shaking his head.
“Jessica, Jessica. I told you many times; dinner is ready.”
“I…I was playing music.”
“Aren’t you always?”
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not. I mean, I love music too, but it’s all you do.”
“I do other things too.”
“Sleeping doesn’t count, Jess.”
I guess he had a point. I didn’t really do much. I went to uni, sure, but was I really studying? I didn’t have a job either. I spent most of my days on social media, listening to music, sleeping the days away, or shoving as much junk food in my mouth as possible. I never really saw it as a bad thing, as I enjoyed doing those things. However, my life wasn’t exactly what I would call eventful. Nothing special ever really happened. It was a worry of mine for some time, and I still haven’t done much about it.
Though I ate a lot during lunch, that didn’t mean there wasn’t enough room for dinner, especially if I was having spaghetti Bolognese. Tim had to make extra, because he knew he I would ask for seconds or even thirds. I shouldn’t feel so guilty since I went on the treadmill. I tried not to eat as quickly as time so I would enjoy it, as well as the fact that I wanted the food in my mouth, not all over my clothes.
After dinner, I sat on the one-seated couch in the living room with Tim standing about two metres away from me.
“So, what do you wanna do?” He asked, as he saw me yawn. I gave him no response. He was getting a little frustrated, “Uh, hello?”
I jolted and let out a quick snort, “Huh?”
He laughed, “I said, what do you wanna do?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“Wanna go to the arcade?”
“Arcade? Are you just stuck in the ’90s and can’t get out or something?”
“Hey, you love the ’90s too.”
“Yeah, mainly just the music. You still drive a ’95 Corolla.”
“At least I have my own car.”
I poked my tongue out at him, making a noise to mimic how he spoke to me.
He said to me, “Come on, sweet cake. Let’s get going.”
I walked to his car and he followed me. I hadn’t been to the arcade in a while. This was sure to be fun.
At the arcade, Tim and I played a variety of games, including air hockey, which Tim hated. He said he hated the game, but what that really translated to was that he sucked at it and hated that I would always kick his arse. I guess the same could be said about me and Guitar Hero. Whenever we would play that, I would always play on easy, while Tim on hard or even expert. He would always tease me about it and tell me I suck. Well, we weren’t all guitarists, Timmy! Every time we played the game, he promised that he’d teach me, but that day never came. It’s been over a year now.
Tim refused to play Dance Dance Revolution with me because he knew I would beat the crap out of him in that game. Even my best friend from high school couldn’t beat me, and she was a dancer. The last game we played was Ice Ball; one that we were both good at it. I was the first to play and as I was throwing the balls, Tim put his arms around me. It wasn’t much, but enough for a rush of serotonin in my brain. I began to giggle. He then started kissing the side of my neck and I let out a little moan. Tim let go of me after and it was his turn to play, but I didn’t flirt with him. I was never good at that. He was always able to put me in the mood, but I couldn’t always do the same.
We finished playing Skee-Ball, and were about to leave the arcade. Tim asked me, “Wanna go see a movie?”
“Sure.” I smiled, holding his hands.
We climbed the steep stairs and bought two tickets to see Guardians of the Galaxy. I wasn’t much into superhero movies, but they have grown on me a little since Tim loved them. While in the theatre, I was able to keep myself awake, probably because I was asleep for most of the afternoon today. About 40 minutes into the film, I rested my head on Tim’s lap, as he started stroking my golden blonde, curly ponytail. I never liked having my hair in my face, and he was the same, as his hair was long and wavy. I think his hair was even longer than mine.
A few minutes went by, and my right hand was down to his crotch. He didn’t pay much attention no matter how much I made contact with his chestnut coloured eyes. I was getting a little impatient, so I squeezed it. He jolted and let out a little squeal.
“Jess!” He whispered loudly, and I giggled.
We continued to watch the movie and I let my hand slowly move up to his hips. I subtly pulled down his pants and he was eating popcorn. He started shivering in his legs, looked down, and then looked at me. I giggled again.
“What was that for?”
I stopped laughing, “You’ll see…”
I slid from my seat and sat in front of Tim. He looked at me in a strange way. I then looked around and saw that not many people were in the theatre; just another couple a few rows away and an old lady. I pulled off Tim’s boxers, and he looked angry. I thought to myself, why is he mad? Did he not know what I wanted to do to him? I was getting a bit too excited just looking at his penis, wondering what to do. I had an entire plan in mind while sitting next to him; now I see the damn thing and my mind goes blank!
I slowly crept my hand up his legs, all the way to his dick. Every time we had sex, I thought to myself, holy crap, was that thing huge! Even now it came to mind. I just couldn’t get over the fact that I was dating a man like this. I gently grabbed his penis and slowly stroked it, up and down. His eyes closed and he let out a quiet, “Mmm. Yeah. Keep doing that.” I smiled, so I went a little faster. As I did that, his moaning became more frequent, and a little louder. He also began to twitch, and that’s when I knew he was coming. I think he even came close to blacking out. Oops.
I let my hand go and I thought it was my mouth’s turn to have some fun. I was a little embarrassed at first, but then thought, it’s ok. Nobody else was here, anyway. Just think that we’re in Tim’s room. I took a deep breath and approached my lips. They soon touched the tip of the penis and I sucked on it like an ice cream. He leaned his head back and his moaning could be heard from across the theatre. After a few minutes, he leaned forward and saw me, completely shocked.
“What the hell?” He asked
“Come on! You know you were enjoying it.”
“Yeah, but…I don’t know.” He started looking embarrassed and I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. I was hoping that he had the same objective when he said he wanted to go to the cinema as an excuse to have sex. I guess he really wanted to watch the movie. I got up back to my seat and Tim put his pants back on, looking at me angrily. We refused to make eye-contact with each other for the rest of the film.
Even after leaving the cinema and heading to the car, Tim refused to talk to me, no matter how much I tried to justify myself. We got into the car and I said, “Come on, Tim. Don’t tell me you’re still mad at me!”
“You gave me a blowjob in the fucking movie theatre!”
“Yeah. So? Don’t tell me you didn’t like it!”
“I did, but it’s just…in public? Can’t we do it in the back of this car?”
I looked at the backseat, “This is a 22-year-old Corolla, Tim.”
“Yeah, I’d rather the theatre.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Look, Tim, I’m sorry. It’s just that I really wanted…”
“I know. I get it. You’re new to this whole…sex thing and you want to experiment. I totally understand, but…can we leave that for when we get home?”
He grabbed my hand gently, “Thanks.”
Tim began looking through his glove box and got out a compact cassette to play. I sighed and said, “A tape? Really?”
“Have you ever heard of a CD?”
“I use those too.”
“I’m surprised you still don’t use a flip phone or a VCR.”
“Who said I don’t still use my VCR?”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Tim! It’s not 1992 anymore.”
He laughed, “I know, I know. I think I do get carried away with my nostalgia to a time from when I was an infant.”
“Still, you have a Facebook account, as well as a smartphone.”
“So, I’m not completely stuck in the 80s and 90s.”
“I guess not.”
We both sighed and didn’t say anything for a while. The music continued to play in the car and the more I looked outside and focused on the songs, the more relaxed I felt, just like on the tram today. I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off into a peaceful slumber. This was the third time I napped today, and it wasn’t even the weekend. While stopping at red lights, I could feel Tim’s soft fingers stroke through my hair again.
Suddenly, I heard the car horn and Tim yell, “Wake up, sleepyhead!”
I screamed and he just laughed at me, “You’re a little koala, aren’t you?”
I yawned, “Uh huh.”
“Well, come on. Let’s get out of the…oh, son of a bitch!”
The passenger door was left open while I was in a light slumber again. I heard the horn again and I jumped. I quickly took off my seatbelt and got out of the car before I would fall asleep again. I walked into the living room and said, “Well, I better go take a shower.”
“Ok, you do that.” Tim said, taking off his boots before relaxing on the one-seated couch I often spent Saturday afternoons in.
It took me about twenty minutes to take a shower, though it would probably take me five at most if it wasn’t for all the daydreaming I did and only spent time cleaning myself. I always liked my showers to be as hot as possible, even on summer days where it would pass thirty-five degrees celsius.
When I finished showering, I put on my nightgown and fluffed my face and body with powder. It was a habit I picked up from my mother when I was 14. I quickly went downstairs and saw Tim fast asleep on the sofa. I didn’t want to wake him up since he looked so peaceful, but at the same time, I think he’d be better off in his bed.
I nudged him lightly and whispered, “Tim. Tim. Timmy.”
He didn’t respond, so I said his name a little louder, which woke him up. He started groaning, “Oh…hey Jess. Fuck, look what you’re doing to me.”
“Me? You had to go to work, and cook, and drive me to the movies. Of course you’re going to be tired. Now, go shower and I’ll see you in bed.”
Tim got up from the couch and walked upstairs to take a shower. I followed him to his room and sat in his bed, waiting for him to finish his bath. Once he was done, he jumped into bed and looked at the clock, “What time do you start uni tomorrow.”
I put my book down and said, “9:30.”
“Yeah, it’s getting late. I start work at 10.”
Tim went to switch off the lights and we both tucked ourselves into bed. Just before nodding off, I asked, “Hey Tim.”
“What?” He muffled
“How long is your dick?”
He jumped up and looked at me, “What the hell kind of question is this?”
I smiled, “Come on. I’m curious.”
“If it’s any consolation, my dick is 19 centimetres long.”
I scoffed, “19?! What? Did you measure it with a ruler?”
“Yes, I did when I was around your age.”
“So, its 19 when it’s erect?”
My eyes popped wide open, “Jesus Christ. How much is it when it is?”
“About 30, maybe?”
“No wonder you cause me so much pain when we have sex!”
“Yeah, I know. You must have the loosest vagina in the world, at this point.”
“You’re the one who’s tearing it like an old cloth!”
“Ok, why the hell are we having this conversation? It’s getting late. Can we just get some sleep?”
“Alright. Alright. Goodnight Timmy.”
“Goodnight Koala.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Within 15 minutes, the both of us fell asleep. Already, I was looking forward to what the next week had to offer, both at school and at home