I felt hatred seep into my actions, giving me energy to keep going. It was giving me the burst of adrenaline to continue on with my task, even though I knew it was wrong. So very, very wrong.
But what did it matter? No one would ever suspect me anyway. After all, I was the sweet seventeen year old girl who never did anything wrong. The innocent little bird, as my parents liked to call me. Everyone thought I was the happy girl with a bubbly personality who loved life.
But they couldn't be further from the truth.
They would never have guessed that the girl with the sweet and innocent looking exterior was wearing a mask. I was fooling everyone, and it amused me greatly. Never in a million years would they have guessed that inside I had feelings of hatred and disgust towards people. Never would they have guessed that I had dark, ugly feelings swirling inside me, sometimes so intense I could barely hold it in and I just wanted to scream.
But sometimes it got to be too much, and screaming wouldn't help whatsoever. That's what led me to doing things like this. Of course I'd feel a little guilty afterwards, and that just made me feel even more messed up. But when I was in the moment, and my anger and hatred all came bubbling to the surface, I couldn't stop. I had to keep going and put all my energy into doing this unforgivable task. But it's what I needed to do to keep from exploding, to keep from giving away my deep, dark secret.
When I had used up all my energy, and all the darkness inside of me subsided for a little bit, I would stand back and look down at the bloody body on the ground in front of me. For a fleeting moment I would feel sick to my stomach and scared, knowing what I was capable of. But the feeling only lasted for a second and before long I could feel the darkness swirling around in my soul, trying to rear it's ugly head to get another breath of life. But I couldn't let it take over yet. When the time was right I would go out searching for another victim, but not just yet.
I contemplated whether to bury the body or to keep it slightly visible. I figured the latter would make things more interesting, so I grabbed the body and pulled it into a ditch, lightly covering it with dirt. That's all human beings were; dirt. We were selfish creatures who had turned the world into an ugly place. I was just helping rid the world of these despicable beings, trying to make the world a better place. I knew my time would come, but that wouldn't be for a while.
I dusted myself off and wiped the blade of the knife in a patch of dying grass, then wrapped it neatly in a piece of cloth. I then started on my walk home. No one would ever suspect a thing, no one would suspect a sweet girl had just murdered an innocent bystander. The thought made me smile. How naive people these days were, searching for world wide known criminals when the real criminal was in their own home town. Oh, if only they knew that that the sweet girl who lived next door was a murderer. I laughed, imagining their reactions, their mouths dropping in shock, their eyes showing fear and mistrust. But they would never know, no one would ever suspect.
I would go home and act normal, like I had only gone out for a walk. Then, when the news came around that a person had been murdered close to where we live, I would act shocked. I would start crying, and my mother would come and hug me, realising that her daughter was out the same night of the murder, and she would be sick with fear that it could have been her daughter in the ground right now.
But no, they would never suspect.