Don’t call me crazy
I sat in the back of the police car, handcuffed and locked in.
There was a cop outside the car talking into his radio, and emergency vehicles crowded the street.
I starred at the front door, hoping for the baby to emerge safely in the arms of a police officer. I waited and waited,
what felt like ages went by and still, nothing.
Until finally I saw the front door open from the inside.
I plastered my face against the barred window, and squinted to see the woman who walked out.
She was carrying my baby sister wrapped in a blanket, but she wasn’t a cop.
The woman wore the uniform of a paramedic!
“Oh no” thoughts raced through my mind. Once again trampling me in the worse case scenarios possible.
What was happening? The woman carried Lily in her swaddle to the ambulance, and laid her down inside. When Lily was safely on the gurney, the paramedic climbed in and slammed the doors shut behind her.
The ambulance pulled away and tears streaked my face once more. I felt a jerk of anxiety rush through me in the form of a shiver. I didn’t take my eyes off the ambulance. I memorized everything imprinted on it, and every shade of red that boldly surrounded the words “emergency vehicle,” and “ambulance,” and “911.”
My eyes were sore and itchy from the tears and the lack of blinking I had caused myself. Yet I still kept my eyes fixated on the flashing lights of the ambulance, until it turned the corner of my crowded driveway and sped off.
The cop standing in front of the car hooked his radio back to his shoulder, and opened the front door. He got in and started out of the driveway.
The butterflies in my stomach quickly curved into a sharp pain that had been lurking in the shadows of my tense body. Trying to hide behind my growing grief, and the shock that was associated with it.
When I finally got the courage to remove my face from the bars I adjusted my view to the back window, and caught the last glimpse I would ever get of my mother.
Well not really I swallowed, and shook, just staring,
she was in a body bag on a stretcher. I watched as they loaded her corpse into the back of a hearse and we turned the corner.
I hung my head and squeezed my eyes shut, I opened them and tears poured out.
“Where is my sister going?” I asked the driver, gritting my teeth, and holding back the gasps of air just aching to escape.
He was silent,
“what’s wrong with her?” I raised my voice.
He quickly took a stern gaze at me, and turned back to the road. He took a deep breath, and told me that my best chances were to stay quiet.
I sat back in my seat and flattened my hands to keep them from falling asleep.
It was an awkward ride, but I obeyed and stayed silent.
When we pulled up to the station, I looked up from my frozen fingertips to see the man emotionless.
“You really think I would kill my own mother, possibly hurt my sister? I know you don’t know me and all, but do I really seem that cruel?”
He parked the vehicle, and turned to look into the back seat where I sat, staring at me with a straight face.
No mercy or emotions of any sort were displayed.
He was hardened by years of sob stories, portrayed by multiple criminals, who had sat in the very spot I was now.
“That’s what it looks like, yeah” the cop turned and got out, he came around to my side, and opened the door for me, “get out” He groaned with such an unsettling scowl,
He said it as though he believed I was a killer. Nothing more than a worthless coward. Not a little girl with the potential to be one of the greats, just a danger to society, and a waste of everybody’s time.
I must of spaced out which only made the cop angry at me.
He grabbed the chain of my cuffs, and yanked me out of the car. Then he pushed me towards the door,
he lead me into a small cement room with two metal chairs and a rusty old table, bolted to the ground. The bulletproof window made me feel like a zoo animal, after he locked the door I felt a pain of guilt, even though I knew I wasn’t guilty. The small quiet room gave me nothing to think about, other than my sister.
What had happened to her? A heavy feeling came over me, not guilt but it made me feel all weird inside, like I had done something wrong, a depressing feeling that charged over me.
I tried to think happy thoughts, but it was no use, I rested my head on the cold, lifeless table and replayed the last hour or so in my head.
Reality hit me like a train at full speed, it was all I could think about, it was the only thing I knew. At that moment in time, I was an orphan, and I was the number one suspect in my mother’s murder.
Just then, a police officer or detective, or whoever it was, came in,
I didn’t get a good look, but it was pretty obvious he didn’t care about me or any of this.
All he cared about was getting answers and probably a promotion after all, I killed my mother right?
He paced the room, practically trying to scare me into confessing.
He did this until another man came into the room. He startled the cop pacing, and with a stern look he told him to get out.
He followed the cop outside the room, but just before he closed the door. He looked at me concerned, as if he knew how I felt, as if he knew I was innocent.
Then I heard the quiet click of the door shut, but kept my gaze outside the window, to the officer standing there. Head down, in shame, like a dog with his tail between his legs.
I saw the man who had walked in on the interrogation, step to the side, and start to speak. I don’t think they knew the speaker was on, but I didn’t exactly cover my ears.
“You know we could get in serious trouble, if they knew you were talking to her without an attorney present, and I mean look at her.” They stared at me, and he kept talking,
“we need to get her a psych evaluation, before we can even talk to her. The girl lost her mother in a gruesome way, and guilty or not, if we send her to juvie without...”
All of a sudden the bad cop in the mix piped up, cutting off the man who had rescued me, the man I temporarily named, “good cop.”
“JUVIE? It is murder were talking about here, and you’re telling me you want to send her to juvie? With the petty little child thieves, are you kidding me?”
“Good cop,” in a mean whisper, looked at him with eyes like a devil.
“She’s fourteen, we can’t send her to prison, she’s under age, and even if she wasn’t, she might not even be going to jail. She’s depressed Steve, you can see it in her eyes.”
They both glanced at me one with legitimate worry, and one with disgustful hate.
The awkward stare didn’t last long though, as what felt like just ten seconds later, Steve stormed off in a grunt, bumping “good cops” shoulder as he did.
“Good cop” rolled his eyes, and walked in the other direction.
When “good cop” returned, he came back with another man at his side, a man so big he had tree trunks for legs, and legs for arms.
Honestly he frightened me, a lot. They walked into the room together. The room where I hadn’t made a sound to anyone, and the bulging man stood over top of me.
He stared at me for a few minutes, I thought he was going to charge at me like a raging bull, but instead he outstretched his arm.
“I’m Harold” his voice was low, and deep,
“good cop” cut in revealing his secret identity. “I’m Kevin, this is your temporary attorney for now, do you know what that means?” He asked,
my eyes followed his plain, grey suit from the table, all the way up to meet Harold’s pale green eyes. Without saying anything my eyes trailed back down to the flat surface, and rested back into place.
I hadn’t moved since I laid my head on the table, and I didn’t feel like talking now.
“Look, Amelia” Harold said, “I’m on your side, and I’m here to fight for your justice, to keep you out of prison, Juvie” Harold corrected himself, shaking his head.
In my head I was about to burst, “why do I need to fight, if I didn’t do anything to begin with?”
But on the outside I just turned my head away.
Harold, and Kevin exchanged looks I couldn’t see there faces, but I felt the awkwardness in the air.
Kevin walked over to Harold, and whispered in his ear all I heard was three words psych, evaluation and doctor.
“Oh great they think I’m nuts.” I rolled my eyes, as I cursed this in my mind, but they didn’t see anything. All they saw was the back of my heavy head, still on the table.
Not even the slightest movement had occurred, since Harold walked through the door. I simply listened to them drone on, about how they were going to
and about how they thought I was
Kevin left the room, and Harold sat down beside me.
“When you’re ready to talk, I would love to hear what happened, in your own words. I don’t believe you’re guilty of anything if it helps.”
I didn’t move, it was a silent two minutes before I heard the door open again.
“Hello Milly do you mind if I call you that, Milly?”
I didn’t look at him, or say a word. It wasn’t Kevin talking to me, or Harold which meant it was probably the doctor.
So that’s it? I trailed off in my mind, “I do talk they get fed up with me. I don’t and they think I’m a loon, Great!”
“My name is David, but you can call me Dave if you’d like.” The doctor tried again to get me to talk, to save the day, to be a hero, but I just huffed.
There was a moment where I could only hear air, and than footsteps, and than a door open and shut.
Harold and Kevin had left, but I turned my head they were just listening through the plexiglass speaker.
Dave sat down across the table from me and opened his briefcase, he pulled out some pictures and spread them out across the table.
“Can you tell me what you see in these pictures?” He asked,
I didn’t even bother to look, but then I realized this guy was trying to get me to talk, so why not get him to tell me something useful?
I raised my head, not all the way, just so that I was sitting up but, still looking at my soar, chained hands in my lap.
“Where’s my sister?” I mumbled.
“Pardon?” He lowered his head, to look into my eyes.
“I saw the ambulance take my sister! My baby sister Lily, earlier when I was sitting in the back of the police car.”
He raised his head and whispered “I … I don’t know I’m sorry” I rested my head on the table once more and let out a sigh of great pain.
Before I felt the tears start to trickle down my cheeks, Dave looked at me concerned. Then at Harold and Kevin outside the window,
“and how are you feeling right now?”
In my head I exploded “how do you think I feel not to dandy, I feel like crap.”
But on the outside, I lifted my head, looking fully into his eyes, and shook my head.
I lifted my chained wrists, and slammed them against the table.
Tears shot from my eyes at full speed, and I didn’t hold back. “You have know idea,” I stuttered, then I sat back in my chair, lowering my head.
Dave started to cry
what a wimp
I got angrier, and angrier.
He has no reason to cry he didn’t lose anyone. He didn’t have anyone to worry about. He wasn’t an orphan, and he wasn’t on trial for murder at fourteen.
I clenched my fists and snapped.
“You don’t know anything, you don’t know how I feel, you don’t know what it’s like, you can’t just expect me to open up to you, when I don’t even know who you are. You don’t know half the things going on in my life right now, and I seriously doubt talking to you about how I feel, will change that.”
I tried to stand up, but by now Harold and Kevin were in the room, trying their hardest to calm me down.
They had their hands on my shoulders, and were holding me down, forcing me to sit.
Kevin was using his free hand to request backup for help, and well, I guess you probably know what happened next.
Standing outside the room was Kevin and Dave, Harold was sitting beside me, and the speakers were on just encase I decided to
Jeez you snap one time, and they believe you could actually be capable of murder.
Dave was explaining how I am a danger to myself, and to everyone around me.
My eyebrows furrowed as I stared off into the distance, sweat rolled down my face, and black circles beamed around my eyes.
I heard every word they said “I am going to have to take her to the Elk Ridge Asylum.”
I turned to Harold, “do you think you could find my sister?” I asked.
“What?” He sounded confused.
“That’s right” I shook my head in realization, “I told Dave about Lily, not you. Well my baby sister was taken to the hospital, before when my mom was found when I was.” …I trailed off and shook my head,
“so can you find her?”
He looked at me almost frightened to say no,
I turned my gaze to a pout directed at the floor, and talked quietly.
“Please? She’s all I have left.”
Harold looked down, and away from me. It took a few minutes, and then he looked out the window at Kevin and Dave.
They were busy, discussing where to put me, he then turned his head towards me Harold took a deep breath.
“I’ll look into it”
I looked into his eyes. Harold was only helping me because he felt bad for me, but I took it.
“Thank you” I whispered, realizing he didn’t want Dave or Kevin to know.
I stared at him, with eyes wide, He couldn’t look me in the eye.
“Just don’t get your hopes up kid.” He said it fast knowing how bad it would look to Dave, and Kevin if he just stopped talking, when they walked in.
I nodded at him and stared straight ahead, he smiled.
The hope he saw in my eyes was both refreshing, and relieving to me.
Just then Dave and Kevin walked in
“you need to come with me”
I rolled my eyes, and looked back at Harold, I winked, and turned to the door.