“I hate vanilla sex.” Sorrel said.
His hands gripped the counter of the public restroom sink. His clothes were undone, enough for him to be exposed. He could barely get a breath in with every thrust.
“You won’t even let me keep the rope.” he complained, feeling James’ hands moved up under his white collared shirt.
“Not my fault you forgot everything.” James really wasn’t concerned with what Sorrel wanted at the moment. He had to take care of his own needs.
His hand moved to Sorrel’s throat, his fingers pressing into his skin to feel him breathe and moan. He was rather rough when dealing with Sorrel.
It was harder for him to breathe with James choking him. As the seconds passed, he felt more lightheaded. James was good at taking his breath away.
Sorrel opened his eyes, seeing himself in the mirror. Though, he was looking right at James. He watched James nuzzle closer, pressing his face in his hair; he could feel James breathing on his ear, hearing his low moans that brought goosebumps to his skin. And when James gripped harder on him, Sorrel thought he was flying. It always felt amazing this way.
“This is why I have to wear makeup.” Sorrel’s hand grabbed over James’ but it didn’t stop him.
Bruises would begin to form on his skin, dark purple splotches that would fit James’ fingers. Without the makeup, everyone would see the marks. James wasn’t the one to control himself when he had the chance to take out his frustrations on Sorrel.
“Want me to stop?” James asked, though they both knew that he wasn’t going to. It was cruel of him to ask, but Sorrel just smiled as his hand made James’ grab harder at his throat.
James could picture it, taking Sorrel’s last aching breath and having the weight lifted off his shoulders. The moment would absolutely be divine. When James closed his eyes, that was all he could think about; hearing Sorrel’s struggled breaths until finally he would just stop, feeling his body go limp in his arms as he held him, knowing that every waking moment James spent in complete agony and pain would finally be over with just a simple grip of his fingers.
Sorrel knew what James was thinking about. He always got so riled up when murder was on his mind. It’s not like James was good at hiding it, especially at this moment considering he was so deep inside Sorrel, aching for his release.
It was moments like this that felt amazing.
Would it be safe to say that this was the reason why they weren’t out to kill each other? Clearly one of them had thoughts about it.
Sorrel’s voice had gone quiet. It was hard for him to breathe with the grip at his neck. Where James’ fingers pressed made it hard for blood to get to his brain, that’s why he was so lightheaded. Sorrel’s eyes fluttered and he tried to speak but nothing came from his mouth except for broken gasps. It felt so good that he hoped that James wouldn’t stop.
Even when he came, he didn’t want James to stop.
James used his other arm to hold on to Sorrel tightly, keeping his body back against his so he could thrust into him deeply. His hand just barely loosened around his neck to hear his moans and gasps for air that seemed rather desperate. He felt this need to nuzzle closer to Sorrel, and he did, making him long for something he would never, ever get.
It just seemed like James was bargaining, like he was compromising because he knew what he wanted was something he couldn’t have. Taking out his frustration on Sorrel was nothing. That’s not what concerned James at all. He wanted more, he wanted...affection, but he wouldn’t get it. So he settled.
It was enough to keep Sorrel down for a while to have his way.
It was enough to get a small piece of bliss that could hold him over for the next hour or two.
James wanted to care only about himself. That’s why he would grip on to Sorrel so hard, its so he could use him. It’s just that James wasn’t like that. He needed something in return.
He won’t get it.
James put his hands down on the counter once he felt Sorrel moving with him. He moaned quietly under his heavy breath, doing his best to suppress his hunger. He closed his eyes and kept his face pressed into Sorrel’s hair, smelling him, feeling the warmth that came from his living body.
The images that popped into his head, they weren’t nice ones. And that’s what made James cum inside him. He didn’t always held out as long as Sorrel could but today was different. He was so frustrated that it took more effort. The release was worth it though.
He just wasn’t done yet.
James pushed down on Sorrel’s shoulder abruptly, getting him to move down on the counter as he continued to move. It’s not like Sorrel cared whether people got suspicious about where he was or what he was doing.
“I have to fix my makeup.” He said, but James didn’t let him go anywhere. That’s how it was going to be for a while.
James hated how now Sorrel covered up the bruises and bite marks on his neck. Before he was proud to show them off. This time it was because of his job. He can’t just walk around with bright marks on his neck. He may have loved how he got them but people can’t know.
James’ hand wrapped around Sorrel’s neck again, but he wasn’t as brutal as before. He kept Sorrel down while he grinded his hips slower and slower to feel deep inside him. He could cum again if he wanted to. But that was a reward for Sorrel and he had to earn it.
Why was he so frustrated for?
It’s not like Sorrel was complaining, but on days like this, it can only mean James was dealing with a lot of conflict. Whatever it was, it might take a turn for the worst.
Or better, in Sorrel’s case.
James knew at one point that he had to let go. If he didn’t stop he would be late for his next meeting and right now, work was the only thing keeping his mind off of the things he thinks about doing to people. Sorrel included. James fixed up his clothes as Sorrel fixed his own.
The bruises were showing up on Sorrel’s neck, covering up the ones from the previous days and weeks. Hand prints were not the only thing Sorrel had to hide. He used the makeup to hide the dark blotches and hickeys.
One day he will stop hiding them, but it can’t be now.
James definitely didn’t like watching Sorrel cover them up.
“What’s wrong?” Sorrel looked at him through the mirror. “Mad that I can’t show what you do to me?” he smiled, sticking out his tongue to show his piercing.
It wasn’t till then that James realized that maybe he shouldn’t be upset. It shouldn’t mean anything. He just sighed and turned away, thinking quietly to himself.
He should probably talk to someone today.
His psychiatrist was free.
It’s not like he would ever tell Sorrel about seeing a psychiatrist. He didn’t think it would last long, though James has been going for a few weeks now. He occasionally would skip sessions, but he thought it was okay as long as he went back.
James was always allowed to see his psychiatrist in secret. He didn’t want to tell anyone that he’s been seeing someone. It was better to keep it to himself anyway, it’s not like there’s been progress.
He’s been struggling lately.
They sat in his office together. James was quiet since he was thinking about this morning, and last night, and the night before that. In fact, for this entire week a lot has been going on. He didn’t know what to say to start off. He had an hour to talk but there was nothing.
He’s gone through so much, yet there was nothing.
James was staring off into the distance, his eyes far gone while he was lost in thought. He looked like a lost soul trying to find it’s way. It was saddening how he couldn’t get himself together. Every day was a constant struggle. His eyes were filled with worry and fear and his psychiatrist could sense every once of it.
James deserves so much better. Was he ever going to get it?
“How has your sobriety been?” James’ psychiatrist asked, wanting to start off with something that wasn’t so terrible.
“I’ve been sober for sixteen hours.” James answered. It was last week that his psychiatrist told him to stop drinking. Clearly James hasn’t been listening. “I’m not an alcoholic.”
It hasn’t been a full day where he’s gone without a drink.
“It’s...” he felt the need to correct his psychiatrist but he had to hold it down, mashing his lips to keep in what he wanted to say. He just felt so uncomfortable but he swallowed it, hoping that it wouldn’t show again. “I’m fine.”
“You’ve skipped sessions.”
“I was sick recently.” James responded to that. “I don’t know what I had but I was treated.” he took a breath. He obviously knew it wasn’t rabies. Whatever he caught felt awful. “I had hallucinations that were...vivid.”
“And your thoughts now?”
They weren’t any better. Today was the day the psychiatrist had a hunch. It would be his job to say something if he thought James would be harm to himself and to others.
“Do you still think about killing your partner?”
James did not want to answer that. The thoughts were still there. Occasionally, he would think he would have the chance to actually do it. Sometimes, he really did want to. He slept with a gun under his pillow, he could go for the kill anytime he gets into bed with that monster.
James didn’t answer so his psychiatrist took that as a yes.
“What do you see?” he asked, hoping to get James to engage.
They needed to talk about this. He needed to help James find reason, not to compromise but to see what was best for himself. Being as unhappy as James was will not go well for him in the future. If he didn’t start now with discussing the things that bothered him, it will only get worse.
James just couldn’t answer the question. There were so many things he saw at once. There were so many ways he could do it. So many ways he could commit a crime.
There would be so much blood everywhere. A body would be torn apart, so many pieces just spread out. And James would be covered in all the blood that would spill. He could feel the warmth, as if it just happened. He would take a deep breath and feel the ache leaving his body.
He felt freedom and it felt good.
James didn’t know it since he wasn’t paying attention, but he began to smile. It was the most genuine expression he has had on his face in days. There was a light in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Was it happiness? The thought of freedom, was that what made him smile?
Or was it the idea of getting soaked in blood of the person he wanted to kill the most?
Was it finally ending a life that mattered?
There was a void that was filled as James stared off into the distance, smiling to himself as he pictured his happiness coming from a gruesome death.
He didn’t care how messy he thought it was, he didn’t care about what he did in his thoughts. He was finally free.
And as happy as that made him, he knew that right now he didn’t have the courage to do it. His smile began to fade but the need to get blood on his hands remained. He was aching for it, like he couldn’t control himself. He knew he had to keep it to himself but for some reason, he just couldn’t. The blood lust finally returned again and no matter what he thought about, it didn’t stop.
He needed to find his moment of euphoria before he went on a rampage.
Elijah was standing in an open office at the south end of the city. The place had a homeish feeling to it with the decor and furniture. The other staff were cleared out but it was only two secretaries and three psychiatrists. Earlier in the afternoon, a body was found in one of the offices. The death happened two hours before.
Elijah began walking around the scene, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. The office had open glass windows that allowed for the scenery to be seen. It definitely made the blood all over the floor brighten up. The room was coated in red.
The body was practically in pieces. However, it was still together. Based on how the limbs were on the ground, the medical examiners could say that some of this man’s bones were broken and limbs were torn from the body.
“This was done by hand.” Natasha didn’t want to believe it, but that’s what she saw. “The bones were twisted. This killer pulled hard to rip cartilage but didn’t get to the bone.”
Once the photographers got all the pictures, she cut up the man’s suit jacket and sleeves to his collar shirt to expose his arms.
“There are tears in the muscle.” she pointed to where she could see them. “The bones were broken at the joints, but it’s obvious who did this couldn’t tear it apart.” she said.
“Was this the cause of death?” Elijah asked.
“I don’t think we’ll know more till we get a chance to really examine the body.” Nick said. “There aren’t any bullet wounds, just large gashes where pieces of flesh were ripped out.”
That was not where all the blood came from. There had to be more.
“There’s a hole on the side.” Joe squatted down and lifted the jacket up to show where there was a pool of blood. “Chances are his ribs are broken, got to the heart.”
“Might explain the mush of muscle on the ground.” Natasha gestured to the desk, a pile of flesh on the ground.
Was that this man’s heart?
“Robert Porter. Middle aged man, not married, no kids, doesn’t look like any existing conditions.” Nick sighed as he walked around. “Definitely dead on arrival. His heart was taken out of his body after death, and crushed.”
“Most likely by hand.”
“Anything else probably pulled out?” Elijah stepped over the splatters of blood on the ground.
“Won’t know for sure till we open him up.”
“For something this vicious? Someone has got to be psychotic to do this.” Natasha said, not surprised.
“I think we’re going to have to rule out that it’s not a patient before we go for the obvious answer.” Elijah said. He wanted to believe that he knew that one of his murderers were doing this, but he felt obligated to do this the right way instead of come to conclusions immediately.
“Well,” May walked over, looking disappointed. She was biting her lip as she stood in front of the other three. They weren’t getting a lot of information, were they? It could be read on May’s face. “I talked to a secretary outside. Said it was Dr. Porter’s three-thirty appointment that came out screaming.”
“Who was before that appointment?”
“His earlier appointment was at noon. Both secretaries said they saw him afterwards before he went on lunch which is always from one to two.” She said, staring down at the body.
“They didn’t see anyone come in?” Elijah asked.
“They know which appointment is which. But patients leave through that door which gives them privacy to go so...”
There was a separate door that had a different exits for patients that felt more comfortable being alone after spilling everything wrong with their lives. It was mostly up to them to leave in private. Elijah made the connection.
“Our killer comes in this way.” Elijah said.
“Not for the way out. Privacy.” May didn’t think it was a good reason, but she left that alone.
“Whoever that man saw during his lunch killed him.” Elijah put his hands in his pockets and continued to walk around, seeing all the blood and evidence.
How late would he stay to get more evidence? How late would the others stay? He needed to know what he was dealing with.
In the evening, James was just about ready to leave his office. He had a long day and it was going to be a long night with the work he had to bring home. He also wanted to see his dog. He felt like he was in a good mood, so if he could go home now, it would be better.
As he tucked his papers away, Sorrel walked into his office. He had his hands behind his back as he strolled in quietly. James looked up as he saw Sorrel walk towards him.
“Someone’s been good today.” Sorrel smiled widely. James just rolled his eyes. “I think we should celebrate.” he held out his hands, a bottle of vodka in one and a bottle of whipped cream in the other.
“You have to be kidding-”
“Come on!” Sorrel complained. “Just like we used to.” he edged James on. “We haven’t been able to do anything wild for weeks, and this is just the lighter stuff. I ain’t even compromising here.”
James pursed his lips together as he thought of something to say to get out of the situation. Sorrel got up on the desk, waiting for James to approve because in the end, he always did approve. It’s not like he said no.
They both had their likes and dislikes.
“You can pour vodka on me.” he suggested like it was heaven.
James really wanted to say no. He bit the inside of his lip as he did his best to say no. Today was a good day. He had to admit. James isn’t usually in this great a mood and Sorrel wanted to make the most of it.
He’s heard what happened today. They should celebrate.
James got up from his chair, his hands moving on Sorrel’s thighs to spread his legs. How was he going to tell himself not to do anything when he was already going for it? It definitely wasn’t enough to stop him. James continued to think about it, how wrong it was, how he shouldn’t.
He took the bottle of whipped cream out of Sorrel’s hand despite his usual go to being the vodka. Sorrel smiled, his tongue licking his lips as he looked up to meet James’ eyes. It’s not everyday that they have fun in public. Sure, there was no one around which takes away most of the rush, but it was enough for Sorrel.
It’s been so long since they’ve done something crazy.
James was just close enough to feel Sorrel’s lips on his own skin. “You’ll clean up the mess?”
Sorrel laughed quietly. “I always do, don’t I?” It was true, he did clean up messes, though he did make most of them.
James almost smiled, almost giving in, almost letting himself go. There will always be that part of him that will remain in control. However, he had let go enough for Sorrel to be happy. Seemed like they were going to have fun.
After all, it was a celebration.
James did good today.