I got my cast taken off so I could walk on my own a few days ago. I haven’t just walked around the city for the fun of it in a long while. I’ve been stuck in my apartment, being limited to the outside world. That’s not what I was used to so it felt odd. Now that I was outside again, I was strangely out of place. I felt like I didn’t belong. Or maybe I wanted to not belong here.
I’ve been thinking about moving. I’ve been thinking about going somewhere quiet, maybe moving to a different state. I would go home first, tell my parents about everything that’s happened because I’ve been scaring them by not returning their calls for months. Maybe I would go up north. Snow seems nice. It doesn’t get that extremely cold here so maybe I should try a new environment.
I took a deep breath as I stared at the signs for the police station. I didn’t want to go in. I could see all the others walking in, new recruits since the department has been crushed by the others from a month ago.
Suddenly my leg went numb.
I should just go in, pack my stuff up, and quit.
That’s what I’ll do.
I walked in slowly behind a few officers in uniform. The ones who just started working here didn’t recognize me. That wasn’t really an issue. It’s not like I’ll be here long. I stopped walking when I really started to remember what happened a month ago. My hands clenched by my sides and I had that weird anger that was boiling in the pit of my stomach. It was like an unsettling hatred that I have never felt before.
It was getting to the point where I couldn’t control it. I don’t get mad the way that I felt I was getting mad. I’ve always been able to control what I was feeling.
When did I crack?
“Morgan!” I heard Harley’s voice behind me. “You’re back.” she was so excited to see me back at the station.
My hands unclenched as I turned to look at her. It took a second for me to remember what I was doing or why I was here. But I snapped out of the anger and I could finally breathe.
I didn’t think I was coming back. To be honest, I was ready to resign today. I had a lot of time to think about this and whether or not it’s a good idea for me to go. I thought it was a good idea. I need a new environment.
I just figured that I wasn’t cut out for the job anymore.
And I had to admit that I’m a little scared now.
I had my resignation letter in my bag but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put it on the Chief’s desk today. Harley has been calling me, asking me how I’ve been, when and if I was coming back, and I couldn’t let my partner down. She would come see me, and I was sorry that I’ve been cold and distant towards her for the past few days considering everything she’s done for me.
Harley walked beside me, keeping up with my slower than average pace since I did have a limp from my injury. She didn’t care though. There was a smile on her face just because she was happy to see me. “I heard the FBI came to talk to you again. Did you take the job offer?” she asked.
That was one thing I didn’t want to talk about.
“I actually plan on resigning-”
“Are you kidding?” she was outraged that I really thought this through. “Morgan, seriously, the entire time I thought it was some mundane joke, like how everyone says they’re going to quit their job everyday but don’t because they need it.”
I really just want to forget everything that’s happened.
“Harley, I was being completely serious.” I stopped walking. “You’ve seen me at my worst. How can you want me to come back to work?” I asked.
“Do you think you’re incapable?” she asked.
I just shrugged as an answer though.
“The FBI keeps offering you things. Next thing you know, they’ll try to make you president just so you can take the job.”
“And that’s the problem.”
I don’t want the FBI to keep harassing me just because they think I’m valuable to solving the case. How about they follow the law and get me to testify in court? I’ll happily give up all the information I have. Anything else is out of the question.
The mindset of this entire murder case not being my problem isn’t a good thing, but it really isn’t my problem anymore. I can’t handle the stress or the anxiety or the psychological torture. It was draining all those months ago and it was draining now while thinking about it. I can’t do it anymore.
The FBI took the case with Jaymin’s murders since it became a national threat. Let’s just say that Jaymin is still out there and he’s causing a lot more problems than anyone thought he would. He’s making a statement and now a lot of people are afraid they’re next. The performing arts school in the city is losing credibility, any performing arts school within a fifty mile radius is a target, any performer is a target. Jaymin’s grudge is much deeper than I thought it would be. I know him, I thought he wasn’t bothered by the past, but it’s the opposite. His murders are driven by his grudge.
Why should anyone else live out their dream if he couldn’t? If he was unfairly punished, why shouldn’t anyone else be?
He’s been angry this whole time, but he’s good at hiding it.
I know him well enough to say that he isn’t hiding out around here.
I know him well enough to say that he would put in the extra effort to make the case difficult for any justice force. He’s only messed up once, letting his anger get to him, wanting to kill a person that messed with him. That was the only time we got something out of him. That will be the only time we’ll get something out of him. I have a feeling he doesn’t make the same mistake twice.
Knowing all this though, it means I can’t help.
I can’t do anything anymore.
Now it’s the FBI’s problem.
I don’t want to handle anything that has to do with him.
“Don’t leave, Morgan.” Harley put her hand on my shoulder. She smiled weakly at me, already knowing that I had enough to handle but wanted to cheer me up. “At least finish what you opened up. Don’t go down without a fight.”
Last time I tried that, I got my leg broken.
I was accused of assisting a murderer.
The severity of the situation got out of hand that no one knew what to do. We were stuck. And there was nothing I could do since I was in excruciating pain. It’s best if I stay away from this case. I’m sure the FBI can handle it without me. It’s not like I would be able to get far anyway.
“Morgan Caverly?” A deep voice came from behind us.
I turned around to find a man and a woman standing beside each other. The woman had bright red hair that curled down to her shoulders, and the man had a bald head that shined under the lights. I had a feeling I’ve seen them before, or that I know someone they know. It was no surprise when I saw the badges they pulled out from their jackets.
They were FBI.
I bit the inside of my lip and suppressed the urge to walk away. I’ve been trailed by people like them for the past month, and not only do I not want to be bothered, I want to not be bothered by them.
“May we have a word?” the woman asked.
I didn’t want to disobey so I nodded while keeping my mouth shut. Harley could only watch as I followed the other two to a different room where we wouldn’t be bothered. And for some reason, a lot of other people were watching. It hasn’t been ten minutes since I got back but I was in this situation.
I took a seat at the grey table and folded my hands. It’s either I’m being told to take the job offer or I’m going to be interrogated yet again.
There was nothing I could say.
“We know you’ve turned down the offer many times before-”
“I will do it again.” I had to tell them.
“Your help would be greatly appreciated.” the man said, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall. “You’re the only one that can identify him.”
That’s not true.
“You’ve been seen with him on multiple occasions.”
I don’t need to be reminded.
“We’re sure you’re the only one that knows his habits.” he continued, as if my despondent expression wasn’t enough for him.
“We need your help, Caverly,” the woman said. “We won’t get by without you.” she said and put something down on the table, sliding it my way.
I was slow to pick it up between my fingers. It was a badge for me, something I didn’t want. I saw the ID on it, my picture, my name and the letters in blue. FBI. I didn’t want this. I mashed my lips together and put the badge down. How many times am I going to tell them no? How many times will I have to sigh and ask them to leave me alone?
I took a deep breath before I spoke. “Jaymin has no problem with change.” I started. “Chances are he looks completely different now, with a new name and a new ID.” I said like I’ve been thinking about this for a while.
I just know.
“He won’t be in the area either.”
There’s one thing I know he’d be doing. The one thing he won’t change is what he likes. It may be a lot of things but it’s under one category. I shook my head slowly and sighed. I don’t know why I know so much but it was easy to figure it out.
What’s going to be hard is finding him.
What’s going to be hard is capturing him and making him confess.
He won’t do it, assuming that we actually find him.
“If you don’t mind, you’ll be taking the case.” The woman said.
“No.” I put the badge down on the table. “I’ll help but I’m not going to be the lead on this case.” That’s my only condition. I would rather have my focus on other things than deal with a murder case.
“If I can’t get that simple request, I’m putting in my resignation letter today.” I looked up at them.
I’m not going to explain to them what happened to me to make me want to quit this badly. I have other things to worry about. I already know I’m going to be treated differently. They know how close I got to Jaymin, so I bet they’ll be keeping an eye on me.
So, I don’t want more responsibility because it will only get worse for me. I have enough to deal with. I don’t even want to be here but I said yes anyway.
Psychologically, emotionally, physically, I don’t know how to keep going.
I feel like I’ve been ruined.
My fingers felt over the badge that was just handed to me. For now, I’m only helping the FBI. I won’t keep this. They can bribe me with all the benefits they want, and although it’s amazing, I would rather prioritize my health over the money.
My first day back and I’m already thrown in the case that forced me into medical leave in the first place.
A lot of evidence was thrown my way and I had to make sense of it all.
The people that were murdered, where they went, what they did, the places they were killed, what day and when. There was so much detail but it wasn’t much to tell me where Jaymin is.
All I know is that he’s doing this for fun.
He already got his revenge. What else is there now? Sure, he’s going to hate students that are at the performing arts school, but he’s only doing this for the fun of it. The only reason he’s having so much fun killing people is because he hasn’t been officially arrested. And with how crazy he really is, I don’t think it’s going to be easy to bring him down.
He’s smart, and he has friends that are keeping an eye out. As far as I’m concerned, I can’t trust anybody else. He could have people watching in places I wouldn’t know about. That’s how it was with Michael.
So this time I have to be careful.
One thing I know about Jaymin as a murderer is that he’s incredibly active early in the morning, around three and four a.m., and that leads me to think that he’s still working night shifts at clubs or he has a day job now and has the time to only do what he wants at night.
The second option doesn’t make it easy for him to have an alibi, however, he does have friends that would lie on his behalf.
Knowing Jaymin, he isn’t going anywhere unprotected.
I can’t go around the city with the FBI and the swat team. It will just turn into a blood bath on the spot. Jaymin would actually like that too, I know that.
So I wanted to test my theory. I said Jaymin loves change, but I know what won’t change about him. Everything he loves has to be fun for him, including what he does with his spare time. He loves his job, he loves people watching him, he loves doing things in front of people. The one thing that won’t change is where he works, what he works as, and what he likes to do.
I know the general area he might be working in.
That’s the one thing that won’t change.
It was late in the evening when I said I was leaving. I didn’t have plans to go home, at least not yet.
The craziest part of the city hasn’t changed. No one was worried about knowing the murderer that was on the loose. It’s not like it stopped the regular random crimes from happening. Nothing has changed here.
I haven’t been out of my comfort zone in months.
I tried to think of a spot where Jaymin would spend his nights. Which club was the dirtiest, had the wildest people, let anyone do whatever they wanted. He’d plant himself wherever it would be okay to be the freak that he really is.
There were plenty of places like that. But, only a few were for people that could handle it.
It makes me think that some wouldn’t care if they found out they were in bed with a murderer. Then I realized, some of them would even like that.
I wasn’t going to go into every club to find out if Jaymin was there or not. I looked at the signs for the different places around me. I took note of who went where, what kinds of people went where and made my judgement on that.
Jaymin doesn’t pick randomly so I shouldn’t either.
There was one club really at the edge of the city. It’s furthest away from the general public. The lights down these streets were low and it was quiet. Only people that were interested in being here were here. And I’m sure it’s only people that have been here before.
It was crowded, it was a quieter spot, but it seemed more dangerous.
It’s far enough that no one would ever suspect Jaymin would be here. With the time frame he’s killing people in, it has to only be this place. All the other clubs were either too boring or cheesy or too close by that he would be spotted in seconds.
I don’t understand how no one figured this out.
I was hoping that I was wrong, that I wasn’t going to see him tonight, that I could just start over with my search tomorrow morning. I was hoping that I could stay in my comfort zone, that I won’t be reminded of everything I did months ago. Things were bad, I have to admit that, but I didn’t know what was happening. I was deceived.
It’s better that I came alone.
The lights were low and the music wasn’t too loud. I could hear others talking, others screaming and laughing. The heavy air was filled with smoke, clouding my vision enough that it was hard to see. For a club that was barely on the map, there were a lot of people here. It must be one of those nights, the one’s where people need to get away and forget what’s going on in their life, those nights where they just don’t care.
I needed one of those.
And if Jaymin wasn’t here, I could breathe easy and lay low for a while.
I walked between people, keeping my head low and my expression casual. There were dancers up on the platforms and around the poles, some naked, others about to be. I was looking for someone with a lot of scars, wild eyes, and a dark presence. If Jaymin were here, I would definitely know it.
There was an empty table and I chose to sit down for a little bit. The dancers were having their own fun so they wouldn’t notice a quiet man like me taking a seat.
The second I sat down, however, I tensed up in the seat. My hairs were standing on ends, and I got goosebumps all over me. All I took was one breath before I knew what was going on.
“Detective.” A low voice moaned in my ear.
Everything happened so fast.
The next thing I knew, my gun was in my hand, and I was pointing it at someone’s head. I didn’t have to think twice about it either.
Jaymin was leaning over in front of me with a smile on his face as he licked his top row of teeth, exposing the bottom of his piercing. He stared cross-eyed at the gun I had pointed at his forehead, and it made him laugh, like it was truly funny that there was a gun to his head.
The only reason I was hasty to threaten him with being shot in the head was because my body reacted faster than my mind could’ve. It took me a second to recognize him but my body just knew.
His hair was grown out and dyed black, wavy and curly around his face. And I guessed he had contacts over his eye that was green. Both were brown now. Tonight, he had a green piercing on his tongue. He didn’t wear much, but it was enough that he wasn’t exposed; there was a black collar around his neck and it matched the black corset and lingerie he had on.
“I didn’t think you’d miss me this much.” he kept his smile on his face and looked me in the eyes.
“Think I won’t shoot?”
“If you do, would you fuck the wound?” he asked, sticking out his tongue to expose the piercing.
Those were things he always said. I haven’t forgotten that he’s into so much that it’s terrifying. And now he’s asking me if I would fuck a bullet wound.
“I wouldn’t mind if you did.” he was so excited to see me. “Although, I would be dead and wouldn’t feel you thrusting into my brain-”
I had to warn him that I wasn’t here to play around. “The safety is off-”
“That’s so hot.” he moaned.
Nothing I say will ever get through to him. It doesn’t matter if his life is being threatened, he will think of it as the sexiest thing that could happen to him. I don’t know what else to do either. If I pull the trigger now, everything is solved; no more murders, no more public disturbances, no more being out of my comfort zone.
“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” He whispered as he inched closer. “I won’t say no if you ask to fuck me.” he said, provoking me to move my finger over the trigger, just aching to pull it.
“Here’s the deal-”
“-turn yourself in, or I drag you myself.” I threatened.
He was barely paying attention, or he was just making fun of me. He sat over my lap, playing around with my tie as he pretended to think about the two options I gave him. He rolled his eyes and mashed his lips together, faking the thought process.
“Here’s the thing, detective,” he said slowly, “I don’t want to turn myself in. And it’s not because I want to rule the world or anything. I just really enjoy killing people.” he laughed. The second I heard him, I forced him back with the gun in my hand.
That just made him laugh harder. I don’t know what’s so funny about being threatened with a gun, but he was loving every second of it. This is what I used to deal with. Knowing Jaymin, he likes the gun play. He’d put this in places that it wasn’t meant for.
“Go ahead and do it, Morgan.” he tempted me. “Get it over with and shoot me,” he provoked me, losing the smile on his face. He yanked hard on my tie to pull me forward. ”Shoot me.” he was asking for it.
The only reason he would ask is because he knows I won’t do it.
“I promise your first murder will feel good.” his smile crept on to his face again. “And since it’s me, you can do whatever you want afterwards. It’s not like anyone would notice.” he stuck his tongue out again.
No one was going to say anything about the fact that I was pointing a gun at one of the dancers. Not one frightened scream was heard. No one tried to stop me, no one was going to say anything. Jaymin just smiled at me when I finally noticed. It doesn’t matter what I do here, nothing will happen.
“I know you, Morgan.” Jaymin leaned closer to me, his hands moving to my face and lifting my head up. “You wouldn’t hurt a damn fly.” His touch left chills on my skin. I wanted to fight back, to move him away, to shoot him like he dared me to.
“Is that a challenge?”
He was happy to hear that question. His smile left an unsettling feeling of fear in me. This was the smile of a psycho. Murder isn’t the worst thing he’s done. I’ve seen it. My threat was empty now. Seeing him smile brought back everything I wanted to get away from.
He was too close, to the point where I could feel him breathing on my skin. My heart sped in my chest and I could feel the blood rushing everywhere. His hands moved into my hair, gripping tightly to lift my head up while he touched my cheek with his lips.
His demand came quietly from his mouth, almost like he was begging for it, something he really wanted from me.
I can’t believe I had easily forgotten the control Jaymin had over me. It was a lot to take in once I realized again. I stared at my hand, wondering where I got the feeling that it was okay to put my hand around his neck. Now I was left asking myself whether if I was okay or not.
What’s wrong with me?
“You were always a cuddler.” Jaymin said quietly beside me.
It was five in the morning. I had to go in to work in three hours. Here I was, with Jaymin in a some swanky place because I couldn’t keep my hands off him. Whatever he tells me to do, I do it. That’s a big problem.
I was still staring at my hand, still worried that there was something wrong with me. If I were to look at his neck, I would see the bruises I put on his skin.
“Are you sad about what I let you do to me?” He was about to get too close to me.
I had my gun in my other hand and immediately pointed it at him to keep him at a distance away from me. I didn’t have to glance in his direction, but I kept my gun towards him so he knew I wasn’t in the mood.
“You’re always so mean to me.” He complained beside me.
“Considering everything you’ve done, me being mean is the least of your problems.” I looked at him slowly.
“And here I thought you really did miss me.”
“You’re getting real fancy with that gun there? You sure it’s even loaded?” He was playing with me. If I wanted to prove to him that it was loaded and shoot it off, I would’ve, but I didn’t.
“Do you really want me to kill you?”
“I’d let you do anything to me.” He pushed my hand down on the bed and moved on me.
Was he not done? Didn’t he just get his way? He smiled at me as he moved his arms on my shoulders. I was more than tempted to push him off me but something just changed about him. I felt like I shouldn’t do anything that might get on his bad side.
“Here’s the deal, Morgan.” He said. “I don’t like loose ends, so you’re going to be my guy on the inside.” I didn’t know what he meant, or at least maybe he doesn’t know anything. “Oh, you think I haven’t heard that the FBI just got you on board with them?”
“I’m not going to help you-”
“Think this through, Morgan.” He warned me.
The thing about Jaymin is that he slips away, he doesn’t get tracked or caught. I could bring him down right now if I wanted to. If I really wanted to. I could feel myself holding back. That’s the only thing I wanted to know about, why I wasn’t doing anything.
This was a big chance, yet I wasn’t doing anything.
“I’m still not going to help you.” I said anyway. Whatever he wants from me, he won’t get it.
“You’ll stay out of my way?”
“I’m not responsible for whoever catches you.” If he thinks I won’t talk about this, then he’s out of his mind.
“I really should’ve killed you.” He sounded disappointed.
My gun wasn’t in my hand. I wasn’t scared to see Jaymin holding it. If he wanted to kill me, he’d make it quick and easy. He wouldn’t display my body because what’s the fun in that? He’s making a statement, and I can’t help that.
“Stay out of my way, Morgan, and things will be just fine.” It was another warning.
I stared plainly at him. For a second, I considered not bothering him. In fact, that’s what I’ve been considering for the last month. I shouldn’t be dealing with him. I’m not the best person to handle him. I want to be off the case. So I had to catch myself when I said I wasn’t going to do anything.
I wanted to remain neutral but I can’t.
“I can’t wait to kill you.” I said without even thinking about it.
He smiled at me. “That’s hot. I knew you’d be a cold blooded killer.” He said as he got off me.
I didn’t respond to what he said. He has a tendency to tell me how much he knows about me but it really isn’t that much. I’m not a cold blooded killer. I just don’t want him around.
I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t doing anything when I had a clear shot too.
Jaymin’s still playing me. He knows I won’t hurt him even if I wanted to.