TW: Erotophonophilia, autassassinophilia, erotic asphyxiation.
Michael was always the person who caused problems for people, but he didn’t always do it on purpose. He was a scatter brain, abrupt and blunt, and sometimes talked about things that he didn’t need to talked about. He wasn’t always the smartest. He wasn’t as fast as the others at putting the pieces together. It’s not like he was like that on purpose. It’s not like he meant to do anything wrong.
I wanted to know why he let this happen to him. Why did he choose Jaymin over justice? It seems like I’m having a bit of an issue myself so some insight could he helpful.
“What happened to your hands?” He asked, gesturing to the bandages around my palms.
I lifted the sleeves of my jacket to show that it was much more than my hands. The look on his face was shock. I don’t know why, I’ve been hurt before.
“Jaymin doesn’t like when I interfere.” I said.
I’ll always have these scars to show that I would rather save someone else’s life than my own.
“Well obviously.” Michael scoffed at my comment about my arms. “What’d you think was going to happen? Him politely asking you to stop?” He laughed.
It was always like Michael to take things lightly.
“To me? No. Threatening my life and the life of people I love was enough to set me straight, let me tell you that.” he continued to laugh.
I’m never going to understand how a person his age can act so care free. Yet, he still chose Jaymin so that says a lot. I never asked him why he just...let Jaymin go that day? I mean, he made it clear that he would protect his family first before anything else, but to let a murderer go free is extreme. I shouldn’t ask though. I’m having my own problems right now and it’s worse than his.
“Seems like he got to you, too.” Michael said, actually being concerned for me. “You look like you’re about to snap.”
I guess I’ve been a little tired lately with trying to play both sides. I’ve only been playing one side though.
I stared down at the table. I didn’t want to talk about how much I’ve been struggling. I haven’t been sleeping that much ever since I got involved. Even now, I could feel the pain in my eyes from not sleeping last night.
“If you want to quit, you should.” Michael suggested.
“It won’t matter.” I sighed quietly.
“Why don’t you move away then? Go somewhere else so no one finds you.”
That sounds like a nice plan but the FBI will track me down. I don’t know people like Jaymin knows people. If I wanted to start my life over, I would literally have to kill my identity now. I don’t have the power to do that. I don’t even think I’d get very far if I tried.
It just made me wonder what it was like to lead a new life.
I wanted to start over as someone new.
But that won’t happen so easily.
“I didn’t come here to talk about my future, Michael.” I needed to change the subject. He was the one that said that I might snap. I really might if we keep talking about how compromised my life is.
“What do you need?” he asked.
“I have my suspicions that I’m being investigated by the FBI in secret.” I said as I put a photo down on the table.
I had a hunch so I tested it out to see if I was being followed. For a few days, I did everything out of the ordinary to shake up my schedule. Turns out there has been someone following me. The picture I showed Michael was of a man I thought that was investigating me. I haven’t approached him or seen him straight on, but when FBI tried to ambush me again with questions, this one picture came up, and they weren’t aware their investigator was on it. All this is beyond me.
“Do you know him?” I asked.
Michael got a good look, then he started to laugh. “You’re fine, Morgan. No one’s going to get you.” he sat back in his chair. “I know who he is, but I haven’t met him personally. All I can say is that he’s not watching you for the FBI.”
“Are you serious?”
“Oh, no. You’ve got it wrong. Jaymin isn’t spying on you.” he corrected himself. “You’re a liability now. Anything that happens to you exposes him. This guy here is making sure the FBI doesn’t get too close. Any videos, recordings, anyone else that might be a threat, you don’t have to worry about.”
I want to know how Jaymin stays one step ahead. I want to know how he knows people. I just don’t understand how he can get away with so much. How does he get in contact with people that messes with the government.
“Seems like the FBI has a leak, too. And it’s not you, Morgan.” he crossed his arms.
“I don’t understand how...”
"That part of the city gets a lot of attention. And who doesn’t love seeing entertainers perform?”
“Why am I not surprised that you’re still like this?” I brought my hand to my forehead and sighed again. Michael frustrates me but I think he believes that his sense of humor is charming when it really isn’t.
“I’ve seen some things, Morgan.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” I said quickly so he would stop. I’ve seen things too and the last thing I need is to compare with him.
For someone that’s been in jail for a few months, Michael seems untouched and unfazed by what it does to people. Sure, it really hasn’t been long but usually people have cracked by now. Michael is still happy-go-lucky and as blunt as always. Nothing’s changed. The only thing I have to get used to now is seeing him in the orange jump suit that everyone wears.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.” I said quietly, a little lost for hope.
“Well, if it were me, I’d fuck everything up.” he said honestly. “At the moment, you’re untouchable, right? Plus, Jaymin will kill you if you do something, so have fun.”
“I’m not a criminal.”
“The guy just wants to kill the Bullock family and be done with it.”
“You do know he’s killed a lot more people.”
“That’s cause y’all keep pissing him off.” he said, making it seem like I should’ve known that. “If you were to tell him any compromising information that threatens his plan to get revenge, he’d snap and go on a rampage.” he said.
“There has to be a way to get him to stop.”
Michael shrugged. He didn’t know how to make him stop and neither did I.
I have all the power to say everything and get the FBI on his trail. But now I’m more concerned I’m being watched from both sides. I don’t know who is the leak in the FBI and it’s frustrating. If I try to come forward, if I say everything I know, something bad will happen. I’m a liability now, Jaymin’s just keeping me in check. That’s it.
“I’m never going to understand what his deal is.” Michael shook his head. “I’ve been telling him to chill out, but I guess murder is one way to get pay back.” he made it seem like it was the most casual thing to do.
“You can’t...really tell sociopaths to...chill out.” I was sure he knew that, but I guess he didn’t. It dawned on me that Michael would have the same attitude for everyone. Just chill out and go with it.
He’d give me the same advice as well.
It’s either that, or mess everything up for the fun of it. Those are the two things he tells people. I’m not surprised. Look at what happened to him.
“You should just move away. Let the FBI handle this.”
“But I am FBI.” I said. I have the badge to prove it.
“Well you suck at it.” he laughed loudly. I had to admit that he wasn’t wrong. I do suck at it. I guess I don’t have this unwavering loyalty to justice.
Do I value my life more?
I don’t like being messed with. Maybe I should try watching out for myself more. Why should I devote myself to the FBI when they’re just going to tear me apart? Why should I give everything to Jaymin when he’ll just through me away once he finishes killing the family that ruined him? I should think about myself instead.
“I think I’m...going to go.” I sounded a bit sad, though I didn’t mean to be. There’s a lot to think about and I’m overwhelmed.
I hadn’t realized how much of a mess I was till today.
I had to admit that I wasn’t terribly angry with Michael anymore. I realized what my own situation was and put myself in his position. It’s not that he thought he was doing something right. He’s thinking about himself, and in all honesty, that’s the only person that matters to him. I’m sure if he had a choice to do it again or not, he would do it. If I were to think the way he’s thinking, then maybe things would change for me.
We’ll see about that.
Tonight was my first night off in a couple days but I was not surprised when I received a phone call about another murder. I didn’t plan on coming anyway, but I went to the scene to see what we were dealing with.
It’s the same old thing like usual.
It seems like a routine now.
No one is that shocked by what they see. Sure, it’s different every time but we know who it is and that they’re just trying to make a point.
Jaymin needs to up his game. He’s about to get boring.
“Male, mid thirties, D.O.S.” the leading officer, Owen, told me.
FBI was all around, looking for evidence. I had this hunch that they were going to find a lot which was unusual. Jaymin tends to be clean, well for himself, not the victim. But we barely ever find evidence.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Christian Bullock.” he said. “We haven’t called the family yet to see what was going on, but we can make a good guess.”
Yes we can.
I turned to see the body, only to find a horrific sight. I shouldn’t be surprised, yet my eyes widened at the scene. Jaymin really didn’t spare this man.
“His organs were pulled out of his body which seems more extreme.” Owen said beside me when he turned to see the scene himself.
Christian definitely had his organs pulled out from his abdomen. His intestines were out of his body and forced in his mouth. I didn’t...know what to say.
“Apparently, his heart was smashed, too.”
“You’d have to break his ribs to get to his heart.”
“Yeah.” The officer looked at me.
So not only did Jaymin force feed a dying man his intestines, he broke through the man’s ribs and smashed his heart with who knows what weapon. I should not be surprised that Jaymin would go above and beyond with the theatrics. This is literally his favorite thing to do.
I walked up closer to see the body as FBI agents scattered around to check the scene. The man’s rib was in fact broken into; his chest was gaping open through his ripped sweater. Where his heart should’ve been was just a smashed pile of flesh. His heart was probably part of it.
I think Jaymin’s choice of weapon was a baseball bat.
He probably beat Christian to unconsciousness. There were other smaller wounds, broken bones puncturing through his skin. His neck seemed contorted. Blood pooled from his body and his mouth where his intestines were stuffed. This happened an hour ago.
To think he was alive an hour ago, only to have his life taken so brutally.
“Caverly!” Owen called me over quickly. “We’ve got another case, let’s go.” he said as a few other agents rushed off into their cars.
There’s another case? Already? Have we had two in one night?
This murder was just called in by an anonymous person. When they tried to trace the call, they figured immediately that it came from a burner phone. The location was the address given by the anonymous caller so it’s not like we’d get clues from that. I didn’t hear who it was but I could make a guess.
I wasn’t going to act surprised.
Tonight we get two in one.
I did say that Jaymin had to up his game so this wouldn’t get boring, and here he did that for us.
We met with another officer from a different county. It took us an hour to get to the new location which means one thing; Jaymin was just here. He made the anonymous call so we could find the body. Clearly, being on the outside of the city where it’s actually quiet and bodies are just dumped into the river makes it harder for cases to be solved. Though, this isn’t my area. And the body wasn’t dumped.
“We’ve got a man here who’s had his organs fed to him.” The woman said, keeping us back from the crime scene. “Considering how you guys have been dealing with difficult cases, I’m assuming this one is yours.”
“FBI will handle it.”
“Doesn’t seem like FBI’s doing their job.” she commented as she let us walk by.
The body was in the same condition as Christian’s.
“Is this Christopher Bullock?” I asked the leading officer.
“How’d you know?” She called out.
Well, his brother was killed earlier. The same death for identical twins. Did Jaymin think this was funny?
Their families are not going to like the news.
I sighed quietly and waved other FBI agents to go ahead and start clearing the scene. By now, the others should be done with clearing the scene with Christian’s body. It’s a shame that we have two in one night.
“Hey, Morgan...” Owen came by, a grave expression on his face as he looked at me. “We’ve...got another one.”
“A third one?” I asked in shock.
“Just got called in.”
“How the hell can no one find him?” I was seconds away from yelling. “There’s a trail of blood on the ground but it hasn’t even been mentioned by anyone that they were going to follow the trail!” I pointed out loudly to the other agents.
“The trail leads nowhere, Morgan.”
I wanted to not be mad. I wanted to control myself. I wanted to get things together. But this isn’t fair. Why does he get away with this? Why does he get to mess with us? This is the third murder in one night. We all know he’s active but we just can’t find him.
I took a breath and calmed down as I walked with the others so we could go over to the third scene. I thought of everything to put the pieces together.
There’s a trail of blood on the ground. Just drops. No foot prints. Jaymin got his hands dirty. He’s moving frantically and killing more than he usually does, a few people in one night; that means something happened. There’s something that’s made him act fast. I don’t know it yet for one of two reasons: the FBI might be closing in and arrested all the people that’s associated with Jaymin which is something they aren’t going to tell me yet, or there is something on the outside that’s affecting his plan.
Right now, he’s not trying to be precise for the fun of it. The twins murder, he wasn’t doing it for laughs. He did it out of spite. It’s his way of telling the family to eat shit and die. He’s angry. That’s no surprise. But tonight, it’s visible that he’s angry.
He killed three people in one night.
The third victim was just a young woman, not one that we could identify yet.
There was a struggle with her death, I could already see that when I got close to the body. There were hand prints around her neck, and they were bloody. Autopsy will find out that her trachea was crushed from the force of Jaymin’s hands. There was blood on her mouth and around her face, too. He tried to get her to shut up because she probably saw something she wasn’t supposed to. There were no blows to her body using a murder weapon.
However, she did have a broken limb.
Her left leg was broken and twisted in a way that made her bones pop out.
It wasn’t till I saw that did my left leg throb. It’s like I could feel the pain all over again. That’s when the fear made it through to me. That’s when I started to feel afraid for my life. I remembered the pain in my leg and how I got injured. This girl probably suffered the same way.
The most frustrating thing about this is that I couldn’t stop any of them from being killed. I couldn’t help anyone. This last murder, this one was a warning.
Now we have three dead bodies to worry about tonight.
Who knows what will happen tomorrow.
“You okay, Morgan?” Charlie was the first one at the third crime scene. He saw me go into shock and he stood by me the entire time while I was quiet. “You should go home, you’re lookin’ a little sick there.” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“I’m f-fine.” I didn’t sound fine.
My leg hurt so badly. It was beginning to hurt to stand.
“Morgan, seriously.” Charlie pushed me forward gently so I could leave the scene. “You come in tomorrow don’t you? The last thing we all need is you falling over.”
I should go home...
I stared blankly at the other agents that were passing me by. Charlie was still talking behind me, telling me to leave so the rest of them didn’t have to worry about me. Everything began to move by quickly, and I was left standing in the dust. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I felt the pain again, it was that same pain that made me sweat.
The same pain that reminded me why I could never get away. Why I couldn’t do the right thing. Why I should just back off and let things happen.
There was so much and I couldn’t handle it.
After Charlie rattled on about me leaving, I finally left. It was a difficult walk home. The last murder was nearby so it wasn’t a long walk, but with every step, I felt the pain in my leg. Just one wrong movement and it felt like my bones might shatter.
I think I was in shock. I think I was in a shock so bad that I didn’t realize anything going on around me. I couldn’t react. I couldn’t have a clear mind. I was in complete and utter shock. Nothing made sense anymore.
I walked into my apartment, seeing a trail of blood on the floor when I turned on the lights to the living room. The blood led to the kitchen. My heart didn’t beat too hard. I didn’t feel a pang of fear. I saw the blood outside my door, too. I wasn’t...All I had was the shock from the entire night resting on my mind. There could be nothing worse.
Jaymin was standing in the middle of my kitchen, his hands soaked in blood; it dripped from his finger tips and on to the floor. There’s one more body. The blood on his hands is fresh. There’s one more body to find.
“W-what are you...doing here?” I asked slowly, trying to find my voice because I was still in shock from earlier. My hands were getting hot from being nervous.
Jaymin was shaking, his eyes were red, and he was a complete mess. I can’t forget the blood that was all over him. It’s been three days since I’ve seen him and this is the worst I’ve seen him. Ever. He looked...crazy.
“I haven’t slept in three days.” he said quietly.
Is that supposed to explain why he was here? Did he want something from me? I can’t...help him with sleep when I’m not getting any of my own.
“There’s blood...on the floor.” I looked around, but didn’t panic. I just...didn’t know how I was going to clean this all out. I don’t have bleach. I have to buy bleach.
I have to buy a lot of bleach.
While I was thinking about what I was going to do, Jaymin snapped. He just about yelled at me. “Of course there’s blood on the floor! You’re clearly not paying attention.”
Was I supposed to feel something?
There was a lot of blood on the floor.
“What is wrong with you?” he asked when I didn’t respond.
He wants me to do something or act a certain way. He knows that I...what does he want from me? He killed four people in one night. There’s something...wrong with him...he needs help. There’s blood on the floor. I should take care of that.
The second I looked up, I saw a glass cup coming my way. I immediately ducked to avoid the hit; I heard it hit the wall, shattering to pieces as the broken glass fell to the floor.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” he shouted. “You don’t ever do a damn thing and that pisses me off.” he yelled at me.
“What am I supposed to do?-”
“Get mad! Get pissed off! I made the FBI look like a bunch of fucking idiots tonight, you should be screaming!”
I should be screaming. On a normal night, I would be mad, but right now I couldn’t seem to find a reason to feel anything. I was a void at the moment. I couldn’t process what was going on. That’s what happens when people go into shock. Nothing makes sense.
I stared blankly at him and that made it so much worse. He didn’t just snap, he’s gone crazy. He threw another glass cup at me and I moved aside so it would hit the wall, breaking to pieces and falling on the floor. That wasn’t enough to set me off. Breaking my things wasn’t enough so he was going to do something a step worse.
He had a wine bottle out, the one I told him not to touch before. It didn’t just slip out of his hand, he smashed it on the ground, the wine spreading everywhere and mixing with the blood on the floor. I was supposed to save that bottle for a...a special occasion since I didn’t get married. I stared at the broken glass of the olive green bottle.
Whatever I was feeling, it hurt. A lot.
I wanted to tell him to leave but I couldn’t find my voice. I opened my mouth to talk but I couldn’t use my voice. All that came out of my mouth was air. I was stunned. This entire night has been a mess for me and I want it to be over.
When Jaymin realized that he wouldn’t get what he wanted out of me, he sighed angrily and turned away. “I’m leaving.” he said, and that was the end of that.
He left and I was alone.
There was so much to think about but my brain chose to shut it all off. I don’t need to think about anything. If I do, I’ll get overwhelmed. I’ll panic. If I stay a void, I can control my emotions. I should be mad, but I wasn’t. That’s because I didn’t want to think about it.
But it was so hard to hide everything that I was thinking about.
I sat down on the floor quietly once I felt my leg throbbing again. I don’t think I would be able to make to my room. I should clean up the mess but I don’t have the strength. I can’t do anything. When I looked down at my hands, I saw that my fingers were clenched into fists; it was like I was angry, well I didn’t feel angry but my body reacted like I was. My fingers were clenched so tight that my finger nails were pressing into the inside of my palms, causing pain to my injury I received days ago.
My bandages began to turn red from the blood.
I ripped my stitches again.
I walked into work slowly in the morning. I was barely awake but I didn’t sleep much. I was still a mess from last night. I could barely pull myself together enough to get to work. It seems like now I hate this job more than ever. I would rather quit. I’m just waiting for the right moment. My leg was hurting me and all the pain killers in the world would not help me stop it. Today I just had to deal with it.
I could hear yelling coming from the back room. It sounded like the Chief’s barking voice, that kind of yelling when no one wants to listen to him. Then I heard Keith’s voice right after, yelling back without missing a beat. When Harley came over to me, she didn’t say anything as the yelling continued.
Has it been like this all morning?
The two of them have a tendency to disagree on everything.
“So...” She started quietly as she turned back to the sound of the two voices yelling. “Bethany is here to...see you-you look a mess, Morgan.” She looked me up and took a step back.
“I heard. Four murders in one night. That’s hectic.” She said.
I didn’t even get to see the last one and I was okay with that. I need more time to breathe. I can’t keep going like this.
“That’s probably karma for making jokes all week.” She huffed out and turned around again. “Anyway, Bethany is here to see you.” She turned back to me and put her hands in my hair to ruffle and mess it up. “You’re forgetting to take care of yourself again.” She sighed as she tried to make me look presentable.
I just need a haircut and a shave. And sleep but that one won’t happen.
She pulled on my jacket and yanked my tie to straighten it.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
“She’s such a nice girl, and the only thing she’s talked about in the last thirty minutes is you, so I’m fixing you up with her.”
“She likes you. A lot.” Harley smiled widely.
“She just graduated professional school-”
“So did you, like four years ago.” She pressed her hands to my face to warm up my cheeks. Was I looking pale, too?
“I’m not going out with her-”
Harley took a step back and put her hands on her hips. She stared at me, probably at her finished work that took thirty seconds to do. Or she was stunned at my complete disapproval of wanting to be set up with someone I barely know.
“I know a few guys if that’s your interest-”
I walked away from her. I’m not interested in anyone right now. But Harley will continue to make fun until my life is over. Right now, I just wanted to know what Bethany wanted so she can go away. Harley won’t ever stop joking unless she’s gone.
Both of us walked in the Chief’s office and she was sitting in the chair patiently for someone to talk to her. There was a container in her hands. It smelled like cookies. Did she really make cookies for people? I was hoping she wouldn’t turn into one of those women.
She turned back and looked at me quickly. A smile brightened up her face. “Hey, Morgan, they said you would be late today.” She got up from the chair.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m just fine, actually. Thanks to you.” She smiled. “In all honesty, I thought I was going to die. Did you see the news this morning? That could’ve been me.”
I forgot how much she talked.
“All the other officers trust you. Apparently, they said the second you said you had a hunch something was happening, they knew the real work had to start.” She continued.
People are always talking about me. If there’s a good side, then there’s a bad side.
“But they also said you’re a traitor now though they didn’t seem to mind it.”
I looked at Harley. Should we find out who’s having conversations in front of people we’re working for? Harley was just as surprised as I was about it. Bethany didn’t seem that distracted though.
“Anyway, I just wanted to bring something by. It’s mostly thanks for saving my life.”
For now, I don’t think she’s in danger. But as much as I can tell if something will go wrong, Jaymin is extremely unpredictable. There are times where it’s difficult for me to tell what’s going on with him.
“I just had a feeling, Bethany. There’s no reason for you to go out of your way to make us things.” I said as she handed me the bowl of cookies.
“I bake when I’m anxious. So it was going to happen anyway.” She shrugged.
“Are you still going to work at the restaurant?” Harley asked.
“Yeah. I decided not to quit.” She said sheepishly. “I’m the lead dancer, you know. When you’re in charge, sometimes people follow whatever you do.” She moved her hand behind her neck and looked to the side. “I’m just praying that this second chance lasts a long time.” She smiled.
I stared at her.
How can she be so optimistic? How can she put her entire life on fate? Fate wanted her dead. I had to step in and stop it.
Can I give the cookies back?
“Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. And I’m sorry about what happened to you. I hope it wasn’t because of me.” She said.
“It wasn’t. Don’t worry about me.” I said.
“Well, I should get going.” She said as she walked by us. “Thanks again.” She waved at us as she left the office.
I looked at Harley. “She wasn’t interested.” I said but Harley pointed to the bowl cover. Bethany wrote her number in sharpie. “She probably wants the bowl back.” I said.
Harley groaned, throwing her head back as she turned around and stomped out of the office.
I don’t know what to tell her. Harley knows I don’t want to be set up with anyone. Bethany is a nice woman, but she’s not my type. She talks too much. I can’t deal with that.
I followed Harley out, just about to reason with her but she turned around abruptly and stopped me.
“Anthony is nice.” She said. That’s not relevant information. Why would she tell me that? Unless... “And he’s super gay, you know, into guys are who are passionate about the things they love.” She smiled.
That’s not me anymore.
I stared at her plainly. Did she want me to say something because I really didn’t want to. She can’t just set me up with anyone. And I told her I’m not interested.
“So you’re not bi. You’re not ace because I’ve heard about your hook ups-”
“I’m not interested.” I told her again.
“Out of the years I’ve known you, I haven’t seen you in one committed relationship.” She complained. And before I could say something, she stopped me. “And don’t say you’re committed to the law or justice because nobody will want you if you say that out loud.” She said.
I sighed and walked by her.
“I just don’t want to date.” I told her as I walked to my desk, setting the container down.
“What are you?” She asked. When I didn’t answer she sighed again. “You’ve had this whole mystery vibe going for you for four years, Morgan. It’s time to tell me things.”
At my age, my sexuality doesn’t mean a thing to me. However, I have to admit I’ve been thrown into things that has made me think a little harder about what I want.
I stared plainly at Harley.
“I like who I like.” I finally said as I opened up the container.
“Dammit, Morgan.” She threw her hands up. “One day, I will find out.”
“Yeah, good luck.” I scoffed, having my attention on the cookies. Bethany went out of her way to find out what my favorite cookies are, they better taste good.
“Morgan, Harley.” Keith was just at my desk, slamming down a pile of paper work. “Alexa didn’t finish the work from last night-”
“I wasn’t there last night.” Harley said quickly so she didn’t have to do it.
“Neither was I-”
“Yes, you were.” Keith looked at me so I couldn’t lie. “We made twenty arrests last night so we’re swamped at the moment.”
“Was it those people we were tracking?”
“Yep. We got all of them.” Keith smiled and that’s the first time I’ve seen him do that. It probably was a shit eating grin but it counted for something.
“We’ve IDed all the murder victims, got a good portion of the evidence. Autopsy is working on the last girl, so you can go to the hospital to look that up later.” Keith was piling up the work on me rather fast.
Though I do need something to do.
“We also have an order to shoot on sight if we find him. So that’s good news.” Keith added, still smiling. So it’s official now. If anyone finds Jaymin, they’re allowed to kill him. Or not. It’s their choice if they find him.
Is it me, or does Keith seem like he’s in a happier mood today?
Things must be going great for him.
“There’s been another shooting inside one of those law firm buildings.” He told Harley. “I know how you like going with the SWAT team to defuse the situation.”
She actually does love it. She always says there’s something about wearing a bullet proof vest that makes her feel invincible. I don’t ever talk to her when she gets to go on trips with the bomb squad. That’s when she really goes insane.
“I’m on it.” She said as Keith turned away.
That was after he picked up a cookie in the batch that was not meant for him. I stared at him as he walked off to talk to Rebecca.
I looked at Harley. “Did he just...”
“Should I fix you up with Keith?” She asked. My eyes widened at the question. “It’s not like I know if he’s interested but something could blossom-”
“If I ever quit this job, it’s because this conversation pushed me over the edge.” I told her.
She laughed hard as she walked away from me. Even as I saw her go to another room, I heard her obnoxious laughter. Are we still trying to cope with everything going on, or is she serious about trying to set me up with someone?
Instead of worrying, I decided to eat my cookies and get to work.
I’m going to be here all day with everything I have to do.
Late at night I had this feeling like I should be somewhere. I wasn’t sure what was pulling me towards where I usually go, but I didn’t stop myself. I always say that I’m at the point where I don’t care. Now it’s just that I want to do whatever I want to do.
I stopped caring.
When that happens, I stopped feeling.
The only reason I haven’t had a mental breakdown is that I stopped caring about absolutely everything. I do what I’m supposed to, and I do what I want to. That’s how everything should be. I’m done worrying about what could happen to me. With what’s left, I have a feeling that I’ll lose my job soon. Apparently, losing my job is my only incentive for moving; if it happens, I’m packing up and leaving.
I have to decide where I’ll go and what I’ll do.
I thought about this on my walk near the party side of the city. Nothing ceases to amaze me here. It’s like the rest of the world doesn’t matter when people come down here. And I get the whole “wanting to forget life” vibe about this part of the city, but I have a feeling that this is why the rest of the place is in turmoil. So many just want to have fun.
I guess that really isn’t a problem.
I needed a break, so I came to get it.
I also came to see what Jaymin was up to. Last night wasn’t a good night for either of us, mostly me but apparently it looked like he had a hard time as well. There had to be something wrong with him, besides him being an absolute psycho, but I wanted to know what he knows now. He was out of character last night. Or maybe, I just didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
That’s not something to worry about now.
I walked into one of the clubs, the one I know he worked at, the one that seemed darker than all of the others. No one gives me dirty looks anymore, no one whispers about me, I’m not even noticed anymore. The dancers don’t bother me, I don’t care what I see, I don’t care what I hear. I was more concerned about other things. It’s not like I would spend my time with them anyway.
Jaymin was somewhere around here. The second he sees me, he’ll come by if he’s not tied down and being used by someone else. I don’t usually wait long.
The second I sat down, I got a cold chill running up my spine and goosebumps on my skin. That only happens when death is near by.
“Well, well, I didn’t think you would show up.” Jaymin was right in front of me, taking up my personal space which I was used to. He was wearing black lingerie that he occasionally wears when he feels like it. I’m sure the creeps around here like it.
I was more concerned that he was in my space. He had no problem getting close to me. Yet, I could feel his burning anger all over me. Is he still mad? I would hate to make him like me again.
“A little anger turned you on, Morgan?” he asked.
I bet he’s still on fire about what happened last night.
“I take it you know that all of your friends were arrested last night. So you went on your little murder spree to speed up the pace.” I said to him, curious to see what his reaction might be.
By the way he stepped back, it seemed like he didn’t know what happened. He went on killing four people just because he had a few bad days. He stared at me, slightly horrified that now he was out in the open.
He turned away, looking for something. He looked confused as he turned around. Then he looked at me, “Oh, I’m sorry, I was just looking for the fuck I was supposed to give.” he wasn’t surprised.
“You think a minor set back is going to make me ‘tremble with fear’ or ‘worry for my life’?” He asked. “You don’t know me at all if you think this is going to scare me.”
He’s good at covering up his emotions when he wants to. He didn’t anticipate his only line of defense being arrested. Now he’s going to have a hard time killing people. That’s one reason why he pushed himself so much last night, that and because it’s funny making the FBI his bitch as well. He won’t admit it, but he is a little scared.
“You didn’t hear this from me but there is an order to shoot on sight.” I said.
“Gonna do it?” he asked, wanting me to get to the point.
I ignored his comment.
“You’ll probably get the death penalty even if you turn yourself in so it doesn’t matter.”
“Either way, you’re going to get caught. I just wanted to let you know that the FBI is really on your trail, and it’ll be over for you soon.” I said plainly as I looked up at him.
He stared down at me without saying a word. I don’t know if it was him thinking or if he was having a mental break down but he remained quiet, his expression plain under the low red lighting.
Then he got closer to me, putting his hands down on the arms of the chair so he could get to eye level.
“The only way I’d ever stop is if you kill me yourself.” He said quietly. I wanted to tell him that isn’t my responsibility but he stopped me. “We both know damn well you’re so ready to have my head on a stick. You’ve threaten me quite a few times, too.”
I no longer feel enough guilt, regret, or anger to even think about pulling the trigger. I said I don’t care. I’m not going to be the one to do anything.
“You think about it, don’t you?” he whispered.
I didn’t answer.
“You want to.”
I didn’t want to the way he was making it seem. This was only for sexual pleasure. He thinks it turns me on when it doesn’t. I don’t think of it like that...
His finger moved under my chin and lifted my head so I could look him in the eyes.
“Playing shy now?”
“I don’t want to kill you anymore. I don’t know what you expect from me, but I’m not doing anything for your satisfaction.” I made myself clear.
“For my satisfaction? Morgan, you’re practically wet just thinking about getting your hands dirty with my blood.” he smiled.
I don’t think about it the way he thinks I do. Not everything has a sexual tie to it. Jaymin just can’t comprehend that.
“I wouldn’t mind if you did it.” he sat down on my lap his hand taking mine. “The thought of you ruining me gets me so...” his hand moved mine to his crotch so I could feel his cock pulsing at my finger tips. He’s turned on. The thought of me killing him turns him on.
Who knows the different ways he wants to be offed. One thing was for sure though, I was the only person that would be able to do it. He won’t let anyone else touch him just because he’s waiting for that moment when I will. As if I will.
“Just do it, Morgan.” his other hand lifted to my face gently. “I promise your first kill will feel amazing.” he whispered quietly.
I wanted him to stop talking about this. I had this awkward feeling inside me, it made me think there was something wrong. What I couldn’t understand was why his words were getting to me. I told myself that none of this should matter. I know that Jaymin was just baiting me, trying to get a response like he always wants from me. He thinks I like murder and he couldn’t be further away from the truth.
“You like hurting me, don’t you, Morgan?”
“I don’t indulge in the same things you do.”
“Really, Morgan?” It’s not like Jaymin believed me, and why should he when I give in to some of the stuff he does? “How long are you going to keep saying that?” He asked.
“How long are you going to remain in hiding?”
“However long it takes for you to end my streak of fun.” He answered without missing a beat.
And I had half a mind to believe he was serious too. Jaymin is not kidding. If I don’t stop him, no one else will. I’m still in that mindset that he’s not my problem, that I shouldn’t worry about him, that I shouldn’t waste my time.
I’ll lose everything just because of him.
And I see him smiling and think how he became so care free. Doesn’t all the weight of those murders burden him? Doesn’t he feel terrible about it? I had to remind him that he likes killing, that it makes him feel good. He wouldn’t be trying to force me into it if he didn’t like. I don’t know what I should say about that.
I was sure anything he said wasn’t true.
I was sure that I wouldn’t be bothered.
But it felt like there was a slight electric shock that went through my body every time he got me to feel like I needed to kill him, like that’s the only way I’d get any form of bliss. It was unsettling and I didn’t want to talk about it. He makes the topic seem so normal, yet so enticing. I know he’s doing it on purpose but I just couldn’t help it.
Now I was conflicted.
I saw his hand move to his neck, his fingers tapping on his neck. My hand moved to let my fingers wrap around his throat. It was just so easy to have my hands around his neck. Now it was second nature. He came closer to me but I didn’t move away when I felt his breath on my skin.
I didn’t notice anything else that was going on.
My focus was just on him.
And what I could do.
My fingers pressed slightly harder on his skin and I heard his breath hitch quietly as I made it harder for him to breathe. It was such a subtle sound that I had to strain to hear it. I got that same electric feeling pulse through my body when I heard the light gasp that came from his lips; his breath was cut short just by my fingers.
I could do anything at this point.
I had so much control every time I got the chance to have my fingers pressing into his throat.
There was nothing new about this. I’ve done it before, had my hands on him, choked him. This isn’t new for me.
“Suffocate me,” he whispered hoarsely.
But when he told me to choke him, the feeling changed.
I wanted to suffocate him.