THE BOTTLE OF TRUTH
A bottle with green cover & my eyes filled with tears of desperation. That 7-year-old me wanted all the attention of the guests gathered in the house, Cried, shouted and even stepped over 3-year-old brother with all my might. My dad like all other Asian dads ended up beating me.
I reached for the bottle and diluted its content as much as possible, didn’t want to die a painful death may be. Drank everything without even leaving a drop behind, I hated my life that much. Waited entire day, got sick, vomited out couldn’t eat dinner. Nobody knew what I have done. The last thought on my mind while going to sleep was “wish I had another chance”. I don’t know what 7-year-old me realized about life back then but I suddenly never wanted to die. I wanted to try as hard as possible, wanted to defeat everything to have my life.
(Nobody knew about that suicide attempt back then, several years later when I told my dad about this he just asked when was it? and went on with his work)
Curse of being unwanted middle child. First child was planned, mother went on with several abortions to avoid having a girl child till it threatened her life hence she had to give birth to me. Few years after that a much-desired boy was born & I was left in the hands of mercy. I became an outcast for not knowing how to behave and for being idiot, to my defense nobody taught me about life, everything I learnt was from books and books don’t teach about life. Cousins laughed over me, made fun of me. I was always the one being bullied and nobody came to my rescue. Being bullied was still better than not being able to be with others, which happened most of the times. I wanted to play, I wanted to have fun, I wanted to be happy but none of that was possible while getting neglected.
Then I made my own world where I set the rules, I can have as many persons as I want with me. Sometimes I played with them, sometimes I taught them, sometimes I brought them new clothes, sometimes I was their parent sometimes they were mine, I even hugged them and they hugged me back as well. I am still happy in that world I have everything anybody can ever desire in this world. I have dated celebrities, heirs, handsome travelers and even dated a 22-year-old handsome kid while I am a 40-year-old on the verge of divorce woman.