SERIAL KILLER

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NEGLECTION & BEGINNING OF EUPHORIA

Blood was flowing heavily through my head but somehow, I didn’t feel pain at all, I could hear a sound which seemed like sound of malfunctioned microphone. Everything was so peaceful, I could see various colours in front of my eyes, in all that chaos my mother came running out of kitchen after hearing my brother crying. She picked him up and I could see genuine care and love in her eyes. She seemed very concerned about the thing which is made her son cry. She was unable to see anything back then apart from her crying son “a true mother”. I was watching a true mother worried about her child & still after watching everything I wasn’t able to cry myself. She was trying every little trick to stop her son cry & then after failing, she decided to ask me to look after her son for the time being but she was horrified to see me at that moment. After that all I remember was being carried by our helper and waking up in the worst corner of shared bed. My memory of that day is in bit and pieces but I can still vividly remember how concerned she was for her son.

Without a doubt she loved her son most back then and I can’t remember her hugging me, laughing for me or embracing me but people told me that during my infant years I never let her go, it was impossible for her to perform household work because of me. Then my brother passed the age of 6 and she suddenly stopped hugging and embracing him, I could suddenly see the that distant feeling in her eyes for my brother which was there every time whenever she looked at me and my sister. After that she treated all of us equally if she hated us than she hated us equally, she never treated any of specially. That was the thing which I loved most about her, as if she decided not to listen and she never listened to any of us, never tried to understand any of us. That’s why she is the most loved person in my life.


My mother bought me new dress, it was quite pretty, a blue colored with floral print, a dress from my dreams. I was quite happy with the dress that I showed it to entire town that day. But my happiness was cut short by an unfortunate incident. My dad whom I always wanted to show best of me that’s why I excelled in every class and every subject I studied till that date. I was model and honest daughter, a daughter desired by everyone. I was good at household work too even at the age of 10. That dad came home early for the lunch, I prepared his lunch and offered him. But he put me in charge of an important task of watching over persons whom it seemed like he had employed and they were doing something with LPG cylinder, my task was to make them put cylinder in proper place after they were finished with the work but I ended up answering natures call and going to toilet at that very deciding moment. When dad came back and asked me about cylinder I childishly but honestly told him that “I don’t know about the cylinder, when I came back there was no cylinder”. Those words were doom for me. He came back with a long yet thin stick and started beating me. I pleaded a lot, I even promised him to not repeat such mistake again but he never listened. He continuously beat me for more than half an hour. I was shouting for help I was asking for my mother but nobody came to my rescue. Then my mother showed up and ordered him to stop this hellish act right away. She explained him that she was the one who took care of cylinder in place of me and he should have checked for cylinder first & then everything stopped nobody came to ask me how I was feeling or that my dad is sorry, I even told him that it was his mistake but he never responded. I could see my torn new dress, blue bruises all over my 10-year-old body but nobody took care of me back then. That was the day I stopped feeling any kind of physical pain what so ever ,I never even shed any tears for physical pain after that day.


I was crying my heart out in the fear of failing in front of my dad, I wanted to show best of me and I couldn’t even pass the first exam in my life. I was told that students whose names aren’t announced in passed categories are deemed to be failed. I was so disappointed in myself that I started crying right away after my name was missing from passed category. I was 6-year-old and nobody ever told me the meaning of getting 1st position so for me not being in the list of pass is failing even if got the 1st position itself. I cried whole day over that. I was such naive girl.


Once representative from child care association came to my school and briefed us over child safety procedures etc. I always listened to people whenever I could see genuine concern in their eyes, so I took their lesson to my heart.

Me and my aunt were home alone that day. She was beautifully stitching the clothes. I had a sudden urge to put my finger beneath the needle of stitching machine and I ended up getting badly scold for that heinous act, she even threatened (jokingly) to kill me but my childish mind was too naive to understand concern behind her that fake threat. My 7-year-old self-decided to ask for legal help because I was too scared to lose my life back then and I dialed the police helpline number and explained everything to them briefly that how my life was in danger. My naive self had no limit back then.


I caught sis and little bro eating treats behind my back and asked for one for myself from my dad and then I came to know that dad has been sending treats to all of us since years and I haven’t received even a single one because both my siblings ganged up to steal my treats hence, I never came to know about this theft. Not only this they used to eat my portion of the food and my mum used to refuse to cook me more because it was my responsibility to take care of my food. I slept numerous I slept with hungry stomach on numerous nights and nobody cared to ask me that if I want something.


My sister used to cook dinner back then and my responsibility was to buy vegetables, wash them, cut them while my sister used to only cook them, and I have to even prepare dough and make breads, so basically entire work was done by me and she used to get credit for everything. I couldn’t even REBEL, I was afraid of her because she was strong and was very good manipulator. We used to share double bed and all I had was 1/4th part of the bed and that too a shady and moist corner, I wasn’t even allowed to sleep with windows open. I had no rights over TV remote, I had to watch but she wanted to watch that too for a hour or two in a day and most of the time she used to lock the door from inside of the TV room and I wasn’t allowed to enter. Nobody gave attention to that bullying.


I was good looking but my complexion was bit darker than my sister and I even had white spots all over my face, I even sucked at common sense and wasn’t even good at lying to my parents hence I was canter of bullying. My cousins used to make fun of my dark complexion and used to call me all sort of names, I was left alone most of the time when everybody else was playing and nobody gave attention toward it.


I used to go to school and had no idea how to behave because nobody taught me these things hence despite being a brilliant student, I was a laughing stock. I used to pick all kinds of rapper, newspaper cuttings, banners etc from trash because those were my only teachers. I used to read them to learn manners, to learn how to behave hence I always ended up overdoing everything. when I used to come back from school till the time of sleeping nobody had any idea of where I was that was the amount of freedom (neglection) I got in my entire life. I was only remembered when my siblings needed me to make a scapegoat out of me by deceiving me and I was ready to do anything for them as long as they let me join them in their plays and games yet them never let me. I was only remembered by my dad when he wanted to beat me up for something g I didn’t even do or something as small as buying a chocolate from the money I received from the guests.

Later on, I came to know that everybody had their reasons to do what they did but my mind had already crossed the point of no return.

Why would a sister want to be a good to other sister when she constantly being compared to her so does other cousins? Why would a parent want be understanding of a daughter who is the reason of wrongdoings of other siblings? Why would a parent be concerned with safety of the child who is habitual of living alone?

Even at the very end I tried to understand everyone involved but they never tried that for me why? Because they simply hated me so much that they never even gave a taught that even a person like me is suffering.

I did all that to get attention, I was being good at studies, I was being good to everybody because I wanted love, I wanted attention but everybody tried to understand each other not me.

Hence, I made Euphoria where I was the God and lived my life to the fullest, I even enjoyed the things nobody can imagine like having a palace or even having a 1 BHK flat atop a beautiful mountain, dating celebrities, going on foreign trips, having great parents, great kids, great lovers and had all the love in the world I can ever imagine. I never wanted to loose to wrongs of the world hence I had to make euphoria.

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