Chapter 1 right into it
I hate riding the bus sitting in a moving tin can, breathing in the used air from other people’s lungs,
people pushing and shoving all in a rush to go to their mediocre jobs, to support their mediocre lives, just to have a chance at buying what the rich do,
huffing and puffing about pointless fucking problems. fucking cows, I hate them all,
I hate the way they stare in your face as if they really see you, the you that you hide from the world,
the you that you hide from yourself, the dirty you. the evil you.
and that’s all there is to it working day in and day out, never seeing nature for what is, or beyond man mad walls, and cages.
They are fucking animals greedy, selfish, hateful animals. most of these cows don't even realize their existence is meaningless, their objective is to gain meaningless materials or status, they live in a made up fantasy where few are worthy of high status but in reality we all face the same mortality.
I am evil from the inside out if I was stronger, well if I was stronger, I would be a conquer and gain power through the masses and take control over stupid people.
but instead I have no power weak to weak to fight i just let him fill me up, with shame, regret, hate hurt,anger, and rage, rage mixed with blood and hatred can create a demon these animal are not ready for.
maybe mom was right, maybe my mind has cracked. These evil thoughts bubbling trying to break through, I wonder if they are the real me, my inner self the trust form is never seen by others, it is rarely seen by ones self,
I read a shaman book about the inner beast i think i have stored the inner beast for thousands of people for thousands of years and then i was born to reek havoc on the evil sent my way.
As I look around at the Morose faces sitting and standing on the bus, I wonder if any of them have figured me out, do they see me staring at necks do they know i am picturing what its like to slide a blade across their neck feeling the vibration of their skin splitting before feeling the warm slimy flow of blood before it becomes tacky and cold.
am i as scary to them as i am to myself or do they see a scared girl who needs mental help, they most likely see a thug troublesome maybe thinking shes fast dirty, dangerous, haha fucking cows, id love to show them danger.
I look around at the faces of these people some look bored but not with the bus ride its self bored in-life like they have never lived so it wouldn't even matter if they died.
some spend the entire ride boring holes into the souls of other riders. I hate them fucking heard of cows.
I hate riding the bus I hate seeing the houses go by I hate that It still make me think of hope, and dream about what life could have been like, fucking pointless.
With a mother who cooks and doesn't bring home random guys with her from the club. and make our home a jail for us as we hide in you room hoping to avoid a weird touch, or a naked man, or a dick being pulled out and stroked while sitting right beside us,
we would complain and mother would be mad we were trying to steal her men, telling us to fuck off while the men tell us to fuck on. our family a drunk a druggie, a whore, a pimp a few dead and forgotten then the kid.
learning life lessons from loud drunk drugged up drop outs, who not only dont give a fuck, but dont give a fuck, about giving a fuck giving a fuck.
i met lisa/Gucci because we both would be out all the time different than other kids we had more freedom less restrictions, we helped each other steal clothes from peoples houses in the neighborhood food drinks side we both did what ever when ever and well we became sisters and stayed by each others side ever since Sara we met a year later she was always in the same shirt and men boxer shorts tied up sitting in the small patch of grass on the other wise dirt field
fucking cows both our mothers Sara she saved us from getting caught stealing sandwiches and chips from the store by faking a seizure, once we got to our hide out in a turned over school bus in the forest not far from the neighbor hood WE PLEDGED HER IN SISTER FOR LIFE.
. It always amazed me how fucked up mothers are always a bit different, the looks, the hair styles, but all do the exact same things fucking cows.
I remember one month everyday after school I would have to climb in through a broken window to go let my brother sisters in the house only to have the current boyfriend chase me around, to try and stop me from coming inside, fucking hyena
he would see we all got in the house then come out with our mom's neck in his hand our mother strung out eyes glossed over, pleading with him, him through slurred intoxicated words to stop, baby please, don’t,
as he dragged her out of the washroom she would brace her self against either side of the bathroom door to keep him from being able to pull her all the way out,
our older brother who would sneak into my bed at night to teach me how to be a girlfiend was the only person we had for protection and so i stuck to him like glue, well my sisters brother that pig isn’t shit to me.
if I was stronger id of fucked him up and id of got him back. if I was stronger I would still have my innocence. but i was not and because of that my soul got stained, I wont ever be clean, and i will never escape the darkness that lives with in me.
a lady bumps me as she is getting on the bus " excuse me" the lady turns her head back towards me, " you just fucking brushed me bitch!'' are you going to say sorry!" oh im sorry. next time have some fucking manners! if you say excuse me people will make room. If you hit someone while walking past you say sorry common fucking courtesy why do I know that and not you you think i am less then you? your lucky i just got out of detention center. the lady apologized again before taking a seat far away from sara
curly was leaning against the postbox not moving as people reached around her to drop mail in the box she gave them dirty looks, the sun-rays danced across her brown honey skin like water, it highlighted her amber flaked brown eyes, the new strawberry blonde streaks she had recently gotten illuminated her eyes even more.
ugghg Why is it so fucking sticky, why can’t it just be warm, it’s to fucking Hot, Sara laughed she never sweat much and extreme heat and cold never bothered her much
Yoo Curly sup?, oh hey whats up Sara wuddup bitches Sara yelled as she jogged across the street and jumped on her girls slamming into them, half knocking them to the ground.
Gucci and Curly hugged her, ah yo what’s popping ladies yall ready to cut?
hell yeah sara you ready? I been ready SINCE THE OPEN MY CELL BABY lets roll,
how do you feel gucci? hot as fuck i wanna go inside. bitch i been locked up for months! im tryna fly get high get white girl wasted and ride that nigga ty! aha ahaha the girls laughing holding on to each other as they began to walk down the street.
' , curly was 5’4 120pounds on a tall day medium brown like hot chocolate with milk, curly hair past her mid back dark brown with dirt blonde and golden highlights small but perky ass hour glass shaped with a firm stomach not an ounce of fat courtesy of years running track
Sara was 5'5 115 pounds smallest of the group but the most vicioussara fought like she light caramel skin long hair light brown half curly half wavy always in a bun with her signature hoop earrings that actually said hoops,
Gucci had a lighter skin complexion than the other 2 girls she was 5'4 short wavy hair that she let fall around her shoulders, around 123pounds