My eyes fluttered open to someone sitting in a chair next to me. It was still early and dark in my room, but once my eyes adjusted I realized who it was. Jensen was fast asleep next to me. What the fuck is he doing here? I didn’t want anything to do with him right now. I was still upset about what I saw last night and he had no right to just come in my room whenever he wanted. I sat up and threw my pillow at him. “Jensen, get the fuck out of my room. I don’t want to talk to you.” He jumped when the pillow hit him.
“What the hell Lynn?” He said.
“Don’t what the hell me. Get out!” His eyes looked hurt, but he stood up and left the room. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at me.
“I am sorry Lynn for last night. I will have your door fixed today.” Before I could say anything else he walked away.
He wasn’t going to get off that easy. I knew that I really didn’t have a right to be mad at him, but I was hurt. What was wrong with me? I sat in my bed thinking about everything that had happened. Jensen was a very confusing man. He kept pushing me away, but yet there he was sleeping in my room next to me. He had to know that I would be pissed when I saw him. Fuck it, I need to put him out of my mind. I decided to go take a hot shower and wash away last night, then go and make breakfast. I had to have stood in the shower for thirty minutes or so before the water started to get cold so I got out. I threw on my black sweats with a pink tank top and pulled my hair back in a messy bun. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone today, nor did I care at that particular moment.
I walked down to the kitchen and had to keep myself from barfing as I looked at the counter that he was fucking his whore on last night. I grabbed a spray bottle from under the sink labeled bleach water and went to town cleaning every surface in the kitchen. It was the only way I was going to ever eat anything out of that kitchen again. As I was cleaning the last counter I heard a small laugh from behind me. I turned to see his glorious half-naked body standing in the doorway leading to the basement. He was all sweaty and his muscles were glistening in the sunlight coming in from the porch. My knees were already turning to jello just looking at him. Damn my body for betraying me like this. “Does that make you feel better, now that the whole kitchen is spotless.” He flashed a half-cocked smile at me and my heart started to race, but I tried to keep my composure because I wanted to be mad at him.
“Yes, actually it does. Now I know that I won’t catch aids from your whore.” I smiled at myself as I turned away from him and started to make breakfast.
I knew he was still standing there watching me, but I ignored him. I finished making breakfast and started to plate up the food. This will really get to him, I thought to myself. “Dillion, Jacob, breakfast is ready,” I yelled out. I heard the hurried footsteps of the two men as they came into the kitchen. I handed each of them their plates as Jensen watched still in the doorway. After Dillion and Jacob had their food they took off to their guard spots for the day, leaving me alone with him again. I collected my plate of food and glass of milk and headed towards the door. When I got close to him he grabbed my arm, but not hard, just enough to make me stop. “Is this how it is going to be Lynn? You giving me the silent treatment and feeding my men, but not me. What do you want me to do Lynn? I said I was sorry.” I said nothing to him. I just pulled my arm from his hold and walked out of the kitchen and up to my room.
I could feel someone behind me as I climbed the stairs, but I didn’t dare turn around. I walked straight to my room and closed the door behind me, well I closed it but it didn’t close since it was still broken. As soon as I put my plate down on the nightstand I felt him wrap his arms around me and turn me around. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go. “Lynn please, I said I was sorry. Can’t we start over?” I looked at him and my body once again betrayed me.
“Please Jensen, can’t you just let me be mad at you. You hurt me and even though I know I have no right to be mad I am.” His eyes were sad and I could feel his breathing start to become more rapid.
“Your body is telling me something different. You are shaking and I can feel your heart race the closer I get to you.” He said as he brought our bodies against each other. “I know that you want me Lynn and I want you. I just don’t think I should be the one you are with. You deserve someone who can take you away from this life not keep you trapped in it.”
I shook my head at him and looked up at him. “Don’t you think that should be my choice? All my life I have had someone telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and now you’re telling me that I can’t have you.” I felt the sting of tears in my eyes as I tried to fight them back. Jensen wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head softly.
“I’m not saying that. I am just saying that you deserve better than me. I am broken Lynn. I don’t even know if I can love. The only person I ever loved died in my arms and that fucked me up.” I knew that he had some things to work through, but I was willing to help him with his demons.
“Let me help you Jensen.” I reached up and pulled his lips to mine. All anger that I had towards him melted away the longer he held me in his arms.
The sound of many voices brought us both back to reality. Jensen looked towards the bedroom door. “Damn, I forgot the rest of my men are coming in today. I guess this will have to wait.” He kissed me again and walked towards the door. “I won’t be long. I want to finish this conversation.” He smiled at me then turned and left. I fell back on my bed and smiled. So much for being mad at him. Oh well, from the sounds of it I don’t think I have to worry about the little bitch that was here anymore. I drifted off to sleep, not realizing that I was tired.
I could feel his breath against my neck as he held me from behind. I looked up and saw Jensen standing in front of us. His eyes were full of anger and then of hurt. “Let her go Joseph. This is between you and I.” I felt laughter from the person behind me.
“This has nothing to do with you Jensen. You just had to stick your nose in it.” I saw the shining of something metallic as it was pointed directly at Jensen. I tried to struggle away from the person holding me.
“No, please. Shoot me, not him.” Then I heard the gun go off and saw Jensen fall to the ground. His eyes fixed on mine. “Noooo!” I screamed.
“Lynn, wake up your dreaming. It is just a dream.” I sat straight up into Jensen’s arms. He pulled me close to him and at first I tried to fight him off. “It’s okay Lynn, it’s just me.” It was then that I realized I was in his arms. I laid my head against his chest hearing his heart beating. “What were you dreaming about?” Jensen said as he held me. I looked up at him and shrugged.
“I don’t remember now. I just know it scared me.” I was lying, but I didn’t want to tell him about it yet. I had also had dreams about Catherine, but I really didn’t want to bring those up. He looked at me with a worried look, but then let it go.
“Come on, we are going out for a little bit while the guys get settled. Plus Jacob is getting your door fixed.”
“Where are we going?” He laughed at the excitement in my voice.
“Just out to lunch. So hurry up, I will be downstairs.” He left the room and I quickly changed my clothes and brushed my hair out. I ran down the stairs and saw Jensen waiting by the front door. He was holding a bike helmet and tossed it at me as we walked out the door. “Put it on sexy. You’re going to need it.” As he said that I turned and saw a black motorcycle sitting in the driveway.
“Oh Jensen, are we going on that.” He smiled and nodded as he put his helmet on. Damn, he looked sexy as hell on a bike. I put my helmet on and climbed on the bike behind him as he started it. He yelled back to me.
“Hold on tight.” I wrapped my arms around him tightly as he took off fast down the driveway. I held on to him with all my strength and took in the smell of his axe body spray. I couldn’t help but think that this felt right as we speed off to our destination.
After our lunch at a cute little mom and pops diner we drove home. We had been gone for maybe two hours, but when we got back the house was quiet. “Where is everyone?” I asked Jensen as we walked in. He shrugged.
“Around. I told them that they needed to tighten security around here since there is so many of them. Don’t worry, you won’t even notice them most of the time.” I nodded and headed up to my room. I noticed the door had been fixed right away as I approached it. I messed around in my room for the rest of the day. Listening to music and reading. Jensen seemed busy so I tried to stay out of his way. Later that night I had another nightmare, but this time Jensen wasn’t there to comfort me when I woke up. I looked around the room then decided to go get some water. As I walked past Jensen’s room I could hear him moaning. I pushed open his door and saw him tossing in bed. I walked over to him as he started mumbling. “Please don’t hurt her. No, Lynn.” Me, he was dreaming of me. I softly crawled into bed next to him and wrapped my arms around him. His breathing began to slow and I could see a calmness come over him. This is where I belong I thought to myself as I drifted off to sleep next to him.