I put a smile on my face hiding the rage and discuss oozing out of every pore. Killing my father was one thing, I understood why he did so, I forgave him for it. But this, this was beyond sick, even beyond sadistic, there’s no word invented yet to what he did.
Tyler looked at me confused, “what the matter,” he asked as if the last 24 hours was a blank.
“Nothing,” I lie, “ just need to use the bathroom that’s all.”
I pass him slowly and cautiously, he watches me as a steadily walk threw my own house as if it were a foreign land. I go up the stairs slowly, almost like one wrong step and I would fall through.
When I finally get to the bathroom, I shut the door so gently it doesn’t make a sound. I scramble for my phone in my pocket panicking. I tried my thumb print but the phone didn’t recognize my blood soaked fingers.
I hold the home button and whisper “hey Siri,” as I did he banged on the door, making me jump. “Is everything okay,” Tyler said in what I assume was a fake conserned tone.
Before I spoke Siri answered as loud as possible “sorry, I didn’t get that.”
My heart sank, it was quiet and still for a moment then, there was one Big Bang, and Tyler was sanding in front of me, after kicking open the door.
It was the Tyler from the police station, not the Tyler from the room. “Give me your phone.”
“Tyler, listen to me,” I start backing up, “you’ve got to let me call for help, your not okay, this is not okay.”
“You can’t do this, they’ll take me away again, I don’t want to got back,” he yelled.
“Tyler please,” I’m almost to the bathtub.
He stopped walking and I can see he started crying, “I thought you loved me.”
I got to the tub, I don’t say anything.
He walks twords me slowly, I wait, he gets closer, and closer, than I quickly grabbed the shower head and hit him as hard as I can on the head. I ran as he’s on the floor trying to figure out what happened. He starts to scrabble up but I’m already down the stairs. I run to the front door while I dial 9-1-1.
“Hello, I say struggling with my front door, “ I need someone to 31 Jefferson Road, my ex boyfriend killed my family and I think I’m next.” I don’t know why I said boyfriend, it just slipped it felt right, but I couldn’t dwell on it.
“Sir,” said the operator, “ are you still there, if your still in the house leave if you can.”
“I’m trying!,” I’m still struggling I give up and go twords the back.
I run through the living room, taking a short cut through the kitchen of horrors and down the hallway, into the sunroom, but he was already there.
“Let me go,” I plead.
His face was bleeding where I had hit him, one tear fell from his face but I don’t think they were the same from before. He gripped a knife tightly in one hand, “ I thought you loved me,” he repeated.
“Just let me go,” I continue.
“You picked a Stranger, a STRANGER! Over me?”He said point at the basement door with his knife. “ I don’t believe this, you knew how I felt, and you didn’t wait for me.”
“What was I supposed to do, wait by your prison cell with a box for chocolate and flowers, waiting for you to get out.”
“That’s not what I meant.
“Then what the hell do you mean, because I didn’t even know I was gay till after everything, I was relocated, after you killed my father, or did you forget.”
“I was protecting you,” he said tears streaming now, in a low sad, characteristic voice.
“And what are you doing now,” I said, “ are you protecting me.”
We were both silent, and he finally broke down, he dropped the knife an fell to his knees. “I’m so sorry.” He said completely sobbing.
But I don’t feel anything, I didn’t want his sorry I wanted him dead. I picked up the knife and kicked him down. He was now on his back and I mounted him. He didn’t fight back. I held the knife over his heart, but he didn’t fight back. But I wanted him to, “Fight back you coward.”
“I’m done fighting,” he said.
I looked at him and I couldn’t do it, I dropped the knife, slid off him, and sat down next to him. Tyler sat up, his blue shirt had my foot print on it.
My tears started flowing, I just didn’t understand why I couldntdo it, I had every reason, and I hand ever chance, but I couldn’t do it.
Tyler sees me and tried to put his arms around me, “ don’t touch me,” I snapped.
“You know I dreamed of the moment you were on top of me,” he laughed, “ but I didn’t picture it quite like this.”
“Shut up,” I said
It was silent angina before he said, “Why didn’t you kill me,” he said, “ I would have killed me.”
“Why didn’t you fight back,” I answer.
“Because I deserve everything coming to me, and I love you too much to fight back.”
I stare at him with blurry eyes, and he stares back. I inhale loud and throw my head back, on the wall.
“Why did you do it.”
It was silent for a minute, “ because I was jealous, he had everything I wanted. A beautiful home, nice car, good paying respectable job, an amazing family, and...” he paused.
“And he had me,” I finished.
“Yeah, he had you.”
“Why can’t I hate you,” the tear are now affecting my speak, making my words come out shaky, “ believe me I’ve tried, but I just can’t.”
He sighed the started playing with his shoes, “ it’s because you love me too, even if you don’t want to.”
I understood what he meant, and I hated that, the fact that I can still love this monster was so alien to me.
“So when are the coming,” Tyler said.
I look at the nonexistent watch on my arm, “there late.”
We sat there for another ten minutes in silence before the police finally came. He went willingly, no resistance. I watched them as they took my family one by one, out of the basement. The world was going in slow motion, and for the first time I was ahead. I caught up, but I wish I didn’t. I wanted to go back to chasing the world but it had fallen to far behind and I was running to fast.
“So he killed everyone, for you.” Forbes says.
“No, he killed everyone for the idea of me, he thought we were the same little boys from so long ago,”I say.
“I don’t understand,” Forbes says still scribbling on the paper.
I play with my fingers, almost annoyed, “ he was trying to recreate that passion, of my fathers killing, but it wasn’t there. It died the moment I left that life behind. But that’s all he had, the last memory of me, that last thing he felt.”
For the first time Forbes looked up, “ when I arrested him,” he said, “the first time, I felt bad. I took me awhile but I figured out why, it felt like I was ripping apart Romeo and Juliet.”
“So what did you feel this time,” I asked curious.
“Nothing, I felt nothing.”
It was silent, the lights were as hot as I remembered the first time, but this time it was less pressure, it was like sitting in front of the sun, but the beach was right there.
Forbes scribbled some more then said, “ you can leave now I’m done.”
I get up from my seat and start to walk out, but then, “ Forbes, why are you here.”
“I was called, they thought I would be suited for this particular case.”
“Mhm,”I nodd and walk out, it is cold but I don’t feel it, I don’t feel much of anything these days. The car ride felt short before reaching my hotel, but I sit in my car for a while, just trying to breath for a moment.
I walk through the doors and greet the staff at the front desk, I head slowly to my room and and tried the keys a few times before it actually worked.
When I walked in I was ready to hop in my bed for the rest of the day but there was somebody already in it.
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