I don’t know where to begin
Wow this guy just drones on and on and on. I look to my left to see my sisters all sitting on the couch beside me. My sister Lucia is sat up taking fucking notes, anything to please daddy. Lucia is 3 years younger than me in age, but she is the wisest of us all. She is 5 foot 7 with curves in all the right places beautiful, she is beautiful and more than that she understands her beauty. Nit that she’s vain but she knows how to use it in this world, this world we were raised in. You have to understand while the rest of the world has caught up to womens rights, women in the mafia world are seen as pretty things for the men to take care of. While the rest of us fight against that Lucia smiles at it and uses it to her advantage, I have yet to meet a man she could not break down and wind around her perfectly manicured finger.
Next to her Nataillia looks just as bored as I am she’s staring at this quack like she wants to eat him alive, and knowing her she would do just that later on. Natalia is Lucia’s twin although 2 people could not be less alike, while Lucia radiates the poise and sophistication of an angel, Natalia radiates sex, raw sexual magnetism.The tallest of us at 5 foot 10 she has legs that go on and on. Her fiery red hair drops to her bum. Natalia thrives in a party she has a way of making every person in the crowd focus on her and she loves it.
Then tiny little Mia hugging her legs at the end of the sofa trying to be just as small as she could be. She is the baby. Mia is the one I fear for most she does not belong in this world and for the most part she has been shielded from it by me and her other sisters and by dad. She is small, although taller than me, she has a way of shrinking her body down so she seems so much smaller. She is the compassionate one she doesn’t have a bad bone in her body and she couldn’t hurt a fly. Nearly everyday she would bring him some animal that she could care for before setting them free when she had mended whatever ailed them. This life was always going to be hardest on her. A pretty little thing with big doe eyes and the most innocent naive face, a face that made you want to protect her.
Then there should be Donatella where was she, well she was probably off in new York in some high powered broker meeting, I envied her more than any of my sisters, and each had much for me to be jealous about. Donatella had done what I had been dreaming of doing for years, she left, she got out, I mean not completely yet she still had hordes of people trying to chase her down and put a bullet in her but she was hard as diamonds and just as beautiful, if any of us could make it without our fathers money and protection it would be Donatella. My twin although she is technically younger than me. Donatella is power, she has a powerful body and a powerful mind skilled in Krav maga jujitsu and systema as well as being a skilled shooter she takes protection from no one. She has a degree from Harvard and a phd from mit in finance which she uses on Wall Street where she works and thrives.
And then there’s me Ayia Alessi what’s to say about me, my father often compares me to an alley cat. Fiesty I guess. I am small and skinny I don’t think anyone would call me sexy but I guess pretty maybe, I have small elvish features. I can’t fight very well, I’m not overly intelligent, I’m not Wiley or compassionate but I am loud and opionated and I cuss like a sailor, I guess not really up to standard with my sisters but that’s who I am, right now I’m just sitting here wondering the point of all this.
Our father has forced us to go to therapy to help us work through the trauma of out past, as if it were that easy, as if we are just going to spill everything we’ve witnessed, everything we ourselves have been forced to do, to a complete stranger. The biggest secret to survival in the mafia, keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth closed. so here we were 6 sessions in and not one of us had said a fucking word.
The doctor stopped speaking and looked at us individually, studying us, we each reacted in our own defensive ways, Mia pulled her whole body even tighter together trying to lose herself into the back of the sofa, Lucia’s jaw hardened and she put on her most intimidating face to stare straight back at him. Natalia put on a sultry smile the kind of smile a predator gives its prey before it pounces, and I well I forced myself to remain calm to put on the best poker face I could muster. My face remained passive bored even the same expression I had been wearing every time I visited this office. He didn’t back down.
“Miss Alessi” he spoke
“I am afraid this isn’t going to work”
we all remained silent
“perhaps this type of therapy just isn’t for you”
I made to get up off the couch to leave but he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder, not a threatening hand as a matter of fact it was quite gentle it should have been a reassuring hand, but I did not tolerate anyone touching me it made my skin crawl it put me on high alert. I turned and stared at his hand fury flashing in my eyes, he quickly removed it
“please miss Alessi sit back down let me discuss an alternative treatment”.
I did as I was told he was only following my fathers instructions. Who was I to disagree with my father.
“I have an idea that may help you girls but it would involve all of you working together to get it done”
we all looked at each other. The doctor continued
“I think the biggest problems stem from the fact that you cannot make sense of the violence you’ve witnessed and the fear you have felt. I think it may benefit you to write a diary together ... wait listen. Each of you knows a little, but together you may be able to put together pictures of things that happened and then you may be able to make sense of what happened, and let it go. Only then will you be able to get on with your lives and live freely. You should each write about anything significant that happened in your lives, from as far back as you can remember and then between you try and put them in chronological order as best you can. Then each of you gets a copy to keep, to read, to burn, to do with as you please. But no one else will be allowed to read it.”
He paused and looked around at us again we were all staring at each other not sure what to say or do, then a tiny voice came from the end of the sofa
“I’ll do it” squeaked Mia “I like to write, but could we ask others to contribute there are so many people whose lives entwine deeply with our own. I’m sure their input would help”
she looked around at us for support for any sign of life. The doctor spoke up
“this will be a personal journey for you girls, you can by all means seek outside help. But I must stress that only you 5 should be allowed to view the finished product. Only then can you all write freely, without fear of offending others or repercussions.”
“On that note I think we should leave it there”
the doctor concluded I slunk off the sofa and out the door without another word, Natalia stayed long enough to wink seductively at the good doctor before following me out the door. Mia and Lucia stayed behind to shake hands and smile. Outside the office I immediately spied Nino’s car across the road. Nino was for all intensive purposes out body guard not that I needed him, I had my own. My eyes glinted mischievously as I looked over to Natalia
“a drink” I asked her knowing she would never refuse an offer to go to a bar. She looked at me then at Nino’s car
“and they say I’m bad” she giggled as we turned and began to walk down the street leaving Nino in a predicament follow us and leave Mia and Lucia with no protection or wait on Mia and Lucia and loose us in the crowd. He choose the latter.
Once me and Natalia had settled ourselves in a booth with a bottle of whiskey set between us she began to watch me intently
“for god sake Natalia if I wanted to be analysed I would have stayed with the shrink” I scoffed at her. I hated when she got all serious, it was out of character and it usually meant I was being childish. She always told me she hated it when I forced her to be the rationale one.
“Mia wants to do it so we’re going to end up doing it. We can fight it for a month or two and then give in or we can just bite the metaphorical bullet.” She pushed me with her shoulder
“it’s supposed to be all of us and who exactly is going to be the poor sod that tries to bully Donnatella into doing it?” I poured 2 glasses of whiskey and drank mine in one. A man was starting to edge closer to out table I stared at him watching his hands for any movement I knew there were people close by watching ready to intervene if anything went wrong but I could never settle. Natalia put her hand on mine
“he’s a drunk guy looking for a hot woman I’ll talk to Donna I think this might be a good idea it may be something you need” I turn to smile at her
“if you can get Donna to agree to this I’m in” I finished speaking as the man reached the table
“can I get you ladies a drink” he slurred
“no thank you we’re fine hunny” cooed Natalia lifting the bottle of scotch pouring a glass and handing it to the man
“have one on us and save me a dance later” she smiled at the man and blew him a kiss he took the glass and sauntered off smiling at her looking like he’d won the lottery. Natalias smile changed as he left and she burst into laughter
“men” she sighed and we both laughed. At that Mia and Lucia came into the bar with Nino he smiled and nodded at us as we lifted our glasses and toasted him for finding us. Nino went to sit at the bar, he always stayed out of our way, and Mia and Lucia pulled up a seat.
I held up a finger while I finished another drink
“we’re going to do it, Natalia is going to contact Donna and convince her to take part, just one question who did you think could help.” Mia looked shy and passive
“well dad for one I feel like he could explain a lot about what went on, Nino, Tessa, and well Rocco” she looked at her feet as she said the last name, a name none of my family ever spoke out loud. I poured another drink avoiding eye contact with everyone. Rocco is the only man I’ve ever loved, I still do love him, I’ll never stop loving him, but he’s the only man in the world I can’t have.
“You don’t have to do anything I’ll get in contact with him and explain, you don’t even have to talk to him, you don’t even have to read what he says, but I have a lot of questions for him I’m sure the others do too” Mia was talking fast, panicking now, afraid I would blow, scream and shout or break down and cry. No one ever knew what I would do. I looked up composing myself
“that’s fine” I simply said Lucia took my hand
“so here we are we’re doing this then” she smiled around the table.
“Yea” I replied trouble is now I’ve agreed to it
I don’t know where to begin.
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