Is this worth the suffering?
Is this worth the grief?
Is this selfish?
The hard times will end.... Right?
Thoughts rush through my brain as I stare vacantly out the stained window of this old bus. My heart pounding hard in my chest as the bus neared its stop.
I got down from it, as it drove by, silence taking its place yet once again. The streets were vacant and shallow, shadows lurking in the alleyways.
I stopped short, gawking at the faded sign that read Dimorphs dinner open 24/7. I breathed out an exhausted sigh.
There is nothing I could do now.
Hesitantly I pushed open the glass door and walked inside, the dinner was like any other you find down the street with white walls and wooden tables with red cushioned chairs. A man probably in his thirties was standing behind the cashier, he was stiff, and I soon understood why, I spotted a female vampire sitting at a table to the far end, the mistress.
I slowly paced towards her, “My apologies for the delay.” I said, although it wasn’t really my fault the bus was too old to move any faster, but I wasn’t willing to take any chances.
“Its fine.” She said barely even rising her head from the book, which seemed to be a scientific journal. I sat down across the table. A few minutes later she slammed the book shut, sitting up straighter, “Now tell me, why this was so urgent?” she asked, her expression grim.
I hesitated “She seems to be close to one of the wanted rebels.”
“I see.” She said emotionlessly.
This troubled me for a reason even I could not explain.
“H-how’s my brother?” I asked, feeling a sob build up in my chest on the thought of him.
“He’s doing fine” She replied “Although I could not stop the lord any much longer than I already have. He is a quite a menace I will not be able to keep him safe if he persists on this behavior.”
“Oh” I mumbled.
Brearley High school, New York,
“Hey Emily, you okay?” asked Taylor, worried.
“I am fine.” I lied. I was in no way fine and I knew that Taylor knew it as well, my face was pale, my body frail and weak, I had bags under my eyes and my grades had dropped drastically since the start of the sophomore year.
“You sure? You look weak.” She pressed.
“D-don’t worry I am fine.” My voice shook on this obvious lie, yet she let it go.
“Okay.” She said concern evident in her voice.
I felt my chest heaving as the guilt weighed me down, the guilt of committing such an act of betrayal yet I had no choice, I was only a servant to a vampire, I had no will of my own.
Then why? Why am I sad?
Lost in thought I barely paid attention to any of my lectures, given the current situation academics were the least of my concern, I had to keep Taylor safe away from him.
My day only worsened when in recces Taylor had come up to me with Alexander Maddox to her side.
Can’t I just leave her alone for one minute?
I could hardly control my emotions, being only an inch away from breaking apart.
I felt miserable.
I missed the days, those moments of joy, the sounds of laughter, pure and merry rang in my ears like an endless song of sadness. I longed to hear her heartbeat, to see her eyes filled with care, care for her children, care for the world. I longed to hear his voice at the call of dawn, waking me from the nightmares. I longed to see his teasing smile which angered me to the core.
I longed for the past. Something I could not have
I reached home exhausted both mentally and physically. I dropped my bag to the floor, sitting down on my desk and pulling out a piece of paper, I began to write,
It has been months since we have last talked, are you still upset with me? I know my doings were wrong yet I’ve no choice, you strive for freedom and justice, we all do but justice does not bring happiness, the one precious thing justice has taken from me is my happiness, you and mom.
I know my ways may be wrong but my intentions right, I know that no vampire could be trusted and here lies my life, in the hands of one. She may have her twisted motives they all are the same, indifferent.
But brother you see, in the end, we all have our selfish desires to tend to so why bother?
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