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A couple of students go to a Halloween Carnival that goes horribly wrong.

Thriller / Mystery
Dena Louisa
Age Rating:

Part 1

The music played louder than the people screamed. It was Halloween night and the students of River Dawn High wanted to party. The school had made a few parties and had rented out amusement parks and theaters for the students to have fun. They were the most expensive school in town and were in the top three of the best schools in the state but when it came to parties they were number one without a doubt. Everyone wanted to be invited and everyone was. A man dressed as a cowboy walks up a few stairs and gets on the stage, when he opens the microphone, the music stops and the students quit screaming.

“Good Evening everyone. Tonight is the night where we come alive! When you leave from the school you will be given a sheet that tells you where the parties are. Have fun and remember beware of the black cats. Ha-ha.” The man tells the students.

The students start to leave from the auditorium. Everyone is gone in a matter of seconds, groups of students are joining on the outside and calling out their friends names threw the large crowd. A girl in an angel costume, Julia, is still in the auditorium. She gets up when the last person leaves and walks up the stage. She enters the back and see’s the man in the cowboy costume sitting on a chair.

“Ya going anywhere tonight?” Julia asks the man.

He looks up and smiles.

“Not yet.”

She walks towards the cowboy who gets up. He pulls her towards him and kisses her.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Don’t know yet. Brad didn’t say.”

“Why don’t you tell him you feel sick? Stay with me.”

“That would be a bad lie. I’m never sick.”

She puts her arms around his neck and kisses him again as her cellphone rings. She takes it out of her purse and looks at the message and writes back. The cowboy kisses her neck, she goes to kiss him again but can’t when her cellphone rings again. She looks and smiles.

“Where ganna be at the carnival. Will ya come?”

“I’ll text you when I get there, tell you where I am.”


They kiss one last time and Julia runs to the front door. She gets outside and joins her gang. Her boyfriend Brad, who is dressed as a Devil, pulls her close and kisses her while pulling her up in his arms. She laughs and kissed him again with her arms around his neck and legs around his stomach. She holds on to him and says hi to everyone. Brad’s best friend is there, Kenneth, he was the bad boy of the school, the Jock’s best friend, was dressed as a vampire. His brother Drake, a former football player was dressed as Elvis holding his girlfriend Marie, Julia’s best friend, who was dressed as Marie-Antoinette. They were the most popular people in school and were popular for a reason. Although they weren’t the nicest people, they were still integrated into a lot of charity work and always helped out when they could. Some said it was to keep their image but they did it because they cared about the things they were helping with. Brad and Julia had dated ever since he had met her in the library reading a book about Sociology. He liked smart girls, the popular girls weren’t his type but he made Julia popular. After they started going out, she entered into the sport of Cheerleading and after a year she was the head captain and had met her best friend Marie while cheerleading. Brad and Kenneth had been friends since they were children and didn’t want to change that. Drake was friends with Kenneth but didn’t like his bad boy side very much, he liked people who had a head on their shoulders but Kenneth sometimes seemed to not even have a head. He did things that others didn’t do. Stupid things. But still Drake envied Kenneth a little bit, he could do whatever he wanted and everyone would forgive him but Drake couldn’t do that, he had a reputation to maintain. They all spoke for a while and then each took their cars and met up at the Carnival. When they arrived the carnival was packed. Who would have thought so many teenagers liked carnivals anymore? They entered while being given bags of candy. The candy was their money for the games. The bigger the candy, the more you had to spend. Most of the students would bring their own candy as well, that’s what Kenneth had done. Julia wasn’t much of a roller coaster girl, she would rather eat cotton candy and ride kids games, things that wouldn’t make her stomach turn.

“I’m going to go buy some cotton candy. I’ll meet you guys later?” Julia told her friends.

“In how long do we meet?” Drake asks her.

“I don’t know. An hour?”

“Sounds good to me. See you later babe.” Brad says, giving her a kiss.

Brad, Drake and Marie start walking away while Kenneth walks the other way. He never road the coaster’s, he would look for the girls who would be sitting and eating cotton candy alone. Julia takes out her cellphone and looks if she had any messages. She had put it on vibrate so that her cellphone wouldn’t ring if Patrick would text her telling her where he was. She read his message and walked towards the cotton candy bar. She bought a bag of cotton candy with three candy corns she had received at the entrance. Julia walked toward the haunted house. She gave the man a black liquorish and waited in line. It was her turn to walk into the haunted house. Julia walked in keeping her hands on the walls to find a hidden door. Patrick had told her he would be waiting there and he was. She found the door in the upstairs floor of the haunted house. Other people were walking inside; she had to wait until the witch and a person with a weird mask left the floor to enter. It was small and she couldn’t see anything.


A light opened and she saw Patrick that had changed suit. He had put on a fireman suit at the place of his cowboy suit with the shoes that hurt his feet.

“There’s my little angel.” He said pulling her towards him and kissing her.

Thirty minutes had gone by and Kenneth had already found four girls. He was still looking for a better one when he saw a girl dressed as a cat coming out of the mirror room. He walked towards her and started to talk with her. He took her number down and left on the search of a better one when he saw Marie and Drake waiting in line to the Tower of Terror. He passed the line and got to them.

“Where’s Brad?”

“He said he was going to go to bathroom but hasn’t come back yet. You can wait I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” Marie told him.

He nodded his head and waited with them. Brad arrived a few minutes later.

“Hey Kenneth. Can I talk to you?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Not here.”

They walked out of the line and went in front of the waterfall of bodies.

“What’s up?” Kenneth asked.

“You remember Chelsea?”

“How can I forget? Ha-ha.”

“She came onto me.”

“For real? What’ju do?”

“I fucked up.”

“Ah man. It’s not like it’s easy saying no to her.”

“I know but Julia. I really love her, I don’t want to screw things up cuz of her.”

“Look. It was one mistake. It won’t happen again, will it?”


“So stop worrying. It’s not like Julia wouldn’t understand either. You know how she is, she’s been threw shit with you man. She knows you.”

“Ya, your right. Thanks man.”

“No prob. Now let’s find us a fun place to have our party.”

Brad nods his head and they start walking around. Kenneth notices a ride nobody else is going on, it’s called the boat to no return. They both look at it and look at each other and smile.

“We got it.” Brad says.

An hour later everyone meets in the middle of the carnival except for Kenneth. Marie and Drake share a bloody milkshake while waiting for him and Julia eats the rest of her cotton candy while Brad calls Kenneth. Brad gets a hold of Kenneth and tells him that the time is up. A minute later, Kenneth arrives with a girl in a witch costume; the girl is pointing at Julia and telling Kenneth something. Julia recognizes her, it’s the witch from the haunted house. She swallows her last cotton candy bit and looks at the girl afraid that she might have seen something after all.

“This little witch saw someone before doing something very bad.” Kenneth says to everyone.

“What did she see?” Julia blurs out.

“Actually, she saw you in the haunted house without US!” Kenneth answers doing as if he is mad.

“Ha-ha. I couldn’t resist.” Julia says trying to act as if she wasn’t a little nervous.

“Are we ganna party or what?” Brad says loudly.

“YEAH!” They all scream.

They start walking to the boat of no return, when they arrive, a student in a fairy costume, Annabelle, greets them.

“Hello there.” Kenneth says looking at the girl from head to toe. “Be right back.”

Kenneth takes the witch’s arm and pulls her with him. He talks for a while, while the others wait and the witch walks away.

“Alright, talk beautiful.” He says smiling.

“You are the first to come to this ride actually. You will take a boat until Death Island and you will have a choice of three homes. One is a hotel, the other is…” She starts.

“Why don’t you come with us?” Kenneth insists.

“Yeah, that way you will have a little more fun than waiting for a second group to come along.” Maria says.

“That sounds fun, but I don’t think my boss would…”

“Screw your boss! Come have fun.” Kenneth replies.

“Alright.” She agrees.

They take the boat of no return and row for about two minutes when they arrive at Death Island. The girls get off first and chat while the guys tie the boat and put down the Anker. The island wasn’t very big. It a hotel called To Die For; a motel called Hollow-Inn and a haunted house written Do Not Enter in front. It didn’t look like it was supposed to be there, as if the “Do Not Enter” board was there because there was actually something bad that had once happened.

“This place is pretty creepy.” Annabelle says.

“I’m not sure we should go in the third house. It seems like they really mean it.” Maria says pulling on her itchy wig.

“I’m sure it’s just for show but I have a feeling you might be right. Let’s make a deal, nobody goes inside. Agreed?” Julia says having a chill down her spine while looking at the third house.

“Agreed.” They both reply back all looking at each other and looking back at the house.

The guys arrive and each go to their women.

“Do we all go in the same place?” Drake asks the gang.

“I think we should stick together.” Julia answers.

“I wanna be just me and my fairy. Do you feel safe enough with me baby or you want everyone around?” Kenneth asks Annabelle.

“We’ll see.” Annabelle answers back.

“That’s a yes for me. Where taking the hotel.” Kenneth says. Not waiting for his friends reply, he takes Annabelle’s hand and they run to the hotel To Die For.

“Dibs on two!” Brad says loudly and pulls Julia in his arms and runs to the Motel Hollow-Inn.

“So, we got the creepiest one. How fun.” Maria says looking at Drake.

“Don’t worry. They make these things creepy on purpose. You’ll have fun, I promise.”

Drake puts his hand out for Maria to take it, she places her hand on his and they walk to the house that was left for them to discover. Annabelle holds Kenneth’s hand while they walk through the hotel. Its pitch black and there is a weird sound coming from afar. They walk slowly when all of a sudden a bright light opens. They realise they are in a room, there is a bed with sheets that have fake blood stains, it’s a murder scene. A record goes on.

Hello my fellow death mates. This is where I was killed. In team of two you will have to find the evidence that proves who killed me. You will have many obstacles but in the end one of you will be my murderer. Beware of your companions; you can be their next victim. Go find the clues and save me, save me, save me…

“Sounds fun.” Annabelle says smiling at Kenneth.

“Let’s start Killer.” Kenneth replies.

They start looking around in the room for clues, inside the sheets and under the bed, any place they could think of. They find a clue hidden in the pillow case, a lock of blonde hair. They continue to the next dark corridor. Moments later, they arrive to the second room. It’s a bathroom. On the mirror it is written in a red lipstick: You know me. A tub is full of corn syrup and chunks of fake gooey limbs. They both shove their hands inside the bathtub trying to find a clue. Kenneth pulls out a heavy limb. It’s a foot. Annabelle looks at him with a funny face.

“It’s heavier than the others. There must be something in it.”

He pulls on the fake skin and rips it. A little box falls to the ground. He read on the box: The one who found me keeps me. He shows it to Annabelle and she nods. They go to leave but there are two exits for the next rooms.

“Well meet on the other side.” Kenneth says looking at which hallway was darker. “Take this way, there’s more light.”

“Thanks …”


“I’m Annabelle.”

They smile at each other and go their own ways. Kenneth arrives in a dark room with a red light on. The room has letters placed all over the walls. The door shuts behind him and a tape goes on.

I hope you are good at riddles. Listen carefully. My first is bloody. My second is burned. My third starts with a T. You have three tries to see what letter it is. When you pull the letter off the wall it will make a sound if you are wrong. If you are right a blue light will go on and you will be one step closer to finding who the killer is. Choose wisely.

Kenneth looks at the walls around him. He had figured out that the letter was red or had red ink, that it was probably old looking and that the T stood for the first word or last work of the letter. He was fairly good at riddles. He saw seven letters that were red and two that were written with a red pen. Only four of them started with the letter T or ended with the letter T. He counted to ten and chooses three out of four of them. He pulled on the first one and it made a noise. He pulled on the second on and it also made a noise. He pulled slowly on the third one and there is no noise. A blue light goes on but then shuts off.

“HEY!” He screams. “You can at least let me read the letter before shutting the lights.”

He moves around the empty room but no door or anything opens for him. He sit on the side of a wall and waits, maybe there was a malfunction; he stays immobile for a few minutes until his back falls threw the wall and into a hatchet. He slide down laughing, not knowing that it wasn’t part of the game. Annabelle opens her cellphone to have a better view on where she was going. The hallway was long and she had heard someone laughing underneath her which freaked her out. She arrived in a doll room. All the dolls were each sitting on a chair looking at the entrance. There was a chair in the middle for someone to sit, Annabelle entered and closed the door and sat. Behind the door were the instructions.

I hope you’re not afraid of dolls, these were my sisters’ dolls and now I want you to find her favourite one. It won’t be too hard; you just have to read carefully. 1. Her favourite color was blue. 2. Her favourite song was Mary had a little lamb and 3. She loved to smile. If you get it right, my sister will appear and tell you a secret.

Annabelle looks around. She sees a doll with curly hair, a blue shirt and a cute smile. She takes the doll up and she pulls on the string. The doll says: My brother will kill you. She looks at the door shocked.

“What the f*ck is this. That’s supposed to be fun?”

She sits hard on the seat with the doll in her hand, when the seat goes through the floor and throws her from behind down a long dark tunnel. She screams at the top of her lungs not knowing where she is going, still holding on to the doll.

In the second house, Julia and Brad are laughing. They are in their third room throwing balloons full of fake insects trying to find clues. They had previously found a red sock and a keychain with a globe on it. Julia throws a balloon at Brad and runs around trying to not get hit back. Brad picks one up and throws it at her feet. It breaks and something shiny falls out. They both walk to it and Julia picks it up.

“That ring looks familiar.” Brad says wondering where he had seen it before.

“It sure does.”

“Is it yours?”

“No. Any jewellery I have I remember, you know that.”

“Yeah… Maybe we saw it in a store or something.”


Julia looks at the ring again before putting it in her purse. She knew she has seen that ring before but she couldn’t remember where. They walk to the next room and enter a bedroom with a heart shaped bed and a vanity with light pink walls. There is a white envelope on the bed. Brad grabs it and reads.

“This love is real. Better find your one true love before it’s too late. Don’t look in the closet you might not find something as lovely as a heart.”

“What does that even mean?” Julia says looking at Brad confused.

“Let’s look around maybe there is something to do with a heart, I don’t know.”

They start searching but don’t find anything. Brad looks at Julia and points towards the closet door. They walk to it and when they open the closet door they see themselves. Pictures of them all over the wall mix with pictures that had nothing to do with them.

“Why would they put pictures of us?” Julia asked Brad as she starts freaking out.

“I don’t know but I’m starting to not like this place.”

“Let’s get out.”

Brad walks to the door and pulls on it. The door is locked.

“It’s locked. We’re going to have to go by the other door.”

“Why would they lock the doors?”

“Maybe they don’t want people to cheat. Let’s go to the next room maybe we’ll find a way to get out.”

Julia hugs Brad for comfort. What if they were stuck there and couldn’t get out? She wasn’t too sure that it was a game anymore. Maybe that girl that came with them had planned it out like that? Or maybe someone had been stalking them and knew they would find a place to party where nobody else would be? All she knew was that she wasn’t going to be partying anytime soon. They went to the next door and the room had three doors written One, Two and Tree. Julia walks to the first door and pulls on it.

“Wait!” Brad says quickly.

“What’s wrong?”

“What if we go in and it just continues the game? We should probably separate and come back if there isn’t an exit.”

“But I don’t want you to leave me alone. What if there’s someone in here other than us.”

“Don’t worry about that, if there is anything at all you come back here and enter in door three, that’s where I’ll be.”

“I’m not sure about this…”

“You trust me?”


“You’ll be fine. You have you cellphone; if you get any bad feelings just call me.”


They have one last kiss and go their own ways. Julia enters in a long hallway with mirrors, she’s glad it isn’t anything really scary. In the end of the corridor there are two slides. She looks at both and chooses the one on the right. She slides down in the dark and into a tiny room with holes. She touched where her feet where, there were holes under her feet too. Was she in a cage? Was this part of the game?

Brad is crawling inside a tunnel and arrives at another room; it’s a baby’s room. He hears something moving in the closet and the door opens. Marie, Drake and Chelsea come out of it.

“Brad!” Chelsea screams and runs to hug him.

“How did you get here?”

“The boat? What other way do you think?”

“Well we kept…”

“We already told her that. The boat was kept over here but somehow someone brought it back.” Drake explains.

“We think that maybe Kenneth and Annabelle went back to shore.” Marie tells Brad.

“Where’s Julia?” Drake asks.

“She took another door. I’m ganna call her.” Brad answers.

“There isn’t any reception.” Marie informs him.

“It’s O.K. well see her in the end of the game anyways.” Chelsea says happy that Julia won’t be joining them.

Suddenly the lights go off in the empty room and a tape goes on.

Hello. I’m glad you are here; it’s the last step to the end of the game. There aren’t any riddles or any subliminal messages in this recording. You must do as I say and you will be free. If not you will be stuck in this room. Every person must go in a corner of the room. One person on every corner, not more now you should get placed quickly you have ten seconds, starting, now.

The lights go back on and everyone runs to the corners of the room. They wait until the countdown. The lights go back off and they all scream as the fall down into a very small dark room.

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