The sound of my door bell wakes me up bright and early at 7:00 A.M. I removed the blanket off the floor and didn't bother to see how terrible I looked before answering.
I open the door and my grandma who I haven't spoken to in years is revealed.
"Oliver, you look terrible and so does your front yard! I will call someone to pick up the broken tree, it just looks awful! She says while pushing tased me and goes straight to my living room.
She's wearing a blue button up shirt and a black pencil skirt with high heels and freshly done makeup.
My mother had me when she was 16 so my grandma is quite young considering she's a grandparent.
I look in the mirror and notice my swollen eyes and a blood stain on my cheek. The vomit and snot stained are still apparent on my clothes. I am disgusting.
"We have a lot of planning to do. Eileen is so selfish to leave all the work to us, isn't she? But I am not going to hug you until you get dressed, you look terrible." She reminds me again.
I still haven't even said hello to her, I just nod and head upstairs; even I can't tolerate my own filth. I look down at my shoes until I make it into my room. I want to avoid confronting my mother's bedroom at all cost.
My phone is still on my desk and I haven't checked it since yesterday when Leah said she was on her way over here to tell me news that would ruin my life. I check my phone screen and I have one missed call and a text message: both from Justin.
I appreciate having him check up on me but I don't feel like telling him my mom is dead and I don't feel like having another breakdown. I decide not to open the message or call him back and I grab some clothes to go shower.
I scrubbed the blood off of my arms. The cuts I left on my body didn't seem too deep until the hot water beat down on my chest. I had to be careful avoiding the water from hurting my new cuts as I continued to wash my body. I ended up facing away from the shower head because I couldn't tolerate the pain anymore.
The shower didn't make me feel better, it just made me feel less disgusting. My eyes are still obviously puffy so I still look like a wreck, at least in my grandmother's eyes I will. I would prefer to be covered in my own vomit than be surrounded by a family member that I barely knew.
I change into a hoodie and some sweats and head downstairs to my grandma who is on the phone.
When she hangs up, she doesn't bother to acknowledge me and I don't bother to ask how she's doing since she obviously views her daughter's death nothing but a burden.
I don't remember the last time I saw my grandma. Last I recalled she didn't even live in Washington; it's a shock to me that she's even here right now.
"Where is my Heather? I need her help to plan this whole thing and she isn't picking up my calls!" She shouts to herself.
I'm glad she wasn't actually talking to me because I don't know if I should tell her that she's been missing for three days and my mom didn't give a fuck.
She walks over to me on the couch and sits down next to me.
"So how have you been, Oliver? I haven't seen you since you were 7! It was so infuriating that Eileen didn't ever bother to visit me. Heather always did."
I sigh in frustration. She didn't bother to visit us either. She has yet to say anything nice about my mother or even acknowledge the fact that she's dead. Even Leah was better company than her.
"Yeah, I'm doing great." I reply harshly.
"That's wonderful, I am too. I just entered retirement and it is so lovely not having any stress or worries about anything; that is until today."
I get up and walk to the kitchen as an excuse to get the hell away from her.
"Okay so me, you, and Heather need to see who we should invite to this thing, if she ever decides to answer my calls. I don't know if Eileen has any friends so I'm hoping you or Heather might know some. I will handle the rest. I just ordered some beautiful flowers to lay on top of the casket."
"What is the point of having flowers for a casket if they are just going to get buried into the ground?" I ask, still sounding just as hard as the first time.
"Why do you have to be so technical, Oliver? Your mom would be so annoyed with you if she saw how you were acting right now."
I don't think I would be the one she would be annoyed with.
I roll my eyes at her comment and go back upstairs to my room.
"Don't think you can just stay up there all day, Oliver! I came here to work, not relax!" She yells as I make my way to my room.
God, I wish she go struck by lightning. Why does she call me Oliver every time she addresses me? She doesn't see me calling her "old bitch" every time I address her.
I lay down on my bed and immediately want to fall back asleep. My eyes are so swollen that they are almost completely shut. I pull my comforter over me and stare at the rain that slowly falls from the sky and onto my window.
The sound of rain used to relax me. The sound of rain went hand in hand with the sound of my mother waking me up on Saturday mornings so we could cook breakfast and watch our favorite TV shows together. That same sound also took my mother away from me.
I decide to pull myself out of my thoughts before I attempt to hurt myself again. I grab my phone and dial Justin's number.
"Oliver?" He answers on the first ring.
"Hey." I can tell he doesn't know what to say. Does he already know about my mom? How could anybody know?
"My mom is dead," I say flatly. I didn't know any other way to say it.
He sighs. "I know, my mom told me I am so sorry I can't even imagine-"
"How does your mom know?"
"Your neighbor called her and told us to be there for you if you needed anything."
I don't respond. I feel pain rising up in the back of my throat.
"Look, I know I don't understand your pain but I am always here for you. If you need to talk or sit in silence or just do something fun, we can. Anytime. My mom too, she can give you rides to school or-"
"Yeah, thank you. It means a lot." I say cutting him off. I hope I didn't come off as rude. I just need the pain to go away.
"I'm just so sorry, man."
"I know. Well hey, I Gott go. My grandmother is over and she needs help with some stuff."
"Yeah, of course. Remember what I said, okay? Take care of yourself, please." He says before hanging up.
I sigh. I feel bad because I am not crying like I was yesterday. My mom was alive in this house a little over 24 hours ago; why do I feel so numb to that statement now?
"Oliver!" My grandma yells, drawing me away. For once I'm glad.
I make my way down the stairs.
"Oliver!" She yells again.
I fucking hate her.
"Later on we are going to make a little visit to the morgue to see your mother!" She beams in excitement.
Why is she acting like she's planning a wedding?
"But right now we need to go to Heather's house because she still won't answer my calls."
"I don't want to see my mom at the morgue. I can't. And how am I supposed to call up her friends and casually invite them to my mom's fucking funeral?"
She pauses for a moment and glares at me. She's obviously frustrated with me. I hope she knows I feel the same way.
"I'll just go through her contacts and invite them myself. Your mom would be very disappointed in you." She says before slamming the door.
Thank God she's gone.
I drag myself back to bed. It's barely 8:00 in the morning.
I pull my comforters over my head in hopes of feeling some type of comfort from the blanket's weight. I close my eyes and let myself rest, hoping my mom visits me in my dreams to tell me that I am going to be okay.