Chapter 12- Arden's thoughts
Shit. Fuck. Damn it. I can't believe I almost kissed Abby again. I don't know what came over me. When I'm around her it is easy to forget everything else, everyone else. It's like the more I'm with her, the more I find myself wanting to be with her. It's crazy and fucking stupid, but I want this girl. I barely know her, and I want- no need, this girl.
Brushing the paint on the cabinets, I notice that Abby and I are almost elbow to elbow, meaning that the cabinets are basically done. I hurry to paint the last of it and move to wash the brush out. I know I probably freaked Abby out with trying to kiss her again. Although I could have sworn she wanted the same exact thing as me in that moment.
I think she feels this crazy attraction we have to each other too. Probably feels like she is crazy just like I do. I want to ask her, if she feels this pull to me like I do to her, but I don't want her to think I'm a freak and never talk to me again.
I've not felt this way about a girl since Cassy. Fucking Cassy. When Abby gave me that letter, I knew immediately who it was from. I became defensive, putting on a cold exterior so Abby didn't see the fact that I was about to have a fucking meltdown. That surely would make her see that I'm a pathetic loser. However, I think I hurt her feelings and that thought hurt me more than whatever Cassy had to say in that stupid letter.
So I've not read it yet. It is sitting in my room, just waiting to be tore open and read. I know that when I read it I will either see red and punch a hole through the wall or cry like a little bitch. A part of me despises Cassy for what she did, and I can't help that fact. I took Cassy's death hard. That's no secret to everyone in this town. They all send me pitying glances even though the incident happened years ago.
I think the worse part, and the part I never understood, is why she did it. She was happy, or so I thought. I don't know if I could have done something different, something better. Hell, I don't even know if it was my fault that she did it, and that thought alone is enough to make me want to hide away forever. Was I such a terrible boyfriend that she decided to end her life instead of just leaving me?
Sighing out, I lay the brush to the side of the sink, turning to see that Abby has been watching me with a guarded look. She has kept her promise. She hasn't looked at me with pity even though I know she suspects something more happened. That's part of the reason I'm so nervous to open up fully to this girl, no matter how fucking much I want too, I'm scared she will look at me with those big green eyes and feel sorry for me.
I could imagine it now, she will tell me what everyone else in this damn town has said. "It's not your fault, Arden. You couldn't have known Cassy was troubled enough to do something like this." I could deal with everyone else telling me that shit, but not Abby. The short amount of time I've spent with Abby, I have come to learn to depend on her strength.
She emits this aura that is strong and calm. She makes you feel wanted without even trying. She makes you feel like you are enough, that you are cared for. It was fucking addictive, and I needed that.
"Well, I think we did a pretty good job, besides there being paint everywhere." I try to joke but it just sounds humorless, even to my own ears. Abby, if she noticed, doesn't mention it. She gives me that sweet smile of hers, as her eyes dance with joy.
"Yeah, I think you are right. Who knew that you were so talented, you could start up your own paint business." I give her a smirk as she jokes, effectively lifting the spirits in the room. I gaze at her, trying to memorize the way that, even paint covered, she is so damn beautiful. Her green eyes shines brightly against the dark color of paint, and I could tell through the simplicity of her paint covered clothing that she was nice and curvy in all of the right places.
We move silently to clean up the paint. Once the job was done, it was near ten at night. Abby let out a little yawn, stretching her arms above her head, making her look like a kitten. Man, I'm too fucking soft when it comes to this girl.
She walks me to the door, and I turn, making her walk straight into my chest. I wrap my arms around her to steady her, and I inhale sharply at our close proximity. Fuck it. I bend down and connect out lips. I couldn't help myself and once our lips touch I was glad I didn't. She feels fucking amazing against me. I feel her gasp before she leans in closer, giving me all the encouragement I need to deepen the kiss.
She was addicting. All of her. Her scent, her touch, the feeling of her lips on mine, I was a goner and I knew it. When I pull back, I stare into her eyes before stroking her face softly. "I'll see you later, Abby." I untangle my arms from around her and walk out the door. Still reeling about our kiss and how I couldn't wait to do it again.