The feeling i hate.
The world Confuses me sometimes, the way one person you love most can be gone in an instant.
My mom tells me itś just how life works, but if this is how life is im scared to live it.
I hate being scared, whenever youŕe scared nothing is predictable. It scares me even more not to know what will happen in the future. The future can be the next second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and even year.
I lost my stepdad in just a day, and on a bad day too. Dont take pity on me, itś just life, remember? I miss him a lot, and a lot more when i'm scared. Heś no longer just a phone call away. I dont have the option to call him when i'm scared anymore, why didn't i take advantage of this option when i could. Why didn't i call him when i was being yelled at by both the monsters in my head and in person? I would kill to be able to give him one last hug, make on last memory , to make the phone call i never did. He left me sad, and scared. The worst combination if you ask me. The voices in my head just get louder and louder until they drown out all other noises. But i'm better now, or so i think.
I'm trying my best to handle every curveball life throws at me. Itś just hard, and scary. Scary enough that i cry until i no longer can, and then i act as if everything is ok, but is it? No it is not, i'm trying to get better. I may not have fully recovered yet, But let it be known that i am Trying.