Speak & Listen

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BLUE SUN

BLUE SUN

Belvyn’s most well-known and most visited club in town. The epitome of Sodom and Gomorrah. The realm of lust and sexual endeavour and services. I just didn’t know that most of the kids from Clever Cats liked clubbing.

Oh, and it was my first time.

First time being in a club, sober, on my last weekend before the second semester begins. It felt like a new chapter. One that was overwhelmingly exciting. Being in a club with my friends. I had to borrow Alejandro an outfit which fit him perfectly. Gabriel got an outfit from Sebastian, who had the same complimentary style as Gabriel.

“Now I certainly want to drink,” I yelled through the loud music. And we were outside.

“Adrian...” Craig looked at me. I had forgotten about his social anxiety. It made him so cute.

I walked toward him and held firm his hand. The night was warm, his hand too. Without an ID, we marched inside and wow, the smell of it all. It was nauseating. But somehow, it was warm and cosy. The spinning spectrum of lights around the walls, ceiling and ground...I now understood how a cat felt when it saw a laser light. They were everywhere. Everyone was everywhere. I saw a lot of familiar faces, including Chris and Brandon.

The loud Hip-Hop throwback songs had Jeremiah, Alan, Mia, Sebastian, Will, Elijah and Mason on the dancefloor in an instant. It was quite hilarious watching them embarrass themselves with their stiff dance moves. We reserved a table and Craig, like expected lit a blunt. It helped with his anxiety, that I understood. Alejandro bought a large amount of alcohol that looked impossible to finish within a single night.

“Gentlemen...we may not be driving ourselves home tonight.” Alejandro announced with a smirk before sitting down.

“I don’t know if it’s this place or the outfit, but I love this!” Gabriel exulted. Literally by bowing his arms towards the prince of Tao.

I opened a bottle of beer. It wasn’t for a change, because when Sebastian and I dated, in his apartment, he’d always have a beer in his fridge. I supplemented the beer with a cigarette.

“Can you remind me again why I’m here?” Craig, who looked noticeably nervous, was looking everywhere around him.

“Because...” I stood up and sat on his lap. “We’ve never done such a thing before, babe. And it means a lot to me.” I kissed his forehead.

He sighed and a smile showed on his face. “At least let’s do acid together. Alejandro, you’re not having any...someone needs to drive us home.”

“No, I wasn’t going to eat that nonsense anyway. I am getting inebriated. And I am not driving!” He poured himself a full glass of vodka and chucked it in a few go’s.

“I have never had acid before.” I started to worry.

“You’ll be fine, I promise.” Craig whispered.

Mia and the rest returned. “The floor is so lit, I tell ya!”

“Lit with a stupid playlist!” Jason’s eyes rolled. He drank a beer as well.

Everyone sat down and we began drinking. But I didn’t drink much, only that one bottle of beer. Mia, as we all know her, began dancing on the table as soon as her favourite Hip-Hop jam began playing. As expected, Mia and Jeremiah fought for alcohol again. Their relationship was quite disturbingly childish.

“How do you use this thing again?” I assessed the paper, trying to figure out how LSD was used.

“Oh you just put it under your tongue and let it do its magic.” Craig explained to me and others who seeemingly had the papers as well.

“I’m not eating this. Sorry man. Someone needs to drive anyway.” William asserted.

“Certainly ain’t me!” Mia put hers in her mouth.

Gabriel followed. “Sorry folks.” He ate his as well.

“William and Alejandro, you are not touching any acid today. You’re driving us home!” I made my voice solemn.

“Got it.” They sang together.

“I can still drive while high on LSD...” Sebastian shrugged as he ate the paper.

“Yeah as if I’d get inside that car and allow you to drive it.” Alan at the paper as well.

“You’ll be fine, babe. Trust me.” Craig put his under his tongue. He took mine and in a very seductive way, he put his finger in my mouth and it was like an injection. Not the fact that it stings at first, but how you never feel them coming through your skin until you are done...that’s how the night escalated. I mean, I’ve been drugged by Alejandro with Acid before and I know how it’s like...ON MY BED, ALONE!

I allowed myself to head to the dance floor as preferred music started banging, forcing everyone but the non-acided to join the dancefloor. How was my dancing? Like a man with the flattest butt. Even I couldn’t twerk better than my at least trying boyfriend as Lizzo began banging on the speakers.

And it wasn’t the music that felt like it was inside of me that made me notice the change in perception between reality and fantasy, but how everything slowed the more I breathed. It felt like the more I breathed, the more I knew. It wasn’t as tranquillizing as you’d think. It was like seeing every microscopic organism on your skin with your naked eye.

At first, I ignored it. Everything was fine, I knew this was only just...

Woah...traces of rainbows are following my traces?

What the fuck was going on? What the fuck am I even saying?

Why are Mia’s eyes suddenly abnormally wide?

Why did the music feel slower?

In fact, why was I so full? Like I ate a lot!

Wait...where the fuck is Craig?

I looked around, now not dancing, but feeling lost on the dancefloor as it felt like walls were not anymore abiding to the laws of gravity. But everyone still looked okay, as in, they didn’t look startled as I was.

It was the LSD. I acknowledged this and the more I did, the more I allowed myself to feel the experience and understand the purport of it. I understood as well why I was there...to party with my friends...

Who I couldn’t find anywhere!!!

“Craig?” I yelled, but it felt like I was whispering in a noisy crowd.

The music changed into a psychedelic-rock swing.

Why now?

And where are they? In fact, am I still at the club?

I walked through the crowd and it felt like I was walking through, but travelling through. Was I on some looped hallucinogenic trance? If this is it, tripping on LSD, I did not like it one bit. Majorly because I could fucking find Craig.

Fuck Craig! I gotta use it!

I navigated my way to the restrooms. Damn, it felt like I was on a treadmill running a kilometre. My heart was pounding vigorously and not at all was this because of panicking, but because of my body trying to tell me that even if I end up in a ditch tonight, I am still alive for now.

The worst thing that could happen at that moment was a rapist walking in the restrooms.

Why was I even thinking of that? Why not call him?

I took out my phone as I stood in front of the large mirror with a bunch of basins in front of it. For a club, the restrooms were quite hygienic. Or was it the trip?

CALL YOUR FUCKING MAN ALREADY, ADRIAN!

“Right!” I whispered. I dialled his cell...surprisingly, a phone ring came from the room. My eyes widened. I wondered if I was going mad or the ring was actually coming from one of the toilets.

“Shit. I gotta go! This was a mistake! I shouldn’t have done this!” A strongly familiar voice came from the restrooms. My ears listened attentively and yes, despite the trip, my ears still never deceived me.

He got out of the toilet and so followed what I never expected I would ever see in my existence. Craig got out of the toilet. He was tying his belt looking downwards. But fuck him. Was I dreaming, tripping? “Benjamin?!”

Craig looked up as his fellow phantom behind him followed his gesture of widened eyes. “Adrian!” Craig exclaimed.

“This is not fucking possible!” I hyperventilated. “This isn’t real!”

“Adrian...I can explain!” Craig, with widened eyes, exclaimed.

“Demon!” I yelled. I rubbed my eyes and...

Wait...what?!

It wasn’t Benjamin at all. Just a man I wasn’t familiar with. The stranger, who looked beyond petrified, left the room in a rush. Craig then looked at me. I noticed beyond my lack of sobriety that...I had been cheated on? By Craig?

“You can explain?” I was talking to my inner self to calm down as much as possible.

“He’s someone I know, Adrian. I swear he took me by force!”

“You are fucking twice his size, you liar!” I roared. “That is the most petite man I’ve ever seen!!!”

No, this cannot be happening. Not him.

He cannot take advantage of me in this manner.

He cannot do this to me. This man knows I am capable of murder. What? Was this some sort of joke?

“I swear I don’t know him that well...that’s Abel. He’s not what you...”

“Your belt says otherwise, you bastard. You...demon! You...fucking liar!” My heart was slowing down. That worried me more than anything. It hurt!

“Adrian...That’s ”

“SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING MAN-WHORE!!!” I cried. “You couldn’t picture having sex with me too, huh? YOU SAW A USED CONDOM CONTAMINATED WITH AIDS WHEN YOU LOOKED AT ME. You allowed me, for a second, to believe that we can actually become a thing.”

“Adrian...I can guarantee you, it’s definitely not what you think it is!” His voice was sterned.

“BUT WHY...THE FUCK WERE YOU LOCKED IN A TOILET WITH HIM!” My hand punched the mirror and somehow, it all shattered into pieces, making the sound of glass splatter. IT. FUCKING. HURT!!!

“THE FUCK! Adrian, are you okay?” His eyes widened.

ALL

I COULD

FEEL

WAS RAGE!!!!!!

“Get the FUCK AWAY FROM ME! YOU DEMON!!”

I threw the mirror pieces towards him, especially toward the door where he, a coward, would run off. Some cut his skin and the imagery of watching him hurt gave me the gratitude I deserved! I deserved to felt that way! I was not a fucking pawn!!!

When now he was fed up of defending himself with words, he was also furious! Fuck him!

Who gave him that fucking right?!

I picked a hunk of a mirror and threw it like a boomerang, landing through the skin of his forehead, dissecting his face apart as pools of blood oozed like a neverending river to the sea. That’s when he didn’t fight anymore, that was also when his body collapsed on the floor.

But why didn’t I scream? Why wasn’t I afraid of what I just did?

Wait...why was I taking a tissue paper to wipe my exposed fingerprints off the weapon stuck on his forehead that killed him? Why wasn’t I crying? Was I fed up? Was this what I truly meant? Is this me?

Am I a killer?

No, I am not! I am a sensitive person who has been through sensitive situations that made me react sensitively to get my own form of justice. I will never again judge or criticize myself for doing this. I am saving more lives in this world exposed to a psychopathic liar like him.

He was a manipulative liar that did not deserve redemption. His deceptive skills prove him beyond reformation and can never be accepted in society. He is a danger, a menace to people! No one, including both her alive mother and sister, should be spared. They gave birth and tolerated a brain-sick liar like him. He deserves to go to hell and forever think about and regret what he has done!

He deserves to rot in hell!!!

What’s done...is done!

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