One Sided Love

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Chapter 30

Waking up, I wish I hadn’t. My head hurt 10 times worse, probably dehydration from crying so much. I woke up in the same place I had fallen asleep in.

I looked out of the window to see it getting dark. I don’t know how long I was asleep for but the sky still had hints of orange present, so it mustn’t have been too long.

I waddle off the bed and over to the door, locked of course but it was worth a try.

I feel like crap.

My eyes hurt. My head hurts. My lip hurts.

I go to the full-length mirror next to the book shelf. Yep, just as I thought, I look like crap too. My lips bust and I have dried blood down my chin. Not to mention the raised blue teeth marks on my neck and the many hickeys on the other side.

I look back to the room, there’s another door opposite the window to his side of the bed.

I’m about to pee myself so I hope it’s a damn bathroom. Opening it cautiously I peak in and thank goodness I was right. I turn on the lights via the switch and walk in.

It has a giant sink and counter top with a cabinet beneath, a big-ass mirror, throne of a toilet, a glass surrounded shower and a bathtub in the middle of it all.

I always thought that having a bathtub in the middle of the room was weird and pointless. It’s just in the way, right?

I shrug my shoulders and look for a lock on the door, it doesn’t have one, great. So that asshole can just waltz in here when I’m taking a shit.

I quickly do my business and then go to the sink. I try to open the cabinet beneath but it’s locked. I growl in frustration. Grabbing the flannel left on the side, I soak it in warm water.

I slowly dap the washcloth on my lip before scrapping the blood off my face, as well as washing the rest of my face too. I brush my matted hair with the hairbrush near the sink.

I cup my hands and drink handfuls of water. I’m definitely not going to trust anything he gives me, so tap waters better than nothing as my throats really dry and my head is about to burst.

I sigh as I look in the mirror.

I’m fucked.

After finishing up in the bathroom I look around the room. It’s tidy, neat and... everything’s locked.

Seriously everything. I double checked the window and door, then I tried the bedside table, wardrobe and chester-drawers.


You could call me nosey but at the end of the day, I’ve been fucking kidnapped. Don’t think being ‘polite’ is on the table right now.

The only things visible is a metal canister of deodorant in the bathroom as well as the washcloth and hairbrush. There are the books and then there’s a nail file on the bedside table. That’s it.

Oh, and the window? I did think, maybe when he’s not here I could smash it and escape. But nope. Bad idea. The bastards put nails on the windowsill on the outside, the ones they use to stop birds and pidgins from going on roofs.

I guess that’s why he left it unlocked and in my blind panic I didn’t see them, kinda happy he pulled me in now or I would have impaled my hand through multiple spikes.

But still, it’s irritating.

My nails are all broken from the struggle. I’m not a girly girl and I don’t really care about having ‘perfectly manicured nails’ but I don’t like them cut to the base. They are useful and you don’t really notice until you cut them away and how annoying it is because you can’t open shit.

Picking up the nail file, a wicked smirk appears on my face.

Damian Kyle’s Pov

Dinners all set and I hope she likes it.

Okay maybe I went too far. I warned her and I’m not sorry, she felt too good for me to be ‘sorry’ but I know it scared her.

I know I said I wouldn’t do something like that again but she need to learn. I’m trying, I really am.

I am going to be as nice and calm as I can with her but if she’s bad I will punish her, that’s not changed and it never will.

Even in the future when we’re married and have kids, if she’s bad there will be consequences and I’d hate to send her down to the basement, I really hope I never have to do that.

I would never hit the children though, no. It won’t be necessary. We will raise them right. They will be my kids too. They will love their father and wouldn’t try to fight me for no reason. They wouldn’t run. They will be understanding of their mother and me.

It’s been about 45 minutes, that’s enough time for her to cool off right? I go to the door and unlock it. Upon looking inside she’s not on the bed but rather on the floor in the corner, beside the bookshelf.

She has the nail file, one of the few things I’ve left out for her. I didn’t want her to go around trashing things when she woke so it’s all locked away.

When she’s submitted a little and calmed down, I’ll unlock everything and she’ll have free rain, well not outside anyway. I just hope she’ll crack before we move, it would be so much easier.

She doesn’t even look up but I don’t miss how her body tenses and she shifts closer to the corner. I smile. I watch her for a second before speaking up.

“What are you doing doll?” She’s filing her nails but in an odd way.

“Nails” that’s all she vaguely replies.

“I can see that but why are you doing them like that?”

“Oh, well, you see I’m just making sure they’re sharp enough for when I rip your throat out. Or scratch your eyes out” she said with no emotion.

I do a little nervous chuckle, she’s joking right? “that’s very cute and I know you’re joking, but you are actually filing them to points” she smirks.


Well, it seems she can’t be trusted with a nail file either. I go to the cabinet in bathroom, unlock it and take-out nail clippers.

I walk up to her and I see her start to shake as I get closer.

Where’s the tough guy act now sweetheart?

I smile and snatch the file from her hands, she actually tries to scratch me but I just grab her wrists and kneel down to her.

“Don’t fucking touch me you psycho!” She shouts, trying to sound confident but I can hear the panic and worry in her voice.

I take both of her hands in one of mine, she’s so little, and I quickly clip all of her nails back to the base. They were sharp and I have no doubt they would have drawn blood. She’s clever and cocky and I love it. I hope she manages to keep those aspects in the long run.

I drop her hands and stand up, taking the file and clippers and putting them in the cabinet and locking it again. She’s a mischievous one.

Still in the bathroom I hear loud bangs, I run out to see her clutching her foot and books on the floor.

She kicked the bookshelf.

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes from my throat, she’s so cute when she’s angry.

I walk towards her and look at the pile of books.

“What happened?” I ask. She doesn’t answer, she just leans against the wall looking down.

“What were you doing? Looking for a secret passage?” I chuckle and step forward to pick up the books. She immediately flattened herself against the wall in fear. As much as she likes to act all big and strong, I know she’s scared and breaking for me.

“Come, dinners ready” I hold out my hand for her, she backs away.

"Babydoll, it’s okay. I won’t hurt you as long as you’re good” I reassure her, when she doesn’t move again, I grab her wrist and pull her along. She has to make things so difficult doesn’t she.

Pulling her to the kitchen and popping her down in her designated chair by lightly pushing down on her shoulders. I sit opposite her.

She looks around and focuses on the locked-up cupboards “it’s just until you prove I can trust you.”

She rolls her eyes “Bit obsessive don’t ya think” she instantly slaps her hand over her mouth. I smile, I thought she was going to be annoyingly unresponsive but her sass overtakes her.

“Oh good, I thought you were gunna give me the silent treatment.”

“You cocky little sh-”

“You’re talking out loud, little doll” i warn her as she goes a little too far for friendly banter. She seems to realise what she said as she cowers away leaning into her chair more and away from the table.

She and looks at the food on the table.

“I know, I know, it’s a bit much but anything we don’t eat now we can have tomorrow or the next day.” I say to her but all she does is look around the room.

She has to eat. It’s not gone unnoticed how much weight she’s lost, especially today when I carried her in from the car. If she doesn’t eat, I’m afraid of what I might do.

Casey’s Pov

He pulls me out the door and into a kitchen/dining room. He sits me down at a small 4/maybe 6-person rectangular table, like you’d find at a café.

It’s a basic kitchen really, decent sized with an electric oven, hob, sink and cupboards, I don’t miss how all the cupboards have literal padlocks on them to keep them shut.

He notices me looking at the locks “it’s just until you prove I can trust you.”

“Bit obsessive don’t ya think” I slap my hand over my mouth, I was not meant to say that out loud, he just smiled.

" good, I thought you were gunna give me the silent treatment.”

“You cocky little sh-”

“You’re talking out loud, little doll” he warns and I realise what I said and edge away.

I look at the table that’s already set up, on the plate is way too much for me, on it Is a salad, chips, mozzarella pizza and pepperoni pizza and a cheese burger. He also put extra salad in a bowl on the table as well as a bowl of fried chicken.

I notice my plate and cup are paper and I have only a plastic fork. He has a glass, metal knife and fork and a china plate.

This is ridiculous.

“I know, I know, it’s a bit much but anything we don’t eat now we can have tomorrow or the next day.” I’m not eating any of this crap. I don’t know what he’s thinking in that clearly deranged, fucked up head of his but I’m not eating anything he gives me, I don’t trust it.

I sit back in my chair with one foot up on the base of the chair and sigh.

He looks at me expectantly and I glare back at him. I look around the room. Nothing on the walls, nothing personal, boring really, not even a clock.

“What’s the time?” He looks at his watch.


Mum would be home. I was supposed to meet the police 4 and a half hours ago. Maybe they know what’s up, they could be looking for me....

Don’t be stupid Casey, they caught you trying to skip school, they probably hate you and think you ditched them.

Did someone get Lucas from school, did he think I forgot about him? Left him?

Tears well in my eyes thinking about Lou, he’s so little, so young. Is he going to grow up without me? Will he think I ran away and left him? I’ll miss everything, I won’t be there for him.

“Hey, hey, hey. Babydoll, please don’t cry, it’s okay. You have me.” I sob at his words. When will he understand that, that doesn’t comfort me! ”Babydoll I get it, I really do. I understand you must have a lot of questions, so, ask away. I promise I’ll answer everything.”

“Mr Kyle, I-I don’t understand why I’m here. I, why do you want me, I-I can’t, I don’t, please Mr-” my sobbing mumbling was cut off by him.

“Please call me Damian, we’re not at the school anymore and we’re not strangers. Call me Damian.”

I was angry now, why should I call him by his first name? “I don’t want to, I hate you.”

“You will call me Damian” his soft voice from a second ago was now gone, replaced with his stern commanding voice. “Sooner or later, it will be out of habit. Say my name Casey. Say it now.” I looked at him with anger.

“Screw you Mr Kyle” I gritted my teeth and he seemed to do the same “Why did you bring me here?”

“because you’re mine and I love you. We couldn’t be together back there but here we can.”

“What about my family?”

“They’ll likely think you ran away for that little shit that’s ‘missing’” he did air quotes “young lovers ran away together or something, but, if you’re good, maybe we could send them a letter saying you’re fine. If you accept us then in the future we could even pay them a visit.”

“You’re delusional” I growl, he just shook his head amused “where are we?” He raised a brow.

“Far away, in the middle of a forest. Nearest to us is a gas station that’s barely ever open, 30 miles south” he points to his left.

“can I go outside?”

He chokes a laugh “no.”

“What about school?”

“You don’t need to worry about that right now.”

“I’m meant to stay here all day, every day, forever?!”

He looks at me and smiles “of course not sweetheart. If you’re worried about being bored, I’m sure I can think of some things we could do together” he raised his brows and gave me a devilish smirk. I nearly gaged and scrunched my face up in disgust.

He shook his head smiling ” no? Anyway, I quit at the school and have been accepted as a professor in America. I do have 3 PhD’s after all and the high school job was beneath me-”

“Wait. America?” I start to panic and my breath quickens. If he takes me to America, I’ll never be found.

“Yes. I have to finish this school term then we’ll have a few weeks to relax and hopefully get to trust each other. Then we have a flight to the US. I have a small place there already.”

“W-why? Can’t we stay here?” He flashes a deadly smile at me.

“I will never let you go babydoll, you need to realise that.” The tears start again and he looks at me with pity “I love you baby, so much. You know we can’t stay here, it’s too risky.”

“I want to go home” I sob into my hands. I hear shuffling then arms snake around my shoulders as he hugs me from behind.

"Nooo, don’t touch m-me” I whine-cry the words.

"Shhhhh. This is home now Casey. I told you if you’re good, we can visit your family in the future. The sooner you accept us the better for both of us” he rubs up my arms as I still hide my face. I feel his chin on my shoulder as I run my hand on my forehead as I cry, my headaches getting worse.

“What did you drug me with in the car? Was it chloroform? ” He chuckles.

“Clever girl. Yes, it was. Why? Is your headache bad? Before you panic, don’t worry I did test it out first before I used it on you, to make sure it was safe but it always seems to conjure a headache afterwards.”

How did he test it?.. “what did you test it on?” He chucked again.

“I found a wild rabbit and tested it. Then, just to make sure....” he pauses “did you never wonder how your brother slept so well? How he was always so tired? How he slept through your punishment that day despite your screams?”

Realisation dawned on me. He fucking drugged my brother! He tested it on him. What if something happened? What if Lou never...never woke up?

“YOU ASSHOLE!” I scream turning on the seat and slapping him across the face “how fucking dare you use my 5-year-old brother as a test subject! You could have killed him!” He restrains my wrists as I started to hit him in a frenzy.

“Calm down!”

“You could have killed him! You sick fuck!”

“I would never have killed him, I made sure it was safe. I only wanted to know how long he’d be out and at what concentration.”

“Fuck you and your excuses! You’re the reason he got sick. He would always wake up with headaches! He was in pain!”

“The headaches weren’t always from the chloroform and I never meant to make him sick, that was my mistake.”

“You knew he was sick because of you! He wouldn’t wake up all day and he throw up when he finally woke up. And it was YOUR FAULT!” I try to kick him but he easily steps behind my chair so I’m unable to get him.

“Yes, that was unfortunate and I didn’t know he had headaches on the regular-”

“Then you’re not very observant because for weeks he’s been suffering with them you prick” I growl, he squeezes my wrists tighter.

“That was an accident, I never meant for him to get sick. I only used the chloroform 3 times, the last was when he was sick. I poured way too much and held it for too long. It was my mistake and I learned from it. The rest of the time I used a simple, child friendly, sleeping tablet just to ensure we had alone time. I suppose the headaches were a side effect of that, I didn’t know they were causing to have so many headaches.”

“You fucking conniving jackass! Screw you” my voice came out weak. How could I not notice?

“You’re okay, aren’t you? Do you feel ill or anything?” He looks at me concerned before placing a hand on my forehead.

“Fuck off, get off me, I never want you to touch me again!”

He clenches his fists by his sides before growling out “We’ll go through the rules later. Do you have any more questions for me?” I shake my head “words my love, remember? Rule number one, always answer.”



“No.” I said sweetly before flipping him off.

He kisses me on the head looking kinda pissed “now eat, I don’t have the patience” he lets go of me completely and goes back to his chair, I slump back in my seat.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

“Can you eat now Casey?”

“No, thank you” I said politely.

“Eat. Now.”

“No, thank you.”

“Eat Casey. You’ve lost weight and I’m not happy about it.”

“I’m not hungry and I don’t trust anything you give me.”

“Why wouldn’t you trust it?” He growled.

“Huh? I don’t know. Maybe because you’ve drugged me before and my brother(!)”

“If you don’t eat on your own, I’ll force it down you myself.” I have no doubt he will but for real, right now, I feel sick, I’m really not hungry.

When I don’t move or answer he slams his hands down on the table making my breath hitch. He takes long deep breaths with his eyes shut.

“How long has it been since you last ate?”

“I don’t know. Two days ” Answered honestly. He nodded calmly.

“And since you slept?” I looked at him with a ‘seriously’ face “I mean probably, naturally at night. 7 or so hours.”

“I haven’t slept much since you started stalking and harassing me. Do you wanna know anything else?” I asked cockily, he chuckled.

“Why won’t you eat?”

“I feel sick.”

“Can’t you try?”

“I’ll throw it up” I warned in a singsongy voice.

“Fine” he gets up and puts both our plates and the food in the fridge.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Why, my love? Are you worried for me?” He grins.

“No. Just confused” I said bluntly. How dare he put words in my mouth. I glare at him.

“If you don’t eat. I won’t eat” I scoff, and I’m the child here(!)

“I do understand Casey, I know this is a lot. I know you may not have wanted this or even want it now but I know you love me, I can see it in your eyes. And if you don’t, you will in time. I’ll make you. You’re mine Casey.”

I don’t even acknowledge him. He knows nothing.

“I’ll give you today but tomorrow, you will eat. If I have to, I will make soup and pour it down your throat” he then chuckles, the chuckle turns into a terrifying laugh. I back away so much I end up falling on the floor from my chair.

He’s fucking freaking me out.

I scramble to my feet to bolt out of here. He’s fucking insane. I run towards the door but a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me back.

“Now, now. Don’t be silly, my love. That is the exact reason you got punished before” he whispers huskily in my ear and I remember what happened not long ago. I struggle and try to scratch his arms that are around me but it does nothing as I have no damn nails! His hold on me tightens.

“Do you want to know something? Hum? Your little pussy was so hot on my dick. I bet I made you wet. I bet, behind your little fear, you want to feel my big fucking cock inside that tight cunt of yours as much as I do.”

I feel sick, really sick, I’m actually gonna be sick.

That’s the most disgusting thing I think I’ve ever heard.

I start gaging. It hurts my stomach because there’s nothing to throw up, nevertheless I puke on his arm’s bright yellow bile.

He drops me to the floor and groans in disgust and disbelief. I kinda smirk through the pain in my stomach just by hearing his own gags and moaning. I lie on the floor next to my own sick, clutching my stomach to try to relieve my pain.

“That, how you... make me feel. Physically, sick” I said between my stomach cramping up in pain and dry heaving. He growls at me then there was silence for a few minutes. I look up and he’s gone, he must have left, I didn’t notice.

Arms wrap around me. He picks me up and puts me on his hip like a child. I still double over in pain making my head rest on his shoulder. Only then do I notice he’s only wearing boxers. He’s damp and his hairs wet, has he had a shower? How long was I on the floor?

We enter then bathroom attached to the bedroom, he sets down on a stool that wasn’t there the last time I was in here.

“Shower. Now” he growls and walks away.

I really don’t want to but I’m covered in vomit and I stink. I undress and shower, enjoying the feeling of the warm water washing away his touch I sigh in contempt.

“You look so beautiful” a breathless voice interrupts my daydreaming. I jump and cover myself as best I can, reluctantly turning my back to him in order to cover my whole front.

“The fuck are you doing in here! Get out! You nearly gave me a heart attack you bastard!” I shout at him.

“Shut up Casey, this almost makes up for you puking all over me. Besides I’ve seen it all before remember?” He snaps, I shudder remembering that he has photos of me “well, not all” the hell does that mean?


He’s not seen all of me. I still have a little dignity left, what has he not seen?

“Turn for me, my love” he begged. I don’t care if he gets on his knees, I’m not turning around for anything. “I’ve almost seen every little inch of that beautiful body of yours. All but the thing I desire the most. I’ve not seen your little pussy, not even in picture.”

“G-get out”

“So damn stubborn. Fine, but I’ll see it all soon enough. I’ve left clothing for you on the chair” he walks away.

Oh no. What clothes has he given me? I step out the shower to see. Walking over to the chair I instantly see lace. I growl at the sight.

I get closer to see a black lace bra and matching thong, god dammit! I hate thongs, they annoy me so much. I also see what appears to be one of his white T-shirts, I know it’s his, I can smell him on it. I put on the shirt, which is basically a dress as it nearly goes down to my knees.

He just wants to see my skin.

The pervert.

One thing he’s going to flip out about is the cuts on my legs, there’s no way to hide them and he’s going to see them for sure.

I exit the bathroom and go back to the bookshelf waiting for his return, I did check the door and it’s locked, not to my surprise.

He has a few books and they range from different things. From science, history, gardening, science-fiction, romance. Pretty much one of everything. I even found a ‘where’s wally’ book that I’m definitely going to look through later.

I grab a few that looks good and set them down on the chester-draws, there’s nothing else to do right now anyway. Deciding that I don’t want to go anywhere near that bed I settle down in the corner of the room with my knees up to my chest next to the bookshelf.

I manage to get to chapter 4 when Mr Kyle walks in, he was dressed in jeans and a loose shirt, I’ve never seen him casually dressed, he’s always wearing a smart long sleeved dress shirt and a waistcoat. Seeing him like this it’s, it’s weird.

He sees me and smiles, his eyes drift to my legs and I literally see them gloss over with lust. I move my legs uncomfortably and attempted to cover them a little more with the top but it unsurprisingly doesn’t work.

“Creeper” I mutter, seemingly breaking him out of his trance.

“You like the books?”

“Nothing else to do” I reply bluntly not looking up from the page.

“Come, I thought we could watch a movie together” he holds his hand out. I hesitate.

“Can I have proper clothes?”

“No. You look nice with my shirt on.”

I roll my eyes “can I at least have some sweatpants or something?” He thinks for a minute before giving me a curt nod and walking over to the chester-draws. He pulled out a key, went into the top draw and pulled out a pair of grey sweatpants. Again, they are clearly his and probably won’t stay up if I put them on.

“You know, when you kidnap someone, you’re meant to plan things out. Including getting them actual clothing that fits them(!)” I state sarcastically.

He puts them back, quite aggressively might I add, locks the draw and goes to the wardrobe and unlocks it, opening the doors wide then looking to me with a smug face.

I take a peek and look inside. There’s everything in the wardrobe, tops, leggings, dresses, skirts, pjs, nighties, hats, jackets, shoes, boots, a pair of slippers, just everything.

“I’m not rich but I’ve always had a good amount saved, when my grandparents died 2 years ago, they gave everything to me including this cottage. When my parents died earlier this year, they also left me their small fortune and the house in America. Once I came infatuated with you, I had this placed fixed up with the money from my grandparents and I bought the necessities for you.”

His parents died not long ago. Is his whole family dead?

“I’m sorry for your loss” it’s what your meant to say, isn’t it?

He huffs a laugh “don’t be. They were...” he seemed to struggle with finding the right words “barbaric and cold-hearted. But, they’d rather me have their money then the government,”

Well shit, maybe that’s why he’s like this.

He reaches into the wardrobe and picks out red pj shorts before closing and locking it. He comes over and hands them to me. To both our surprise really, I don’t move back.

“What about the matching top?” I seen it in there.

“Please just, you look cute. Just wear it.”

“Why?” He doesn’t answer me so I go for another question “why do you lock up everything?”

“Because I didn’t want you to trash the place and ruin it all. Like I said, I have savings but it is not everlasting, hence why I still work.”

“I’m calm, unlock them, it’s infuriating.”

“Are you going to snoop around?” He gives me a mischievous grin.

“Most likely” I said plainly “things you don’t want me to see?” I asked intrigued.

He smiled again and I realised who I was talking to and where I was. I glanced at the bed and remembered what happened, what he did and backed away. He seemed to follow my eyes to where I was looking. I quickly slipped on the bottoms and untucked the shirt when he wasn’t looking.

He looked weird, almost a little annoyed at my sudden change of temperament. I huffed.

“I’ve got a headache” I announced.

He gave me some painkillers for my headache and a bottle of water, before I took them, I demanded to see the boxes and once I did I gladly took them and downed the water that was also untouched. He seems to find my distrust in him funny.

To my request we were watching R.E.D, he was dead certain I was gonna pick a Disney film of something but I only watch them with Lou or Oliver. Oliver is a Disney freak. Oh he’d deny it but he literally has a collection of all the Disney movies.

Mr Kyle made me sit on his lap almost immediately within walking into the lounge. I fought to sit on my own, but that was doomed from the start. I ended up sitting sideways on his lap.

His hand ran across my lower leg and up to my knee. “So soft, did you shave for me?” He asked with a smirk.

“Waxed. And it was for Oliver” he growled. I really wasn’t lying. I smiled at his anger

“Rule number fucking two, never say his damn name.”

Well, that’s bull. I was about to protest when his hand went to my upper thighs, I hissed when he squeezed slightly. He looked at me with concern.

“Do you still feel sick?” He asked running a hand on my back, leaning away a little which made me smirk on the inside.


“Does it still hurt?” He moved his hand from my leg onto my lower stomach making me jump.

“Not really”

“I know you weren’t sick on purpose, I’m sorry for getting angry about it. After all, you did warn me.”

Yeah, I know I wasn’t on purpose, it was your filthy mouth that made me sick.

“I might have got the measurement wrong again, though I was certain I had it right, I never meant to make you sick. Maybe it was because you hadn’t eaten, or even the stress.”

Nope, it was just you.

He puts his hand back on my leg and I squeeze my eyes shut and hope he didn’t notice...he did.

“Something wrong with your leg babydoll?”

“N-No” I stuttered out a little too quickly, he narrowed his eyes.

“What is it?”

“I, i, I- No!” his hands went to my waistband, I went to take them away when he stopped his movements.

“Can I look?” Is he, is he asking? Since when did he ask?

“I, I-um I’m s-sorry, I” I don’t really know how to put it, he looks at me and furrows his brows in confusion “please, don’t get m-mad” I beg, instant worry comes over him.

“Can I look?” He asks again and I nod giving him permission because if I don’t, he’ll just do it anyway and probably hurt me in the process.

He moves me off his lap and onto the sofa and I lie down, he leans over and pulls down my shorts slightly.


He leans closer and rubs his thumb across one of the cuts just like he did with my other cuts when he found them the other day.

“I told you not to ever do this again. Why didn’t you listen to me, hum? You will never do this again. Ever. You will never mark your skin, never harm yourself and you will never kill yourself” he raises his voice but he’s not shouting, it’s like he’s trying to stay calm.

He takes a deep breath “I’m really trying baby, I really am.” He mutters and I can tell he’s trying not to get too mad from the deep breaths he’s taking “Fucking hell doll, you really know how to piss me off. I hope that doesn’t scar. I only ever want to see my marks not ones you’ve inflicted upon yourself. When did you do it? Why did you do it?”

He sounds calm. He cups my cheek in his hand. He’s still taking deep breaths to calm himself though.

“Yes-yesterday, before I did my hair. I-I don’t know why. I wan-wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to h-hate me so you’d leave me alone.” I choke on a sob. “I was angry and up-set because I got Oliver killed s-so I deserved to feel the pain.”

He sighs “oh Casey” he said softly before pulling me to him for a hug.

“I don’t want to die I just wanted to feel the pain because I deserve it” he tightens his hold on me and kisses my head.

“No sweet Casey, you don’t deserve the pain. This was a punishment you inflicted for no reason. It wasn’t necessary. That boy’s fate was his own. He shouldn’t have been so nosey and interfered. It was no one’s fault but his own. The cuts will heal and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they don’t scar because you-...we don’t need a reminder of this. It was a mistake that’s all, I know you didn’t mean it. As for the hair, I’ll get some hair dye to change it back to your original colour, I’ll even get some special shampoo to try to get it back to how it was. It’ll grow back sooner then we think. Would you want that?”

I nod my head. I don’t want scars. I’d hate to live with it for life. A constant reminder of my failure. Of what I did to Oliver. The hair, I don’t really care about.

“Okay, then it’s sorted. Tomorrow I’ll go out and we can fix it. We’ll fix everything and get through it together.”

I say nothing as he gently rocks me in his arms, strangely, for once it actually makes me feel better, I’m so desperate for comfort I’ll take a hug from anyone.

“I’m sorry” it just slipped out and I don’t know why, why was I sorry? Why do I feel guilty?

“I know baby, I know.” He kisses my head “just tell me that you’ll never do this again, promise me?”

“I don’t think I can” I whisper, his grip tightens.

“I understand. Babydoll? If you want to hurt so badly, come to me and I’ll do it for you. I’ll make sure to leave my damn mark on you permanently if you do this again. The only person allowed to leave their mark on you is me. You’re mine Casey” he grits his teeth and just like that, I’m terrified again because I know he meant every word.

He just went from, sweet and caring to scary and possessive in 0.5 seconds! This is why he scares me. Well, his laugh too and his calm voice angry face thing but the whole bipolar thing is the worst, it’s too unpredictable, he’s just fucking crazy.

He pulls me onto his lap once more and places my head on his chest. Within no time I end up falling asleep.

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