I am vile and disgusting.
My only hope is getting out of here.
Maybe they will find me.
Regardless, the only thing I have left is my escape and I can only hope that I will get away.
What he did...
What we did...
I just, I didn’t want to touch him and I sure as hell am not letting him touch me. This was the best option, right?
It was the best one, right?
Fuck! Did I choose wrong?
It was worse, so much worse.
He touched me anyway.
I hated it. I don’t like it. I hate that my body responded like that. He loved it. He loves the power and control.
I wanted to cry so bad, I’m so tired of crying, tired of being the weak, pathetic thing I keep being with him.
But I can’t cry. I can’t protest. I can’t say no. If I do, he’ll hurt me again.
He used my body against me.
I am worthless.
Feel so dirty.
I feel like a huge weight was put on my shoulders.
Feeling guilty, dirty, knowing I let him-I chose- I let him make me...feel...like that. Knowing he’ll forever get off on knowing he could and did make me feel like that.
I feel like a whore, a worthless slut for letting him-for not fighting. I feel like a dirty slapper for allowing myself to feel... good...because, it did.
I make myself sick.
Even now I lie against him, cuddling up to his heavy breathing form. His arm constricted around me and the other still inside my pants. His thumb is moving, I swear it, just extremely slowly and softly.
He’ll never let me go.
“I love you babydoll, I love you so much Casey” he makes my skin crawl as he kisses my head and removes his hand. I burrow my face in the crook of his neck just so I don’t have to look at him.
“Are you tired, sweet Casey?” I nod. I want him away from me “I’ll take you to bed” he picks me up and carries me to the bed. He carefully places me under the covers on my stomach, laying a kiss on my forehead as I pretend to go to sleep “I’ll wake you when dinners ready” he states.
He waits a second before leaving.
The second he’s gone I run to the bathroom. I can’t hold it any longer.
I throw up in the toilet.
I was sick because of myself.
I was throwing up nothing but still heaving.
I want to drink bleach from kissing him back.
I feel so unclean.
It was better than having to touch him or letting him touch me in that way but it was also worse.
So much worse.
I just need this to end.
He’s gotten what he wanted now. He thinks I’ve given in. Is he happy now?
I feel... I can’t even describe it. Pathetic. Worthless. A disappointment. Disgusting. Whore. Slut. Shamed. I feel dead inside. Useless. Unlovable.
I make myself sick.
I feel like I cheated on Oliver.
I finally let all my tears out, sobbing uncontrollably. The heaving stopped but I want it to continue, I deserve the pain and cramping that it brings. The emptiness it brings.
I am nothing.
What’s left to fight for? To wait for him to finally rape me?
After another 10 minutes of crying, I clean myself up.
I go back to the bed and pretend nothing ever happened.
My only hope is getting out of here.
It is my only hope.
The only thing I have left.
My escape plan is all I have to hope for and I can only hope that I will get away.
That he will never find me.
Yesterday, after I fell asleep, he woke me and we ate dinner. He went and did work as I watched a movie on the couch and checked in on buddy.
That night he cuffed my wrist to the bed as always but this time he pulled me to him so my back was completely pressed against his front, ignoring my hiss of pain from my back as his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I could feel his breath on my neck all night.
It’s the next day now and after eating and watching a film with me on his lap the whole time, he got all the cleaning things from the cupboard and helped me clean the bedroom and lounge.
Leaving me to do the bathroom and kitchen when he’s going to do the basement.
I watched him inconspicuously as he took the basement keys from the cupboard and unlocked it.
He left the cupboard unlocked too. I see the front door keys.
He then left the basement keys in the lock!
He walked down with his cleaning things. Unfortunately, he took the bleach with him.
40 minutes have passed.
I could have done it 40 minutes ago.
Why am I waiting?
The sun will be setting soon, is that good or bad?
I packed a bag of basic food and water because I know we’re in a forest. I don’t know how far civilisation is.
My hearts beating so hard I can hear it in my head.
I found a shoebox and I placed buddy in it with his food.
I need to make a run for it before it’s too late.
What if he catches me?
He belted me just for not letting him...
What would he do if I ran?..
What will he do when I run?
He’ll come after me for sure. Will he hurt buddy like he promised to?
I can’t imagine anything happening to buddy. I think I tamed him, he lets me hold him and stroke his belly.
He made me laugh for the first time in weeks.
He gave me something to do. He gave me a companion, someone to talk to. Made me smile whilst still in pain. I can’t let him... I can’t let Damian hurt him.
I’ll have to hide him someplace in case Damian catches me. He will keep to his promise and I can’t let that happen.
Buddy’s just a baby still.
I take a peek into the basement. Memories fill my mind but I force myself to look past them.
He’s mopping the floor with his back turned.
Now’s my chance!
I slowly start to close the creaky door. My heart jumps every time I hear it click.
He looks up.
I run back quietly to the kitchen.
“Yeah?” I call out.
“Yeah, I’m just finishing in the kitchen.”
I wait a few more minutes before going back to the door. There’s no way around it.
I slam the door shut and shakily turn the key in the lock. Sudden dizziness comes over me.
The anger in his voice sends me back, I trip over my own feet as I was backing away from the door.
Terrified tears stream down my face as I look at the door with shock.
I did it.
“YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT FUCKING NOW!” He screams banging it.
Each hit on the wooden doorframe makes me flinch and the door itself shakes.
I stumble up onto my feet and grab my bag, the keys and buddy.
I undo all the chains to the door and unlock it. Slamming it open I can still hear him shouting as I run towards the tree line.
I run and keep running, in the distance I hear a loud crash.
He must have broken the door down.
I keep running till I reach a tree with a hollow in it.
Perfect for buddy.
I quickly put buddy down inside the hollow and rip the side shoe box so he can run out when he wants.
The suns setting and it’s starting to get dark.
I hear a twig snap.
I hear it again.
No, no, no, no, no.
I press myself up against the old tree.
“Casey” Damian sings “come out.”
My hearts going to jump out my chest from the force of it.
I see a large stone by the side of me and an idea comes to me. I pick it up and sling it as far as I can the opposite direction.
It makes several soft noises that could resemble footsteps or stumbling.
I hear him growl and run in that direction “CASEY COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”
I let out a whimper and run and keep going. Even with the darkness quickly coming in I see a gate in front of me.
I smile as I know I’m getting somewhere.
Officer Rose Parker’s Pov
“This is the last address” James announces.
“Let’s hope this is it.”
Me and James took turns driving as we visited all 11 other addresses. It took nearly 15 hours going to one then the other but we made it by going to the closest first and then going out to the furthest.
Something feels wrong. Something strange, like we are forgetting something.
“I have a bad feeling James.”
We drive up to the gate to see it’s just a wooden gate and behind it is a marvellous house.
I sigh “it’s not it.”
“Damn it” James sighs.
The radio turns on “Parker, Andrews?”
“You missed one” he states.
“What do you mean we missed one?”
“GPS shows you’ve been to 12 of the 13 addresses, you missed one a while back. It’s 5 hours away south.”
"Fucks sake” I swear.
“Bloody hell” James cusses “we’ve been driving all day, we’re exhausted, we’re going to a hotel for the night, we’ll take a look in the morning.”
“What!? No! It could be it.”
“Hey, I’ve let you play boss in this case because I know how passionate you are about it but I’m still your supervisor. We’ll be no good to her and this case if we don’t get any sleep. My word is final.”
I hate how he’s always so damn right. I glare at him.
“Fine. We’ll check it out in the morning.”
We drive away.
I get to the gate and just as I’m about to climb over it I’m tackled to the ground.
“Stupid little bitch. You think you can get away huh?!” He shouts at me as he pins me to the floor.
“Please, please. Just let me go.”
“Never!” He sends me a crooked smile “We are going to have so much fun tonight!”
He yanks me up by my hair and we walk back in silence as I quietly sob at my failed attempt.
He pushes me through the door and slams it shut.
Taking a hold on my hair again he drags me to the bedroom.
“I have to hand it to you. That was clever” he states. Before kneeling me in the gut. I double over in pain. He pushes me so I fall into the ground. “Pathetic” he says and kicks me on the back.
“And what’s this?” He grabs the bag-pack from my back and empty’s it all out on the floor. Each item that hits the floor makes me jump “clever but stupid girl at the same time” he kicks me again in the stomach, I grunt in pain as I curl up into a ball.
He sighs “get up, take off your clothes and dance for me.”
After a few minutes of me not moving and silently crying on the floor he shouts.
I do as he says and slowly remove my clothes, seeing the all-too-familiar blue bruises form on my stomach and sides.
“Underwear, off” I take it all off until I’m left with nothing. He sits on the bed “what are you waiting for? Dance!”
I move like he taught me as he watches my shaking body intently as tears stream down my face but I don’t make a noise.
“Stop this. Stop the act. I know you love me really. You can hide it all you like but I know it, you know it. Why else would you have given yourself to me like you did yesterday. Completely under my control. Loving it. Then, then you do this. After we finally get intimate. What do you think that was really about?” He was begging, he was begging me but every word that came from his filthy mouth just made me angrier.
So, I snap.
I finally snap at him.
“You’re insane! I will never want you! I could never want someone as disgusting as you!” I scream at him.
He doesn’t even bat an eye at my comments.
“Is it maybe because you’re a virgin.” He says this like it’s a big revelation.
“The fuck? Do you even hear yourself? Do you even hear me?! I don’t like you I hate you. Why can’t you get a girl your own age, why do you have to do this to me! What is fucking wrong with you?!”
He slaps me. Before I can fall to the ground, he catches my arm holding me up.
I speak up again before he can even get a word in. Asking the question, I’ve been dying to know, the one thing I don’t understand.
“Why me? Why!? I don’t understand why you’d want me? Out if everyone, people your own age, Miss Lott who clearly liked you. Why did you choose me? A student? Please just tell me why?!” I start off shouting but as I keep going it becomes more like whines.
“Your smile” he states simply “that smile caught my attention instantly. It was all I could think about. Then it was your voice, it was music to my ears. I loved the look on your face when you were nervous, your timid little voice then was, hypnotic. Your beautiful hair that has a golden shine in the sunlight, like an angel with a halo. Your piercing blue eyes that truly shine when you’re happy. Your soft plump lips, I found myself just wanting to feel them.” He stops.
“I’ve always liked younger girls. True, not as young as you, just younger than me but that doesn’t matter. You were just...so perfect. Everything I’ve ever wanted. Your attitude, a brave stubborn façade but in truth, I could see you were easy to manipulate. I could see that I could control and make you mine. I found myself just wanting to play with you, with your mind, then I wanted you, I wanted something more, I wanted all of you. You were something so pure, so kind and sweet. With a body of a goddess at such a young age. I had to have you. All of you. You drove me crazy day and night. But the thing I loved most. Your fear. That look in your eyes. It was like a drug. But soon I found myself wanting to see your affection, needing your love. You see, I don’t know what I want. I want you to be afraid, I want that fear in your beautiful blue eyes but I want you to trust and love me. I don’t want some cheap whore that would throw themselves at anyone. I want someone that’s mine and only mine. Mine to hold, mine to love, mine to mark, mine to kiss, mine to fuck, mine to take care of, mine and you, are mine.”
“I will never be yours you sick fuck!” I scream.
“Will you stop swearing at me!” He shouts as he slaps me again “You see, I understand your temperament, I really do. You know you can see it in many species, the virgins are always rebellious, they kick, they scream they fight because they haven’t been broken in yet. It was stupid of me to think you could’ve been broken without doing it. I know you’re scared, but I’ll be as gentle as possible-” I cut him off.
“Well, your little speech was all null-and-void because I’m not a virgin! Oliver and I had sex because I knew for sure that I didn’t want to lose it to you! You disgusting, despicable, vile, PAEDOPHILE!” I scream at him.
It wasn’t a lie.
The day I found the camera, I went to Oliver’s house. We were talking and it led to sex I instigated. It couldn’t have been more perfect with Oliver. I felt no pain, I wasn’t scared. All I felt was love.
He just stares at me for so long I start to think I broke him.
He grabs me by the throat. “Don’t you, fucking, lie to me!” I gasp for breath as he tightens his hold. “Not about something like that!” I feel myself go limp, he lets go and all I can do is fall to the floor coughing.
Moments later I’m thrown onto the bed.
“YOU’RE MINE, always have been, always will be. I’ll make you mine and I’ll make sure you never forget it.”
I didn’t even realise he had cuffed both my wrists to the headboard and I look at him in disbelief.
He’s holding a knife.
He jumps on me, sitting on my chest to hold me down. It’s not long before I feel the sharp edge of the blade slicing my skin.
My flesh burns as the knife goes deeper. I feel the blood puddling at my side and trickling down my shoulder and neck and the knife cuts below it. I scream and scream, begging for him to stop. He keeps going with a smile on his face.
A terrifying grin going ear to ear. Nothing but pure happiness and bliss on his face.
His eyes. Black as night, no brown left in them. Clouded with lust, glossy and dark.
When I think he’s done he presses the tip of the blade into my skin slowly and twists it continuously. Ripping, tearing the skin it’s touching.
“Beautiful” he remarks.
“S-stop. Please” I cry, unable to move from the pain as it spikes through my body.
“Baby we are just getting started. Now you will always carry my mark on you for a lifetime, no matter what happens! Right above your heart, for all to see” he goes from calm to shouting, sentence to sentence.
He gets off me and I find the strength to look up at what he had done.
“No” I choke on my own tears.
He carved his initials onto me. Dot and all.
Above my heart.
I jump as I hear cloths drop.
“No. N-no, please d-on’t do this, no.”
“But you’d gladly spread your legs for that LITTLE SHIT, huh!”
“I-t-it was a lie t-to make you angry, please, please don’t do th-is.”
He climbs onto the bed.
“DAMIAN PLEASE!” I scream and sob hysterically as he takes a hold of both my ankles that had begun to kick at him.
“REGARDLESS! I’m making you MINE! COMPLETELY! YOU’RE MINE CASEY! So just STOP FIGHTING ME!” His hands slither up my body as I pull on the cuffs and kick my legs in a frenzy.
“NO, No, no, no. PLEASE NO!”
He holds down my biceps to keep me steady and I feel him at my entrance.
“YOU WILL NEVER GET AWAY FROM ME!”
With that, my whole-body jerks upward and I feel the worst intense pain I had ever felt. A pain indescribable and like no other...