In my hand I hold a tiny spy camera that’s hooked up to the eyes of the bear.
Anger consumes me as I throw it to the floor and stomp on it repeatedly, breaking it into thousands of pieces. That fucking bastards been watching me through and spy camera in my own room.
Grabbing a coat, I leave the house, I don’t even know where I’m going, I just need to get out.
I walk for a while when I make it to the outside of a house, I recognise it. Why did I walk here? I turn to leave when a voice calls out.
“Casey?” It sounds as confused as I am, I turn to see Oliver. Tears trickle down my face as I look at him. I practically run to him wrapping my arms around him. He immediately returns the hug. “Do you want to come inside?” He asked in a soft voice. I nod my head and we go inside.
Once inside Oliver takes my hand and pulls me into the living-room, he looks at me with concern. I quickly grip the sleeve of my jacket and wipe my tears away and stop crying.
“Take a seat. Would you like something to drink... or eat? Have you eaten?” He asks me.
“Um, can I have a glass of water please” I say sitting down awkwardly on the sofa.
He gives me a sad smile before leaving, he comes back with a a glass of water and hands it to me.
“Thank you, Oliver" I take a sip as he sits next to me.
After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, he speaks up.
“You okay Cas? To say you’ve been acting strangely is an understatement, I’m worried about you.”
“I know Oliver and I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m fine really.”
But I’m not, I’m far from ‘fine’.
“Well, I don’t believe you.” He says as a matter-of-factly. He looks at me for a moment “why are you here?.. Not being rude, I’m happy you’re here just, why?” He quickly adds the second bit.
I smile at him “I-I don’t really know. I needed air and I went for a walk and just ended up walking here” I look around the room “is your dad not here?” I’ve never met Oliver’s dad before and I don’t really want to meet him like this.
Oliver smiles at me “no, he’s working late. Cas, are you okay after today?”
“What do you mean?” I know he means the breakdown and panic attack but I don’t really want to talk about it.
“The breakdown Cas, are you okay? What happened to cause that?”
“I don’t really know Oliver” lie “could’ve been anything" lie “could’ve been everything. I was overwhelmed ” half-truth. I was overwhelmed, by Mr Kyle. Perverted fuck. He scared me today, getting me to touch his chest like that, feeling him under me. It freaked me out.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He puts his hand on mine “you scared me Cas, you really did. You passed out in my arms as I hugged you. Feeling you go limp like that terrified me” I passed out in Oliver’s arms? I didn’t know that.
“I’m sorry for scaring you. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Thank you for being there for me. I’m okay now” liar.
I move my hand so it’s palm up, holding Oliver’s. He sits sideways, his other hands thumb wiping away the slightly dried tears under my eyes.
“Why were you crying?”
“I wasn’t until I saw you” I admit. He furrows his brows.
“Why? Did I do something wrong?”
I shake my head. How could he think that? “no, no, Oliver you did nothing wrong. I was just so upset and frustrated, when I seen you and where I had unknowingly walked to, I was relieved. I was just happy to see you.”
He looks at me sadly again “I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I know you don’t understand but I’m doing this to protect you, you have no idea, no-I shouldn’t even be here. This was stupid. I’m sorry” I get up to go to leave but he grips my hand more.
“I understand Cas, I do.”
“You must hate me” I said choking up at the thought of him despising me.
“No. I really don’t. Like I said at the arcade ′i don’t, never will and simply cannot ever hate you’ please remember that Cas. I know somethings going on, I know someone’s hurting you and I will get to the bottom of it. I wish you could tell me but I understand that you can’t.”
“How are you so perfect?” I smile at him.
He smiles at me “perfect? Me? Why thank you” he said cockily. Dammit! I just added to his ego.
“Shit, did I say that out loud?” He nods his head grinning madly.
“I’m not nearly as perfect as you though Munchkin” that fucking nickname, I’ll let it slide, it was just the once.
“I’m definitely not perfect.”
“You are Munchkin, you really are.”
I slap his arm with my free hand “how many times have I told you not to call me that!?” I jokingly glare at him. Only just noticing that our hands have been entwined for a while now. A blush creeps into my face destroying my perfect glare.
“You are so adorable munchkin.”
I slap his arm again and he laughs.
I love him. I love him so much. I want to love him for all eternity. I only ever want him.
I.. want him.
“Oliver are you a virgin?” I ask abruptly making him choke on air. I resist the urge to laugh at his startled reaction.
“I uh, no actually” he says looking away scratching the back of his neck “y-you?”
“I am. Who did you lose it to?” He looks at me astonished about the sudden change in conversation.
“Um... ex-girlfriend at my last school, she ended up cheating on me though.”
It makes me think. With the way things are going with Mr Kyle, I’m scared. I’m afraid he’ll try... something. I don’t want him to be my first. I want Oliver. I want to lose it to someone I really love and trust. I want to lose it by my own choice.
I want to lose it now.
“Casey, I meant what I said. I can’t ever lose you. I can’t let you go.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering there before it wraps around the back of my head and pull me to him as he leans in.
My lips touch his as he gently brushes over them, he looks unsure at me, debating if he should really do this. So, I gently press my lips against his, telling him it’s okay.
He returned the kiss. His soft lips against mine moving so gently making me sigh in content. I move my lips against his and copy his movements. Soon the kiss gets heated and more demanding but never loses its gentleness.
Oliver’s tongue swipes across my lower lip and without thinking I open my mouth to him, my body moving on its own as pleasure and heat spreads through me.
My hand on his chest and the other around his back pulling him closer to me, my body begging to feel him pressed up against me.
His tongue enters my mouth and mine his. He gently pushes me back and lays me onto the sofa, he kneels so he’s towering above me. His hand still on the back of my head his other hand strokes up and down my thigh. The new unfamiliar tingly sensations that run throughout my body at his touch makes me moan softly, he grunts in response.
As he kneels between my legs, I feel something poking my thigh, I instantly know what it is and instead of making me feel dirty like Mr Kyle, I moan at the pressure it’s giving on my upper thigh.
Oliver breaks away from the kiss, placing small wet kisses on my jaw going down to my neck. I instantly moan loudly when he gets to a certain spot. Not expecting it I cover my mouth with my hand and blush.
Oliver starts laughing at me “the hell was that?” I ask him embarrassed covering my red-hot cheeks.
“Don’t cover your blush, it’s cute. That’s your sweet spot” he says going back to it and kissing my neck as I resist the urge to moan again “a part of your neck that feels extra good to touch, more sensitive” he explains looking back down at me “don’t fight it, it’s normal.” he looks all around my face “you look so beautiful right now, you know that right Cas?”
“Oliver, I want you” he raises his eyebrows.
“Whatever do you mean?” He pretends to be clueless as I glare at him.
“You know what I mean” he shakes his head playfully as his hand on my leg seems to stroke higher and higher “I want you to... take my...virginity” he stops moving.
“Are you sure Cas? This isn’t a small thing, you have to be sure.”
“I am sure Oliver, I really like you, I really, really like you. I want you to be my first. I want you.”
“Fuck. Cas, are you sure?” He says looking down at my body then me.
“Yes Oliver. I’m sure I wa-” Oliver’s lips crash onto mine and his tongue makes its way into my mouth. Oliver lowers onto me so he’s pressed against me completely, I moan at the feeling. My whole body tingling from finally feeling the pressure of all of him against it.
He suddenly pulls away and gets up. “I’m not doing this on a couch. Come, let’s go to my room. I want you to be as comfortable as possible” he pulls me off the sofa and we walk up the stairs.
Once in his room he sits in the bed and pulls me to him. I crash onto his lap and we start kissing again. He lies back and rolls on the bed making me go back under him again.
He kisses my neck again going straight for the ‘sweet spot’ as he calls it, I immediately start moaning and I start hearing him laughing, I smile and whack the back of his head.
“Shut up” I mumble at him as I literally feel him smirk against my skin.
He sits up and takes off his shirt as I watch, eagerly waiting to see more of his skin. His shirt comes off and I’m pleasantly surprised to see the amount of muscles he has. You can see the defined lines of his muscles clearly.
I pull him back down to me and run my fingers along his chest. He helps me take off my jacket followed by my shirt. He stops for a moment looking down at me. A smirk appearing on his face as he kisses me again. I moan in his mouth as his hand cups my breast and he starts massaging it through my bra. My hands wonder on their own and I find myself tugging at his trousers, he complies and sits up in order to take them off. Once off he goes to my jean button but stops.
“Are you sure about his Casey?” I nod with a blush. He slowly slides off my jeans. As soon as they’re off his hands connect with my ankles as they slide up my legs to my waist. My legs part for him as he crawls up back to me. “How the fuck is your skin so soft?” he jokes.
I giggle “Oliver, how many times have you done this before?”
He does the most adorable blush “well, it’s uh, it’s not like I kept track...” I raise my eye brows at him “fine. 11 times” he blushes more as he leans over me with his hands either side of my head.
“That’s good. At least one of us knows what they’re doing” I smile at him.
“Are you really sure you want to do this Cas? I promise this is the last time I’ll ask but I need you to be sure. I don’t want you to regret anything. If you, at any point, want me to stop, I’ll stop.”
“I’m sure Oliver, I’m so, so sure. I want you to be my first and I will never regret it, not ever. I never regret anything when I’m with you. Now shut up and kiss me.” He smiles at me and presses a long kiss on my lips. He then looks down at my body.
“Fuck. Good because I’ve been dying to do this.” His comment makes be bite my lip in anticipation.
His fingers go under the waist band of my underwear and he slowly takes them off, next to go is my bra. He stops moving and I close my eyes with embarrassment “Casey, you’re fucking gorgeous” I open my eyes to see Oliver looking down at my body, he looks actually stunned. He looks back up at me. “Because you’ve never... I need to get you warmed up. I’m not going to lie to you, it will hurt at first and I’ll go slow. I won’t move until you want me to. Okay?”
“Bethany said it helped the first-time w-”
“Is that your ex?”
"Uhhh...” he trails off seeing the mistake.
“Not the best time to mention ex-girlfriends" I laughed.
“Shit, sorry. But it will help. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’ll see” he smirks at me and winks.
“okay...” I say unsure. He smiles at me in a reassuring way making me feel better.
One of his hands trail down my body to my core as he leans down and kisses me lightly, he trails kisses down to my breasts. His fingers graze up my folds as he kisses around my breasts. I moan and arch my back as he kisses my nipple. His hot breath makes my nipple painfully hard. Slowly his thumb circles my clit sending shockwaves through me. As his thumb dances around the sensitive nub his fingers spread my folds, stroking up and down them.
"Ohh" I sigh liking the new sensation.
“Cas, if it hurts tell me to stop”. He slowly slides a finger in me. I gasp at the strange feeling of something being inside me. Slight pain travels through me but it’s overcome by the pressure and pleasure on my clit.
He slowly takes it back out then back in. Again, the pain is taken away when Oliver’s mouth consumes one of my nipples. His tongue circling it as he sucks lightly
I gasp again “Oliver” I whisper his name in pleasure.
"mmmmmmmm" he replies closing his eyes. The vibrations from his chest goes through me, turning me on more.
His finger moves slowly as his thumb quickens on the sensitive nub, soon another finger presses against my entrance and slowly joins the other. Oliver’s free hand massages my lonely breast, giving it some much needed attention.
His fingers start to pick up the pace. My back arches and I moan loudly. His hand stays on my breasts as he travels back to my neck.
“Feel good?” He asks as his fingers curl inside me, I start to pant as an answer as a tightening sensation appears in my core. He smirks up at me.
“Oliver, I can’t wait, I want you now. I-I need-.” I start to beg him as the pressure increases and I start to move my hips with him.
“You’re not ready, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me” I reassured him as I cup his face with my hands. He kisses me deeply before backing away.
“Okay” his fingers leave me as he gets off the bed. I’m overcome with an empty feeling without him.
Propping myself on my elbows I watch him go in a draw and pull out a pocket of condoms. I look down at his boxers to see a huge bulge.
Thank goodness he remembered because it completely left my mind.
He turns around and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body and I hear him mumble a rainbow of curses.
“Okay, one last time. Are you sure about this?”
“Yes” I laugh.
He smiles widely before removing his boxers. My eyes go wide. He’s gunna rip me apart!
“Will it fit?” I accidentally voice my concerns as he pulls a condom on himself. He looks up at me and smiles, I cover my face with my arms in embarrassment and lie back on the bed.
I feel the bed dip as he crawls on the bed on top of me and whispers “this is why I wanted to warm you up. You’ll be fine, trust me” he takes my arms away from my face then he kisses my nose “are you ready?” I nod.
I feel him press against my entrance and I draw in a sharp breath.
"Shhh ” he says as he kisses me deeply. I feel his tip slowly enter me. He entwines our fingers as he holds my hands. I see him eye the bruises on my wrists from Mr Kyle but he doesn’t mention it.
It feels weirdly right.
A feeling of stretching like no other, feeling so full.
Our tongues tangle as he stops and waits before moving in more. He gets less than half in before I start to feel a small biting, tearing pain. I squeeze my eyes shut and he notices. One hand leaves mine and he starts to rub my clit in a circular motion with two fingers.
I gasp as it drowns out any and every bit of pain that had started to appear.
“That feels-how did you know?”
"Shhh. It’s okay. I know it started to hurt. I could see it on your face. Bethany said this helped with the pain so-”
“Oliver, shut up about your ex-girlfriend” I laugh and moan at the same time as I smack the back of his head again.
“Oops. Shit, sorry” he laughs cheekily.
I bit my lip but not because of the pain.
I really do love him.
He slowly moves more and I feel the pressure of the pain trying to seep through but Oliver’s fingers on my clit soon douses it out. He places small kisses all over my face making me giggle.
“Are you okay?” He asks worried. I nod at him and he moves more in again. I hiss. “Sorry. We’ll go as slow as you need. Just relax. Move your hips if you feel it will help you get comfortable. I promise you munchkin it will be okay in a few minutes.”
I listen to what he tells me and breathe deeply, trying to ignore the fact that he used that irritating nickname again.
I shift my hips a little and get more comfortable. I hear Oliver groan as I do it, making me giggle as I know he’s holding back.
He groans as he finally makes it all the way and the feeling of being so full is weird “just breath, I’ll give you a minuet to get used to it” I nod at him.
His hand on my clit stops and his hands travel around my body like he’s trying to remember every detail. His hands caress every part of me as we kiss slowly and sensually.
After a minute he starts to move. He starts off with small, slow movements, rounding his hips making me moan. Then gently removing a quarter of himself from me and then pushing it back in.
Slowly pleasure starts to radiate throughout my body from my core. Little whimpers and moans come from me and Oliver groans to the sound of them. His slow movement then turn into slow gentle thrusts, pulling out slowly and thrusting in fast.
I start moaning and he takes this as his cue to pick up the speed as he gradually thrusts faster and harder into me. The whole time he made sure I was okay. He always made sure I was ready from him to pick up the pace by giving me a knowing look.
I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer to me as I moan loudly. My body dying to feel his skin on mine, completely pressed against me.
“Oliver” I cry out as I feel the tightening feeling again making me want to open my legs wider and raise my hips more. I wrap my legs around Oliver waist, this helps him go deeper inside of me. This feels so good.
He breaths deeply as his hands wrap around my upper back pulling me to him as his thrusts get deeper. He buries his head in the crook of my neck and kisses my sweet spot as my hands tangle through his hair.
My legs start to shake as the tightening pressure becomes unbearable, like and itch that needs to be scratched.
“Oliver kiss me” I whisper barley able to hold on. He meets my lips and kisses me deeply with so much passion and love.
I cry out as suddenly a wave of pressure comes over me and I feel like I’m floating on a cloud as my body jerks in pleasure and I feel myself clench and unclench around Oliver.
“Fuck Casey!” He says breathlessly as he thrusts a few more times, prolonging my orgasm before coming to his own.
He stills on me before collapsing on top of me. We both breath heavy, trying to catch our breaths. He looks up to me and kisses my lips softly before rolling over and beside me.
He holds me close as we both calm down from the best experience in my life. I feel my eyes start to get heavy.
“Can you stay the night?” Oliver asks me as he presses a kiss on my shoulder.
“I can’t but I can stay for a while longer” I smile at him.
“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He asks with concern.
“No. No, not at all. It was- that was. The best. It was perfect Oliver.”
His smile falters as he looks down, I follow his gaze to my wrists.
“It doesn’t matter” I mumble as I cover my bruised wrists.
“I will find out who’s been doing this to you. I will find out what’s going on.” he kisses my temple.
We lie still for maybe an hour before Oliver insists on watching ‘tangled’. I can’t believe no one knows about his secret Disney obsession.
After the movie I reluctantly go home.
I walk away from Oliver’s house smiling. I was scared, so scared but now I’m not. It’s the one thing Mr Kyle can never take away from me.
He can’t take this experience, this memory or the fact that it did happen. He can never take away my innocence because I’ve already given it away to the person I love most.
It’s a massive relief to me that he will never have it.
The one thing I held dear, I happily gave to Oliver.
He will never have me.
He can’t take this from me.
I’m Oliver’s now.
Mind, body and soul.
I love him with all my heart.
I will never stop loving him.