Then, as I’m about to panic and give up, at that moment, I get an idea...
I stop trying to push him off and lift my hand up from his chest. I go to feel for his head in the crook of my neck.
Shakily moving my hand around, I find the top of his head and I feel his hair. It’s long at the top but gets shorter at the sides. I gently weave my trembling hand in his hair and take quivering breaths.
Seemingly shocked by my actions and sudden change in behaviour, he lifts his head from my neck.
Which is what I wanted him to do.
As he stands up strain I realise how tall he is compared to me, I have to stretch my arm a little to reach.
I play with his hair, honestly just stroking it like he’s a dog as I have no clue how else to do it, however when I slightly tug on a handful of it, it makes him groan. I move my hand down a little and find his ear. Perfect.
I pull my hand back, far, far from his face. Trying to keep it steady so I don’t miss and I slap him hard across his face.
My hands stinging like hell but I don’t have time to sulk about it.
As he grunts and moves to the side from the hit, he releases my body from his giving me room to have payback. I still feel one of his legs in between mine.
Good, my plan was to hit the self-destruct button.
I quickly kick my leg up as hard as I can with the little room available and kick him in his Crown Jewels.
Ha, he won’t be having kids any time soon.
He grunts even louder and I hear him fall to the floor probably covering his junk. I turn around and feel for the door handle.
Still listening to him on the floor grunting, I find the handle.
“Serves you right you goddamn, perverted jackass!” I scream and bolt out the door not looking back.
I ran and I ran fast through the halls, probably longer then necessary and when I heard the bell ring for end of break, I didn’t care and kept running until I found the girls toilets on the opposite side of the school.
I scurried in, locked the door and the second I heard it click I instantly collapsed to the floor crying. I sit against the wall and drag my legs up to my chest. I rest my head on my legs and cry hugging myself.
I stay just like that for at least 10 minutes until my head starts to hurt.
I don’t even know what to think. What to feel. I’m just so confused and afraid. I don’t understand.
I get up and look in the mirror. The little make up I had on, mascara and eyeliner, had ran down my face and I had a serious case of panda eyes.
Extreme denial and disbelief comes over me, no, that didn’t happen, that couldn’t have just happened. Not to me. No.
I take a make-up wipe out of my bag and I wipe it all off, re-apply it and do my hair once more.
I look in the mirror and compose myself and try to look normal. I attempt to think of an excuse to why I’m so late to tell the teacher as I head to class. The last thing I need is to be shouted at.
On my way, I see a boy I’ve never seen before in the hallway, he looks at me with a smirk on his face and hair covering his eyes.
He walks straight past me with his hands in his pockets. I didn’t get a very good look at him because my eyes were drawn straight to his smile but he’s really tall, around 6′ foot. He was wearing everyday clothes not the uniform.
But I have no time to dwell on it and head to History. I hesitated on opening the door for a minute before facing my fears. Pulling my sleeves down over my hands out of nervousness, I open then door. Instantly everyone looks over to me and the teacher stares at me with a angry scold on his face, I look at him with teary eyes and his pissed-off face fades.
Mr James isn’t known for his warmth so this is surprising.
“I’ll see you after class” Mr James announces to me in a serious but calm voice. I nod, seeing it coming but a little shocked that he’s not yelling at me and sit down next to Ben.
“You okay?” Ben whispers to me I nod and get on with my work. He looks at me with concern, opening his mouth to speak again but before he could say anything else, we looks up to see Mr James staring straight at us. He lifts one eyebrow, a clear sign to stop talking, and we both get to work.
The bell rings and everyone leaves, I stay seated as Mr James brings a chair and sits opposite me. He looks at me, making me nervous and fiddle with my fingers in my lap not looking up, he then lets out a sigh.
“What’s wrong?” he said, plain-and-simple.
“W-what do you mean?” I ask not knowing what to say and quite frankly surprised by this caring tone.
I can’t tell him the truth he’ll think it’s a lie or that I lead whoever that was on or maybe he’ll try something...
That’s stupid. My mind tells me.
I know... but I’m scared.
“You come in my class nearly 20 minutes late, granted you’ve only been here a week but every time I’ve seen you, you were the first one here. Then, when you finally arrive to my lesson, you’re red and tearful. Has something happened?” He asks me and I look up to him, under that strict mask of his, he’s nice and comforting, maybe I can tell him.
“I’ll take your silence as a ‘yes’” he says “did you fall out with one of your friends or something?” that’s what he thinks it is? A girly break-up, a bitch fight! “Are you being bullied?” was his next question, sounding a little more serious now.
“No” I say quickly like a jolt of electricity went through me. “I fell out with one of my friends. Just like you said, that’s all” I say quietly slouching back down into the seat.
He looks at me unconvinced “you sure?”
I don’t know what to say, I want to tell him everything but I can’t, I can’t bear to tell him all the horrible details. What if he thinks I’m over reacting? What if he doesn’t believe me? There’s no proof or anything, I don’t even have any marks or scratches. What if he thinks I’m being dramatic? I don’t even know who it was.
No, I can’t do it, I just can’t.
“Yes, it was just a stupid fight, we both said things I know we regret, we’ll be friends again before lunch, I just know it” I smile at him weakly.
“Okay, if that’s all you say it was then I believe you but, just know, if there is ever anything troubling you, you can always come to me” he said with a sweet smile making me regret not telling him but, there’s nothing I can really do now.
“Thanks Mr James” I said.
He smiles at me “right” he says whilst getting up “you better get to your next lesson before you’re late for another class” I smile and leave.
When I leave the classroom I notice Ben waited for me outside the class room, I try to walk fast and lose him but he catches up to me and grabs my arm, I flinch and pull away. He looks at me, his face filled with worry.
“Okay, what’s wrong with you? Has something happened to you? You haven’t fallen out with Becks, I know that for sure, so what’s wrong and don’t lie to me!?” He asks. “You went to the loo and never came back, what happened?”
I don’t know what to say, I have to think fast “my dad, he uh, he messaged me, he wants to see me” I said, then instantly regretting it. I had told them everything that had happened to do with my dad.
“That’s making you like this?” He said and I nod, he pulls he into a tight hug “it’s okay you don’t have to see him if you don’t want to. Just because he’s messaged doesn’t mean you have to” he said and I hug him back, tears roll down my face.
My mind and body needing this hug, the comfort.
“Thank you” I whisper.
Even though we haven’t known each other for very long, our friendship group is very close, they almost feel like my siblings.
We break the hug and he sends me a sympathetic smile before we part ways to go to our lessons.
I really didn’t want to lie to him but I don’t know what else to do. All I have for evidence of something happening is a note and it’s not even in the slightest bit threatening, it doesn’t say anything to alarm you. I don’t even know if they’re connected.
I have nothing. I can’t do anything.
I race to my Maths lesson and stay silent throughout it, Becks tries to start up conversations but I don’t respond. How am I supposed to get through the rest of the day? All I want to do is have an hour-long shower to get that creeps touch off me.
I stay silent during lunch and don’t have it in me to eat anything. Ben explains my lie that I told him and they sympathies with me. If only they knew the truth. Thomas jokingly offers to beat up my dad for me, I smile at him but it soon fades when I feel a gaze on me.
No, not now. I look around to see Mr Kyle watching me again, I don’t smile this time I just look away, I’m not in the mood for his creepiness.
But then something catches my eye. Someone. That boy I seen earlier is across the room from me, watching me as well.
He’s tall but he still looks around our age. He has light hazel eyes they almost look yellow, he has dark blonde hair that’s messy, it is short at the sides but the top is long and untamed, it hangs in his face and over his forehead. His gaze is captivating.
I realise I’ve been staring way too long so I look away and concentrate on my friends who are talking about...
Ah yes, who they’d fuck, marry or kill in toy story, the intelligence in our conversations still seems to amaze me.
The bell rings way too soon, their pure randomness has helped me escape for a while.
Off to Science go, I sit next to Jacob and we get on with the lesson. Mr Kyle seems a little pissy today, thank goodness he doesn’t pick on me though, he seems to have no mercy for the other kids who answered wrong today.
The bell rings and I go to pick up Lou from school. We go home and I have a nice relaxing afternoon with him and it helps me forget what happened today.
But as my head hits the pillow all I can hear is his laugh, his deep patronising chuckle. His shushes to my begs and whimpers. Whoever this is, he’s sick and I hope I taught him a lesson that he can’t just do that, I hope his balls still ache, I hope.