Survival Journey

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LiFe GoEs On...

"If YoU cAn'T dO AnYtHiNg
AbOuT iT tHeN lEt It Go.
DoN't Be A pRiSoNeR tO tHiNgS
yOu cAn'T cHaNgE"

- ToNy GaSKiNs


Growing up without your mother by your side was certainly a hardest thing in life.
But like the phrase says" if you can't do anything about it then let it go" this quote is true and right but it was so wrong for me I could never let go of the fact that our mother abandon us. It was really hard for me to accept the truth and move on; it was like I was stuck there in that moment but I still moved on cause I knew somewhere this truth will always be my shadow it will be following me but still I knew I had to move on; move on with my father, brother and grand dad; move on to live a healthy life; move on to complete my school; moving on was the right thing to do for me but I also knew I will not move on; I could never move on; I was stuck in that deep dark hole but still I kept on living with the truth.

Time went by living with my now so called half family somewhere I was glad my father and brother was there for me, I was glad that my grand father loved me more than my other cousins., I was glad that I had my grand aunt caring for me., I was glad that I had them with me. They were the ones who were there for me when I needed., They were ones who cared for me when I got sick, they were the ones who helped me with my studies and I was happy with that at least I had them with me.

In my small age I suffered a big trauma but I never got recovered from that trauma. Even while growing up I felt like a part of my life was missing and at times I felt empty. I mean no matter how much you are surrounded by the people who loves u or whom you love; " A mother's loves, care and affection cannot be replaced" nobody can love you like your mother does. A mother has a special place in a child's life ;She completes you. So it was the same for me no matter who loved me cared for I was still longing for my mother's love.

Even though I longed for my mother I kept on living my life playing, laughing, smiling, dancing and studying; I never stopped doing these things these were the things that made me happy and alive. I was a very sharp and talented girl., Good in studies where I use to pass my exams with flying colours and good in dancing where I use to participate in school functions or competition. Even when I used to be at home I used to dance a lot; it was my passion and it kept me alive besides this watching movie was also my passion I would watch every new movie that got released either it would be Hollywood or Bollywood I used to watch them all.

My naughtiness never stopped I was still that naughty girl I used to be. I never let that incident stopped me from living a happy life.

But you see no matter happy I was there still some things that use to hurt me and I use to remember I don't have what others have their mother's love and support. Whenever I use to see my friend's or cousin's mother loving them, caring for them I use to feel hurt., I use to feel empty and the reality would come crashing down and it use to make me cry for my mother's love and longing. Even though we would meet in weekends or talk in the phone it was not like having your mother with you and I use to realise that each and everyday of my life.

Mother's play a very important role in child's life especially when they are growing up. Though I had my father with me but it was not like having your mother close to you. Especially for a girl having a mother by her side is most important it is she who becomes your friend, it is she who teaches a daughter about things that father cannot teach or open up but you see it was not her who taught me these things a girl should know it was my cousin elder sister or my grand aunt. She was not there for me while my cousin's and friend had their mother's to teach them and I grew up everyday realising this fact of my life.

But life has to go on no matter how much the truth haunted you; life had to go on!!

Fine I accepted the truth that my mother abandon us., That she is not there when we needed her and we were still living a good life but no life still had a another game up his sleeves and was ready to play with our lives.

A change of air was coming towards us which would change our lives completely. A darkness was following us as if one darkness was not enough for us to swallow another was following like a black cloud and this darkness and change of air was the one who completely destroyed our remaining happy life and what was remaining of my family.

When I was ready to forget and forgive everything and keep on living my life like a normal girl; like nothing had happened in my life but no I still had other pain and sufferings to go through which would completely I mean completely change me and my life forever; which would leave me bruised, battered and shattered.

This incident was nothing to compare with my mom abandoning me; this was the incident that was going to break me through out my life; this was the incident from where I knew fate can be so cruel and unforgiven; this was the incident that would lead me to my path of destruction; this was the incident once a good girl turned into a rebellious girl.

And this was the incident that made me think I was a cursed child forever!!


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