Survival Journey

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Abused and Broken

"Broken and Abused Was
left to suffer;
Cried and Begged to
Be Loved and Cared for"

Ashma Rauniyar

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I was broken; I was abused; I was left to suffer on my own; I kept on crying and begging to be loved; to be cared but no one heard my plea of songs. I was left alone to fight; alone to survive; alone to fight with my worst nightmares; left alone to fight the depression. I was left alone by my own family to die.

How more a young girl like me can go through more difficulty than i already had; how more can i take the cruelty of my fate; how more can i be broken than i already was; how more can a life be unfair to me; how much further can I live with my doomed life neither I had the answer to these questions. All I knew was a storm came crashing down and perished me with it.

And I was beautifully broken.

As the evil Witch kept on playing her games and there was no end to it. I became her next target on the line; slowly she started abusing me mentally at first but later on I started getting physically abused which only got worst with the time.

I started questioning god what was my fault to be treated this way?
Questioning about my entire existence?
Questioning why why my mother left me?
Questioning what had I done to deserve this kind of life?
Questioning what had I done to deserve this kind of family?
All all I did and had was questions?
Was I ever going to get answers to these questions?
Was I ever going to get justice or was it going to get worst?
I did not had answers to it.

For godsake I was just a child who was trying to live a happy and normal life but instead what I got in-return was the fucking pain, suffering and abuses. I was left alone all by myself to fight with everything; nobody stood with me or for me; everyone left me, my father, my brother everyone left me alone to survive with that horrible woman.

I was betrayed and left alone to die.

I was lonely crying at night calling for my mother to save me; calling my brother to save; calling my father to save me but no one came to help me. Slowly I was dying from inside; all I wanted to do was to end my life. A life where there was no light for me; no hope for me; no love and care for me; no support for me. I lost the hope to survive; I lost the hope to live a happy healthy and normal life. Everything around me was dark but still there was something in me telling me to fight; to stand up for myself.

It all started when my father left for his business trip to abroad! She got the perfect opportunity to start the physical abuse on me. At first it was from little things she started hitting me and slapping me and use to make me do all the household works and when I did not agree to do something she would punish me; never have I been treated this way.

Slowly the punishment and abuses started getting worst and worst everyday; sometimes in the cold winter she would throw me in the bathroom naked n run the ice cold water in my body locking the door from outside and she would sit outside listening if I have turn the water off or not so that she could give me another punishment and I would just stay inside the bathroom crying to stop all this; sometimes she would beat me up for no reasons; sometimes she would burn my hands in hot water; sometimes she would spit fire with her words saying that I'm the unwanted child that my mother abandoned me; sometimes she would ragged my hair harshly and throw my head in the wall; Sometimes she would hit me in my stomach even though she knew I had a weak stomach.

Everyday it was getting hard for me to live in that house; I so wanted to tell my grandfather and aunt what she was doing to me but she had threatened me that if I speak a word about this to anyone then she would be my worst nightmare so I kept quiet and kept on taking the pain, beatings that was being inflicted on me.

I did not had a safe place to be; each and everyday I felt unsafe and unprotected; the only place I ever felt protected was in my grandfather's room,. It was my safe haven and it was the only place I knew she would not be able to lay hands on me.

You would think I had a elder brother who could have protected me right!!! Well your thinking is wrong!

Even though I had a brother but he was not there for me to protect me cause he stopped caring about me and loving me. He never wanted to know what was happening with me or how I was living my life; he was so emerged in his own life with his new found girlfriend who was showering him with money and sex that he stopped caring about me. He became rebellious for that girl cause my family was against their relationship because she and her family did not had a good reputation in the society they were the bad seeds of the society.

And so I was left alone!

As the time by and me growing up the abuse never stopped. Once it got to the point where I ran away from the house; she had beaten me so much that I had torn lips and tongue; my hair was badly ragged I had blue spot underneath my lips and chin; I kept on crying and shouting for her to stop but she did not nobody heard my plea of shouts except my servant but he also turned blind-eyed. So after everything eventually stopped I just ran from my home; ran to my friend's place and stayed there for 2 days; I did not even care that my family would be looking for me. I cried for my life in her shoulders.

Later she called my grandaunt and told her where I was and in what situation I had come to her place; she told her to bring me back home but I did not wanna return to that hell house but she convinced me and so along side her I went back home.

Everyone was angry with me at home cause they were so worried about me. My grandfather called for a house meeting and asked me the reason for running away from the home and I told them what was happening with me. Each and everything that she had done to me I told them even the servant was presented to be my witness and he told them what he had heard and seen that night and he was scolded for not informing my grandfather.

My grandfather and aunt, uncle got so infuriated hearing everything; after that woman was warned and threatened by my grandfather; and he started keeping close eye on me.

Was this the life I was destined to born and live!!

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