Like the Quotes says " Once the bond is broken it can't be mend like before"... It was the for me.
The bond that was broken with my family was hard to mend no matter how much you tried I knew my family was never going to be the same. My parents divorce was a harsh reality that left a deep impact in our life. Our life was never going to be same again with a broken heart we knew somehow we have to live a life without our mother.
Though it was so hard to believe and accept the reality at first we were in denial and we kept on trying to bring our mother back but it was useless it was like mum did not want to be with us and we saw that she was happy with her life, she was happy by being free and why wouldn't she be right! There was no responsibility she was free from family bond she was living the life like she wanted to.
I was just six yrs old when my parents got divorced at the tender age of six I had to live a life without my mother; I use to cry for her while sleeping I use to miss her touch love and care, I use to miss her so much that my heart use to hurt. I did not know how to live with out my mom by myside. But I was lucky that I had my father and brother who loved me alot they became my ⚓ anchor, they were there for me when I got sick or hurt and hold me whenever I cried. They became my life but still somewhere there was this hallowness inside me I felt empty and lonely.
After my mother left us people and my friends in school viewing me in different aspect, my friends use to bully me while other people use to treat me with sympathy, pity and talked behind my back how she left us without even considering about our life and future or some people would criticize. I became the girl whose mother did not want her children with her in people's eye. In the blink of eye our life changed we felt like we became an orphan though we use to visit our mother from time to time but it was not the same everything had changed without knowing something had already died inside me and that hallowness and sadness only grew with time.
What I don't understand is why do people fall in love, fight for eachother get married and have kids when they don't even want to stay committed for the rest of their lives. If they know that they can't stay in a commitment than they should never have bought children into this world only to make them go through difficulty or make them suffer. They should think about the consequences and impact of their decision or how their wrong decision can destroy their children's lives. It's so easy for parents to get a divorce without even thinking about the outcome.
Might have my dad thought about the outcome but I doubt my mom did; she did not even think about what might happen if she left us. It was so easy for her to break the bond how can one person be so selfish. Didn't her heart got hurt while leaving us with our father; was her freedom was so important than us; how can she be called a mother if she did not even think about us and our future. Mothers are suppose to be the backbone and anchor for their children and not the person to break them. She was suppose to be the person to keep our bond strong, healthy and happy but instead she became the person who broke our family.
Everyday my heart use to get hurt by seeing my cousin's with their; by seeing my friends having a loving family who would do anything for them and here I was a child whose mother abandoned her hurting and crying everyday. Each and everyday I died a little more. So many questions were unanswered; so many questions came to my mind everyday and night. Why had she had to abandon us why? I know I will never get the answer even when I grow up.
Even though we talked in the phone everyday and visit her every weekend and stayed with her once in a while but the truth was our bond had already been broken to the extent that I started resenting her cause she was never there for me when I needed her; when I cried if got hurt by someone she was never there for me after the separation. The only thing she did was showered us with materialistic things or would take us to lunch or dinner once in while or call us for lunch at her place but what she did not understand is that we did not want materialistic things, lunch or dinner what we need was our mother to be with us; what we need was her unconditional love and support to be a family she was so lost in her own happy world that she did not even bother to see how her children were suffering inside.
How can life be so unfair! Is it fair for children to bear pain and suffer because of their parents mistakes but somewhere I was also glad that I had my grand dad, dad, my brother's love and support. Especially my father became the biggest support of my life.
Somehow life has to go on right! You can't always be unhappy but it was also true no matter who loved me either be it my grand dad or aunt's, uncles, cousin's my brother or father their love and support cannot be compared to a mother's love. Though I was never alone at home always surrounded by my loved ones but still I was lonely and no one would or can fill that loneliness.
But this was also the only beggining of my suffering and my cursed fate.