My mother was addicted to crack, so she decided to give me up for adoption. However, no family was interested in adopting a baby who was addicted to crack when they were first born.
I obviously did not stay addicted to crack.
So, for the past 17 years, I've been moved from foster family to foster family, and to tell you the truth, it was probably closer to 20 if I've correctly remembered.
They didn't want to keep me around for very long, particularly after I started high school because that was when the majority of those numbers began to come in.
Growing up in some of the homes that I did, it did a lot of damage to my head, and as a result, I suffer from depression and terrible anxiety. While I was in foster care, I had a few father figures who liked to sneak into my room at night while I was sleeping.
Some of them would just stare at me, while others would touch me inappropriately in places where young girls should never have grown men's hands on them.
Kara and Courtney are my two best friends, and we have known each other since we were in elementary school. They are sitting in the front seats. They were the kind of girls you would describe as popular and pretty, whereas I was the type of girl who would be referred to as the nerd or their little follower.
They would drag me along with their plans, but they never actually evolved me into the planning process. At times, I got the impression that I was their follower. When we went to parties together, they would leave me alone to go talk to other guys, leaving me to fend for myself among people I had only superficial conversations with.
Even the insignificant comments that they make about me I am willing to ignore.
Kara once told to me, "You would look pretty if you tried a little harder sometimes," and I'll never forget what she meant by that.
At one point in time, Courtney approached me at a party and advised me, "You need to start dressing better, you may then be able to have a boyfriend."
"Those glasses do not look good on you at all. You really need to have contacts "When Kara saw me searching the floor of the cafeteria for my glasses after I had dropped them at school, she became irate and yelled at me. At the time, I was on my hands and knees.
And there are times when I have no choice but to let the things they say hurt me.
I have no control over the fact that I do not have any parents who care about me enough to dress me in clothing of a higher quality than what they find at garage sales. This is not something I can change. I can't help that my mother used drugs while she was pregnant with me, which messed up my eyesight, and I obviously can't help that I can't afford to buy make-up to make my face look prettier.
I was barely able to make enough for my share for this trip. Neither of these things are within my control.
I can't help the fact that my mother used drugs while she was pregnant with me, which messed up my eyesight.
Because the trip took more than 17 hours, we stayed at a hotel that was conveniently located near the concert venue while we watched our favorite band, Nickleback, perform at the beginning of their new album release tour. They were making a comback.
Because Kara and Courtney spent the majority of the weekend drinking, I spent the time alone in our hotel room either reading a book that I had brought with me for the trip or searching for something entertaining to watch on television.
We have already been on the road for three hours, and we still have a lot more before we reach our destination, so today is going to be a very long day. They spent the majority of the time talking about the cute boys and posting pictures with "cute" captions on their Facebook, and I couldn't even do that not with the cheap little flip phone that I barely been able to pay for the minutes lately.
They are barely evolving me in their conversation about how the weekend went. Instead, they are just talking away about the boys they had met and the things that they had done together.
Due to the abundance of classwork this year, school was a challenge for me. However, I made it a point to do everything in my power to ensure that I maintained a perfect grade point average throughout the year.
This meant that I would sometimes stay up late studying after finishing my after-school job at the local pet store.
When we get back home, I have no idea what I'll do with myself. I got a little sponsorship, but even with that, I'd still need to come up with some money to pay for the first semester of college, and I don't have that. I haven't been able to save up enough money yet to get me a car.
I still don't have my own vehicle, nor can I afford one, so I won't even be able to drive myself there.
I am well aware that my current foster family will want me to leave the house very soon because the wife has been making a fuss over the fact that the husband likes to look at me. How could that be my fault, despite the fact that I don't want him to look at me or want how their son treats me.
I nicked named him devils spawn.
He is sociopath.
I'm not even joking. He will come into my room and just trash it for the sake of having a good laugh. He will break something and blame me for it, which will result in me being grounded or sent to bed without supper.
To put it midly, all I ask for is a more favorable life situation. a family that will love and appreciate me for who I am, not for how I look or for anything else, but rather because they are simply happy to have me as a part of their lives.
All I want is to be loved.