Even though I was there last night, leaning against the door and heard what Jack did to her, I still have no idea how my best friend must have felt when he was raping her.
Because she was concerned for my safety, she gave up control of her own body, let him touch her, and even let him have sex with her.
All of this was done because she wanted to protect me.
Right now, if there is one emotion that I am experiencing, it is adoration for my closest friend. Despite the fact that she must have been afraid and felt horrible, she still did it for me. I'm sure I would have done the same thing for her.
Without a single shred of uncertainty in my mind.
If I had been there, if it had been me inside that closet last night, I would have protected her. If it meant keeping my best friend safe and with me, I would have done whatever he asked of me. I would have done anything.
I do not want to escape from this terrible place without Erin, and I simply cannot do so.
There is no other choice, no other option inside my mind. We both need to leave this place together.
It is imperative that I maintain Erin's faith that we will get away from here one day. I keep an eye on her for a few minutes, and during that time I notice that she hardly blinks and instead just stares straight ahead of her as if she is completely immersed in thought. I need to do something to take her mind off of what happened to her.
It is not an option for me to let her give up.
"Do you remember when we was in kindergarten and this boy kept breaking all of my crayons? He made fun of the way I pronounced my S words over and over again." I whispered to her while moving my hand slowly up and down her back as I asked her.
I give her a few seconds to respond to me, but she doesn't, and the fact that she doesn't make my heart break. That was something that would make us laugh over and over again. It was one of the memories that we enjoyed talking about when we brought up our long friendship.
Due to the length of our friendship, we share a lot of memories and laughs together.
"I remember that after he broke my favorite pink color, you jumped up from beside me, grabbed his juice bottle, and sprayed it into his face," I said.
"You remember that?" I couldn't help but laugh as I imagined the expression on the young boy's face as the apple juice began to soak it.
"The teacher had gotten to be so mad! She contacted your mother and father. Remember? And your mother saie that it was not your fault that I was being bullied and that you felt the need to intervene because you felt it was your responsibility to do so."
After a few moments of observation, I was finally able to make out the range of feelings that she was experiencing in her eyes.
I seen the moment she remembered, her eyed flashed and a small smile formed on her lips.
I have to get her to stop thinking about how terrible our situation is for a little while.
"You had such a terrible fear of going home. You had cried on the bus, which made me feel terrible because it was my fault that you were about to be in trouble. You did not get in trouble at all. They made us sit down on the couch in your dining room, both scared out of our minds that we were about to me punished. You for spraying the boy and me for laughing. Do you remember what it was that they said? They promised us that if we looked out for one another we would never find be in trouble, not for defending one another." I whispered to her as I tenderly encircled her with my arms and rested my head on her shoulder as I spoke.
"Erin, you are my very best friend. I love you so much! I am sorry that he did that to you. I regret that I wasn't able to stop it. I am sorry that he used our friendship against you. If it were me in that room, I would have acted exactly the same way. To get you and I out of this place, Erin, I would gladly sacrifice anything. I need you to put an end to those thoughts right now. I need you to turn your back on the negative things and I need you to come back to me. Okay? Erin, I believe that we will get out of this one day. After all of this, we might be messed up a little bit, but at least we'll be messed up together, right? Constantly side by side Without her Erin, there is no such thing as Ava. Because we are in this together, we will also leave together when it is over. I promise." I leaned against her shoulder and sobbed, in the hopes that what I was saying would convince her to come back to me.
"I remember." She murmured in a low voice as her tears, which she had been holding back until now, began to trickle down her red cheeks.
I was aware that she was suppressing her feelings. She is not the type of person to sob when she is in pain; instead, she will just sit there and stare into space, and I will have to coax her out every time. The way that she deals with things is always the same. In fact, it took me by surprise the last night when she started yelling and even walking.
I believe the reason why her typical response did not even stand a chance was because she was so angry at that moment.
"Yes. Always it has been us. Best friends. Ava and Erin." I whispered it to her while leaning my head back and planting a gentle kiss on the side of her head.
Praise God, she has started talking. She will sometimes remain in that state for several hours. Normally, I will just let her be and lay next to her while she is in it, but I cannot permit her to do that at this time.
I need her to stay here with me mentally, I need her to stay strong so that we both can get out of this together. I can not let her get broken down. I have to stay strong for her. She is already punishing herself over this.
She blames herself.
When Jack walks through the door while pushing that damn trolly inside, which is full of plates, she does not reply to his greeting in any way.
"It's time for breakfast, my sweeties!" He starts singing while simultaneously slamming the door shut with his right foot and pulling the trolly closer to the table.
Smells like eggs.
Actually, my stomach is growling. We did not end up eating anything last night, and after Erin and I had so much to drink, I am absolutely starving now.
"Come sit. I made chicken sausages and egg whites in the morning. It is not acceptable for my dolls to start gaining weight, is it?" He smiled and winked at us as he laughed.
I reached down and put my hand on Erin's; although it appeared as though she had no intention of moving, we could not afford to make him angry at this moment.
It's highly likely that he would drag one of us back into that damn closet. I know Erin cannot deal with that again right now, and I would like stay far away from it for as long as I possibly can.
I am aware that it will soon be my turn.
"Come on. We have to eat Erin. We have to maintain our health. There is no way we can go without food." I moved my lips closer to her ear and whispered the words in a low voice so that Jack would not be able to hear them. I wrapped my hand around hers tightly.
I gently jerked her up with me and forced her to come with me to the kitchen table. When we finally make it to the table together a few steps later, and as soon as Erin's bottom hits the seat, she finally lifts her head to look at Jack.
"How did you sleep last night girls?" Jack asked as he passed us each a plate while maintaining a soft smile on his face. "Ava, the next time you sleep, you need to use one of the beds. One for each of you."
As if I could have gone to sleep in one of those beds without a care in the world while my best friend was being sexually assaulted.
That was exactly what I wanted to yell at him, but I realized that I am smart enough to know when to keep my mouth shut.
"Okay." I mumbled in a low voice, unable to think of anything else to say to the crazed man. It was imperative to me that neither of us went back into that closet with him.
"Erin? You slept good my beautiful doll?" Jack moaned, and it appeared from the reddening of his face that he was recalling the night they had spent together.
Sick deranged bastard.
"Yes." She spoke softly while turning a pale green color all over her face and returning her eyes to the food on her plate.
"I did as well. The evening was wonderful. It was the very first time for me. I am sorry that I could not last for a longer period of time. I apologize for my behavior and promise to make amends the next time we are together." He spoke in a low voice. He exhibited clear signs of embarrassment.
I was not surprised to learn that the man had never been sexually active. Who would knowingly go to bed with a person like that? He has lost all semblance of sanity. He is holding two young women captive with the expectation that they will act out the role of real-life Barbie dolls.
I mean, if there is anyone who should be committed to a mental hospital, it should be Jack because there is obviously something wrong going on inside of his head.
"That's okay." Erin said and picked up her fork with her hand; I can see that it is trembling.
"Ava. I am sorry that my very first time wasn't spent with you, my sweet doll, but you and your friend will just have to learn to share me." He let out a chuckle.
Did he seriously believe that the disgusted expression on my face was due to the fact that I was resentful that he had raped my best friend last night instead of me?
Yes. As I previously stated, he is totally and completely off his damn rocker. Maybe his mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby, or maybe he was just born this way.
I really do not know why crazy people like this do the things that they do.
"I understand." I said maintaining a light tone and hiding my emotions behind a neutral expression.
"I cannot wait until we have finished eating our breakfast. I have a few different outfits here that I would like both of you to try on. You two are going to look absolutely stunning. I can hardly wait." He gives a twisted smile before starting to eat his meal.
We are not dolls for him to play with and dress however he pleases. How are we even supposed to do that?
"I will be taking photographs of you both, and I will place you in the positions that I want you to be in; however, you will not be permitted to move while I am taking these photographs. Keep in mind that one of my rules is that you are not permitted to move in any way while the game is being played." He makes a groaning sound as he chews on a nasty piece of chicken sausage.
I guess we are going to be playing dolls in a little while. How are real women supposed to handle a situation like that? Just sit or stand still? Not move at all? I really just don't understand what he is expecting us to do.
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