GHOST OF US

Exhausted, I fell on the other side of the bed,panting like dog. Both of us lay on our backs, panting in sync as we stared up at the old creakery fan. The fan scared me, more often than not, a number of scenarios of the fan wildly spinning off its hinges and through my head or his , played in my mind over and over again each time I came here.

I shut my eyes, inhaling deeply to push away the gory scene and when I felt, Perry's slender finger tracing the eagle tattoo on my stomach, I started getting hypnotic. Sadly,falling asleep was the last thing on my to do list, so I stopped his movement by clutching our fingers together.

"You look awful," Perry stated.

Both my eyes opened to glare at him and he just smiled,bringimg our intertwined fingers to his lips and pressing a soft kiss. My heart swelled at the little gesture but my glare on him never wavered.

"A few seconds ago, you told me I looked hot," I argued.

"That's because I had you deep in my ass." Was his sly reply but then he furrowed his dark eyebrows. "Seriously you look awful. When's the last time you slept?"

I ignored hin unliking our fingers,gently pushed him off me and sat up,taking a large portion of the messy,sweaty sheets with me. My eyes landed on an unlit cigarette and a lighter by the bedside table so I reached for it.

One strike later,I had a lit cigar, dangling between my lips and the tiny room we were in now covered in dense smoke. Perry huffed out in annoyence as he crawled on the bed to sit beside me. Because he knew me so well,he didn't talk, instead just stretched his hand out to me, wordlessly asking to share the cancer stick.

My hazy eyes locked on him as he brought the stick to his lips. He hollowed his cheeks,inhaling the poisonus substance,eyes hazy in pure bliss then slid out the cigar,what followed next was him blowing out little clouds of smoke in the air.

The dim red neon lights from the tiny bulb at the corner of the room,made the wholescene erotic. Perrys, fair skin was illuinated to a luminous red, hair a tangled mess from when my fingers would painfully grip at them,on his neck were fresh reddish bruises caused by me. Just staring at him,made me want to have round three.

"So are you ready to talk?" He passed the stick back to me.

"Just drop it,"

"I'm sorry,I can't," Was his conclussion, pausing to take another drag after I passed him the cigar. "Look,I know you better than anyone else, probably better than your brothers and I know when something's eating you from the inside out. So talk to me."

I met Perry a few years ago in a gay bar. As cheesy as its going to sound,it was love at first sight, his deep set of desert sand brown eyes drew me in.

His nose,narrow and pointed ,accessorised with a nose ring dangling over a set of alluring cherry lips. Wispy ringlets of whiskey blonde hair covered his head,how I loved letting my fingers get tangled in the baby soft curls.

Perry,was my sun shine on rainy days. When we first met,I was the shy guy who sneaked into a gay bar for the first time. He didn't judge me,just took my hand and led me to the room upstairs. (Current room we were in) He talked me through how sex with another man worked,showed me where to touch and gave me my first ever blow job that had me screaming for the high heavens. After ,he said, it was on the house and I became a regular customer.

Years later,I still come down to the club to get services from Perry, when I'm in a bad mood,we wouldn't fuck, instead, he'd opt for us to just talk. I listened to him talk about his mother, the reason why he moved to hollywood. I on the other hand would talk about Clyde,Matt,Jude and Nana. Other times I would talk about management breathing down our necks for an album.

He listened when I talked,just like I listened. A number of times,I'd get him souveniors from the different cities and countries that I've been to. You should see the way his eyes light up everytime.

"Spence..." He grabbed my chin,turning my face to him. "Talk to me,"

"I haven't been sleeping well," I admitted after a long pause.

"Nightmares?" He inquired.

"Yes," I lied smoothly, "I just have a lot on my plate. "

"But I thought you guys were done touring,shouldn't you be resting."

A smooth chuckle escaped my lips at Perry's cluelesness. Yes,we had just wrapped up our European tour just last week, but that doesn't mean we can get a break. Managemen't demanding we work on a new album . We have interviews after interviews piled up. We have a show in a few days. Our three month break is lined up with a ton of things to do.

"Yes,we are but we still have to make some money."

"I don't understand,"Perry shook his head," You have more than enough,can't you sue your management for overworking you guys?"

"We signed a contract,so I'm afraid not." I looked at the time on my wrist. "Hey it's almost midnight. I gotta go,"

Perry nodded and I got up,picking my clothes from the floor and dressed up. Last,I got my phone,cursing when I saw twelve missed calls from Clyde. I promised I'd help him writing a song

I fished out, some cash from my wallet and handed it to Perry, but he wouldn't take it,claiming it's on the house.

"You said that last night,just take the damn cash,"

"I'm your boyfriend,you don't have to pay me each time we fuck," His brows snapped together in irritation.

"Actually I'm not paying you," I said," I'm giving you money to buy yourself something nice."

"I don't need your money!"

I rolled my eyes and palmed my face, Perry can be difficult at times. I like it that he's independent. Perry would rather die than ask for help because he's too proud. I know he's struggling financially and here I am offering cash and he won't take it.

"Well,I don't care," I snapped,slapping the notes on his desk, "Throw it away or give it to someone who actually needs it. Goodnight,"

I turned to open the door but Perry immediately called me back,his eyebrows were now relaxed and he didn't look like he was going to cry. He hugged me and pressed a soft kiss on my lips before moving to the other side of the bed and pulled out a tiny bottle from the desk.

"Here," He tossed the bottle and I caught it mid air.

"What's this?"

"Sedative, really strong. Put a drop in your coccoa before you go to bed. It'll knock you out."

"Uh- thanks, do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, I still have two clients coming in, drive safe."