Overall this was amazing as I love this genre. I look for escape to another world and you certainly achieved that and created a fantastic world, good goodies and baddies and a captivating plot.
Read the story now
I am awaiting for the to be continued... to be continued.
I felt that the writing style really improved the further you went along, and although I loved everything maybe the first three chapters could be edited a little bit to make it like the rest of the story. There were a few grammatical mistakes but this is easily changed and I really think that over all it can be great because I thoroughly enjoyed the story in this amazing world you created. The dialogue was great and I could picture it as a movie with the clear style of writing. Keep going, because I want to know what happens :)