Great concept, just needs some polish!
This story was interesting to dive into, and is focused more on plots and events and the characters' immediate reactions to them than on delving into characterization. It works very well for this story, and if military and action is your type of thing, you might be interested in giving this a shot! I was particularly interested in hearing what III had to say when he showed up on the screen; that guy seriously seems like a badass!
Read the story now
My one big critique for the writer is punctuation for the dialogue. The dialogue itself, the actual words the characters are saying, are perfectly fine. But there are consistent mistakes with the punctuation concerning the dialogue. For example, at the beginning of Chapter 2: "Quite the opposite, sir" Lowell responded, "Both IV and V have been eliminated." should read:
"Quite the opposite, sir," Lowell responded. "Both IV and V have been eliminated."
If you are are writing that the character said something, no matter what the tag is (in this case it's "responded", but it could be "said", "whispered", etc.) then the dialogue phrase right before it should end with a comma, not an empty space or a period (unless of course they are shouting or exclaiming, then use question marks and exclamation marks!). It should only end with a period if the dialogue is interrupted with an action, for example:
"Quite the opposite, sir." Lowell turned to look him straight in the eye. "Both IV and V have been eliminated."
If this is ever confusing, go grab your favorite novel off the shelf and flip to a scene where you know there's a lot of talking, and carefully read it over. Look for all the punctuation (the things we normally don't notice when we read) and really take note of how they do it. This is the kind of thing that you're not really supposed to notice while reading, but as writers we have to train ourselves to take note :)
Finally, one other small suggestion. In the first chapter, right after the scene break, General Lowell talks to a young reserve. But the part where it tells us what the young reserve is doing is a bit of a mouthful to read, because we are also trying to keep in mind the question Lowell asked so that we can understand the upcoming answer. Try breaking it up a little bit, either with commas, or into two sentences, so the reader can better take it in. Here's a couple possibilities:
"Have you been able to locate him yet?" asked General Lowell. He was talking to a young reserve, who was focusing on redistributing access points for multiple communication channels, hoping to locate a specific signal.
"Have you been able to locate him yet?" General Lowell asked a young reserve. They were focusing on... ect.
I bet there are even more ways to do this, but these are just my thoughts! Try experimenting and see if you can find a way that works best for your style and story.
You've got really good concepts and a nice grasp of actual dialogue lines, and I would love to see you write more to this. This is the kind of concept that some people go crazy over so if you polish it a bit, I bet you'll gain more readers :) Good luck and happy writing!