Nice and Gripping
So, the story itself is gripping as hell, and I enjoyed every moment. Sorta imagined it running through my mind as an anime, maybe because of the awesome cover.
Read the story now
Anyway, I also noticed that the grammar steadily improves between chapters 1 and 3, which is good. I still think comma placement could be worked on, though. Like...
"Listen up asshole," Tadashi said.
This ^ Is supposed to be written like "Listen up, asshole," Tadashi said.
Also, you could use the word snarled instead of said if you want. There's nothing wrong with 'said,' but you wanna mix it up sometimes, change the word 'said' to a synonym. You're steadily getting better at these types of things, though. I spotted that progression the further the story ventures.
All in all, it's similar to a lot of stories I've read - not because of the plot or the Japanese-esc theme, but because it shares the hindrance of having an excellent plot while tiny technical errors remain prevalent, diminishing the story. A lot of writers have to muddle through this stage before they get really polished, and it's not to be discouraging - just means you gotta keep going until your skills upgrade from silver to gold. :)