Bebita Ndongo

Very Well Written!

Hello there my friend!

I have to say that this is one of the best pieces I've read in a while. The whole thing was flawless! The plot was amazing, the flow on time, the descriptions were vivid, the characters alive and believable. I have no complaints whatsoever on this short story.In the beginning, I was disappointed that there was not much dialogue in the while story, but I ended up liking it better this way. It felt more realistic to me and it made the ascension and decline of Richard's success all the more saddening and realistic. Very well done! Bravo! I enjoyed every bit of this piece!

Bright Star

Hello there Ms. E. Liz Collins!

I't s very nice to meet you. I'm new here by the way. Anyways, let's get to the story. Personally, I found this prologue to be very long and a bit exposed in the sense that I felt like it revealed too much too soon. I would've liked to dive into the story and let the plot itself unfold before me as I read past the chapters and the story line becomes clearer not to read a synopsis of the plot without even reading a chapter. I feel like you somehow ruined the surprise with this piece because you didn't give the reader a chance to sit back and discover anything themselves. Aside from that, I think you're punctuation, spelling, and grammar was on point, the characters (even though we haven't been introduced to them quite yet), are believable, and the writing style is both attention-gripping and intriguing. Nonetheless, I do look forward to reading more and seeing for myself where this will go and how this story will play out. You are definitely going onto my imaginary 'Authors to look forward to' list. Well done and keep writing. You have a wonderful thing going here.. -IceWinifredd

Awesome Story!

Hello there!

I enjoyed reading this story a lot! I think the story was interesting enough and easy to read without being bland or boring. The characters were well thoughts out and I like how you took your time telling the story rather then rush through it just to get to a certain part. The ending really surprised me though. Based on the genre of this story and how the male character approached the female, I thought the guy would be the one to do something to the female. I'm glad I was wrong. Nice job on this. This is a very good story.

Intriguing

I found this story to be both very intriguing and enchanting in a way. Intriguing because of the plot. I've never read a book that was narrated through the eyes of a 'bad guy' or a creature that wold be seen as such because of certain traits assumed to be evil. In the beginning I felt bad for the King of Darkness because of his loneliness and isolation. Somehow, even when he let the Princess of Lightening go through the portal, knowing that her ignorance of his world would harm her in more ways than one, i still didn't blame him. I didn't like what the King of Wind did even though I could somehow sympathize with her. The ending surprised me though as I was not expecting the wonderful Creator to make an appearance and slay them all like that. I think this story is very well done and I really enjoyed it. Oh and it was enchanting because of the mythological and fairy tale-like way you told it. Like an urban myth almost. Well done my friend. I enjoyed this piece very much.

Unique

Well, this story certainly took me by surprise. I may say, but even though I didn't fully understand what was going on here or the point of this, I was still highly entertained. I was surprised that Callen turned out to be a Pisces since he tends to act more like an Aries or a Libra to me. And what's wrong with the year of the Dog? We're great! Anyways, nice job on this. There's not much else I can say since it was so short and not much was going on.

Lovely

This was amazing!
The characters, the plot, the writing. Seriously had me entertained these past couple of days! Adorable, funny, adventurous, and I highly recommended read on my profile! Once again, bravo! You're got some major talent!

Terrifying

This. Is. Crazy.
I'm anxious to read morw, but I'm creeped out at the same time. The DVD player and CD with the pentagram really did it for me. Not to mention the bit with the screaming yellow balloon and the cryptic message at the end to keep all the light on without elaboration as to why. Seriously, this was very well written and this is coming from a fanatic of anything horror/paranormal/supernatural. Somehow, this also reminded me of the Addams Family for some reason. Anyways, nice work on this! I'm waiting for chapter 2!

So cool!

I hope you update soon because I'm loving this Beyblade story so Mich! its suspenseful, intriguing, action-packed, and explosive! I love Beyblade (Ray Kon biased) and I think you're doing an amazing job with this! Please continue!

Awesome Idea!

Whoa....this is yet another great story I've had the pleasure of reading. Seriously, the story line itself is just so unique and different and intriguing. I was upset when it ended with the character expiring. I was hoping she would find salvation somehow. Anyways, I think that you did a great job of giving the reader insight on what's going on with the character emotionally, mentally, and physically as well as providing a reason behind the existence f the program the short people are in as well as its primary function. Well done on this piece! I'm loving your writing style too in case ti's not so obvious! You're a great writer!

Beautifully Written!

Hello there!
Boy, am I glad that I ran into your story. All I have to say is that it was a very well written and beautiful read. The flow of the story, the plot itself, the characters, the haunting and angelic effect the story seems to produce. It was almost like a traveled back in time and I lived through what the main character is describing. I guess the fact that I'm listening to classical music right now helped me get into the story even more, but honestly, I think this is one of the best stories I've read in a while and I've been absent or a very months. Very well done my friend! Bravo! I enjoyed reading this very much!

Very cute

Aw, i think this is a very cute story. Personally, I always felt as thought Aries natives would have a better- if not the best- chance with a Leo. A Sagittarius second to that. Scorpio and Aries pairing sounds really strange and messy to me. Anyways, I didn't find anything wrong with this piece. I enjoyed the light feeling behind it, the concept (I'm a HUGE fan of the Zodiac), and especially the ending. Punctuation was great and the flow was easy to follow. Very nice work on this!

Fantastic

Hello there!
I really liked this piece a lot. The suspense, horror, and mystery behind it really made this write worth reading. Honestly, there wasn't anything about this story that I didn't like. The writing was fluid and very well done, the main character was well developed and three-dimensional, the plot was intriguing as well as dark and thrilling, and the ending took me off guard. I didn't see that coming. Well done on this my friend. This is a very good one.

Disturbing

I honestly don't even know what to say about this piece. I've never read anything like this. It's intriguing, it's haunting, it's disturbing and gross in a lot of ways. I'm not going to lie: when I was introduced to Marcy and her mother, I automatically took a disliking to the mother character because of the way she would treat her own daughter. Like she was a mistake or an abomination or something.It irked me a bit. But after Helen's character was introduced and I got to read more about Marcy and Helen's 'close' relationship, I started to understand to a point why Leigh-Ann is the way she is with her daughter. In all honesty, both Marcy and Helen sicken me. The incest relations both girls have with each other, Helen hiding dead bodies in the empty rooms in order to collect money (obviously she killed them both but Marcy can't see that), purposely brainwashing Marcy into thinking all these terrible things are good things to think, say, and do. Man, they are both just so... whoa. I did not see this coming in the lease even if I did suspect that Helen was lesbian. But you, my friend, are a splendid writer! Just the fact that you have me ranting like this, paying so much close attention to the details of the story and feeling so strongly about the characters proves that you have a phenomenal gift for writing. Despite the disturbing plot of the story, I couldn't turn away. It was just one shocking twist after the other! Well done! The writing was great, the technical writing skills were great but with a flaw here and there, and the characters were very vivid and real. Nice work. This made my day!

Pretty good

I found this story to be quite entertaining and intriguing despite it lacking in some things I personally find e enjoyable in any story. For instance, I couldn't identify what the whole point of the story was because the plot of the story is unclear. Second, the characters seemed very two-dimensional and there was no depth to their personas other then the obvious facts that characters each personality beneath each sign. Third, the daily lives of the characters and who they are as people were almost nonexistent. Who they are, what they do, when this story is taking place, where these characters live, how they got their powers in the first place, and why they think, say, and do what they do is unexplained which makes the reader wonder why they even bothered reading in the first place. Lack of descriptions and details also bothered me when I read this. BUT I assume that this story wasn't suppose to be like a novel or anything like that. It has a fun, happy vibe to it that I found to be very pleasing and easy on the mind. Very well done my friend. I enjoyed this write. Happy writing!

Awesome!

Hello there!

I have to say that i really enjoyed this story a lot! I'm a huge fan of the Zodiac Signs and the things that come with them or things that we can add to them in literature to make them more interesting. I never thought that Capricorn would be the bad guy. Maybe Scorpio or Gemini or Virgo or Aries, but Capricorn? haha. Anyways, I really thoughts the characters were developed very well and I found the plot to be very suspenseful and thrilling! In fact, this story kind of reminded me of a manga I read called JUDGE (no zodiac in this one). I think the writing was well done and the idea behind this was original and creative. Well done!

Intriguing

This is an excerpt so there's not much of an opinion that I could form, but I did enjoyed this snippet. I haven't read number of (shame on me) but this seems like an awesome book that I would love to read! Well done! I can't wait to get my hands on the full thing!

Very Original

i liked how unique and original this story is. I happen to be a fan of this time period so it was nice to read a story taking place of Noah's Ark and how mankind was living afterwards. I read your other story, but I like this one better. The mood was great, the flow amazing, the characters were so realistic, and the traditions I would say are on point and fascinating to read about. I think you did a lovely job with this one. I'm loving your writing style as well. Well done! I hope more people have chance to read this! It is truly a wonderful deed.

So Suspenseful!

Hi there!
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think you did a fantastic job setting the mood of the story by starting off with the dream and how there's only whiteness and noise. The narration was on point and the flow of the story was fabulous (not too slow or too fast). The details towards the end were great. I really liked the part where you described how exactly this paranoia came to be for the main character and how it's affected his/her life ever since. The ending sent shivers down my spine! I wasn't expecting the noise and whiteness to become part of his/her reality. To become part of nothing is so tragic! The only thing I found wrong with this is that you seem to have a few run-on sentences here and there and too many descriptions jammed into a single sentence. I'm hoping I make sense. Anyways, this story was very neat and I'm glad I stumbled upon it while looking for horrors to read. Nice job!

Am I Pretty Yet?

I love it! I really love it! It's so well-written and the plot so well thought out! I think you've done a lovely job with this story! The characters were easy to relate to, realistic, and three =-dimensional. The plot was alive and easy to follow. The narration was terrific as well! I didn't find anything wrong here! Well done!

War

Not at all a bad read. I thought that the narration was very vivid as well as realistic and I liked the main character's ferocity when facing the aliens in the Gungram. Very well written. I think the story line is pleasant and the characters are 3-dimensional and likable. No Mary Sues here. Well done. One thing I didn't like was the fast pace of the story. In the beginning, it felt rushed. Like you didn't bother to take time to slow down and fill us in on the characters' background or the main point of them being there or the story itself. I would've liked to read about the details surrounding the current events. When exactly did the aliens attack? Why are they doing this? Is there an end to their invasion? etc. Another thing I didn't like,though this one is small and easy to fix, was the errors. Nothing with punctuation really, but the grammar was off in a few places. Luckily this didn't take away from the story. Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself and I think this story has potential of becoming a really awesome novel with the right hook in the right place. Keep writing and I hope many more writers have a chance to read this and enjoy it as much as I did. Well done!

The Zodiac Veils- The Thirteeth Sign

Well, well, well! I'm so glad to have stumbled upon another Zodiac sign-based story! I'm so overjoyed right now. So far, I've yet to read the rest of the story and I'm not sure if these reviews are supposed to be done at the end of the story, but I want to say that I loved it. The start was so mysterious, attention-gripping, suspenseful, and all of this without revealing too much. Your writing style is very entertaining and I love how the pace suits the type of story this is very well and how you take the time to set the mood and introduce the characters without being in a rush. The dialogue was great- it brings the characters more depth- and the overall composition of this write is stellar. I'm definitely looking forward to reading more and this will definitely be on my reading list. One thing I would suggest that you fix is the quotation marks you use for the dialogue (they are the wrong ones) and the spelling mistakes (nothing major). Well done on this! I'm loving this! -IceWinifredd

Erewon

Not a bad start. I really liked the voice of the narrator and I felt the word choice used to this piece was very thought-out and pleasing to the genre this story is categorized in. I also like that you didn't give anything away in this bit, but made it so the reader is left with enough curiosity and intrigue to want to continue and see how the story will overall play out. Nice job. It's very well done.