TS Rose

London

Two writers, one published, one with an English degree, one a psychologist, bringing both experience and youth to our writing.

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Lose you to love you

Hi, a lovely short story, with a happy ending. It is well-written, with high quality dialogue and some helpful introspection by the main characters.

We'd like to suggest just a few things that might help to improve it: you occasionally use the same word too often, as in hopefully, hopeful in the same sentence. Try to vary the word choice, as this creates repetition that stops the reader.

We think that the doctor's diagnosis is a bit strange, either she is in a coma, in which case he would be more worried, or she isn't and is just groggy or temporarily under some form of drug administered by the hospital. We would also make the reason for his lack of disclosure a bit clearer, it seems a little too easy just to say he is frightened of commitment.

Could something have happened in his childhood to make him this way - remember people react to commitment differently at different ages, so it is odd that he has felt the same for so many years. A six year old child usually would commit fairly easily, at least to friendship, whereas a teenager might not, especially with one of the opposite sex. Well done on writing this short story, which is very nicely complete within itself.

An entertaining read.

Good luck with your future writing, clearly you have some considerable skill.

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The River and the Roses

A remarkably well-written story, with a fascinating main character. A solid ending, and a beginning that captured the imagination right from the start and held it.

The plot held together well, with all the details revealed very carefully, and not too soon. We loved it.

By far the best novel we have read on Inkitt.

T & S Rose.

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B.R.A.I.N

Hi,

We enjoyed your story, which had a very good plot, and some interesting characters. Nice to read something that isn't a basic romance for a change. The philosophy was engaging, and challenging too.

The novel is generally very well written, and we can only make a few minor comments about things to improve it.

In your first chapters particularly, you have a tendency to 'tell' rather than 'show.' Don't tell us what has happened up to now, make us experience it as your character moves through the scenery. For example, let her look at a graph, exclaiming at the sudden raise in temperate to an even more dangerous level, or let her interact directly with a robot who is doing something important, so that we can experience what this future world is like, rather than just reading about what has already happened. As the story progresses you have more show and less tell which is great This is often a problem at the start of a book when writers feel like they have to share everything all at once. The idea is to slowly let the reader learn more and more of the problems and background as you move through the chapters, by experiencing them.

Don't give them everything at once.

A second issue is the number of times you use a verb to explain that someone is speaking. Thankfully most of these were 'said' but even that can become very repetitive. It is not always necessary to indicate that someone is speaking with the 'said or alternative' verb. If there are only two people, it is obvious that each one is likely to speak in turn so just leave it out.

Alternatively, where there are more than two people, you could use an alternative approach instead of a speaking verb.

e..g

'May I bring you a drink of some kind?,.' The waiter, who had glided silently up behind us, now stood slightly bowed, ready to receive our order.

I could have screamed at this interruption. It was hard enough trying to find the right words for what I meant. 'No, not now.'

He nodded and moved away clearly sensing the atmosphere between us.

We hope these are helpful comments, and wish you all the best for your future writing career.

T & S Rose.

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The Bad Girls Hypothesis

Good quality writing, with the character's personalities clearly thought through.

The plot line seems to be executed well although we will need to read further chapters to see if this plays out with any twists or turns. We're enjoying the story.

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Truth of the Beginning of Times

Hi. We really liked your idea of a time-travelling genius. He's a little too perfect though. It's best to make your characters have some flaws as it means you can identify more with them. We also loved the constant DING of the gaming device/computer he took with him. Just the right thing to bring you back to Earth.

You are obviously not writing in your home language, so well done for doing this. The thought of writing in French, German or Zulu terrifies us, although we have a smattering of all of these languages. So you are very brave to be attempting this. Your grammar will have to improve a bit if you want a lot of people to read your stories, but you are doing the right thing in writing because that will improve the grammar enormously. Best wishes for your future writing.

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There's a place for us

We enjoyed this story, and found your opening chapter to be a thought-provoking commentary of what it's like to be a homeless person.

A really nice novel, with the homosexual romance making it different from most other tough-boy-finds-love-with-shy-girl novels. It has a sensitivity to it. There are a few places where it would be better to end a sentence, or at least separate the clauses with a semi-colon, where they are jammed together for no obviously good reason, but aside from this, very well written.

T&S Rose.

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Fighting for control

A nice story, with an interesting concept at its heart.

The plot is a little obvious, but the characterisation is excellent, and we really enjoyed the dialogue which was very good. The first chapter is a tiny bit stilted with too much tell, and not enough show, but this gets much better by the second chapter. An enjoyable read for those who love a good romance set in an unusual community.

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Texting him

A really great read, with the added benefit of a wonderful sense of humour that makes you laugh throughout the story. We would have like a few more twists and turns in the plot, and there are a few minor grammatical errors as the story moves into narrative rather than dialogue mode, but these were easily forgivable. Totally enjoyable,, and fully recommended. T & S Rose

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Wish upon a demon

Hi,

Please ignore our previous review, which was based on the fact that the Inkitt website froze when we were reading it, so all we could see was the summary, and none of the rest of the story.

We've now read a little more since the website opened again, and find the story engaging.

There are a couple of places where the punctuation could be helped along, but this doesn't compromise the story. Well done.

.

T & S Rose.

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Her Possessive Blackguard

Hi, Just finished your story. It's a good teenage read, full of love, lust and sex, written in a sensitive way with good quality dialogue, and action. Personally, we'd like a bit more plot, but maybe that's just us, because our story, Psychic, is heavily plot driven.

We enjoyed this though, as it offers a light read and the characters are engaging if a little typical.

The writing style is cleverly done and the story doesn't drag anywhere. Altogether, a story we could recommend.

T & S Rose.

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Only his

Hi,

I liked your story very much and have liked it on Inkitt. It's got smooth dialogue, and you blend the characters' thought processes very well with the dialogue and action.

Some of your reviewers have commented negatively on the constant changes of PoV but actually I felt you managed these well, and they were clearly signposted.

The only suggestion I have is that I think your first chapter could be better. Writers have a tendency to want to explain too much in the first chapter about the background, the looks of their character/s and the situation, which leads to tell instead of show' type of writing. Rather let this background slowly unfold through dialogue and experiences throughout the story, and start your first chapter with a bang and some action. Maybe chapter 3 would be good to start with.

Best of luck as a writer.

T & S Rose, writer of Psychic.

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She Belongs to the Billionaire

A nice light story, with some controversial elements. Some people will be judgemental, but I just enjoyed it, and in places laughed out loud. The dialogue is well written, and sounds authentic.

T & S Rose

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The Fox and the Wolf

Hi. Interesting concept, which made this story somewhat out of the ordinary. There was a bit of confusion at first, as the writer jumped around from present to past tense, then back again. But this was resolved after a chapters. The dialogue is well written, and natural. There is a need to insure that the possessive apostrophes are included. e.g. mum's choice not mums choice.

Sorry to be pedantic, one of us has a English Master's Degree. All in all, well done, and enjoyable.

T & S Rose, writers of Psychic.

p.s. It's T . Rose who is the literary boffin not me - S. Rose. I just liked the characters.

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Psychics

Thanks to all those readers who have left reviews. You've been very generous and we've loved your views and your tips. T & S Rose

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