Erin Nicole

Interesting

There are a few grammar mistakes, along with capitalizing unnecessary words and failing to keep a consistent tense, but the plot makes up for it, albeit a little confusing.

I like the main character. She's positive, but not sickeningly so, and it was interesting having us be able to see the more dark side of her, being bullied and all that. There could've been more details, maybe let her positive side shine a little more before we see break down. The ending seemed a bit rushed (Take your time! It doesn't have to be finished within a day you know) but it makes me want to know more. What is this weird ghost girl? Who's the mysterious blonde guy?

You should give the characters a little more personality and appearance, and put in more imagery, to make it feel more real, so that we know what's going on. The beginning was pretty solid though, nice use of metaphors there. Writing style is interesting. You can see that the main character is confident and headstrong, yet a little uncertain. Be sure to develop her out more. You can sense a lot of personality from your writing style, just make sure it end up being solid in terms of grammar and all that.

The story is a little confusing, particularly around the ending. Try to be a bit more detailed in that fight. But other than that, it leaves us wanting more. It's confusing, but if we'll ever want to know more we just have to continue reading. Careful though, it might shoo away readers. All in all, it's interesting, leaves you wanting more, and I'd recommend it to any of my friends. Good job.