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Good Story - Screaming to be Edited
I started reading your story after reading your introduction 4 hours ago. I usually don't frequent inkett.com, but you made me curious. There is a good plot to your story, at least chapter one (all I read). You could make this go many ways. Where there were questions, there were no question marks. You need better sentence structure, meaning there should be commas with a conjunction ("and" or "but") instead of two sentences together without these. Sometimes your dialogues don't have periods before the end quote. Instead of listening to people tell you that your story is no good, write to your own true self. Keep writing in a way that relates to others. Ask your family or your friends to read your story in order to find mistakes. Use a word processor that can catch some mistakes. If you don't have one, go to www.openoffice.org and download for free. Don't listen to people who bring you down. If you keep writing, you will get better, trust me. Joining a writing group with monthly challenges will help. I enjoy doing that at Linkedin. Good luck, fellow writer!
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