Vanessa A. M.

Updates Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday

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Would Definitely Recommend!!

The poems themselves are beautiful and introspective, although I would have loved each poem to be split into its own chapter so it can have its individual importance and your poems can be perused individually.

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Great read!

I read the first chapter (aka - prologue) and I loved it because:
~ Great premise - the book advertised itself well and it was a great start!
~ The cliffhanger - please update! I need to know what happens next!

Concerns:
~ Slight grammar errors - nothing a good word processor can't fix
~ Paragraph length - when in doubt, remember tiptop (change the paragraph when the TIme, Place, TOpic or Person changes) - and make sure that the paragraphs are defined (i.e. they have a gap between them)

I'll withhold my judgment about whether to recommend it to prospective readers until the next update arrives, but if you have to ask me - go ahead :D

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Recommended Read

Things I loved about the story:
~ The characters are awesome
~ The plot is brilliant
~ The concept is original
~ The dialogue is natural

Things I hope you can improve:
~ Light grammar changes - nothing a good word processor can't fix
~ The build-up (or make the first chapter a prologue instead of chapter one and retell it from a different perspective)

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"Someone please give the author a medal"

Things I loved about this book:
~ The characters and their relationships
~ The plot's originality and execution
~ The pacing
~ Someone please give the author a medal for passing the Bechdel test with flying colours and choosing a FEMALE protagonist in a survival book—I'm proud of you
~ The scenes where it looks like just a scene but in actuality, you're getting to know the characters more and more and goodness gracious it's goddamn amazing
~ The scenes where you think they're at odds with each other when in actuality, they aren't and it all has a secret reason and let me tell you that's bloody brilliant

Things I hope the author can work on:
~ Minor grammatical errors
~ That time when nine chapters were actually all the same chapter with different names (hope that's fixed by now)
~ Literally nothing else—it's perfect

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Great Read!

What I loved:
~ Great characters
~ Originality
~ That it was a short and sweet read
~ The suspense

Concerns:
~ Paragraph length (limit to 3-4 sentences)
~ Info-dumping (let the information seep through instead of outlining it all from the get-go)

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Great work!!

I really loved this story for the following reasons:
~ The pacing. Very few stories nail the pace, and you have done it. Great job!
~ The characters and their relationships. I really loved the protectiveness with the siblings and understand why they would be that way. I also loved the MC and her ex's relationship. That was spot on. The emotions, tension, etc. were very well executed.

But, I had a few concerns with the story:
~ The grammar—use an extension like ProWritingAid or Grammarly to convert the em-dashes and to correct minor word usage mistakes. Alternately, write out your chapter on Microsoft Word before copy-pasting it onto Inkitt.
~ The swearing—there's an incredibly thin line between moderate swearing and too much. And swearing isn't always the f-bomb. Use more colourful vocabulary if you really want your characters to swear.

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Great job!

Loved your style. And the ending blew me away. Please continue writing and improving!

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Brilliant Read!

I loved the story very much and want to save the nitpicky review for after you finish (I know how it messes up your author jam when asked to do major changes to the plot/characters when you just start out).

I'd like to start with how much I loved the world-building. I cannot tell you how many books have a great concept but pathetic world-building, but I am proud to say that you have achieved both.

Moreover, I can see you improve as the chapters progress, and that's what writing is all about—improving. Your characters and situations are descriptive, and I applaud you on your choice of picking 3rd person POV. It is harder to execute, but the payoff is better.

I think you need to write your book and leave it to sit. You seem like you have a diverse reading palette, and if you look at your book through the mind of a reader instead of a writer, all of the minor errors can be fixed. Keep writing and keep sharing your gifts with the world!

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MIND-BLOWING

I really loved the concept and execution!!

That being said, a few concerns. The first few chapters were interesting, but I feel that considering the rest of the book, they could be even more so. I would hate for a reader to miss out on the amazing story because they are bored with the first few chapters.

Along those lines, some paragraphs were *extremely* long, and it would be helpful to limit a paragraph to 3-4 sentences so that the reader's gaze doesn't *skip* past them.

Similarly, the chapters (especially the first few) would really enjoy a showing/telling scan. You have so much scope for showing, don't resort to info-dumping.

Now, that aside, this story is mind-blowing. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone because of its beautiful execution and the characters... you really, really have a skill with characters. This story is unique because it gives a biting social commentary without even being centered around humans. I hope you keep writing and keep sharing your gifts with the world!

x Vanessa

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READ THE BOOK - YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

The start of the story was a little slow, but once the pace picked up, it was a whirlwind. I didn't stop reading even once - it was wayyy too interesting to be put down. The plot was dynamic, the characters... good God, the characters. Both Destiny and Damien are flawed in very understandable ways, and you want to hate Damien and love Destiny, but somehow you can't do either. It's a push-and-pull relationship with the characters and the readers as well as the characters with each other, and I really loved that. The first few chapters had minor grammatical errors, but nothing a good spell checker can't fix. I applaud the author for this beautiful piece of work and will recommend it to everyone. In case you need it louder for the ones at the back: I RECOMMEND IT TO EVERYONE!

x Vanessa

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Critical Review as of 11/6/20

I did love the characters, but there are a few grammatical concerns I have.

First things first, the story would be tons better if there were defined paragraph breaks (first chapter). The lack of paragraph breaks is a huge turn-off because the reader feels like they are reading a huge, neverending clump of text, especially because it's the first chapter.

Secondly, limit the number of question marks, exclamation marks, caps lock and ellipses. It can get really boring really fast, and you lose the punch that is associated with using it. The rule of thumb should be to default to a full stop and there should be no more than two exclamation marks, one ellipse and five question marks per chapter. As for caps lock, use italics when required, and on *rare* occasion utilise the all-caps, and *don't* use a capitalised word in the middle of the sentence unless it's a proper noun. On a similar note, there is an overuse of the words 'anyway' and 'what?' Limit the usage of them as well.

The dialogue sounds unnatural at times. Maybe explore your characters more to find out their unique voice and use it. And, if direct dialogue will be longer than conveying the message otherwise, use alternate methods.

On a lighter note, the plot is magical. Your writer's voice is awesome and I absolutely adored the plot twist. I will surely continue reading this book and will recommend it to anyone. Keep writing, author; good job!

x Vanessa

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5/5

I've read the Prologue and Chapter 1, and I really love the story so far. I can feel Will's emotions, but I want to slap him (lovingly) into understanding he is good enough, and that his worth doesn't depend on Chantel. Beautiful emotional depth, love your writing style and would recommend to anyone who is anyone.

x Vanessa

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Great story!

Trigger warning for the story: Abuse.

I really like the characters, the storyline is intriguing, and I love the pacing. I'm looking forward to seeing more from the characters and the story, and hope it takes a less conventional/cliched turn.

Kudos to the author!

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Critical Review of "Just So You Know, I Love You"

*SPOILER ALERT*

I don't understand how Ty and June get together and break up within less than 72 hours. I understand that it can happen, but I think it would have a greater impact on the reader if we saw exactly what they had before they lost it. I would have loved watching them share meals with Ty's parents, comforting each other after scary nightmares, and the dynamic between June and Ty's dad.

Personally, I wished the story showed more signs of the romance from Ty's side before he confessed his love. Why did he date Ashely if he really loved June? Maybe a diabolic "Man, things just got interesting. I'll get the popcorn," from Daniel. It would leave both the reader and June wondering what's up with Ty.

The grammar is also a little off someplaces (only in around 5-7, I've left comments so it's easier for you to find them). Also, I can't figure out if her name is spelt Ashely or Ashley. Check that out.

*END OF SPOILERS*

That being said, the author has a way with words. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book and couldn't peel my eyes from it until it was over. The character development is the best I've seen in a while. I love the dynamics between the characters as well. I absolutely adored the relationships they had with their parents. And the humour... please, get into standup comedy and bless the world with your humour.

I would recommend this book to anyone who loves a high-school cute-as-hell slow-as-hell-burn. I'm sure you will not regret picking this book up.

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Good story!

It's a bundle of cliches put together in a story, but you're making it work. I'm excited to see what comes next because the tension is rising slowly. I think you need to do a lot more to make this story reach the level it can, but good job for now!

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Great read!

What I loved about this book:
~ How you slowly weaved the bits of the story together
~ The descriptions
~ Nora's character + her relationship with other characters
~ The mystery

Improvements:
~ Grammar/sentence structure—just small changes
~ Don't tell us, show us! Details are good, but make sure the details matter to us by letting us into the world of the character and her emotions.

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Recommend!

What I loved about the story:
~ Dual POV—doesn't always work, but when it does, it's outstanding. The author has successfully accomplished it.
~ The characters and their relationships—I loved the mum and dad because their relationship with each other and the MC is realistic. Also, Mariel and Christina were very interesting characters. I love how each character has a 3D personality that shines through in everything that they do.
~ The MC—writing anxiety? It's hard. Writing social anxiety? Even harder. I love how it is slowly woven into his words and actions. I also love how he handles things when they happen to him.
~ Good grammar—I no longer see stories with impeccable grammar and I'm so so stoked I cannot tell you. The syntax is on point and the vocabulary is simple and easy to understand for a middle-grade English reader.
~ The Shakespeare references--kill me already. This story is so perfect, and this is just the cherry on the top. To all the geeks of the world: read this. Please. You won't regret it.
~ The pacing--I love how you slowly amp up the tension until you're just like: "how the hell did I get here?" It takes skill.

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Great try!

I loved the plot of the story, however, had major concerns with grammar. I can tell you're trying hard, but English doesn't seem to be your first language. Find a friend good at English who can help you out, and in the meantime, read A LOT. It will help you with grammatical nuances and conventions and you'll be all the better for it.

Cheers, Vanessa.

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Literary Masterpiece

I haven't read the whole book, but I'm impressed with what I've read so far. The descriptions are vivid, grammar is spot on, and the characters... oh, the characters. I really loved that they are flawed in a beautiful way and that you have chosen to portray mental illnesses - something which is not only very brave and ambitious, but also reflects a lot on your personality as an author. I will continue to read this book and recommend it to everyone I know. Great job!!

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Great job!!

I haven't read the first book, of course, but I definitely enjoyed this book very much. Great continuation to (what I'm hoping) is a mindblowing book, which I'm looking into reading soon. Keep it up, author!!

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Great Read!

I have read too many werewolf books where the main character is raped, has lost her wolf, and does not hope to find her mate. I think it would have been different if, for example, the MC thought her mate was her only hope or so on and so forth. Or perhaps, she could have had the support of her wolf in this terrible dilemma. I'm sorry, but I just don't buy that someone who loves you and shares your body will not want to share your pain and help you get through it. If the MC dies, won't her wolf as well?

I thought the plot was unoriginal, but it was in no way bland. Oh, no. I really like your writing style—although you can get a little wordy. Perhaps your paragraphs can reduce in length as well. Apart from that, commendable writing, and I think you can go a long, long way from here. The characters have become a part of my heart, and I really like the two leads and their relationship. I just sincerely hope that you choose to grow from this book and learn more and more about the craft so your writing can reach greater heights.

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5/5 Recommend

**NO SPOILERS BUT READ AT YOUR DISCRETION**
I loved the uniqueness of the book in all ways. The MC is not perfect, and I think that in female characters, this is very rare. I do like how it seems to be written from the POV of the stereotypical "enemy." The plot is unique, and I can safely say I have never read a book like this one. I think you can remedy the minor grammatical errors - I suggest that you take a breather from the book once you're done and give it a thorough edit. I would write more, but I'm kinda shocked at the moment. I would definitely DEFINITELY recommend to anyone who would like to read a dark fantasy.

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"Bloody brilliant"

Honestly, I would have loved a longer prologue but I understand why you didn't do it. Apart from that, *chef's kiss* perfect. I loved the tone, pace, and the characters. Right from the get-go, we see Raymond as a family man, and snippets of that can be seen in the Prologue as well. Sarah, well, I got to see little of her, but whatever I've seen so far is bloody brilliant. I can't wait to read the rest of this book! Cheers to the author.

x Vanessa

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Lovely Plot

I loved the plot - it is interesting and original. I would definitely recommend to anyone who wanted to read this book.

However, I had some concerns.

First, the female lead is very stereotypical. If she's a rich girl but doesn't want her parents' money, there has to be an excellent reason. She's is vain, bossy, and (to some extent) bratty, so it doesn't fit with her whole vibe. I didn't really like her, in all honesty.

Another concern I had was the unnatural-sounding dialogue. All the characters had similar voice and it sounded like you, the author, was speaking through them.

I suggest you go back to the drawing board with your characters. Sketch them out; give them life. Make sure they have a 3-D personality, a voice and most importantly: a history. Check out Gail Carson Levine's character template here: http://sarrahhakim.com/character-questionnaire/#:~:text=This%20character%20questionnaire%20belongs%20to,in%20her%20book%2C%20Writing%20Magic.&text=Just%20fill%20it%20out%2D%20definitely,that%20seem%20a%20little%20blurry.

However, I really like YOUR voice, as the author, and I was hooked onto the story. The plot was new and fresh. I hope you continue writing this book and share with the world your talent and hard work!

x Vanessa

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Would definitely recommend!!

I loved the story a lot, impeccable plot, beautiful characters, and I'm absolutely swooning at Elizabeth. There are minor grammatical mistakes which I have written comments about. Apart from that, it's perfect.

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Loved it

I loved how seamlessly the story flowed and I loved your writing style. Keep it up! I would definitely recommend to anyone who wants a thought-provoking read.

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Definitely recommend!!

This was a short and sweet romance, and I loved it a lot, especially because it didn't feel rushed. The naturally progressing relationship between the two love interests is something I don't see very often these days, and I do encourage the author to keep writing!

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Loved it

Very awesome story with amazing potential. The mystery is next level. Loved the story, but started to dissociate when there were long paragraphs with excessive details. Would love for you to reduce the length of the paragraphs and reduce the amount of details.

Good job author!!

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Loved the pace

This book has a very consistent and believable dynamic which I quite enjoy. The pacing is good and the plot is excellent!! Keep it up; would love to see more of this...

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Critical Review of Promise

LIGHT SPOILERS CHAPTERS 1-6

There are some concerns I have with the story:

~ There are a lot of grammatical errors. I recommend reading a lot of fiction and observing grammatical conventions.

~ Wes was not an impressive character. He seems emotionally abusive because of his toxic positivity and his condescending manner as well as his opinion that he knows what is best for her. Perhaps he was supposed to be this way, but I really think that the character (and perhaps you, the author) don't realise exactly how detrimental this is.

~ On a similar note, Rebecca. She just... becomes happy when Wes asks her to? I have anxiety and if someone asks me to stop feeling something; I start to either: cry, get out of that situation, or snap at them. If someone is feeling sad, it's probably for good reason, and if someone tells them to stop feeling sad, they don't just start smiling, however noble the intentions of the other was.

~ Along those lines, her having anxiety is not well-researched. Does she have generalized anxiety, high-functioning anxiety, social anxiety, a panic disorder, OCD, or C-PTSD/PTSD? Depending on which type, she probably has different triggers to a panic attack and other symptoms. For example, I usually have a panic attack when I have an impending deadline which I don't think I can get past, and I chew my nails and twirl my hair a lot. You should research this, as well as therapists, doctors, medications, etc. Also, someone doesn't get diagnosed or medicated for a mental disorder without having at least two or three therapist visits.

~ The characters have similar personalities. Perhaps make them more 3 dimensional and let them have differences in identities and their own quirks. I recommend the Big 5 Personality System, the Enneagram, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) for the same.

That being said, this story is magnificent in many ways:

~ The plot. It is original and well thought-out. I can see how much effort you have put into making it engaging. I was hooked right from the start.

~ The pace. I know that you have had concerns with the pacing before, but now it is just right. I am glad to see that you are improving in your writing style!

~ Rebecca. She is my favourite, and I love that she is 3 dimensional and that her personality is shining through in everything she does.

~ Your thought-process. Anxiety is really, really underrepresented in fiction. It is usually depression/suicide. I love that you have portrayed something that is extremely personal to me.

I really think this story has great potential (or should I say great PROMISE)! I hope you keep writing, keep improving, and share your gifts with the world!!

For the prospective readers, do I recommend this? On a scale of 1-10, probably a 6/7.

x Vanessa.

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Loved it

I read the first few chapters of the book and was hooked. The tension between the father and son, the love between the sister and brother, the mother and son, as well as the love between husband and wife all caused some interesting dynamics to form. I applaud the author on the flawless character development and the descriptions. I came for the story, but I'm staying for the characters.

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