Critical Review of Promise
LIGHT SPOILERS CHAPTERS 1-6
Read the story now
There are some concerns I have with the story:
~ There are a lot of grammatical errors. I recommend reading a lot of fiction and observing grammatical conventions.
~ Wes was not an impressive character. He seems emotionally abusive because of his toxic positivity and his condescending manner as well as his opinion that he knows what is best for her. Perhaps he was supposed to be this way, but I really think that the character (and perhaps you, the author) don't realise exactly how detrimental this is.
~ On a similar note, Rebecca. She just... becomes happy when Wes asks her to? I have anxiety and if someone asks me to stop feeling something; I start to either: cry, get out of that situation, or snap at them. If someone is feeling sad, it's probably for good reason, and if someone tells them to stop feeling sad, they don't just start smiling, however noble the intentions of the other was.
~ Along those lines, her having anxiety is not well-researched. Does she have generalized anxiety, high-functioning anxiety, social anxiety, a panic disorder, OCD, or C-PTSD/PTSD? Depending on which type, she probably has different triggers to a panic attack and other symptoms. For example, I usually have a panic attack when I have an impending deadline which I don't think I can get past, and I chew my nails and twirl my hair a lot. You should research this, as well as therapists, doctors, medications, etc. Also, someone doesn't get diagnosed or medicated for a mental disorder without having at least two or three therapist visits.
~ The characters have similar personalities. Perhaps make them more 3 dimensional and let them have differences in identities and their own quirks. I recommend the Big 5 Personality System, the Enneagram, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) for the same.
That being said, this story is magnificent in many ways:
~ The plot. It is original and well thought-out. I can see how much effort you have put into making it engaging. I was hooked right from the start.
~ The pace. I know that you have had concerns with the pacing before, but now it is just right. I am glad to see that you are improving in your writing style!
~ Rebecca. She is my favourite, and I love that she is 3 dimensional and that her personality is shining through in everything she does.
~ Your thought-process. Anxiety is really, really underrepresented in fiction. It is usually depression/suicide. I love that you have portrayed something that is extremely personal to me.
I really think this story has great potential (or should I say great PROMISE)! I hope you keep writing, keep improving, and share your gifts with the world!!
For the prospective readers, do I recommend this? On a scale of 1-10, probably a 6/7.